Fins and the Legman
"Boy," Steve said as soon as they came home from Buccas. Klaus, who was playing Angry Birds on Steve's IPod Touch, looked up. "That spaghetti was to die for!" He sprawled out on the couch. Roger was dressed as a lady. He had a bright red glittery dress, matching earrings shaped like moons and a matching bonnet, a long blond wig that almost touched the floor, fake eyelashes, had rosy red lipstick on and a snowy white purse. He was 'Francisca Malblelade'. Jeff put an arm around his wife.
"I'm all stuffed!" Jeff spoke. "Aren't you, babe?"
"Yes!" Hayley agreed. "I can't eat another bite!"
"Did you get anything for me?" Klaus spoke from his bowl.
"Nope!" Stan told him. Klaus frowned and resumed playing. Stan and Francine went to the next room. Steve looked at Klaus.
"That's mine Klaus." He said. "You shouldn't be playing it."
"Relax Steve," Klaus assured him. "I'm helping you beat level 26 since you have trouble beating it."
"I didn't say you could help."
"Well, I'm helping you, so there! Besides, it was just lying with the game still on on the end table, saying 'play me, play me'. You forgot to turn it off when you left."
"No I didn't! You just started playing it because you were bored."
"That too." Steve then held his stomach and groaned.
"Ohhh!" He mourned. "I don't feel so good." His face turned green and he vomited on the floor. Hayley, Roger and Jeff were disgusted.
"EWWW, Steve!" His sister complained. "Gross!"
"I can't help it." Steve explained. "I feel sick. I think I got food poisoning from the spaghetti." He vomited again.
"OOH!" Roger squealed. "Are you going to sue them?" He then began singing verses from 'I'll Sue Ya' from Weird Al Yanckovic. "Sue, sue! Yes, I'm gonna sue you!
"No." Steve answered. "If I sue them, I may never go back there."
"Oh, and that'll be the end of the world if you can never go to Buccas ever again, well it is 2012! Oh wait, we already established that fact when we went to the year 3000."
"All right!" The fish cheered. "Steve, I just beat your record for this level! Now on to level 27."
"Can someone take my I-pod away from him, please?" Steve asked.
"Certainly!" Roger proudly volunteered. He went over and slapped the I-pod out of Klaus' fins. The I-pod fell to the ground.
"Hey!" The fish complained. "I was about to beat the high score!"
"Don't you know not to take things that don't belong to you?"
"I can't help it; it's like a drug; it's highly addictive! Plus, you take stuff without permission Roger!"
"Hmmm, good point."
"What's so addictive about a game that launches birds to various structures just to kill the pigs that stole their eggs?" Hayley asked. "I mean, pigs don't steal eggs, especially bird eggs. I don't get it."
"Don't question the game Hayley." Jeff told her. "It's addictive because it's fun!"
"It seems to me that it teaches people that's it's okay to kill other people just because they stole from them. That's just wrong!"
"You know what I think?" Jeff said. "I don't think you should blame a violent video game for a kid's actions. I think the kid who does violent acts is because they choose to do it."
"True," Hayley told her husband. "But the game also leads them to do it. It's like saying that kids reflect their parents." Stan and Francine came back into the room.
"Time for the nightly news!" Stan announced. He and Francine looked horrified at the vomit on the floor.
"Who did this?" Francine asked.
"Steve." Hayley answered. Francine went to her son and knelt by his side.
"Oh Steve, are you sick?" She felt his forehead. Her eyes widened. "Stan, he's burning up! We should check his temp!"
"Okay," Stan agreed. "You go get the thermometer; I'll get the news started."
So, that is what they did. Francine went to fetch the thermometer while Stan turned on the TV.
Stan just got to the news channel when Francine came back with the thermometer. She knelt by Steve and put in in his mouth. After Terri and Greg introduced themselves, the first story began. All eyes went to the TV. The TV showed a picture of a black haired lady wearing blue.
"A husband, George Henston beat his wife, Charlotte Henston brutally to death." Greg began. "Witnesses state that this happened because Charlotte refused to let George go to a casino and have a drink at a bar with his friends instead of attending their family game night."
"Goodness!" Francine said. "That's terrible!" She looked at her own husband. "You won't do that, will you Stan?"
"Don't worry honey," Stan told her. "I wouldn't dream of it."
"Good." She looked back at Steve.
"If you do," Klaus began. "Go psycho like Norman Bates did, can I have Francine?"
"Shhh!" Roger hushed him. "Hush Klaus, and why do you still have feelings for Francine? You know that she's married so you can't have her."
"I know, but still, a fish can dream, can't he?"
"You sicken me, you know that? Besides, if Stan does go psycho and kills her, you can't have her either way since she'll be dead."
"Then I'll make sure that never happens."
"How?" Klaus then had an evil grin and rubbed his fins, menacingly.
"Oh, I have mien ways."
"You're creeping me out."
"Good, I love creeping you out!"
"Okay, I'm just going to pay attention to the news again." And that is what he did. So did Klaus.
"Police are hot on the trail," Terri reported. The TV showed police and their German Shepherds in front of a house with a broken window. The dogs were sniffing around. Surrounding them were 'Police line, do not cross' tapes on fence posts that the police set up. Francine recognized the street, 43 Cherry Street, right away. She stood up. Her eyes wide.
"That's our street!" She said.
"So far, the man nor the body has been found." The TV went back to Terri and Greg in the newsroom.
"Mom!" Steve wheezed. Francine knelt back down.
"Oh, sorry Steve." She took out the thermometer. She looked at it while she stood back up. "107 degrees!" She looked at her son. "Steve, we need to take you to the hospital and fast!"
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Steve asked, sick to his stomach. "You better do it fast before…" Steve vomited again.
"Stan!" Francine said, turning to her husband. "You clean this mess while I go take Steve to the hospital." Stan looked at her.
"Me? Why do I have to do it? There's others living here, you know. Why not Haley?"
"Nope!" Hayley said, taking Jeff by the hand to their room. "Jeff and I are going to watch The Last Song." They went upstairs. Next they looked at Roger.
"I just remembered I left my pizza rolls in the oven." He lied.
"But we just ate." Francine pointed out. "And I didn't hear a beep." But it was too late; Roger went to the kitchen.
"And I'm a fish." Klaus said. "So I can't do it." Stan sighed and stood up.
"Fine, I'll do it." He said. "Since the rest of the family is too lazy."
"Thanks Stan. I knew I could count on you." She looked at Steve. "Steve, can you stand up?" Stan went to the laundry room to get a wet washrag.
"I'll try," Said Steve weakly. He tried to stand up. "Oh, I feel dizzy. Why is the room spinning?" He tried to walk, but his feet wouldn't cooperate. He managed to walk a few feet before falling back down again. Francine picked him up
"Oh, you poor thing. Here, let mommy carry you." She put their coats on and carried him out the door. Klaus noticed that the I-pod was still on and looked at Stan who just came back with a wet washrag. He sat near the vomit and started scrubbing it.
"Hey Stan," The fish began. "Since poor Steve will be at the hospital and probably will for a while, can I have his I-pod?" Just then Francine poked her head in the doorway.
"Oh, Steve reminded me that no one touches his I-pod." She said. "He says to turn it off and put it up in his room." She then left, closing the door behind her.
"Darn you Steve!" Klaus cursed. "I was going to help you get through so many levels!" Just then, Roger came back in.
"I was lying about the pizza rolls thing." He admitted. "I'm sure you already knew that. It's not that I don't want to, it's just…yeah, it's because I don't want to."
"Then can you take Steve's I-Pod from under the table, turn it off and put in his room?" Stan asked. Roger grabbed the from under the table. Instead of turning it off, he started playing it. Stan looked at him. He just got done cleaning up the vomit.
"I said to turn it off and put it in Steve's room." He yelled. "I didn't say 'start playing'!"
"You didn't say I couldn't play either!" Roger pointed out.
"Well, stop playing and put it in his room. Steve doesn't want anybody messing with it."
"I'll put it away, just let me beat this level."
"Now, Roger!" The alien went towards the stairs.
"Too late; I'm already playing." He started climbing the stairs. He cheered when he beat the level. "All right; high score! Klaus was right, this game is addictive!" He disappeared as he went further up. He came back down a little ways and looked at Klaus.
"Oh yeah, I beat the score that you got for him." He told him.
"What?" Klaus questioned. Roger went all the way upstairs again. Stan sighed as he stood up with the rag in hand.
"Darn alien!" He said to himself. "Why must we put up with him and the fish?"
"Hey!" Klaus snapped after him. "I heard that!"
The next day, Stan left for work. He was about to put his key in the car when he saw something that made him scream.
"Francine!" Stan shouted. "Come, look!"
"What is it Stan?" His wife wanted to know from inside when just got done showering. She put on bath towels to cover herself as she rushed outside.
"We want to see too!" Jeff said, who was playing a game of checkers with Hayley while Klaus was watching.
"Jeff, tell me," Hayley began. "Who gets up at seven in the morning on a Saturday just to play checkers with their spouse while their talking goldfish watches from inside his bowl?" Her husband just shrugged.
"People who love checkers and has a talking goldfish I guess. I used to get up around this time to watch Saturday morning cartoons when I was younger. Now come on, let's see what this is about." He dropped his piece and he and Hayley ran outside as well.
"Hey, don't leave me behind!" Klaus called after them. He leapt into his cup and headed outside.
"Okay, what's all this hub-bub about?" He wanted to know when he met with them outside. When he didn't get an answer, he looked at what his family was looking at and gasped. There, lying on the grass was a dead body, but not just any dead body; this was the body of Charlotte Henston!