I've had this idea for awhile, but was hesitant to write sex scenes. Going to go for it anyway. This may not be updated as quickly as the others because I'm writing as I go, as opposed to editing what I've already written. I hope you enjoy.
All episodes that have aired are fair game.
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Things were getting too intense. He was running out and putting his life in danger shadowing other detectives, and she was getting way too emotionally involved. When they were alone together the tension could be cut with a knife.
She'd gone to see Dr. Burke and he'd challenged her. After stating his theory that Castle was pulling away, the therapist pushed Kate to evaluate what she wanted to do about it. I know exactly what I want to do, she thought to herself, it involves throwing him up against a wall and taking him for all he's got. Kate became flustered as unbidden thoughts crossed her mind, thoughts of them in various positions and in various states of undress. She stood up and cleared her throat, needing a distraction in the worst possible way. As she made her way to the break room she spotted him. Unfortunately, he spotted her at the same moment and made his way towards her before she could make her get away.
She inhaled deeply, watching him in his deep blue button up shirt, God, I want to rip it off of him. Again, she tried to shake the thoughts from her mind, preparing for whatever he obviously needed to talk about. It felt somewhat odd to her that he was actually pursuing her for conversation, given that he wanted nothing to do with her lately. When he approached her he gave a smile, not quite reaching his eyes the way it used to, but better than nothing she figured.
"Beckett." He said, "So what have we got today?" He questioned her as if the past couple of weeks never happened. Although she should have taken the olive branch for what it was, and accepted his attempts to get them back on good grounds, something inside of Kate just snapped.
"Oh, so now you're interested? What? Is there not something more exciting in another unit?" She spoke with a bitter edge to her voice that she couldn't have masked if she'd wanted to. Just 24 hours ago she was so desperate for these words from him, any words that would show her that he was still in this; even if just a little bit.
"What is that supposed to mean?" He challenged her, fully defensive and filled with emotions that had been boiling to the top over the past weeks.
"I don't know Castle, you tell me. You're the one that bailed, took off and found someone better. I guess I'm just surprised that you'd bring yourself back down to us I suppose." Kate finished her statement, fully aware of the barbs she'd stuck with her words, and turned to walk away from him.
He simply brushed past her, not taking any care as he jarred her shoulder when he bumped her slightly out of his way. "Well if you want to play bitter and immature then fine!" He yelled at her.
As he walked away she yelled after him, "Well you'd be the king of bitter and immature these days Castle, wouldn't you?"
Then he was gone, leaving her standing there while everyone in the precinct simply stared at her.
That evening Kate Beckett walked down the hallway that led to his front door. This, whatever this was, that had started to brew between them over these past weeks just had to stop. She'd been embarrassed beyond belief at her own little outburst, and her being called into Gates' office and reamed out about it didn't help matters.
"If you and your BOY" she said, obvious distain for the man she described, "are going to have anymore relationship problems, I'd appreciate it if you left it at home." She looked sternly to her subordinate. Beckett interjected to correct Gates, "but sir, Castle and I are not-" She was cut off by Gates, who wasn't interested in hearing Beckett's denial about what was or was not going on between her and the writer.
"I don't care what you are, you keep it out of my precinct! Got that? I already have half the mind to kick him to the curb, but given that he has proven himself to be…somewhat useful on occasion…" Gates shuttered a bit at having to admit anything positive about Rick Castle. She continued,
"but Beckett-anymore of this, of what I saw today? And he's gone." She looked sternly to Beckett before placing her glasses back on and dismissing the detective.
Beckett had been mortified, and Castle was to blame. Oh yes, Beckett thought determinedly to herself, this stops here. With that, she knocked on the writer's door swiftly.
Rick Castle was surprised to find his partner standing at his door, especially considering that it was pouring rain outside and it was getting pretty late. He usually would have been pleasantly surprised by her appearance, inviting her in and offering her a drink.
That was before though, that was before she broke his heart. Frankly, he didn't care what she had to say. He'd tried again, after his conversation with Alexis about whether something meant enough to you to get over being hurt. He thought that she did mean enough, but when she verbally attacked him on his first attempt to smooth things over he knew it was too late. Rick had very little interest in hearing anything that Kate Beckett had to say.
"What do you want?" He spoke icily to her.
"I want to talk Castle. I want to fix this-whatever this is. I don't know what's wrong, but I want to talk about it." She looked directly into his eyes, imploring him to just give her a chance.
He wanted to slam the door in her face, but when she looked at him like that, like she was drowning and he was her life raft, he didn't have the heart to push her away. Sighing to himself, somewhat disgusted in his inability to simply tell the woman 'no', he stepped back. He moved the door open and gave her the space she needed to enter.
He didn't offer her a drink, he didn't make small talk. He just waited.
"Martha and Alexis?" Kate inquired.
"Out." He simply answered, not giving any more detail than necessary.
Kate knew that this was going to be difficult, she didn't know how much though. Now that she was standing in front of him, and he was looking at her as if she'd thrown a knife in his back and punched him in the stomach at the same time. Hell, he looks like I killed his puppy, she cynically reflected. With nothing else to lose Kate opened her mouth and began to speak, silently praying for the words to reach him wherever he'd retreated.
"Castle, I just. I don't understand. I don't know what has changed and why you've been acting like you have been, but I miss you. I miss my partner and my friend. Please help me to understand what is wrong so we can work to bring him back." She looked into his eyes and allowed the desperation she was feeling show on her face, allowed him to see it.
"Kate." He spoke somewhat resignedly, "I've already told you that I'm fine. I don't know what else you want from me-" He didn't get to finish, as he was interrupted by the sudden outburst of his partner.
"Bullshit! Bullshit Castle. You think I don't know you better to know when something is wrong? Give me a little credit Rick! One minute you're fine, we're…fine, and the next you're acting like the shallow jackass you pretended to be when I met you." She knew that she should calm down, but she'd started and now she couldn't stop.
"I don't even know who you are anymore, walking around with bimbos on your arms, following Slaughter around even after you knew he was dangerous? What were you trying to get yourself killed? Don't you give a damn about anybody in your life other than yourself?" Her yells continued.
"Don't you think I at least deserve the truth Rick? Haven't I at least earned that from you?" She finally let some of her own wall down, getting to the heart of the matter that he'd hurt her deeply. She hoped she would see his eyes soften at her admission. She hoped that he would apologize and pull her close and tell her that everything would be different. Those hopes were dashed when he looked back at her, the coldness replaced with a fury she'd never seen from him before.
"You deserve the truth? YOU DESERVE THE TRUTH?" He was yelling now.
"You don't deserve a fucking thing Kate. .." He moved into her space, pushing her back towards the front door.
"What the hell is your problem Castle? Who the fuck do you think you are? Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" She tried to play the badass cop then, using her crime fighting skills to intimidate him down from his rage. It didn't work.
"What are you going to do Beckett? Huh? What are you going to do? Are you going to shoot me? Are you going to kick my ass because I'll tell you what others won't?" He was pointing a finger into her chest now, her back hit the front door.
"I'll tell you what you're going to do Kate. Nothing. You're not going to do a God-damned thing because you're a coward!" Her eyes flashed from fury to hurt at his words, which tore her heart open. She couldn't respond to his words, she had nothing to say that would combat the accusation. When it came to him she was a coward. The anger continued to course through her veins, her breathing erratic. She looked up to him for a moment and saw the same fight for control over his own temper. They were beyond pissed and if they didn't back down they would continue to hurt eachother beyond repair. Hell, maybe they were already beyond repair. Dr. Burke's words flashed through Kate's mind again, so what do you want to do about it?
Castle took her silence as support for his words. She was a coward and nothing was going to change.
"Yeah Kate." He yelled again. "That's what I thought. You talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, nothing, you're-"
He didn't get to finish because at that second she grabbed him hard by the shirt, spun him, slammed his back to the door, and pressed her lips to his. Shock shot through Castle as he processed what was happening, Kate was kissing him. She was kissing him fiercely. All the anger and frustration she'd been feeling was evidently working it's way out of her body through her lips, which were devouring him at the moment.
With her tongue she demanded entrance to his mouth, which he granted. At the deepening of the kiss, the intimacy of her tongue in his mouth and her taste everywhere, he responded. He knew he should put a stop to it, but he was too frustrated and too angry, and way too turned on to care. He knew she didn't want him. He knew she didn't love him, but here she was, trying to push her body against his and grind her hips into him. Hell, he thought, if she's going to use me for angry sex then I certainly have the same right, don't I?
Kate wasn't sure what possessed her to do it, but there she was, kissing Richard Castle in a way that couldn't be described as anything less than wanton. He quickly started to respond, first with the kiss, and then with the rest of him. It wasn't long before their positions were reversed and he had her pressed against the door. He hoisted her up and pressed his arousal into her center, ripping a moan from her trembling body. Hell, she thought to herself, it's been over 8 months and I need this so much…and his hands are…and his lips are…and if he moves just a little to the…oh GOD! She moaned loudly, which only propelled him to move faster and grind harder. Somewhere in the back of her head she knew this wasn't a good idea. She knew that he'd moved on and wasn't interested in a relationship with her anymore. Yet here they were, on the verge of sex up against the wall and she couldn't find one single reason to stop. So she didn't, she gave in and let her body make the decisions.
With a snap of her button and a tug on her zipper, he had her jeans and panties pulled down, she kicked her heels off and pushed them the rest of the way from her body. He quickly followed suit, lowering his jeans and boxers in one movement. Before she had time to process things, and before they finished undressing, he had her back against the wall again. No sooner than she'd wrapped her legs around his waist he plunged into her. He wasn't gentle and he didn't wait for her to adjust. The shock of it forced a scream from Kate, as she slammed her head against the wall and thrust her pelvis up to ease him out of her a bit. He disregarded her move and sunk further into her still, needing to be surrounded by her but waiting there to give her time to adjust.
She was thankful for his waiting, as she allowed herself to acclimate to the amazing feeling of having him buried so deep within her. Soon she began to move her hips, giving him the signal that she needed more. With his head pressed against the wall next to her, he thrust completely into her and pulled nearly out, only to thrust once again. Within minutes he had her screaming, all rhythm was lost and shortly after they both fell over the edge. With shaky legs he slowly lowered her down to the floor, pulling himself out of her.
He didn't look at her, wasn't sure what to say about it.
Kate watched him for a moment, catching the uncertainly in his eyes. Her heart melted a bit at the sight of him, yes their first time had been anything but romantic, but it didn't change the fact that it was them, and that she loved him. Maybe, she thought, just maybe we do have a chance. After putting her jeans back on Kate gathered the courage to speak.
"Castle…Rick…Look, I know that we should have talked things out. I know that it shouldn't have happened-" She was about to finish her sentence with 'like that', and to tell him that she was glad it did happen, but he interrupted her.
"Yeah. Kate. No worries. I understand, and I agree that it shouldn't have happened. I know that there's nothing between us Kate. You're attractive and I'm attractive, and let's just say we were working out our tension. Ok?" He was trying to give her an out, trying to make it as casual as possible in the hope that she wouldn't run and leave his life forever.
For a moment she just stared at him, her heart completely breaking. There was nothing between them. They were friends and partners, and now evidently people who had sex against the door when they needed to work their frustrations out. The sad part was that she loved him so much that if it was all he could give, she'd take it. Dr. Burke would be furious, talk about your unhealthy decisions.
Kate needed to get out of there as soon as possible before she fell apart. Then Castle added,
"Heck. If it helps the partnership I'd say why not? We're not committed to other people and if we both know it's just sex than I don't see the harm in it." He was dying inside, but he needed to let her know it was ok, and he'd take anything she was willing to give.
She just smiled at him, although there seemed to be sadness in her eyes. "Yeah Castle. What's the harm?" He nodded to her reply.
"So maybe…we could...um…sometime soon? Work out our problems some more?" He didn't even know how to say it, partially in disbelief that this conversation was happening.
"Yeah," she said. "Sometime soon." She gave him a half smile and asked if he would be back at the precinct in the morning. He nodded and smiled politely. With that she left the loft, not entirely sure of what they'd just gotten themselves into.
Deep down they both knew it was a bad idea. They both knew that they were way too invested, but neither one was strong enough to walk away from anything that the other partner was willing to give. They both knew that one of the biggest problems with the friends with benefits arrangement was that emotions always get in the way; somebody falls in love. They knew how self-destructive it would be because they were each already in love, and that love (they thought) was unrequited. They both knew there was no hope of getting out of this in one peace, but hell, both were broken anyhow.