Excalibferb: A Further Adventure
& Dylan Carbonell
[At the family's home, Candavere walks down the stairs and she grabs the pole and buckets to fetch some water. Just as she swings the pole on her shoulders, she is called.]
[Candavere is quick to answer her mother's call.]
Linderella: Candavere, your father and I are going to head out to bury some more worthless trinkets, and then gather ingredients for my pies and other dishes for the upcoming feast. (she holds up a list)
[On the list, it's shown to include apricots, leeks, barley, and various innards.]
Candavere: Then does that mean I'm in charge?
Linderella: Yes, Candavere, you're in charge.
Candavere: Yes! (giggles mischievously) Oh, Phineas and Ferbalot! (She rushes, only to slam into the door) Yack! (She then swings the pole forward and steps out.)
[She finds the boys that their outdoor laboratory, studying something. She dashes forward, giggling.]
Candavere: Mom says I'm in charge, so you two stop whatever you're doing right now.
Phineas: Okay, Candavere.
Candavere: Now don't try to talk... Wait, did you say "okay"?
Phineas: Yes, we were about to give up anyway. (turns to Ferbalot) Looks like turning lead into gold is impossible. Now I'm not sure about what to do today.
[Suddenly the gate opens and in steps Stacehilda. She wears a blue version of Candavere's dress, and a blue headband with a bow in the back. She is followed by Jeremiad.]
Stachilda: Candavere! Terrible news have we! Our fellow townspeople are revolting!
Candavere: Tell me about it, especially the ones who bathe only once a month.
[Stacehilda cuffs Candavere.]
Stacehilda: Not that definition of revolting! I'm talking about like them going on a rampage, stirring up rebellion!
Candavere: What, why?
Jeremiad: They have been victims of evil deeds and are angry the our Lord Mayor has done little to counter the wretched troublemakers.
[An angry crowd gathers outside the home of Lord Mayor Roger Malifishmirtz. Among them are Ferb's uncle Adrian and aunt Lucy and cousins seen in "My Fair Goalie". They shout and fling garbage as Roger cautiously peeks out a window.]
Roger: Bloody peasants. Curse this string of evil deeds. They're holding me responsible for this, Melfina.
[His scribe, Melfina, played by Melanie, jots down records and offers no sympathy.]
Melfina: Well, it's not like you took the order to recruit more knights to patrol the Tri-Kingdom Area and used it to set your mutton on. (pauses and then holds up the paper, which is stained in bits of mutton and dried juices) Oh, wait, you did.
[At that moment, an apple strikes Roger's back. Back in the crowd, Eliza punches the air in triumph.]
Eliza: Got him, dad!
Adrian : Now's your turn, boys!
[His sons then line up more cabbages like soccer balls and get ready to kick.]
[Back inside, Roger cringes in pain.]
Roger: Right now I'm really wishing I took that other job arranging and selling shrubberies.
Melfina: Yes, "Roger the Shrubber" has a nice ring to it.
[Before he can say anything else, a barrage of cabbages pelt Roger, ending with one nailing him in the head, knocking him out cold. Melfina just looks down at him.]
Melfina: I'll get the leeches and other hokey remedies.
[Back in the backyard, everyone is where we left them.]
Phineas: What could be the cause of this?
[From a puddle erupts the Lady of the Puddle, in the process everyone is doused.]
Lady of the Puddle: Behold! I am the Lady of the Puddle.
Candavere: More like "Lady whose gonna be washing my clothes" if I have my say.
[She is ignored.]
Phineas: Hi, again. What brings you here?
Lady of the Puddle: This string of evil deeds is the work of Milifishmirtz and his allies. They are gathering new members for their league of villainy, the Miscreants and Extra Evil Monsters Association.
Stacehilda: They're called MEEMA?
Lady of the Puddle: Yeah, they aren't the brightest with acronyms. Back on topic, they seek to increase their numbers, and this string of evil deeds is part of the application process. Only an intrepid band of heroes are capable of stopping their plans. (Conjures a map) Take this map, it shall guide you.
[The map starts to float to Phineas, but Candavere snatches it.]
Candavere: Hold it, you're not going anywhere. I'm in charge, and I say there won't be any questing today.
Stacehilda: Why not give them a pass? After all, they did cure you of your fire breathing.
[Flashback-Candavere paces as Phineas and Ferbalot mix an elixir. The potion turns green and bubbles.]
Phineas: Drink up.
[Candavere takes the flask to her lips, closes her eyes, and drinks it down. Nothing happens at first.]
Candavere: Well, this was completely...
[Candavere then stops as her stomach gurgles.]
Candavere: Oh no, let me guess what's gonna happen.
[Candavere's eyes then go bloodshot and bulge out of her head in a cartoony way, her face turns green as her eyes go swirly and her tongue sticks out like a party blower, she turns blue and purple as her neck twists around and her limbs go wiggly. She then morphs into various weird shapes making various weird noises, until she comes to a stop. Her face then turns red like a thermometer, and steam shoots our her ears. She then returns to normal.]
Candavere (Somewhat dazed): Yeah, saw it comin'. (opens her mouth, finding she no longer breathes fire) Well, at least it worked.
[Present-Candavere throws up her arms.]
Candavere: Okay, fine, but only if I go along. Also, mom left me in charge, so that automatically makes me leader.
Stacehilda: Can I go, too?
Candavere: Well... alright.
Jeremiad: And me?
Candavere: ABSOLUTELY YES! I mean, if you want.
Phineas: Let's get Parable and... Wait, where's Parable?
[We then see a new location, out in the middle of almost nowhere.]
Singers: Malifishmirtz Lawn Norm drawn wagon!
[We see Malifishmirtz riding in a crudely made wagon, which is pulled by Norm. At the back of the wagon is Parable, who has been captured and placed inside a metal cage.]
Malifishmirtz: It was foolish of you to think you could stop me from attending the meeting of the Miscreants Extra Evil Monsters Association, held at the Castle McNasty, but no force in the world can. Granted, I don't actually know the way, but it's not more than a swallow's flight from here. And yes, that'd be a unladen swallow's flight. It'd be more than two laden swallows' flight away, oh, no doubt. Actually, it'd be more like four if they had a coconut tethered between them. I mean, the birds would have to walk and drag... You know, I'm really getting off topic.
[Malifishmirtz reaches into a bag.]
Malifishmirtz: Luckily I have my magic tablet mirror, so all I need is to check "maps".
[He gets out his magic tablet mirror, only to find it cracked and now unusable.]
Malifishmirtz: What? Oh great, this thing's broken! Now how am I suppose to figure how to get to Castle McNasty?
Norm: You could ask one of the locals.
[Malifishmirtz looks about, seeing the disheveled locals. Knowing his options are limited, he concedes and looks to the closest person, who walks in front of the wagon.]
Malifishmirtz: You, there! Old woman!
[The 'old woman' turns, revealing that it is in fact a bespectacled man, with a small beard, black hat, and a rather cynical deposition.]
Malifishmirtz: Oh, sorry. (the wagon reaches Doug) I have a question.
Doug: I'm twenty-seven.
Doug: I'm twenty-seven, I'm not old.
Malifishmirtz: I can't just say "man".
Doug: You could try "Doug".
Malifishmirtz: I didn't know you were called "Doug".
Doug: I also protest you automatically treat me like I'm an inferior.
Malifishmirtz: Well, I am evil.
Doug: Oh, evil, eh? Well, then how about this? (pulls out a mallet and pounds down on Malifishmirtz's foot)
Malifishmirtz: Ow! Hey, what was that for?
Doug: I'm evil.
Malifishmirtz: You can't cover up being a jerk by just saying you're evil.
Doug: My point exactly.
[As they continue arguing, a turkey then sees Parable in the cage and slaps on his own Robin Hood styled hat, revealing himself as Sir T. He then sneaks over and tries to break open the cage, but Parable stops him. Grabbing a quill and piece of paper, he scribbles down a note and passes it to Sir T. He then chatters, to which Sir T gobbles in response. Sir T then runs off.]
[At this time, Doug has provided Malifishmirtz with the directions he requires.]
Malifishmirtz: Well, I suppose thanks are in order.
Doug: Eh, keep your thanks, it's not like I remember things so no else has to.
[At the castle of the medieval version of the OWCA , Monopunzel paces. His squire, Carlpernicus, trails behind, picking up Monopunzel's long mustache to keep it from being tangled. Carlpernicus' attire is similar to that of Lucky Eddie from Hagar the Horrible. Animals such as Peter the Panda, Pinkus the Chihuahua, played by Pinky, and Sir Kitty, Sir D, Sir M, and Sir F stand about, waiting.]
Monopunzel: This is most troublesome. Sir P is missing, and we have no knowledge of Malifishmirtz's actions, or that of his allies'.
[It is at this time Sir T rushes in, passing by the other animals and hurries right to Monopunzel. He hands over the note.]
Carlpernicus: What is it?
Monopunzel: A message from Sir P! (reads) "Malifishmirtz is heading for Castle McNasty, where he and his fellow members of MEEMA will be holding their gathering to recruit new applicants". At last! The call! We know where the foil MEEMA meets! Brave, oh brave Sir T, you won't have died in vain!
[Sir T gobbles questioningly.]
Carlpernicus: Um, sir, he's not dead.
Monopunzel: Oh, right. (clears throat) Of course he's not. All animals, prepare to march!
[Cut to outside the castle. Monopunzel and Calpernicus lead the way, and the animals march behind.]
[Cut back to the group, having now been joined by Isabel, Bulavolus, and Baljeetolas. Candavere leads everyone down a path.]
Candavere (looking at the map): Okay, now on right it says in the middle of the path we're supposed to be coming across some sort of forest of tall rock thingys, but I'm not quite sure what this thing before it- AHH!
[Candavere quickly drops off the edge of a cliff, but Stacehilda promptly grabs her by her skirt, exposing her knickers. Stacehilda lifts Candavere safely back up onto the edge of the cliff, and everybody looks down to see the huge gorge full of tall rock columns.]
Candavere: (gulps) That was too close. Jeremiad nearly saw my knickers. If that happened, I'd die.
Stacehilda: Well tell me, super-genius fearless leader that you are, how the heck are we supposed to get down there?
Candavere (nervously): Uh... don't worry, I knew this would happen, and I have a devised a plan for such a circumstance.
Stacehilda: Like what?
Candavere: Uh... does anybody have a ridiculously long rope?
[We cut to later as Candavere is now tying the end of a ridiculously long rope to a branch.]
Phineas: So Baljeetolas, why did you carry the ridiculously long rope with you?
Baljeetolas: People didn't even consider knot tying a hobby in this era?
Candavere: Attention everyone, follow your beautiful super-genius fearless leader's lead, as she bravely swings to the bottom of this-
Bulavolus: Get on with it lady!
Candavere: Alright. Well then, YOINKS AND AWAY!
[Candavere swings from the rope down into the gorge, but she promptly crashes into a rock column hard enough to leave an impression of herself in it. Candavere tries to go swinging again.]
Candavere (Sounding visibly pained): Yoinks and away!
[Candavere swings again, and promptly crashes into another column the same way. She still tries to continue swinging.]
Candavere (sounding more visibly pained): Yoinks and away!
[Candavere swings again, and promptly crashes into another column the same way. She still tries to continue swinging.]
Candavere (sounding even more visibly pained): Yoinks and... away!
[We then cut to the rest of the gang as they all cringe watching Candavere crash into columns and hurt herself, except for Bulavolus, who is quietly snickering at her pain.]
Candavere (off-camera; sounding more and more in pain with each hit): Yoinks... away... yoinks... away!
[We finally cut to Candavere after she hit the ground with her face completely planted into the dirt, still holding onto the rope]
Phineas: Well, seems easy enough. C'mon everybody.
[The rest of the gang each grabs onto the rope and swings down into the gorge and safely to the ground without hurting themselves.]
Phineas: Now let's continue our quest.
[They each step on the horribly bruised and dirty Candavere, not realizing she's there as they walk forward. Candavere then lifts her face out of the dirt.]
Candavere: Oh sure, it's easy for you guys. (Sighs) I'm the only one who keeps getting hurt because some really sick people enjoy seeing me in pain.
Voice: Oh, we can relate to that.
Candavere: Yahh! Who said that?
Voice: I did.
[The group sees two animals, a crow with the features of Albert, and a muskrat with the features of Irving.]
Baljeetolas: Who are you?
Albert: I'm Albert and this is my brother, Irving.
Phineas: How do you know how to speak? Some sort of enchantment?
Irving: Oh, you could say that. These aren't our original forms. A witch turned us into these forms you see now. She dwells in these woods, casting spells on anyone and anything she doesn't like.
Ferb: Of all the nefarious, unscrupulous...
Albert: Actually, she did us a favor.
Irving: This is an improvement from what we were. We used to be tapeworms.
Everyone: Ew! Gross...
Phineas: Well, this might be a concern. We wouldn't want to anger a witch.
Candavere:(gulps): Well, I'm sure us brave warriors can handle this... little witch problem.
Stacehilda: You know, since you're the leader, you should lead us in getting past this obstacle.
Candavere: WHA? Er, I mean, of course. (mutters to herself) D'oh, why do I keep forgetting some of the drawbacks of being in charge?
Stacehilda: You're not scared are you?
Candavere: Please, me scared? Don't be ridiculous. I laugh in the face of danger. All right, let's continue on.
[Immediately, Candavere's legs start shaking and her teeth chatter, but she tries to hide this from the others as she walks forward.]
[The group treks trough the woods, ever watchful, especially Candavere.]
Isabel: Hmm, no sign of any witches yet.
Baljeetolas: Perhaps luck will favor us.
Voice: NONE SHALL PASS!
[The group freezes, while Candavere dives back and literally hides under Stacehilda's skirt.]
[Everyone looks ahead to try and find the source of the voice. They spot Suzy, who is dressed in a witch's outfit and hat.]
Phineas: Who are you?
Suzy: I am the powerful Witch Warrior, and anyone who steps in my way is going to be very sorry.
[Candavere peeks from under Stacehilda's skirt and snickers at the sight of Suzy.]
Candavere: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Stay here guys, I'll handle this. (crawls out)
Stacehilda: I don't know, she looks-
Candavere: I said let me handle it.
[Candavere walks about to Suzy, looks down, and places her hand on the little girl's head]
Candavere (In a voice that sounds like a parent talking to a baby): Sorry little girl, but the adults have to get by in order to complete their quest. So please get out of the way.
Suzy: You dare talk down to me lady? Do you know who I am?
Candavere (pinching Suzy's cheeks): Hehe, aren't you cute? Now beat it!
[Suzy's eyes turn red.]
Stacehilda: Candavere, I don't think you-
Candavere (turns to Stacehilda): Oh please, do you really think she's any sort of threat at all? It just looks like some kid dressin' up for Halloween. I mean, that's the stupidest looking thing I've ever-
[As Candavere is saying this sentence, Suzy grows into a giant red viscous looking demonic creature with glowing eyes. The Suzy monster growls, which stops Candavere mid-sentence. Feeling uneasy, Candavere slowly turns around and sees the giant hideous monster now standing before her.]
Suzy Monster: !
Candavere (nervously): Meep.
[The Suzy monster grabs Candavere by her skinny neck, and picks her up.]
Suzy Monster: YOU SHALL NOW PAY THE PENALTY FOR YOUR MOCKERY!
[The Suzy monster then hurls Candavere, and the force of the throw is so powerful that it sends Candavere literally flying around the entire world. Candavere then comes flying back to her original spot, and starts beaming down like a rocket re-entering the earth's atmosphere. She screams as she comes falling toward the rest of the gang, who immediately step out of the way knowing the force of the impact. Candavere then crashes into the ground creating a giant explosion of dust where the impact was made. The dust then clears away to reveal a perfectly Candavere-shaped hole in the ground. Candavere then slowly climbs out of said hole, bruised, black-eyed, dirty, clothes torn and hair-ruffled.]
Candavere (completely dazed): But daddy, I don't wanna eat the ice cream.
Phineas: Well, looks like she means business.
[Suzy then changes from a monster back into her witch-form.]
Suzy: Just a little thing I do. (giggles)
[Candavere, after immediately regaining her senses, runs and hides behind Stacehilda.]
Candavere (shivering): Please don't let her kill me.
Stacehilda (sarcastic): Yes, clearly we needed someone as brave as you to be our leader.
Suzy: Enough of this! Fly my pretties! FLY!
[Demon squirrels then come flying out from behind Suzy's back, and they all go flying up Candavere's skirt. Candavere starts screaming and twitching and running all around as they crawl around in there.]
Candavere: AHHHHH! SQUIRRELS! SQUIRRELS! SQUIRRELS UP MY DRESS! SOMEBODY HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!
Stacehilda: Don't worry, I've got an idea.
[Stacehilda takes out a shovel, and tries to whack the squirrels in Candavere's dress, but instead she keeps accidentally hitting Candavere with it.]
Candavere: OW! OOH! UGH! (Stops Stacehilda from hitting) YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET RID OF THESE SQUIRRELS!
Stacehilda: Oh, sorry. Hang on a sec.
[Stacehilda runs off camera.]
Candavere: What are you-
[A rope suddenly tied around Candavere's feet pulls her up of the ground and she is flipped upside down. As Candavere hangs upside down, her skirt falls over causing the demonic squirrels to leave, but also revealing her knickers to everyone. Jeremiad then stares at her panties causing them both to blush.]
Candavere (embarrassed): Oh, I'm so sorry.
Jeremiad (embarrassed): No-no, it's okay. I kinda like them.
[Candavere then screams as she falls down from the tree she was hanging from and hits the ground. She gets back to her feet, and looks and sees that Stacehilda had cut the rope.]
Candavere (annoyed): Stacehilda? About that little "method" of yours.
[Candavere bashes Stacehilda over the head with a shovel, causing her to then drop.]
Jeremiad: Where's the witch?
Bulavolus: She hightailed it outta her while you were going gaga for her frilly undergarments.
Baljeetolas: But not before she mocked us by saying that we would never make it to Castle McNasty before MEEMA's gathering commences in just over two hours from now.
Isabel: Isn't there any way for us to get there before it's too late?
Phineas: Not unless we could fly.
[At this time, Stacehilda stands back up, having recovered from the blow to her head.]
Stacehilda: Wait a minute, what about Jenavene?
Stacehilda: Jenavene, doesn't she take care of a herd of Pegasus?
Candavere: You're right, maybe she can help. If I remember right, she should live just beyond these woods. Come on.
[The group then rushes off down the path.]
[We cut to see Malifishmirtz arriving at Castle McNasty. He grabs the cage containing Parable, and after leaving the wagon with a valet, he and Norm go inside. In the main hall, there are a host of leading members of MEEMA, basically medieval versions of members of LOVEMUFFIN, including Bloodpudding, dressed as a druid, Diminutive, dressed in a black suit of armor, and especially Roddie, played by Rodney. Roddie wears an outfit much like Garamel from Smurfs. Also in the crowd are Poofenplotz and a medieval version of Dr. Gevaarlijik.]
Roddie: Hello, Malifishmirtz.
Malifishmirtz: Roddie, how unpleasant it is to see you again.
Roddie: I'm surprised you've the courage to even show up.
Malifishmirtz: Oh, what are you talking about?
Roddie: Your last plot was quite a successful failure. Something about a horde of meatlings. (chuckles tauntingly)
[Several others laugh, causing Malifishmirtz to twist his face in annoyance.]
Malifishmirtz: At least I haven't spent my entire adult life searching for a village of little two pears high-sized orange people.
All other members: Oooohhh!
Bloodpudding: Yes, why have you wanted those little orange people?
Diminutive: I thought he wanted to eat them.
Medieval Version of Dr. Gevaalijik: I thought he wanted to turn them into silver.
Poofenplotz: Actually, he's never made his intentions clear.
[There is an awkward pause.]
Malifishmirtz: Okay, enough lolly-gagging, we'll soon have new members to haze, I mean, initiate.
[Back with our heroes, they have reached the edge of the woods. Ahead of them they see open country, and just a short distance away, they spot a house.]
Staehilda: There it is, Jenavene's house.
Candavere: I just hope she's home.
[The group hurries to the house and searches around. They find Jenavene and her brother Djago, name pronounced "Jay-go", tending to the herd of Pegasus. Jenavene wears a yellow and pink version of Candavere's dress and a pink headband, along with a daisy in her hair. Dajgo wears a pair of brown overalls with some patches sewn on, a yellow shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, boots, and a yellow hat like the ones worn by Smurfs.]
Candavere: Hey, Jenavene!
[Jenavene looks up and smiles.]
Jenavene: Hi, Candavere, Stacehilda, this is a surprise.
Candavere: Jenavene, we really need your help.
Candavere: Yeah, we're on this quest, and we need to get to Castle McNasty as quickly as we can.
Stacehilda: We need to borrow a few of your Pegasus, please.
[Jenavene and Djago look to one another and nod.]
Djago: We'll set you up right away.
[Everyone is given a Pegasus and the group is set to depart. Jenavene comes up to Candavere and Stacehilda, with a notable look of disappointment on her face.]
Jenavene: Okay, I wish you could've stayed for a visit. Anyway, good luck with your quest.
[She turns to go back to her work. Candavere and Stacehilda look at each other with expressions of guilt and concern.]
Stacehilda: We really need to hang out with her more.
Candavere: You're right. Jenavene!
[Jenaven turns back around.]
Candavere: We've having this big feast when we're done with this quest. You and your brother want to join us?
[Jenavene and Djago smile brightly.]
Jenavene: Yeah, we'd love to.
Candavere: Great! We'll save you a place!
[The group then takes off, waving to Jenavene and Djago, who wave back. The group immediately makes up time as they fly. As the group flies over, we now see Monopunzel, Carlpernicus, and the animals making their across the rough landscape.]
Monopunzel: These highlands are rugged.
Carlpernicus: Couldn't we have taken the scenic route?
Monopunzel: This is the scenic route; you ought to see the alternative routes. I think I'm rather enjoying this.
[We now cut to a craggy ridge overlooking Castle McNasty. As Jeremiad and Candavere hide the Pegasus, Phineas and the others peek over the rocks. Jeremiad and Candavere join them, seeing a line of various villains entering the main gate. Everyone is nervous by the number of villains.]
Bulvalous: You know, right now I wish we still had those ten thousand monsters.
Baljeetolas: Unfortunately, we will have to rely on something other than an overused, lazy writing cliché.
Ferb: We know that entry is allowed through the act of carrying out evil deeds, perhaps that is the key.
Stacehilda: Okay, but how?
Phineas: I've got an idea, and I know who can pull it off.
[The guard scratches his nose when the sound of footsteps gets his attention. Out come Candavere and Stacehilda in disguise, with Candavere wearing a giraffe mask and Stacehilda wearing a gerbil mask. Both also now wear bibs with "Ds" on them.]
Guard: Who are you?
Candavere: I'm the Dangiraffe.
Stacehilda: And I'm the Dangerbil.
Candavere: We're here to apply for membership.
Guard: (looks them over) What's your evil deed?
Candavere: This. (holds a small wicker cage that holds Isabel.) We've captured a water spite.
Guard: It took the two of you to catch a single water sprite?
Guard: (frowns, unimpressed) Better villains have tried to join and failed, better evil monsters, too.
[Candavere and Stacehilda exchange worried looks.]
Guard: However, we've really lowered our standards, so step right inside. Just find some open seats and make yourselves comfy.
[Candavere and Stacehilda sigh in relief and walk in. Inside, they make their way to an empty table. As the sit, Candavere suddenly spots Parable in the cage.]
Phienas: Once the girls give the signal, I'll run in first. Then Ferb will follow and let loose an intimidating shout that'll send them running. Now I'll use some scattering spells, so I don't have to blast them all at once. The rest of you, do what you can to keep them at bay. We'll have to take them down fast; we'll be in trouble if we don't do it quick. Now, it sounds like a good plan, I'm sure we can pull it off. (turns to Baljeetolas) Give me a number crunch.
[Baljeetolas pulls outs an abacus and moves the pieces about, calculating.]
Baljeetolas:Right now our chances of success stands at thirty-two percent.
Phineas: Well, it's better than nothing.
Bulavolus: All right, chumps, let's do this! BULAV...OLUS! (runs in, leaving everyone else behind)
Baljeetolas: Did he just...?
Phineas: Oh, no, he just ran in. Let's go! Get in there! Stick to the plan!
[The others rush in, but the plan is already rendered worthless. Candavere and Stacehilda ditch their disguises and try to help, but they efforts do nothing. The villains overwhelm our heroes, cornering them.]
Baljeetolas: Bulavolus, you're just stupid.
Bulavolus: At least I've got chicken. (He holds a roasted chicken skewered on a dagger.)
[Malifishmirtz then swaggers up to our heroes.]
Malifishmirtz: Ah, I remember you. (Looks and sees Jeremiad and Stacehilda) Except for you two, but it's all the same, you're with them, so you'll suffer the same fate. You're right where we want you, backed up against the wall with zero chance of escape. Now for the pleasure of...finishing you!
[Just then, the sound of bagpipes playing is heard.]
Malifishmirtz: Oh, what in the name of everything not sacred?
[Malifishmirtz and Roddie look out to find the source of the music. It's none other than Monopunzel, leading Carlpernicus, who is playing the bagpipes. They approach the castle alone, a nervous look on Carlpernicus' face as they near.]
Malifishmirtz: That doesn't make sense, why isn't he wearing a kilt? You can't have bagpipes without kilts.
Roddie: You ignoramus, kilts haven't even been invented yet.
[Monopunzel and Carlpernicus reach the castle.]
Monopunzel: Hear me, Malifishmritz, surrender now, and we can avoid a fight you won't win.
Malifishmirtz: Hey, I'm a cliche evil wizard, I'm gonna take this.
[He fires a beam from his staff and in response Carlpernicus flinches, but Monopunzel stands firms. But then the beam quickly dies, not reaching them.]
Malifishmirtz: Oh, what? Again with the batteries?
Roddie: Typical, absolutely typical. Let me show you how to do it. (pulls out a small wand) Abra-faz-um!
[His magic attack shoots out, but then goes skyward, where it fizzles out quickly.]
Malifishmirtz: Well, that didn't work, now did it, mister tiny-orange-people-chaser?
Roddie: Ooh, shut up, will you?
[As their argument drags on, it's then seen that the animals are sneaking inside. They crawl through the windows, sneaking up the rafters, unseen by those seated. Pinkus and Peter sneak under the tables and reach the cage Parable is locked in and slowly work to unlatch it.]
Malifishmirtz: Hey, do you hear something?
[Pinkus and Peter open the cage, freeing Parable, as the other animals swing down swashbuckler style, knocking into some villains, and paving the way for Phineas and the others to fight back.]
[Phineas and the others attack.]
Malifishmirtz: Norm! Attack!
Norm: Here you are, sir.
[Norm then holds out a tack, offering it to Malifishmirtz.]
Malifishmirtz: (facepalms) Not that kind of a tack! I mean attack, as in fight!
Norm: Oh, that makes more sense.
[Norm lumbers along, straight to Parable, Pinkus and Peter.]
[A number of the other animals lasso Norm's arms and try to pull. In response he pulls back, lifting the animals off their feet, and flinging them up into the air. Holding on, they swing back around and start to tie him up.]
Norm: I should've seen this coming, but I didn't.
[With a length of rope, Sir Kitty and Terry the Turtle charge from behind. They tie up Norm's legs and trip him up, causing him to topple over.]
[Back in the melee, Candavere and Stacehilda have gotten hold of frying pans and swing around, beating up villains and knocking them out.]
[Isabel flutters around villains, lightly slapping and kicking them. They swat at her, but she dodges, and the villains only end up clobbering one another.]
[Outside, Monopunzel and Carlpernicus listen to the battle.]
Carlpernicus: Why is it we can't see what's happening but the audience can?
Monopunzel: Doggone it, is there any reason for the fourth wall to even exist anymore?
[Suddenly, there is a massive explosion, sending multi-colored smoke billowing out every window. Moments later, our heroes, who are all unscathed, exit. With them are Malifishmirtz, Roddie, and several other villains, all of whom are charred and battered.]
Malifishmirtz: You know, maybe we should've surrendered. We clearly didn't win. (collapses)
[Everyone stares at the down Malifishmirtz.]
Phineas: Well, who's hungry?
[At the feast, the people gather and Linderella and Lawrence set out dishes made from the apricots, leeks, barley, and various innards they set out for earlier. Among the hustle and bustle, Jeneavene and Djago then arrive. Candavere and Stacehilda wave to Jenavene and motion to the seat they've saved for her. As she takes her seat, Djago goes to join Phineas and the others.]
[Servers pass out food and drinks. Large platters are set in front of Candavere, Stacehilda, and Jenavene, who lick their lips. Grabbing spoons and forks, they start to dig in.]
[At another table, Monopunzel, Carlpernicus, and Parable and the other animals sit.]
Monopunzel: (holds up a goblet) A toast to us all, for outstanding work. And a special thanks to Sir T, for without his... (pause) Wait, where is Sir T?
[Carlpernicus and the animals look back and forth. Suddenly a roasted turkey is set upon the table. Everyone's eyes go wide and there are several gulps. Just then, a gobble is heard and everyone sees Sir T seated at the far end of the table. Everyone then sighs in relief and laughs.]
[Candavere, Stacehilda, and Jenavene have finished eating their huge platters, surrounded by empty plates and mugs. They all now have beach-ball sized bellies from eating and drinking so much. The girls belch contently as they pat their full and bulging stomachs.]
Candavere: Ahhhh, that was good.
Jenavene: (looks at her belly) We REALLY packed it away, didn't we?
Stacehilda: (Pokes her belly) Yeah, yeah we did. How are we gonna walk now that we're sporting these massive balloons?
Candavere: Oh, I think we'll manage.
[Candavere tries to get out of her seat, but has trouble due to the giant lump under her dress. She ends having to lift up her gut off the table, and when she gets out of her seat, her gut drops with a loud thump.]
[Candavere tries to walk, but only manages an awkward waddle due to her huge belly. She continues struggling with it, but then Jeremiad promptly bumps into her massive belly.]
Jeremiad and Candavere: Oof!
Candavere: Oh, Jeremiad. (She looks down to her belly, embarrassed) I'm sorry.
Jeremiad: Naw, it's okay. (Looks down at her belly) Looks like you enjoyed the buffet.
Candavere: Yeah I know, I've put on some weight. (jiggles belly)
Jeremiad: Oh, don't feel bad, I actually think it looks kinda cute on you.
Jeremiad: Yeah, you almost look like you a bun in your oven. Or... a lot of buns.
Candavere (flirtatious): Oh, I would dearly love to have YOUR bun in my oven.
Candavere: Nothing. You know, this must be a really stretchy dress, this bulge doesn't seem to be affecting it, but walking with it isn't easy.
Jeremiad: Don't worry, I've got you. (puts one arm around Candavere's shoulders and the other cuddles her belly)
[They walk off together, as Stacehilda and Jenavene look mildly freaked out by what they have just witnessed.]
Jenavene: Hey, you think we can find any guys who are into fat girls?
Stacehilda: Maybe. Sadly, the internet won't exist until centuries from now.