AN: So, if I'm lucky enough to have readers who are wondering what happened to Stay On My Side Tonight, I sincerely apologize. I've hit such a road block with that story. But this one would NOT get out of my head, and I feel much more passionate about it than the other. It will be slightly AU and mainly set in the future. I feel I have a lot to explore with this, and I've been having so much fun writing it. I hope you guys enjoy. (:
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except a computer and a guitar.
Chapter One: [Fork and Knife]
This is what we do. I'm bent over a kitchen counter, my blouse's buttons have been torn and it's been thrown across the room. My panties have been dragged down my legs. "Leave the heels on," though. They're her favorite. My breaths are labored, and I feel her. I feel my hard nipples slide across the cool marble countertop in a nice contrast to my heated skin. I feel soft hands gripping my hips so much tighter than they did that first time. And I feel her; thighs to thighs, two slim fingers sliding in and out of me at an insane pace. This is what we do. There is never a preamble. We kiss roughly, clothes are torn away. We never kiss during. I honestly don't remember if that rule was spoken like the others.
I'm getting close now. And she's been holding back for a few minutes to make sure I get off; my knight in shining armor.
"God, Rae. You're so fucking tight." I'm clamping around her now, but she powers through. I love this part. She makes me cum like nobody else can. I've searched for someone. A soft enough boy, a hard enough girl. Nobody gets me like Quinn. Nobody has ever been as deep as Quinn. Nobody has ever been as fast and hard as Quinn. Nobody has ever lasted as long or fucked me as many times in a given time as Quinn. Nobody will ever be as perfect as Quinn.
"Oh, fuck." Here I go. "Oh, fuck. I'm there, I'm there."
"Fuck." My whole body stiffens and then trembles and I gush into her delicate palm. She's never far behind. At the rapid pace that she's rubbing her wetness against my ass and with a final expletive falling from her soft lips, I finally feel her warm body collapse against mine. I can feel her soft, firm breasts pressed against my back. We struggle to catch our breath, completely in sync. When I inhale, I raise her body up. When I exhale, tired, she molds to me on the way down, over and over, our honey mingling together and dripping languidly down my thighs.
She slowly pulls out of me, and there is a whimper at the loss. Of being completely full or of being absolutely wrapped up; neither of us ever knows. And every time, we pretend not to care which of us it was. That is, until we're apart and alone; separate. But in this moment, I revel in her breath and in her essence covering me. The rest will come; the rest starts now.
"That was good." She's finally regained her breath. "I have to go." She playfully slaps my ass before walking away. I can't help but grin at her antics. She always seems so light and free of... concern. I'll allow it to be contagious while she's still in my apartment. I straighten up from my bent position and she tosses me an over sized shirt from the clean laundry I haven't put away yet. I slip it on and walk over to the refrigerator, intentionally swaying my hips, like she likes. I can hear her fumbling with her zipper, and as I turn around she has her blouse on and is pulling on her coat. "Hey." I wait for her to look from one of her buttons to throw a bottle of water her way.
"So thoughtful," she says in an airy, slightly mocking tone. I appreciate that she still manages to make this feel like a feather. "Alright, Rae." She makes her way over to me and gives me a short kiss on the cheek. "I'll talk to you later." And then she smiles at me. That's always the last thing, a final bullet, and she knows she can't stay a moment after the kiss. She needs to scramble to the door and get the hell out, and that's just what she does now, just like before, just like always. And I'm grateful.
I look down at my disheveled appearance and sigh exasperatedly. I need a shower, now, or I'll feel Quinn all over my thighs for the rest of the day. It's bittersweet, washing her away. But I don't let it get me down. I know she'll be back. I'll be immersed in her again soon; probably tonight.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry."
"Have a nice morning?" He asks with a wicked glint in his eyes. Jesse's such a brat. There's really no other word for it. He's perfectly aware of how nice my morning was.
"Wonderful, thank you." I reply sharply. We do this, he and I. We like to banter back and forth in a faux flirtatious manner about our sexual escapades. He knows it makes me sting a little less if I'm able to pretend like I have some control over it all. Well, I suppose I do have a necessary amount of control concerning Quinn, waiting for me somewhere. But Jesse lets me trick myself into thinking that I have it in my grasp, glossing over the reality; the fact that I tossed my control away willingly some time ago, and I'm not looking for it.
"You two are such freaks. God, that creepy little smirk on your face." He scrunches up his nose, feigning disgust.
"I'm fairly certain we're within the realms of 'normal,' possibly even vanilla."
"Oh, don't give me that. I see all the little marks, Rachel." He rises from his seat and saunters over to me, taking my hair off of my neck. "Ooh! What's that?" He mocks surprise.
"You stop that." I slap his hand away and fix my hair to simultaneously hide the hickeys on my neck and the soft, pink lines that trail from my shoulder and disappear down into my blouse. "That isn't 'freaky,' J. It's simply a testament to my impeccable ability to-"
"Oh… kay. No." He waves his hand in dismissal of the visual. "That's enough." I smirk at his interruption, which just makes him scoff and turn away to begin walking to our usual spot, closest to the stage, front and center. As we sit down, I pull out my phone to turn it off before class starts, but I see that I have a new text message.
From Quinn - hey, what are you doing tonight?
I grin a little before quickly replying.
To Quinn: impatient already?
From Quinn: absolutely.
I smirk. She's kinda cute, sometimes. Sometimes, I almost want… No.
To Quinn: you know, you're gonna have to get pretty 'self involved' if I get that part.
From Quinn: wanky. are you free tonight?
"Stop sexting your not-girlfriend, he's here." Jesse informs me that our stage acting teacher has arrived. Five minutes late. Diva.
I quickly type, To Quinn: yup. I'll call you after class, before turning my phone off and putting it back into my bag. "She's not my girlfriend." I scowl at him.
"That's just what I said, love." He winks at me… He winks at me. Brat.
"Well, I was gonna have a business meeting tonight, but it was cancelled, so I already have a sitter."
"Ok, that's cool. When should I expect you over?"
"Um, I was actually wondering if you wanted me to bring dinner? You know, I can. If you want." I stop dead in my tracks, surprised at the offer. We've never shared a meal since this thing started. I may have to sit down. Bench, bench… Aha! "Rae? Did I lose you?"
It takes me a moment to get back to reality; the one where Quinn is talking about cellular reception, not my presence in her life. "Ah, no. I'm still here. Sorry."
"You all right?"
Oh god, I'm imagining her sounding concerned. "I'm fine!" I answer a little too loudly. And judging by the looks I'm receiving from other students, I definitely look how I feel; decidedly not fine.
"Ok… so, dinner?"
I take a deep, calming breath. Or at least that was my intention. It only serves to provide me with air to suddenly choke on. I cover the mouth piece as I try to collect myself.
"Jesus, Rachel. Are you ok?"
I suppose it's ok that she's concerned now. I do sound a little bit like I might be choking to death. "I'm fine. Wow, ok. Sorry, what were we saying?" I know exactly what we were saying.
"Ok. Um, I was just saying that I could bring dinner for us tonight."
"Right. Um, yeah. I guess that'd be all right." I'm going to school for acting, and I can't even manage to scrounge up the tiniest bit of sincere enthusiasm. I hear her sigh on the other end of the line.
"You know what? Never mind. It's not that big a deal."
"No, I mean, now I can go somewhere that serves bacon. It's cool. I'll see you around seven-thirty."
"Qui-" She's hung up. What did I even do? I stand from the bench that so sweetly held my righteously confused body while I effectively pissed Quinn off. Somehow.
That's been a hard feat ever since Beth was born. Even at sixteen, and in such a rough spot, she became sympathetic and even-keel. She even forgave her mother and moved back in to the house she grew up in. Of course, Judy was an entirely different person when out from under Russell's thumb. Bastard.
Anyway, I still have one more class today and a coffee date with Kurt. I cannot let my not-girlfriend's attitude sour my mood. Is she even justified? We never have dinner! Ok. Ok. Stopping now.
"Gonna be honest, I'd be kinda pissed, too, if my friend couldn't even have dinner with me." He sips haughtily from his paper cup, the steam clouding his undoubtedly raised-in-arrogance brows.
"Kurt, Quinn is not my friend."
"She never was. Just because she stopped laughing at and contributing to the teenage tragedy that was my high school experience, does not absolve her of her wrongdoing." I trace the lip of my own cup nervously. I already know that Kurt doesn't understand mine and Quinn's arrangement. He can't comprehend how two people who "carry on" the way we do could ever manage to stay so detached from one another. He says there's probably something severely wrong with both our psyches.
"Ok, you little drama queen, the stopping alone? Maybe not. But the apology that she offers to you every time she drinks too much? Probably a little more placating, no? Satisfying, even. Acceptable-"
"You are so infuriating!" Kurt is so infuriating. He thinks he's always right, and I'm always too stubborn to entertain the idea that he may, in fact, have some insight.
"I'm honest." He gives me that sickly sweet smile that he knows I can't stand. Unless Quinn is directing it to anyone other than myself. Kurt doesn't need to know that, though. No, not at all.
After I glare at him from behind my coffee for a moment, a new argument strikes me. "You know what? It's against the rules." I relax and settle back into my seat, completely satisfied with my reasoning. Kurt has nothing.
"Rachel! You have too many rules!" He leans across the table and lowers his voice to a menacing little whisper. "And none of them even make sense."
I sit stock straight up at that; surprised anyone would question my logic. Ever. "How dare you. All of my carefully thought out rules collectively work to put off something that I'm not ready for!" Oops. I wasn't supposed to vocalize that particular string of words. Oh god, he looks so smug now. He settles back into his seat, taking a long drink from his coffee, never once taking his icy blue eyes off of me. Is it even possible to smirk with your eyes? Yes. Yes, it is. "I just meant that-"
"Oh, I know exactly what you meant." He sets his cup down carefully before proceeding, still with that smirk. In his eyes. "You just meant that you'd jump into Quinn Fabray's pale, little arms if she was to open them to you, and that scares the shit out of you, after everything."
"N-no… that's not at all what I'm saying." I avert his imploring gaze while saying without any real conviction, "I really don't expect you to understand, Kurt. Quinn and I are both extremely complex individuals, and this simple arrangement is what we both want. It's what we agreed to." I say the last part more to myself. We did agree. "So what, like, friends with benefits?" She'd asked. "I was thinking more like fuck buddies," was my response. It had been very clear what I wanted, and she had agreed.
"What I understand, Rachel, is that you're being a coward." I immediately open my mouth to retaliate, but he holds up his hand in protest. "No. I'm right. And if you're too scared to have dinner with someone you've known since you were fourteen, you need to at least have the decency to back out before it becomes… entangled."
Entangled. God. He rises from his chair, coffee in hand, before leaning down to kiss my temple. "I love you." He looks me dead in the eye. "You know that?" I solemnly nod my head and he leaves.
She basically pounces on me as soon as I open the door. All I see is a flash of blonde and hazel before her mouth is attached to mine. She kicks the door closed behind her and spins us around, slamming me against it. She begins trailing harsh kisses down my neck as she slides the lock in place. I feel her smirk against my skin. "Look at that..." She licks at a spot where I know she left a mark this morning.
"Um, Quinn?" I manage to breathe out, already panting from her ministrations. All I get is a hum in response. "Um, do you wanna talk?"
"Do I look like I wanna talk to you?" She husks out between nips and licks.
Wait... to me? I tangle my fingers in her short locks and pull her head away from my body. I catch her little eye roll.
"You don't wanna talk?" She furrows her brow in confusion and shakes her head, as if this should be obvious. Well, I suppose it usually is. I suck in a quick breath, readying myself. "I just thought... you know..." It appears she doesn't know. "Well, you seemed a little... upset? Maybe? When we were on the phone?"
"Nope." And then she dives onto my collarbone and sucks roughly, before abruptly pulling away to look me in the eye. "Why would I be upset?"
"I'm not sure." I say carefully.
She raises that sexy, smug brow of hers, and I feel myself clench around nothing. "Where were you for dinner?"
Ok, what? Now I'm confused. "Um, here." She looks disbelieving. "I just... made some pasta and marinara."
"It doesn't smell like pasta and marinara."
"The windows are open."
That blonde brow climbs impossibly higher. "So you had no plans?" I shake my head, no. "So you just didn't want to have dinner with me." It wasn't a question. All I can do is watch the color of her eyes change to something sinister, awaiting her next move. The corner of her lips twitch upwards devilishly. "You might wanna close those windows." She turns, stripping on the way to my bedroom. "We wouldn't want your neighbors to complain." I gulp deeply at the implication. I gush.
Oh, god. I know Jesse and I have a full disclosure policy when it comes to sex. But I can't tell him this. I can't tell him, or anyone, that I let Quinn tie me up to my headboard with my own scarves. I just can't.
I can't tell Jesse that Quinn pulsed three of her slim fingers inside of me, bringing me to the brink and then pulling out just before my release. I can't tell him that she did that four times. I can't tell anyone that Quinn refused to touch my clit for a fucking hour. I can't tell anyone the things she said to me. "You love this, don't you? You love when I'm in control. You couldn't stand it any other way. Nobody knows that about you, Rae. Just me. It'll always be me."
She never let me cum. And as some sort of consolation, I begged her to fuck my face.
God, the view was stunning. Her hands gripping the headboard above me. Eyes screwed shut tightly. Resting her forehead against the wall. Mouth slightly agape. She fucked herself against my mouth furiously, her breasts bounced with each thrust of her hips.
I can't tell anyone that she tangled one of her hands into my hair and opened her beautiful, hazy eyes. Or how her features softened to the most delicate I'd ever seen them. Hell, I can't even admit to myself that she whimpered my name just as she came into mouth. And I can't tell anyone that my heart fucking jumped into my throat.
AN2: If you've gotten this far, thank you so much. A special thanks to DAgron01 for proofing some of this and giving me some lovely feedback and encouragement. I seriously can't thank you guys enough. I'm still fairly new to this, and have not yet developed an ugly pride that would deter me from begging for reviews. Just saying.