*sheepish wave* hey folks :). So, I know I haven't been posting much lately and I really do miss our girls and you guys! Your reviews have always given me happy fuzzies in my tummy ^_^. With that being said, I hope you've missed me because I've finally found a good balance so you can expect more frequent writings from me! And now, onto the one shot!
Spoilers: 7.13.2011 I'm actually not one hundred percent sure on the date but according to the tube of you, this is the date it aired.
Summary: Alternate ending to the scene where Marissa kisses Bianca for the first time.
AN: It's actually pretty pointless now that I'm looking back over it, but I think it gives a view into what the characters were feeling at the time so, I may do a few more of these...considering they only had a few kisses. Enjoy and please review! :)
Marissa couldn't believe this was happening. She'd wanted this, imagined this, for a while without even realizing it. Before she'd ever put a name on her feelings for Bianca, she'd caught herself wondering what her lips would feel like, if they were as soft as they looked. And now, now she's experiencing it and she's feeling a level of happiness she didn't know you could gain for a kiss. Which is why when Bianca pulls back, she feels crushed.
"I-uh-I'm sorry," Bianca paused and Marissa felt her heart stop for a moment. "I can't do this." Bianca added with a slight shake of her head. Marissa felt something in her flip painfully at the words. She just looked at Bianca, hurt from the obvious rejection she was feeling. Bianca took a few moments to gather herself, she ran a hand through her hair and looked Marissa dead on, "We both know this is a mistake." She said firmly, nodding as if she were trying to convince herself. Marissa firmly disagreed,
"I don't know that at all." She said insistently. Bianca's eyes widened just a fraction but she stood her ground,
"Look, I-I get that people want to experiment; maybe you didn't get to in college." Bianca said and took a breath. Marissa was now feeling both hurt and insulted. She pulled an unhappy face, looking at Bianca in disbelief, "So now that you've kissed a girl you can sing along with Katy Perry and really mean it." It was meant as a joke. It wasn't funny.
"Why are you being like this?" Marissa wasn't even going to bother hiding her confusion. "If you didn't want me to kiss you then why did you kiss me back?" she asked, her body taking on a slightly defensive stance. The look on Bianca's face, the hopeful yet resigned look in her eyes didn't settle well in Marissa's stomach,
"I have feelings for you, Marissa," she said and stopped. Marissa knew she wanted to say more but she wouldn't have heard her if she did. She felt happiness bubbling inside of her,
"What do you think it is I have for you?" she asked. She could feel herself smiling, could feel hope coming back; they could do this. Marissa knew they could, she just obviously had to get through to Bianca. Bianca seemed almost exasperated with her,
"Look, I-I know you," she said tiredly, "And I know this is not who you are." She said shaking her head. It was almost like she couldn't believe this was happening so she had to make it seem false. Marissa wasn't having it.
"Hey, isn't that for me to decide?" she asked, her voice taking on an insulted pitch. Her eyes connected with Bianca's, looking into them trying to figure out the human shaped puzzle before her. "Look," she stopped, focusing on grabbing Bianca's hand firmly so she couldn't run. She didn't miss the way Bianca took half a step toward her, "I took a big leap here," she caressed the skin of Bianca's hand and wrist,
"But, I didn't ask you t-" Bianca tried to pull away but she held strong and cut her off.
"And it felt right." She said smiling now. She noticed the deep intake of breath from Bianca and smiled a little more, "I want this….I want you." She said honestly. An uncomfortable feeling settled over her when Bianca didn't initially react, "If this isn't what you want, don't make it about me." She said hoping that wasn't the case. She wanted Bianca and she wanted Bianca to want her back.
Bianca breathed deeply, "How could it not be about you?" she asked, her voice softer and gentler than before. Marissa noticed the way Bianca was looking at her, the love, the lust, and the fear.
"Tell me what you're really afraid of?" she asked softly. This seemed to snap Bianca back to reality and she finally managed to pry her hand away,
"Look I've- I've been down this road before," Bianca said, feeling her emotions coming to the surface. "And it's a dead end. I end up losing my lover and," she paused, barely noticeable, "my best friend." She finished almost brokenly, "So that is why, we need to stop this; before it starts." She said her position on the matter firm. Marissa watched her face for a few long moments, trying to get inside of Bianca's head. She needed to find an opening, "You just have to trust me on this." Bianca said finally. "You wanna...carve our initials in that tree?" Bianca gestured and glanced to the tree in question, "People can say 'Oh, that's so nice', because they won't know who we are; that we're both women. And it only gets more complicated from there…" Marissa shook her head stubbornly,
"I don't care what people think." She said, a barely noticeable smile on her features,
"No, I don't." Marissa said, standing straight and moving into Bianca's space. "As long as we're happy and our children are happy, why should anyone else matter?" Marissa asked her. She reached out again, taking Bianca's hand in hers and holding it to her heart, "They don't." she said, chuckling tearfully.
"It's not…it's not that easy." Bianca said, her eyebrow furrowing in pain.
"Yes, it is." Marissa argued back. "Do you want me?" she asked. Bianca opened her mouth a few times,
"I ca- we ca-"
"Do you want me?" Marissa asked more strongly. Bianca closed her mouth and nodded,
"Yes." She whispered. Marissa laughed happily,
"Then not much else matters," she said reaching out her other hand to rest on Bianca's cheek. The taller woman closed her eyes at the contact, "Will you try? For me? For us?" Marissa asked. Bianca didn't say anything at first, but finally opened her eyes,
"I don't want to lose my best friend…." She said. Marissa nodded,
"But can't you see…we're so much more than best friends already…" she said softly. She stepped even closer,
"It could end badly."
"Or it could go perfectly."
"Bianca…" Marissa's voice had dropped some by now and she was staring at Bianca's lips. Her eyes snapped up to meet Bianca's eyes, and then back down as Bianca leaned forward, "Wait, if you kiss me, it means you're ready, right?" she asked hopefully. Bianca paused, before nodding,
"Ye-" she didn't get to finish because Marissa wrapped a hand around her neck and pulled her closer. This time when she went to deepen the kiss, Bianca smiled and pulled her closer.