The Causality Alteration
A Big Bang Theory Fanfiction
Alrighty, first Shenny, GET HYPE!
It was a Thursday. It had started like any other Thursday. They had eaten pizza for dinner: Giaccomo's pizza with sausage, mushrooms, and light olives, as they had done every Thursday. Penny had joined them for dinner, as always. Sheldon sighed.
"Hey, guys," Penny strode through the door. To himself, Sheldon chatsized Leonard for not locking it after returning home. "Oooh, pizza!" She grabbed a slice and fell dramatically onto the couch beside Sheldon. His nostrils were insulted by the warm, suggary vanilla scent of her. He suppressed his gag relfex.
"Penny," Sheldon set down his pizza and turned to her, "May I ask you a question?"
"Why are you here?"
"Every evening you show up here in time to consume our food. Couple that with your less than independent Wi-Fi connectivity, your folksy Nebraska backwater charm, and feeble grasp of propper English, and there is absolutely no reason we should allow you into our home."
She pursed and popped her glossy lips. With a shake of her head and a lift of her eyebrows she replied, "Excuse me?"
"Well, like the Varanus albigularis, or rock Monitor lizard, you act as an invasive species to the habitat which is our apartment." He waved one hand about the room, palm up.
Raj whispered to Howard through cupped palms, to which Wolowitz responded, "Yeah, and I wouldn't mind taking on such an exotic pet either." Penny scrunched her nose in disgust.
Sheldon continued his lecture, "I'm serious. Infact, Penny, you hold many characteristics of an invasive species. You survive off of a wide range of food types. For example, once, when your rent was late, you resorted to left-over cheesecake, Ramen noodles, and sink water. You possess Phenotype plasticity, altering your appearance to suit whatever occasion comes to hand, whether that be for your next date, girls' night, or menstral cramps. And obviously, with your persistant conjugal visits, rapid reproduction would surely not hinder your advances."
Penny did not say a word. Instead, she silently stood and trotted angrily out the door. How rash, thought Sheldon.
"Sheldon," Leonard exhaled, "go apologize."
"But, Leonard," Sheldon protested and his bespectacled friends glared at him. "Oh, alright," He quickly followed Penny into the hallway.
She opened the door to the apartment. He reached out to stop her.
"Please, Penny, allow me to to explain."
"No, Sheldon. For once in your life, don't lecture me." She clenched her fists at her side. "I'm not stupid. I get it. You don't want me around." Penny wrenched the door free from his grasp. Sheldon noticed her eyes were glossy with lacriminal fluid. "Sometimes, I wish, I just wish I'd never-" She didn't finish her statement. Penny disapeared into the apartment, slamming the door on his protests.
Sheldon didn't understand. He looked from Penny's closed door to his and back again. What was she going to say? After a going through the dictionary that was his mind, Sheldon decided Penny had wished to express her regreta of having met him. Something harsh and biting sunk its teeth into his stomach. From his navel it radiated out causing his heart rate to rise and his fingers to grow warm. The capilaries in his cheeks dialated.
Sheldon blushed with guilt.
With heavy breaths, his eyes continued to dart from door to door. He could not bear to return to his own apartment in his current state of emotional upset and Penny had made it quite obvious he was not to join her. So, Sheldon took a step in the only direction he could and began to descend the stairs.
Sheldon focussed on putting one foot in front of the other and kept his eyes glued to the green carpet. How could he be so foolish. Of course, Penny was trying at times; but, for her to think that of him. He had to admit, it hurt.
Four flights of stairs he walked. He walked and thought. His steps grew faster and faster as gravity allowed him to accelerate. His stride lengthened and he began to take the steps two at a time. When he reached the bottom, his breath came in ragged breaths.
Sheldon sat solemnly on the first step. He had hurt his friend. After a quiet moment of contemplation, he decided to try again and apologize. One step at a time he ascended the steps.
"You wan't to hear an interesting thing about stairs?" Had he just said that. In a moment of panic, Sheldon's adrenaline heightened senses registered something had changed.
He had started up the stairs alone. Now, Leonard was at his side. His superman shirt had been replaced by one featuring the Flash. Similarly, his dark olive chidos, were now plaid slacks.
"Not really," Leonard breathed.
Thankfully, Sheldon knew the fact, so he continued with it, "If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip."
"I don't care." The pair turned and continued their walk up. "Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right."
"No, it's true. I did a series of experiments when I was twelve. My father broke his clavicle."
"Is that why they sent you to boarding school?"
"No, that was a result of my work with lasers." Strange, thought Sheldon, Leonard knew all about his past educational experiences and experiments. The strangest sense of déjà vu overcame him as he pulled his keys out of his pocket and turne to open their door. The sound of a radio pulled his attention across the hall. He abandoned his efforts with the lock and followed Leonard.
They stood and watched as a young, blonde woman was handling articles she had pulled from a card board box. Sheldon instantly recognized the woman as Penny.
"Evidently." Curiouser and curiouser.
"Significant improvement over the old neighbor."
Penny had already been their neighbor. Oh, wait. Sheldon recalled Louise who had previously occupied apartment 4B, "Two-hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes, she is."
Penny turned towards them, her green eyes flashed and Sheldon fidgeted with the strap of his messenger bag. Would she still be angry with him? When he looked back up at her, her smile showed no hints of agression.
"Hi?" Sureley she remebered them?
"We don't mean to interrupt." Said Leonard. "We live across the hall."
"Oh, that's nice."
"Oh, no, we don't live together. I mean we live together, but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms." But she knew that already, thought Sheldon to himself. She had been in both of their bedrooms, albeit much to Sheldon's dismay.
"Oh, okay well," she shut off the radio. "I guess I'm your new neighbor, Penny."
"Leonard," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "Sheldon."
"Hi!" What had happened to the world? How could she not know their names?
A silent moment passed. Sheldon screamed for the answers. How could this be?
"Well," Leonard finally said, "Oh, Welcome to the building."
"Aw, thank you! Maybe we can have coffee sometime."
Another awkward pause.
"Well, uh, bye."
Penny began to close the door.
"Bye!" Leonard yipped into the closing gap.
Neither Leonard nor Sheldon made a move back to their own apartment even though their indian food was growing cold. Sheldon tried to deduce what had transpired. He was back at the beginning. He and Leonard had just met Penny for the first time. Again?
So? Crazy, huh? Oh, just you wait! Let me know what you think?