Chapter 4

The sun was shining directly above them, and in the distance they could see a small port town. Orxon knew one of the ship captains, and was sure to fix a cheap boat ride. However, they decided to rest for a bit, since they had walked for a couple of hours. The grass felt soft, and the sun was shining in a way that could make you forget about all your problems in the world. While the port town could be seen from their location, it was still a few hours of walking.

None of them had said a single word since they joined together, which wasn't really surprising, Orxon thought. They were strangers, after all. But since they would travel together for a while, he felt that he had to break the silence somewhat.

"So... how did you end up here? And why were you captured by those Skakdi mercenaries?" Orxon asked. Veerah seemed somewhat hesitant to tell him about her past.

"Well, honestly I don't really want to talk about it," she said. But after some thinking, she added "But... since you saved me from the Skakdi and decided to let me travel with you, I suppose you deserve to know why I want to travel with you. But I have to start from the beginning."

"It... started pretty much the same day I was born. My parents were proud Matoran, and all thy wanted was to raise a child. But... luck wasn't in their favor. My mother was devastated by this, and my father didn't know what to. So he prayed, and he prayed, and he prayed. And then one day, they found out my mother was pregnant. Of course, they were both happy about it. Well, that's an understatement... My father told me about my mother, how she was always caring for everyone she loved, she was supposedly kind and gentle."

"I never had the chance to meet the person that brought me to this world, since she... she died while giving birth to me. This almost destroyed my father. He lost his faith completely, and who can blame him? He prayed for a child, but lost the woman he loved.

"But my life has been like Karzahni ever since I was born. My father blamed me for my mother's death, and... Well, let's just say I was punished, a lot. For a lot of things, especially for just existing..."

"But my life wasn't miserable just when I was home, it was miserable all the time. No one really liked me, and I just kept for myself. And those that wanted to like me... well they were bullied just for that. But some years later, they all stopped care about me at all. It was just like... I did not exist anymore. I guess they got tired of bullying someone that didn't respond to them at all."

"For decades, the only thing that I was thinking about was death. I... was kind of suicidal. I never tried to take my own life, but... I was thinking about it a lot. I remember some days; I just stood close to a cliff on my home island, listening to the waves and the seagulls. I always thought about jumping from that cliff, but... I never did."

"However, one day something amazing happened. The Toa on my home island had decided it was time to for others to continue their legacy as Toa. For some reason, I was one of seven Matoran they chose to become Toa. That was the best thing that ever happened in my life, and I hoped that my father would become proud of me. Well, he didn't seem to care about me at all."

"But aside from that, I thought my life would be more tolerable for me. The Matoran in my village always saluted me whenever they saw me, and I have to admit it was a great feeling. But the other Toa... they hated my guts to oblivion. And they always tried to make it seem like I was a horrible Toa and that they were the best Toa ever. I have no idea where that arrogance and hate came from, since Toa aren't supposed to be like that."

"Remember that cliff I told you about earlier? That cliff was the only place where I could be completely alone. No so called "brothers" that hated me, no father that didn't care about me. Just... me, and waves beneath the cliff. That place was the only place where I could feel relaxed; as it was only there I could feel some peace."

"But one day, one of my 'brothers' got there when I was just meditating. I'm not going into detail about what kind of business he had there, but let's just say that... he wanted to do some things I didn't want to. But it wasn't like my word meant anything. We got into a big fight, he lounged forward at me, and..." Orxon could see some tears forming in her eyes, which she quickly wiped off.

"I... I pushed him out from the cliff. I didn't mean to do it, it was an accident. I panicked, and fled from the very island that had been my home. I tried to find a new place to call home, but as you can figure out, it didn't go very well. That's pretty much all that happened before you saved me from those Skakdi."

Orxon didn't have any idea what to say. What Veerah just had told him... he couldn't even imagine how it would feel to have lived with the knowledge that no one liked or even cared about one. He was on the brink to walk over to her and just hug her, to comfort her. But he didn't know if this was a really good move of him.

"Are you... okay?" he simply asked.

"Yeah... I'm fine, I just... I have never told this to anyone, and... It actually feels somewhat better after talking with someone. Even though we are strangers, you're the first person ever that I could even consider a friend." She looked up to him and gave a light smile.

"Well... it's been a long time since someone called me a friend," Orxon said and simply smiled back. Veerah's smile disappeared, however.

"Can I ask you what your... goal is? Judging by the way you were skeptical to let me come with you, it seems you're up to something dangerous. I'm not saying I'm quitting, whatever happens to me now... well, it doesn't matter. But I'm just a bit... curios."

"Well, since you told me about your life before... I think it's only fair of me to tell you my own story." So he told her about his home, Kastra Nui, his friends, and... the day it happened. When Narzhul attacked the island with an army of unknown, Toa-like beings. He also told her about most of the things he had done in the last year while trying to find the Makuta. When he finished, Veerah had a somewhat shocked expression on her Kakama, and she just sat there silent.

"I..." She couldn't find the words. But he did feel a bit better after telling someone his own story.

"I can't... I know I never saw my village as my home, but... I can't imagine how it would feel to experience something like that... But... when you've killed Narzhul, what are you going to do?"

"Honestly… I don't know. I just haven't thought much about it. Or rather, I do not wish to think about for now."

"You don't have happened to thought that, um… that you would…" Veerah started, but was unable to finish her sentence.

"To take my own life?" Orxon said. Veerah just nodded.

"Yes, there have been times when that thought has come up," he admitted.

"I understand, as I've had similar thoughts. But are you sure about that?" she asked. Orxon was silent for a moment before he answered.

"I don't know… For a year, I have been killing a lot of beings. When I do commit the killings, I feel... nothing. But it's afterward that's worse. Every time I close my eyes, I can hear them. Their screams, they just feel so... alive. And I can see myself killing everyone I have killed, and again, and again. I don't think I'm going to be able to continue with a normal life after I've dealt with Narzhul, that's for certain at least."

"But taking my own life? I don't know, as I have yet to find another reason to live on I guess."

"I see" Veerah said with a thoughtful face. She was silent for a while, before she spoke up again.

"You know, if you'd like to maybe I can help you with that. I mean, in trying to coup with your thoughts, the suicidal ones and your remorse, is it remorse?" He nodded.

"I figure that since I'm a Toa of Psionics after all, I could dig into your mind and see if I could help that way, if you are okay with that," Veerah added.

"Well, I hope we don't have to get that far. I'm not so sure I would be comfortable by having a stranger look into my deepest thoughts." Orxon said. She nodded at this.

"Understandable, but… who says you won't get to know me further as we go along?" she asked with a slight smile on her face. It was the first time he had seen her smile, and he could tell it was not something that she did very often. Too bad, is it was a pretty smile.

Orxon shrugged off the thought, surprised that thought had come up of all things possible.

"You may be right about that," he simply said.

He looked up at the sky, and noticed that they had been sitting here for almost an hour.

"Alright, I think we have rested enough now. Are you ready to continue?" he asked.

"I'm ready to get going" she said. Orxon rose up to his feet, and helped Veerah up. He then noticed he held her hand a bit too long, which she noted as well.

"Um... sorry, I just..." He didn't have a good excuse.

"It's okay, don't worry about that." She just smiled at him. Orxon didn't know how to react at all to this, so he simply smiled back. And with huge smiles on their faces, relieved by having told each other their own stories, they started to head for the port town in the distant.