IS THIS REAL LIFE?
"Oh my God!" Came a scream from behind them. "It's them! Guys, it's them!"
Several screams followed this one.
Kenny was the first to turn. Screaming girls was always something to appreciate. His three friends followed suit, turning to watch as five girls charged down the street towards them.
It wasn't until they were knocked off their feet by the girls that they realized they were the ones commanding their attention.
"What the fuck!" Cartman yelled indignantly, pulling his heavy form from under one of the girls.
"OHMIGAWDITSREALLYYOU!" The girls yelled as a group. They were clearly from out of town, their accents said it all.
Kenny rubbed his head and sat up. He was the one to notice the girls' attire.
"Hey, that's a sexy little number you got there!" He purred, eyeing a blonde girl in an orange parka, orange skinny jeans, brown fur boots and brown mittens...Exactly what he was wearing!
The girl giggled, beginning to gather herself up off Kenny. But Kenny liked the way her cheeks went pink at his comment and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down. "Not so fast!"
She giggled some more.
Kyle watched this little exchange with a bemused smile. Another of Kenny's adoring fans. But these girls were new...How did they even know who Kenny was? Did his reputation really travel so far?
Suddenly, a green-gloved hand was shoved in front of his eyes. He stared at it for a minute before allowing his eyes to travel up the orange sleeve leading from it, and up to the face of another blonde girl, wearing a green ushanka, identical to his.
"Can I help you up?" She giggled. Kyle took her hand and heard her small squeal of pleasure. He blushed, as did she.
Stan, meanwhile, was having an awkward conversation with his own female double, also blonde. In fact, all five girls were blonde. Stan was laughing at his double's poof ball hat. She laughed right back and commented "You're one to talk!"
"Who the fuck are you anyway?" Asked Cartman, watching his twin pick herself up and turn to help the fifth girl to her feet. He concentrated more on his doubles complete-opposite-of-fat-ass than who the fifth girl was impersonating.
Kenny and his double were the only ones left sitting. Or rather, she lay between his legs and beamed up at him, batting her eyelashes.
"I'm Sarah." Said the one in the red hoodie and blue hat.
"Kenni." Blushed the one between Kenny's legs.
"Lizzie." Pulling the flaps of her green hat.
"And I'm Nadine." Grinned Stan's double. "Oh, and this is Mary." She added, pointing to the smallest girl.
"H-Hi..." Stammered Mary in a small voice. She wore a baby blue jacket and turquoise jeans. There was no doubt in anyones mind that she was, in all senses of the word, the Butters of the group.
"Well, hey there." Kyle laughed nervously. Lizzie was bug-eyeing him, staring him up and down. "I'm-"
"Oh, silly, we know who you are!" Lizzie grinned wider. "Your Kyle, Kenny, Stan and Eric! You're the kings of South Park, and we fucking love you!"
The boys stared at the girls, who upon hearing this remark had begun to nod savagely. Only Kenni remained still, because Kenny had removed her hood and begun stroking her hair. Instead, she shivered.
"What do you mean, we're the kings of South Park?" Stan asked.
"Oh, yeah, they don't know!" Kenni broke from her trance long enough to laugh with the rest of the girls. Each one removed a DVD case from her pocket and dropped in into the snow. As the boys watched, the girls pulled more stuff from their persons: Keyrings, dolls, stuffed toys from backbacks.
"Is that me?" Kyle reached down and plucked a stuffed toy from the pile. It was short and had a goofy grin, but it was definately Kyle. "What the hell, man?"
"Okay guys, how about we go to one of your houses to talk?" Suggested Nadine, wiggling her eyebrows at the other girls.
"S-sure?" Kyle replied "My place is empty."
"Awesome!" Squealed Lizzie, and gathered the pile of stuff up before rushing down the street.
"Excuse her..." Nadine smiled. "She gets a little more excited than the rest of us."
"I can see that." Stan smiled back. Nadine blushed.
"So what the fuck is going on?" Cartman asked, beginning to walk down the street towards Kyle's.
"Ah, well, you see..." Sarah began, falling into step beside him.
"We broke in!" Nadine hissed, taking Stan's hand.
"To bust you guys out!" Came a gleeful voice from above them, and the others turned to find Kenny giving Kenni a piggyback.
"Dude!" Kyle hissed in Kenny's ear. "That chick is possibly as nuts as the rest of them! Put her the fuck down!"
"But...I like her. She might fuck me! No-one in this town will fuck me, Kyle, you know that!"
"No, Kenny, you won't let them fuck you!"
"Uhh...!" Kenny blushed and turned away.
Kyle sighed, but looked up to Kenni anyway. "Bust us out of where? And why?"
Before his questions could be answered, Kyle looked up at his house to see Lizzie already waiting on the doorstep.
"How did she...?"
"Look, just get inside and we'll explain, I swear!" Cried Nadine, releasing Stan in order to push Kyle up the driveway.
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"Okay, so!" Sarah dictated, slapping her hand down on the coffee table in Kyle's living room. Behind her, Lizzie was inserting one of the disks into the DVD player.
"You guys know nothing beyond the borders of this town...And Canada." Nadine grinned excitedly.
The boys felt like they were in class. They sat on the sofa as the girls talked, being taught that they didn't know anything.
"What you really should know is that...well...you're famous." Lizzie said, standing up awkwardly beside the other two girls. On Kenny's lap, Kenni squirmed with anticipation.
"Oh, okay, yeah..." Kyle rolled his eyes. "Alright, who put you up to this. Was it Craig?"
"No guys, seriously!" Sarah raised her hands up, yellow-clad fingers spread to display honesty.
"You and all your antics have been being secretly filmed for years. But see, the world has been told that you know, that you're acting." Lizzie explained.
"This sounds like something from when we were kids." Stan whispered to Kyle, and he guffawed in agreement.
"My daddy has a government job though!" Kenni piped up. "And I heard him talking about how popular the show was, and how the boys should be getting credit. When I kept listening I found out your parents agreed to have you secretly filmed, but they're taking all the money you're making and spending it on themselves!"
"What the fuck?" Kenny grunted, turning Kenni's face towards him.
"It's true, Kenny!" Kenni beseeched him. "Really it is. When I found out your mom was spending all your money on weed, I knew I had to come and save you. Luckily my friends here have an obsession with your friends and they said they'd help."
Each girl nodded resolutely. Even Mary, who had been sitting silently beside the couch.
"So we each dressed up as one of you, and snuck in pretending to be you guys!" Nadine drew herself up proudly, winking at Stan as she did so.
The boys sat in stunned silence for a moment before beginning to laugh uproarously.
Each girl's scowl was more frightening than the next. Kenni even slid off Kenny's lap to stand beside her friends, pulling Mary up with her.
"You want proof?" Kenni asked defiantly. "Here's your fucking proof."
And she hit play.
An offbeat tune began to play, along with screenshots of South Park itself, and the boys.
Both boys and girls sat in silence as they watched the episode. It was unreal, but the boys could remember everything that happened onscreen. It was true. Eveything the girls had said was true.
When the episode had finished and the multi-coloured credits had begun flashing up, Kenni stabbed the stop button and stood up again, putting her hands on her hips.
"Believe us now?"
Each boy nodded dumbly, too shocked to say anything.
"Good. Now pack your shit. We're getting out of here."
"Wait. Wait, wait!" Stan held up his hands as if he could physically stop what was occuring. "Just hold up. Dudes," He cried, turning to his friends. "I don't know about you, but I'm pissed!"
"About what, dude?" Cartman asked, wrapping an arm around Sarah's waist. Hell, he was famous, he could try his luck with this chick!
"Um, maybe our parents?" Stan reminded them. "They've been exploiting us for money. Without our permission! Sure, I'll leave," He added, flicking a smile Nadine's way. "But I'm sure as hell confronting them first!"
"Yeah!" Kyle added for good measure.
"Well, you guys do what you want. I'm content just leaving." Kenny stretched, crossing his arms behind his head.
"Go fuck yourself." Cartman advised him, heading for the door.
"Oh! Okay!" Kenny shot up and snatched Kenni's wrist, dragging her up the stairs. "Call me when you're leaving!" He yelled, a huge shit-eating grin spreading over his face.
"Gross. That'll be my bed he's fucking on." Kyle stated. But he didn't sound as if he minded too much.
"Okay ladies!" Sarah commanded from Cartmans embrace on the doorstep. "Eric and I will head over to yell at his mom and get his stuff. Nadine, you take Stan. Lizzie, you wait with Kyle until his parents get home. Kenni's...well,Kenni's taking care of Kenny." Sarah grinned and the girls laughed. "Mary? Go get Butters, babe."
Mary nodded and headed out into the cold.
Butterflies erupted in Stan's stomach as Nadine led him out of the door. It was weird enough knowing that millions had people had probably seen all his most private moments. Let alone the fact he was now leaving his parents, and his home town, behind.
But right now, Stan had only one thing on his mind.
"You know...Nadine...You look really hot in that poof ball..."
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Yeah, totally awkward first chapter. But I wanted the opening stuff to be as quick as possible. By the time they get out of town, I swear this will be a lot lot lot better. Hang in there, for me? Please? Thanks. This will be a BUNNY story, not a Kenny x Kenni story. They're not having sex up there, they're planning world domination!