Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. Greg Weisman, Brandon Vietti and Cartoon Network do.
Summary: Robin gets a haircut. Kid Flash freaks out accordingly.
A/N: fill for my own YJ anon meme prompt. Also, slight implied KF/Rob ahead.
Gimme A Head With Hair
If Kid Flash had to pinpoint down one of the key attributes he liked about Robin, it had to be the Boy Wonder's hair.
Ebony locks that gleamed with blue highlights when the sun struck it. The fly-away bangs that whipped across eyes when the wind picked up. The mop of black hair that Dick would rub a towel over after taking a shower, leaving it damp and tousled-looking. Even the adorable little cowlick that peeked teasingly at him from the back of Dick's head when the boy first got out a bed, before he had time to do any grooming.
Kid Flash loved everything about it. Loved to take a strand between his fingers and tug on it playfully whenever he thought Robin was becoming too serious on something, too brooding, too Batman-ish. Loved it whenever he caught Robin running his hands through it in a frustrated fashion; loved to pounce on him and run his own fingers through it. Loved to bury his face in the sleek, black hair and inhale the scent of textbooks from the boy's school, cookies from the manor, smoke from the streets of Gotham, everything that made up Robin.
So, of course he did not in any way overreact when Robin showed up at Mt. Justice one day sporting a crew cut, his once, beautiful thick head of hair now only two inches high.
"OMIGAWD!" Kid Flash screamed when his eyes landed upon the horrific sight. "ROB-DUDE, WHAT HAPPENED?"
"What?" Robin asked, furrowing his eyebrows as if perplexed at the speedster's outburst.
"YOUR HAIR!" Kid Flash cried pointing at his head. "WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR?"
"It is growing out of my scalp approximately half a millimeter per day as all hair does," Robin replied in a deadpan tone before turning to Kaldur. "What's the mission?"
Kid Flash wasn't going to let that answer slide by though. "Not good enough!" he exclaimed seizing Robin by the arms and spinning him around to face him. "You are missing your Robin-do! Oh man, please tell me this is just one of your stupid pranks!" he said desperately. "You're trolling us, right, dude? I know this is just some atrocious head-piece. Okay, joke's over. Take it off." There wasn't much hair left to grip in his fist, but Wally attempted to grab some anyway and yank harshly.
Robin screeched like a wounded canary and kicked Wally squarely in the kneecaps, leaping away when the speedster released him to buckle over clutching his bruised knees.
"It's real, it's real. Omigawd, your hair is gone!" Kid Flash babbled hysterically feeling liquid well up in his eyes from the pain, whether from the physical or emotional injury he wasn't sure.
"Calm down, KF, I still have hair," Robin said rubbing his sore scalp and glaring accusingly at him. "At least, I did before you tried to rip the rest out."
Wally made a muffled choking sound and shook his head in disbelief.
"I-I think it is a brave new approach, Robin," M'gann spoke up in an effort to fill in the awkward silent gap in conversation.
Robin sent her wry grin. "But you don't think it looks good," he stated.
The green skin of M'gann's cheeks flared a rosy hue in color. "I… that is," she floundered embarrassed.
"The new hair cut does not compliment your bone structure and facial features as your previous one did," Connor said crossing his arms. There was a couple of seconds where everybody simply stared at Superboy, before he shrugged in a completely nonchalant manner. "It's just my opinion."
Robin frowned and looked at Kaldur for confirmation. Aqualad shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I think everyone should try something out of the normal at least once to learn from past mist—experiences," he smoothed over hastily.
Kid Flash buried his face in the palms of his hands and began weeping openly. "The hair, that beautiful, glorious hair. Gone."
Robin threw his hands up in disgust. "You guys have no sense of style! This fashion is very popular nowadays. It's better for my civilian identity to blend in with the crowd this way!"
"ROBIN, WHY?" Wally shrieked suddenly, lifting his teary face from his hands and clutching at the front of the boy's Kevlar bodysuit. "We're going out! We own each other! Why would you do this? Tell me the truth! Half of that hair was mine!"
Robin sighed, giving up. "Alright, look," he said patting the distraught speedster's back soothingly. "It was a rough week in Gotham. I messed up on patrol and one of the bad guys nearly took my head off. Batman got to me in time, but it was too late for my hair, alright?"
Kid Flash jerked his head up sharply and peered at his boyfriend's face. Robin looked both ashamed and upset: the usual combination of when he messed up on missions. Anger rose in the speedster's chest as he hugged Robin tightly. "Omigosh, Rob, you almost were killed and didn't tell me? How many times to I have to clunk you over the head to stop that 'pushing-people-I-care-about-away-so-they-won't-get-hurt' annoying Batman habit of yours? Who was it?" Wally demanded furiously. "The Joker? Penguin? Ooh, it was Catwoman, wasn't it!"
"KF—," Robin tried to interject, but Wally bulldozed over him without hearing.
"Catwoman with her whip, and clawed-gloves and stiletto heels! Always picking on poor, little birdies! I'll make that dame pay!" Kid Flash swore vengefully. "No one steals what belongs to me! NO ONE!"
"Recognized: Artemis. B07."
"Sorry, I'm late, guys. Debrief me on the mission stat…" Artemis trailed off as she stepped over to her teammates, noticing the strained atmosphere. "Okay, so who died?"
"Robin's hair, apparently," Connor guessed.
Artemis glanced over to where Kid Flash was keeping a red-faced Robin squashed in his embrace as he continued spouting solemn oaths to avenge Robin's hair. A smirk broke out in the corner of her mouth. "So, what crack-pot story did the little troll feed you guys anyway?" she snickered.
Kid Flash halted his enraged ranting to stare at her in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked as the rest of the team waited curiously.
"Did he tell you all some little kid stuck bubble-gum in his hair or that some bullies dumped some permanent dye in his hair while he was taking a casual stroll in his civvies, or was it something else?" Artemis laughed. "Come on, what whopper did he force down you guys throats that you so obviously believed him?"
The team stared at Artemis then whipped their heads back around to Robin whose face by this time had turned almost purple in color.
"Rob-dude, what's she talking about?" Kid Flash demanded holding him out at arms-length.
Robin refused to meet his eyes and looked at Artemis pleadingly. "I can convince Batman to buy you a car," he bribed.
Artemis was grinning from ear to ear now loving every second of prolonging out his torture. The offer was tempting, but the truth was just too good not to share with everyone else. It should be treasured forever within their memories. Her only regret was that the team hadn't been there to witness the spectacle themselves.
"As you all know, Robin goes to the same school I do," she began.
"Did I say a car? Heck, how about a yacht?" Robin yelped frantically.
"How I uncovered his civilian identity is another story, but the story of what really happened to his hair goes like this…"
"You can have your own football team! Your own personal airline company! Your own line of clothing with all the midriff shirts you could dream of!"
"The little troll fell asleep in the chemistry lab with his head too near to the Bunsen burner and his overly-gelled hair caught fire, hahahahahahaha!" Artemis hooted with laughter.
The team was quiet for a couple of moments as their minds painted a very, vivid picture of what the incident must have looked like and then the uncontrollable sniggering and smothered guffaws broke out.
"I wish I could have seen it," Connor said wistfully, probably the only person on the team bold enough to say what they were all thinking out loud.
"Oh, it was amazing!" Artemis gushed fondly in remembrance. "The fire alarm went off and the school got swarmed with fire trucks and police thinking it was some hostage situation as usual, and Boy Wonder here got sprayed down first by the teacher with the fire extinguisher, then by the firemen with their hose, hahahaha!" She wasn't in the habit of taking delight in any of her teammate's personal mishaps and troubles, but she was willing to make an exception in Robin's case here. She had been trolled by him one too many times.
"Dude…" Wally said slowly, still taking the new revelation in. "You fell asleep in science class?"
Robin sulked as he scowled at him. "So what? It was boring."
Wally gasped loudly at the words and staggered backwards a couple of paces holding one hand over his heart. "B-B-BLASPHEMY!" he shrieked pointing at him.
"Oh, oh, KF, hey, you know I didn't mean it that way—" Robin tried to apologize stretching out one hand towards him.
"Shut up, I'm never talking to you again!"
"Oh, don't be so dramatic."
"Dramatic? I'll show you dramatic, Mr. Tall Tale! How about I shave my head completely bald and see how you like it!"
"Look, it's not like I cut my hair on purpose and—hey, where are you going? KF, KF, don't you dare!" Robin bellowed as Wally made a beeline for the zeta-beam tubes.
He took off in hot pursuit but no one could outrun a speedster.
A/N: So,I've recently seen the character art for S2. After being in shock/half-appalled at Dick's new do, I figured the only way I could properly vent my frustrations without it being a full-blown rant was to write a comedic short fic about it. And I wanted to show my version of what transpired before anyone else's which no doubt more stories of Robin-hair shenanigans will pop up after next week's. Edit: Okay, I have seen the promo peak art now too. I don't know it there was a time skip or a time-warp from another universe.
First time writing KF/Rob, sorry it was cheesy, but it is CRACK, you know. I would have been more comfortable writing them as just bros, except to make the entire fic work, they had to be in a closer relationship, because as much as BFFs have say in your lives, your hair is still your hair. But yeah, couple-wise, there are legit grounds for an argument to brew if either person gets a haircut without the other's knowledge. Whether or not the outcome is "deal with it" or "bb, I'm so sorry" depends.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this! Please review and share your thoughts and favorite scenes. I love hearing what you liked best and it's the only reward a fanfic author gets. I like knowing what my readers think and feel. Thank you!