Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, there would have been even more angst in Sailor Stars.
Summary: In episode 65, Usagi and her friends entered a charm shop. The charms were designed to turn the wishes made into the opposite and intensify these emotions. What would have happened if Usagi had made her wish? Chaos and insanity, of course!
AN: This is all for Antigone2. It started out as a drabble, but she gave me an idea that sparked this story to its completion. It is crackfic at its finest, yet with little characterization murder. Personalities have been exaggerated somewhat, of course, and great liberties were taken. Also, thanks to Jessi for a few suggestions. I do have this written to the end. The only reason I am not posting it all at once is because I have no idea if I'll get any more insane ideas from this. Any suggestions would be nice. But remember, no serious maiming allowed.
Also important to remember while reading this is that Mamoru is my favorite character. I just enjoy picking on him at times.
"I wish Mamo-chan will love me forever again."
It was a wish made on a charm. It was supposed to make everything okay again, turn things back to as they once were.
As Minako and Makoto fought behind her, Usagi felt something shift and change inside her. What was once pure and never ending tilted and warped in her chest to the point that she thought maybe it had always been there.
Events, past emotions, and everything in between came clear. Usagi realized now what she should have from the beginning. She could step back and analyze the situation without the foolish blinders of love obscuring her view.
"Of course, there's only Mamoru for Usagi."
His name seared through her gut. It was not the pain she had slowly been growing accustomed to over the past few weeks. Instead it coiled and stretched throughout her limbs and wrapped around her heart until she was heavy with it. It gave her a strength she never knew she had.
It was an unfamiliar feeling, one that sizzled along the nerves and made her fingers twitch. It was similar to the love she knew she once felt, but where before she had been light and care free, now she was heavy and everything was all too clear.
Then the atmosphere charged and she could almost taste him on the air. She turned and saw as he pushed his way into the curtained room. As his shocked eyes locked with hers, Usagi recognized the intensifying feeling trying to claw its way out of her throat.
Usagi could not hear him speak. If he so much as opened his mouth, she knew she would not be responsible for her actions.
Then he opened his mouth.
And called her Usako.
How dare he.
How dare he?
Before she knew what she was even doing, Usagi lunged.
Mamoru had not expected to run into Usagi at the charm shop, despite the fact that he knew it would offer charms to broken hearted girls who wished for the return of love in their lives. Why would Usagi come here, anyway? The idea was preposterous!
What was even more preposterous was what was happening now. He was used to her tackling and bone crushing hugs, but that was always the worst of it. Now, she was clawing and kicking and, if he didn't know any better, hissing.
"What is wrong with you?" he asked.
"I hate your face!" she exclaimed.
Ouch. That hurt like pain.
He rolled them over so that she was beneath him as his hands held down her wrists. He was, of course, too preoccupied by her intents at maiming and inflicting bodily harm to consider the precarious position they were now in, or how her obvious temper caused her to squirm.
Not one bit.
He was quite proud of himself for this, too.
In fact, he was so not occupied with the fact that her cute little self was pressing and shifting against him that his brain blanked out for the first time in his life. All he could do was stare dumbly down at her as incoherent noises shoved their way through his throat.
So he was shocked, really, when she managed to push him off and transform into Sailor Moon.
"Gasp! Sailor Moon, where did you come from?" Petz asked from behind him. "And what did you do with that girl who bears no resemblance to you aside from hair style, stature, and demeanor?"
Sailor Moon paid no attention to Petz as her eyes zeroed in on Mamoru. She raised her wand and called out her attack cry. Fortunately for him, it took long enough that he could duck out of the way. Unfortunately for the enemy, they still had yet to learn the art of tactical retreat.
"My merchandise! My minion! You shall pay for this!" Petz declared as she and her sister disappeared from view.
Maybe if he appeased her somehow, all would be right in the world. "Good work, Sailor Moon, you have dispatched of the enemy!"
"Gosh darn dang nabbit, I missed! Would you hold still, Mamoru? I must defeat you!"
She called him Mamoru.
His heart sank to beneath the floorboards as he staggered, clutching his chest at the physical pain her word inflicted. Even after he broke up with her, she still insisted on calling him Mamo-chan, a familiarity he could never ask her not to use. But now. Oh, now.
"I don't get it," he heard Makoto speak behind her. "The enemy is defeated. Why is she still acting like this?"
"Maybe she really does hate Mamoru now?" Minako offered.
Ouch. That idea almost hurt as much as Usagi calling him Mamoru did.
He sat there, prepared to take whatever Usagi through his way. He would gladly accept it, as surely it would be better than this turmoil.
Apparently, her friends had other ideas.
"Um, Sailor Moon, why don't you go ahead and detransform now? There's a sale on plushies just down the street," Makoto suggested.
Usagi's eyes lit up, just as they once did for him but now never would again. "Plushies!" Once again, she turned from guardian of love and justice and into the girl he loved once more. "We shall continue this another time!"
And with that, she was gone, taking the shattered and tattered remains of his heart with her.
"Usagi, don't you think you are taking things a bit far?" Luna cast a wary eye at her charge who was busy cackling over a pink notebook and scribbling away with a fluffy tipped pen.
"I can never take things too far with this, Luna!" Usagi exclaimed as she slammed her pen down. Standing up, the young girl shoved up the sleeves of her pink striped shirt. "Operation Get Mamoru Where It Hurts Most is now underway!"
"And just what is it you plan to do, Usagi?" Luna did not want to know. Really, she did not. However, curiosity killed the cat, and she had at least six lives left.
"You shall see, Luna! You shall see!" Usagi managed to reign in her maniacal laughter a split second before picking up the phone.
Mamoru jumped at the sound of his phone ringing. He eyed the appliance in apprehension, wondering if maybe it was just work calling in to ask him to do a double shift that night. He hoped so. Usako did not know where his current place of employment was, and he hoped to keep it that way.
Swallowing, he picked up the phone. "Chiba residence." Please let it be work, please let it be work.
"Mamoru! It is I!" His heart plummeted at the sound of Usako's voice, and even more so at the increasingly familiar sound of maniacal glee.
He braced himself with a sigh. First, it had been her sudden attack at the charm shop. Then there had been the unfortunate incident with the faux chocolate. (Who would make fake chocolate, anyway? It just wasn't natural!) And who could forget what happened with the bottle of glue and his chemistry notebook?
And also, when did she start calling him Mamoru? What happened to Mamo-chan? It was like an arrow thrown at his already bleeding heart.
"Usako, don't you think you've taken things far enough?"
"Silence! You no longer have the right to call me that!" Instead of hurt and angry, her tone was imperious and demanding. It did not suit her.
"Um, right. So why are you calling?" Please let it be about bunnies. Or rainbows. Or any of the other countless topics she used to call him to discuss at length.
"Oh ho ho ho, Mamoru. I know you're a very reliable patient when it comes to doctor appointments!"
"Why yes, actually, I believe it is important to maintain one's health. Don't you?" If he kept calm, tried to talk to her as though nothing was wrong, maybe then things would return to normal.
"Well, you should know, Mamoru! I have made a few calls to your doctor!" Was that even legal? "And you shall be happy to know that you have an appointment next Tuesday for…" Her dramatic pause was very effective. "Twenty years' worth of shots seeing as how all of your shot records have been mysteriously misplaced! OH HO HO HO!"
There was a click. And then the dial tone rung in his ears, though he did not hear it.
Those involved needles.
That girl was dangerous!
In a fit of panicked fervor, he quickly wondered just how much a plane ticket to Tazmania would cost.