Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did, there would have been even more angst in Sailor Stars.
Summary: In episode 65, Usagi and her friends entered a charm shop. The charms were designed to turn the wishes made into the opposite and intensify these emotions. What would have happened if Usagi had made her wish? Chaos and insanity, of course!
AN: All done! It's complete! Yay!
Usagi had never felt such glee as she raced home after the evening's fight. The look on his face! Priceless!
She needed more dastardly deeds to inflict on her now nemesis. Well, he used to be her nemesis, then they were entangled in a timeless romance, then he forgot her, then they got back together, then he dumped her. The fiend! But she would have her revenge!
And she knew the perfect way!
"Usagi, I think this has gone on far enough," Luna admitted when she leaped on the bed. "I fear you may escalate to murder, the rate you're going."
Usagi gasped at the implication. "Luna, just because I want his perfect body harmed does not mean I would stoop so low as to murder him! Besides, his pride is much more important than his life, you know."
"I just think you've done enough. Revenge has been sought, found, and beat into the ground."
"Hardly! I hate him with a fiery passion! Why, it burns so intensely that were it love, which it is not, we would be frolicking in the meadows toward one another for a romantic embrace!" She sat next to the cat and gave a haughty sniff. "Besides, I have barely begun to revengerize!"
"I don't think that's a word. It gets a red squiggle in spell-check."
"As does my name, but it is still a word! " Usagi leaped from her bed once more as a plan struck her. "I have a plan!"
"Oh dear goodness…"
Usagi rummaged through countless bags on her floor before removing a bottle and a package. She turned from Luna and prepared a concoction so great that she wondered why she had not thought of it before.
"All I need is my unwitting partner in crime to place this bottle of body wash in his apartment!"
Mamoru slid into his regular stool at the Arcade and gave Motoki a withering glare. "Not one word."
Motoki gaped like a gaping fish at his friend, but thought better of it.
"Why, Mamoru, we're looking a bit…blue today!"
He winced at the sound of her sweet voice, once full of love and adoration. Her time fighting bad guys had paid off, for now she sounded just as diabolical as the best of them.
"Imagine that, Usako. I wonder how that happened." His head still pounded and ached. He hoped if he upped the amount of coffee he drank it would get better.
"How many times must I tell you not to call me by that name anymore!" She stormed to his peripheral vision. "You shall not sway me by such a sweet name being uttered by your perfect mouth, you fiend!"
Mamoru blinked at Usagi. "And what will you do if I stop calling you Usako, Usako?"
It was her turn to blink. "What I won't do is sit up in my room and cry like a girl!"
"You are a girl."
"Well, a really whiny aardvark, then!"
He took a sip of his acrid beverage. The stuff was becoming more and more awful, but he was desperate for a bit of caffeine. Maybe his brain receptors, after years of abuse, finally decided to stop accepting the potent and wonderful drug. It was something he would need to look into.
"So tell me how you managed this scheme," he said. "It's rather quite ingenious."
He could feel her preen beside him. "I merely added some blue dye to body wash and had Chibi-Usa replace it in your shower when she last visited."
Mamoru choked on his coffee. "You mean Chibi-Usa is in on this, as well?"
"Oh ho ho ho, don't be silly! She still thinks the sun rises and sets on your glorious and wonderful persona, and still dreams of you at night despite her obvious hate- I mean, no. She just thought it was a present."
"You're devious, you know that?"
"Of course I do! So tell me, Mamoru. How long before you discovered the dye?"
"When I got out of the shower," he admitted, not wanting to admit that he was the walking embodiment of more than one figure of speech involving the color blue and body parts. "Fortunately for you, I have a presentation to give today."
"Oh happy day! I promise to bask in your abject humiliation!" She then turned and skipped out of the Arcade, him watching all the while. Her plans were becoming more and more troublesome. Sure, he could put a stop to them, but he just could not bring himself to do it.
"Ami, I have a favor to ask!" Usagi asked as she sat next to her friend.
Her friend looked up from her homework, and extra credit, and side projects, and research for a grant, and anything else she decided to accomplish that afternoon. "No."
"Oh please, you don't even know what it is!"
Ami resumed her reading. "I know it will involve Mamoru."
"Yes! It will! You're so smart!"
"I'm not doing anything to him."
"Please?" Usagi implored. However, Ami would not budge. Usagi thought for a moment before her eyes lit up. "I promise I'll study for an hour!"
Ami paused in her reading. "No slipping Manga between the pages this time?"
Usagi slumped. Gosh, Ami was good! But this was for a good cause! "Fine, I promise."
Ami closed her book. "I'm listening."
Sleep. Glorious sleep. He had a test tomorrow, and had prepared for it all week. His bed was warm and inviting.
Just as he was about to fall into blissful oblivion, the phone rang. Grumbling, he got up and answered the phone.
The response was a song the sent instant dread through his veins.
"No…" He slammed the phone down and scurried off to bed. She wouldn't have!
He was dreaming of a picnic with a certain girl who despised him. Only instead of hate, there was love. At least, he liked to believe.
The phone rang.
Before he could think, he staggered out of bed and answered the phone. "'Ello?"
The same song pounded through his ear drums.
Slamming the receiver down, he scurried off to bed and his under his pillow.
The phone rang again.
It was the same song!
12:00, 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, 3:15, 4:07, 4:30, 5:00, 6:00, 9:00 AM
The answering machine was full. The song played through his dreams all night until he dreamed of nothing but it. Hamsters danced through his brain as he poured what he believed to be coffee into a mug.
It was luke warm soda.
Getting dressed took two hours.
He was late for his test. He was sure he drooled through half of it.
At the Crown, after missing his mark the first time and ending on the floor, he slumped in his stool and nearly fell asleep in his mug of coffee.
"What's wrong, Mamoru?" Motoki asked.
"That song…it won't get out of my head!"
"The Hamster Dance!" Mamoru banged his head on the counter. Every hour on the hour. And at 4:07! Who does that at such an unusual time? She's trying to kill me, Motoki! Kill me!"
Mamoru yelped at the sound of her voice, and he found himself on the counter. "Usako. Hi."
"Mamoru, we're planning a game of Frisbee in the park. You wanna join us?"
He eyed her. "What's the catch?"
"Oh, no catch! What harm could I possibly do? I am terrible at sports!"
This was true. It was very true! But still. "I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Please?" How could he resist when she did that? And he was so far into sleep deprivation that his nerves were frazzled and his defenses low.
"I guess one game wouldn't hurt."
Half an hour later, the last thing he heard before getting a chest full of Frisbee was "Moon Tiara Magic!"
It wasn't the blow to the chest that hurt, of course it stung a little. It wasn't even the fall into unconsciousness as he finally found some sleep in the damp grass. No, what hurt was that when he drifted off, he saw hundreds of Usakos dancing around, each one singing the Hamster Dance Song.
Usagi hummed a happy tune as she skipped down the sidewalk. Up ahead was her arch nemesis, sun casting a glow about his perfectly perfect hair, bringing out the different fibers of his green jacket, and the wind blew his scent her way. Oh, how she loathed him with every fiber of her being and longed to run her fingers through his hair once more. Before yanking really hard and making him go 'ow' of course. Because she loathed him. Yes. Wonderously so.
Her next plan was so brilliant that she wondered why she never thought of it before.
Her skipping pace notched up a bit so that she caught up with him quite easily. "Hello, Mamoru! I have something delicious planned for you today."
"Oh really?" he asked, trepidation obvious in his tone. "What would that be?"
"You'll have to wait and find out!"
Then she skipped merrily ahead, leaving him to stew and ponder.
She had nothing planned, of course, but his brain would take care of him no problem.
Usagi was so preoccupied with her own deviousness that she ran into a pole. Her charm fell to the sidewalk and was shattered by countless pedestrians strolling past.
Her mind altered and shift in an instant as hate turned once again to love.
Every moment was agony as he waited for her next plan to strike. Each noise made him jump while every gust of wind nearly had him shrieking and scurrying up a light pole.
He caught sight of her familiar hair up ahead. Unable to take it anymore, he raced to catch up. "Usako!"
She stopped and turned and just stared at him.
"I need to know what you're planning next."
Her eyes grew large, and were he not aware of her current dislike of him, he would have recognized it for what it once was. "Mamo-chan, does this mean you're talking to me again?"
What? No! His heart soared at her nickname for him, though he knew it was some sort of trick! "I won't be fooled by you!"
Her nose crinkled, it was so adorable that he almost swayed in his resolve. "What do you mean?"
"Your tricks will not get passed me! I know you've been plotting something, but I don't know what it is!"
Usako blinked and tilted her head and reached for him. "Whatever it is, you know we can work it out."
He knew how he must look. Wild eyed, frantic, nearly insane with worry. But he did not care. If she touched him once, it would all be over.
That's it! That was her plan! She finally uprooted the one thing that would break him! She was even more devious than he thought! "No!" he shrieked, stepping well out of her range of reach. "I will not let you!"
Her eyes welled up with tears. Curses, she was good! She knew his weakness all too well! He stumbled over the sidewalk as he tried to get away. "You…you won't succeed in this. I'll resist it! I won't fall for this! I won't believe what isn't there!"
With that, he ran away from her and to the only sanctuary he could think of.
Motoki stood behind the counter and ignored his disheveled appearance. "Oh hey, I have something to confess. Somehow, the regular coffee was switched with decaf."
Mamoru's eyes widened as realization poured through his mind.
She would be the death of him!
Usagi moped all the way home. The last few weeks had been a blur. She knew Mamo-chan had been there, and a lot, but that was about all she remembered.
She reached her bed and plopped down face first.
"So, what are you planning today, Usagi?"
Usagi lifted her head from her pillow and glared at Luna. "What is with that question? First Mamo-chan, now you?"
The cat blinked. "Well, I just figured you had something else in store for poor Mamoru. What is it this time? Are you going to call his school and say he moonlights as a male stripper?"
Usagi's face turned ten shades of red. "I would never do that to him!"
Luna's eyes lit up. "Usagi! You're back to normal?"
"Of course! When was I not normal?" Usagi eyed her cat companion. "Can you tell me what's been going on?"
As Luna gave a detailed account of the past few weeks, Usagi felt mortification well up inside her. Then she thought about their recent encounter and felt hope flutter its way awkwardly into her chest.
"Oh! Then he meant! And so that means! Oh my goodness, Luna!"
"What? What is it? What's wrong?"
The way he looked when he believed her to be fooling him! The fear! The abject terror in his eyes! There was still something he felt for her! "There's still hope!"
"Well, that's good to hear."
"Now all I have to do is plot a way to get him back!" Then she cackled in a way that she never had before, yet somehow felt familiar.