United States of Hetalia

Random idea I got while I was talking about Perry the Platypus' hat. I don't own Hetalia, though I do own a fedora. Warning: Incredibly cracky, Fab!characters and Mafia!Italies.

"Hey guys! Look what I found buried with my Prohibition Era stuff!"

It was the middle of the World meeting and America pulled out a special object to show off.

A black fedora.

Romano rolled his eyes. "What's so great about a stupid hat?"

"It's a cool hat!" America explained. He put it on and flashed a goofy grin. "See? Don't I look cool?"

England rolled his eyes and smacked the fedora off his head. "You look like an idiot."

The hat flew off and landed on Canada's head. The Canadian had a blank look on his face.

"Okay, bro." America laughed. "Give me the hat. You look silly."

Canada's face morphed into a smirk. "Bitch, please. I make this hat look fab."

America tilted his head. "Uh... Canada?"

He stood up and grinned out to the shocked nations. "YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS MEETING NEEDS TO BE FAB'D UP YA KNOW?"

Poland's face light up. "OH MAI GAWD, YES."

England's eyes widened. "What the hell happened to him?"

The man in the fedora strutted around, shaking his head. "UGH, YOU ALL LOOK SO UPTIGHT, PLEASE, LOOSEN UP!"

France got up and put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright? You're acting strange."

Canada glanced at England and tsked. "DARLIN', YOU AND I NEED TO GO SHOPPING."


In the middle of the hug, the fedora fell off and landed on the floor. Canada gave all the shocked nations a confused look. "What happened?"

Spain walked up to the hat and picked it up. "Haha! What a funny hat!" He put on the fedora and suddenly a turtle and scarf appeared on his shoulders.

Romano raised an eyebrow. "What the hell, tomato-bastard?" Spain smirked and strutted over to Romano. "W-What do you want?"

Spain's smirk widened and he flipped his scarf. "Do you want to see why they call me the 'country of passion'?"

Romano turned a furious shade of red. "W-What the hell did you just ask?"

"Or do you just want to see how big my tomatoes are? They're delicious~!"

"P-PERVERTED BASTARD!" Romano punched the Spaniard out of his face. The fedora flew off and landed on Romano's head. The Italian's glare deepened and he pulled out a gun from seemingly nowhere.

Spain held his head in his hand. "Ugh... Que paso?" He looked up when he heard the click of a gun. "R-Romano?" He jumped up and hid behind Italy. "This is just like that time in Sicily!"

Italy, completely oblivious to how his brother was in Mafia-mode, went up to him and took off the fedora off. "Ve! Fratello, I want a turn!"

"Italy! Wait!" Germany ordered.

The moment Italy, put on the hat, the ditzy smile was wiped off his face and replaced with a glare similar to his brother's default expression.

Everyone stared in shock as Italy looked up at the stunned German.

"...What the hell are you looking at, cazzo?" He almost gave everyone a heart attack, while his brother in the background cheered "YES! FINALLY!"

Germany immediately removed the fedora. The Italian's face slipped back into a confused and ditzy smile. Germany put the fedora back on and the glare returned. He took it off. Then put it back on. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off-

"Cut it out, Germany! You're gonna, like, break him!" Poland snatched the hat from Germany and put it on. "...I totally don't feel any different."

Lithuania let out a sigh of relief at this.

"Kesesesesese! The awesome me should try on this equally awesome hat!"

"No," half of the room deadpanned.

"I should try it on, da?"


And from that day forth, there were no hats allowed in the meetings.

Especially not fedoras.

Haha... XD This was fun to write! Anyways, hope you enjoyed it!