Enjoy this little one-shot that I made after watching the 'Epic Wub Time' video on YouTube. I just really liked these personas for Kisame and Itachi.
Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto or MLP: FiM or 'Epic Wub Time'
In a small suburban area of Southern California, a young woman with bubble-gum pink hair took a step out of her house. She embraced the warm, sunny day with a smile and a yawn, "Mm... Such a beautiful day! I should invite the girls over and – AH!"
Abruptly she was knocked back into her home by the sheer strength of a group of powerful sound waves. The calm morning air was soon filled with the sounds of dubstep and Techno, some nearby windows cracking from the force of the sound waves.
The source of said music was a very impressive condo in the center of the neighborhood. After a moment, the window of the highest room was slammed open. Out of it popped the head of a man. An incredibly handsome, rugged man in his mid-twenties. His skin, a deep, molten bronze, was stretched over a body composed entirely of thick, corded muscle and his hair was a wild wave of cobalt blue. Since he was shirtless, the only item on his upper body being the pair of blue and white Skull Candy headphones around his neck, his incredible six-pack abs were on full display as he called out, sharp golden eyes shining with glee, "GOOD MORNING KONOHA!"
We walk into a decadent library, books shelved up to ceiling and a blazing fire in the brick-hewn fireplace of the space. In a red velvet, golden-trimmed chair, sat a young brunette. His slim figure almost seemed to be swamped in the regal piece of furniture, his regally pale skin reflecting the flame's light.
His long, ink-black hair was tied back by a simple red ribbon and he had chosen an ensemble of black slacks and a burgundy dress shirt for the matter at hand: the outfit suiting his dancer-type body to a T. "So..." A voice behind the camera that was looking at him spoke up, "Mr. Uchiha..."
"Itachi," He insisted, "Will be just fine."
"Right..." The original voice cleared its throat before continuing, "What are your mornings usually like living and having a relationship with one of America's best DJs?" Itachi's stoic face seemed to get even more so as he sighed,
"I wake up every morning, I go downstairs, and he's doing the dishes." He reached for the glass of wine on the small table next to him, "That's great, right?" He said that statement with a bit of a grimace, the wine glass shaking in his grasp, "A lover and roommate who cooks and cleans for you? Only... One problem though..." He downed the glass's contents, refilling it from a bottle of Chardonnay. Itachi didn't drink it straight away though, he sat the glass back down and explained, "He has to do all of the chores... with wubs. God, help me..."
One memorable morning, Itachi was off from teaching musical prodigies at the Fine Arts university he worked at. He draped a red, velveteen robe over his shoulders and went downstairs...
And there was his lover, Kisame Hoshigaki, or as he was known in the music-world 'The Electric Blue Mako'. The larger male gave a silent wave to the other as he was loading up the dishwasher. Only this wasn't your average dishwasher. As soon the last dish was placed inside, he slammed the machine shut and turned the dial up to its second-to-highest setting.
The condo was instantly engulfed in the sounds of heavy bass and electronika. Kisame was completely oblivious to Itachi's frazzled state as he danced over to the fridge to get some ingredients to start breakfast. As he set some eggs, sausage, and pancake mix on the counter, he called out, "I see you over there! You're loving the upgrade I made to the washer! I know, IT'S TOTALLY BITCHIN'!"
You could see the bags underneath Itachi's eyes, the poor brunette simply trying to get a cup of orange juice. However, Kisame went on with his gushing over his newest work, "Crank that mother-fucker up to 11 and it cleans the dishes on a microscopic level, WHOO!"
The brunette shook his head, pouring out a cup of juice... just to have it shatter from the sound waves of the dishwasher music. Itachi stared at the shattered pieces of his glass and the mess that the juice had made on the counter. He simply stared for a long while before he mused, "I was supposed to be the head violinist for the Boston Philharmonic..." He choked back a sob, "How is this my life?"
Back in the library, the camera now focused on Kisame who was busy chugging down a beer while the voice behind the camera spoke, "It seems that Itachi and you have very different tastes. How do you keep a household and relationship going strong without any clashes?"
Kisame finished off his beer, crushing the can against his head and tossing it into the fireplace. "What?" He asked before nodding, "Oh yeah, yeah. Some people say that me and 'Tachi are as different as night and day. I like hockey, he likes golf. I love fast food, he prefers homemade. I like wubs, he prefers woodwinds. But I'd like to think our opposites make our love that much stronger." He popped the tab of another beer and took a sip, "I mean, yeah, Itachi's family is always harping on me about my lifestyle and career..."
"I don't do shirts!" Kisame roared as Itachi's mother tried to hold out a nice, formal suit jacket for him, "Get that thing away from me!"
"But most of them are cool. Hell," He laughed, "I even tried setting 'Tachi's baby bro Sasuke up with my nephew Naruto. But damn if those Uchihas don't have high standards! Sasuke seems to like the kid just fine, but Itachi completely snubbed him!"
"Despite his rugged appearance," Itachi began, sipping from his wine glass, "Kisame has ties with all of the most prestigious musicians in Southern California. He's good friends with the cellists Minato and Kushina Namikaze-Uzumaki, so when he wanted to introduce my brother to their son, I thought it would be good for all of us."
"We arranged for the two of them to meet at a local cafe owned by one of my cousins for brunch and, at first, all seemed well. It was looking like me and Kisame didn't even need to eavesdrop or offer conversation-starters. Yet..." He swirled the wine glass in his fingers, "Things went downhill very fast."
Kisame (shirtless again) and Itachi sat a table five seats away as Itachi's brother and Kisame's nephew talked, laughed, even had a few moments worthy of a romantic comedy along with some genuinely sweet heart to hearts.
Just as Sasuke was about to ask what Naruto was doing the following Saturday, a young man with short black hair and a smirk that wouldn't go away for anything strolled up with a notepad and a tray of ramen bowls.
"Well, look who it is," He smiled, "My wrist-slashing baby cousin and, what's this?" He looked at Naruto's frowning face and golden locks before stating, "Such a lovely young lady?"
"Excuse me?" Naruto gritted out, Sasuke sighing,
"Please ignore him Naruto. My cousin Sai here is the definition of the term 'prick'." Sai only laughed before turning back to the blonde,
"But surely you can't be a boy? I mean, there's no way that someone like you could have a dick, now is there?"
That tore it.
Naruto immediately stood to his feet, turning the table over in the process as he yelled, "Alright mother-fucker! You wanna go? Pasty-ass mother-fucker, I will fucking END YOU!" Needless to say, the three Japanese males in the cafe were completely dumbfounded at how the blonde's personality had completely flip-flopped in a matter of minutes.
And as Naruto's profanity got worse and more intense, Kisame couldn't stop laughing. And, after a moment, Sasuke started to find it... hot.
"What do you wanna do?" Naruto shouted, "Jive-ass mother-fucker, bitch-ass n****!"
"Oh, did I not mention?" Kisame got out between laughs, "That Minato and Kushi used to live in Compton?"
After a few hours of yelling and shattering dishes scaring everyone else away, Naruto stormed out of the cafe, Kisame and a love-struck Sasuke walking behind him. "Remember my name n****! N-to the-A-R-U-TO! As in 'Yo ass just got told'! Don't make me have to come back here and have to open a can of ass-whoopin' all over you!"
A petrified Sai sat on the floor, the front of his jeans suspiciously wet as he trembled and whimpered, "Please... Please leave..." Naruto huffed, muttering more obscenities as he walked off, Sasuke following him with a swoon of,
Back in the library, Itachi groaned, "It could have gone better. So, so much better." After another sip of wine, he whispered, "Everyday that Naruto is around Sasuke, my brother gets more and more corrupted. The last time I spoke to him, Sasuke said he was working with Naruto on a... on a..." Itachi gulped as he shuddered, "A rhythm and blues album!"
"I don't know, I think that they're perfect for each other!" Kisame smirked as the camera turned back to him, "But what did I tell you? Those Uchihas are up... tight! Except for Sasuke, he's learning. I hear that he and Naruto are about to release an album. I should call them and congratulate them!" He reached into his pockets and pulled out a state of the art I-phone with a limited edition sapphire-glass protective case. However, as he tried to get to either Sasuke's or Naruto's numbers, the touch screen kept reacting to his large fingers in the wrong way.
Finally, Kisame frowned, "The fuck – Why do I even have this thing?", before he tossed it into the fireplace.
"So..." the voice asked Itachi, who had downed two more glasses of wine, "Despite everything you two seem to live together very well? How is that?"
"Well, what you have to realize," Itachi said, brushing one of his bangs from his face, "Is that though he's a ruffian, there are many things about Kisame that I do enjoy. He's actually very intelligent, no where near as much as I mind you, but he's very good at conversation. Oh, and chess. He's very good at chess."
"Checkmate mother-fucker!" Kisame called out as he knocked over Itachi's white king with his black knight, "BAM!"
"Damn it..." The brunette seethed out, "That's fifteen games in a row!"
Itachi was silent as he thought of what other traits he liked about his lover. "Oh, there's also the matter of sex."
"What about the sex?"
"Oh," Itachi shrugged, "He's a god in bed. Yet... he has the stamina of a demon so lately we've only been sharing intimacies on the weekends when I don't have to teach because he will literally fuck me so hard I can't walk straight. Not that I mind." He ended with a small smirk.
It was late. The neighborhood of Konoha was still, the only sounds outside being nocturnal creatures talking to one another.
Inside the condo in the center of the suburb, things were mostly quiet as well. Except for the sounds of creaking bed springs and a headboard meeting a wall.
Two bodies lay entwined on the king-sized mattress in the master bedroom. Sweat cascaded down a rock hard body to the angelic frame below it, dampening their Egyptian cotton sheets. "Mm..." Itachi moaned as his and Kisame's lips were molded together: the bluenette licking at his lover's bottom lip until Itachi opened his mouth, allowing the other to plunder his mouth like he was currently plundering his ass.
One particularly sharp thrust hit a spot inside Itachi that caused his whole body to ring with pleasure and actually triggered his mind to start speaking in... Italian?
"Oh, il mio amante... Lei è così buono a me... (My lover, you're so good to me)" As hot as Itachi's voice was in that moment, the heavy, sex-roughened rasp that was a secret from the world, Kisame couldn't help but roll his eyes and try to kiss his lover again.
But Itachi moved his head to the side, thrusting back against the other, "Crescendo mio amante... Crescendo..."
The slide of Kisame's hard, heavy cock against his insides felt heavenly. But the bluenette wasn't being forceful enough!
"Damn it Kisame," Itachi panted out, locking his legs around his lover's waist, "Crescendo!" Despite the current situation, his cock buried in Itachi's scalding hot ass, aggravation did cause Kisame to grit out,
"I don't speak rich, stuffy musician lingo 'Tachi!"
"Harder!" The brunette moaned, reaching down between their bodies to stroke himself, moaning as Kisame finally put more force behind his movements.
"At times he's like a bull in the proverbial china-shop, but he does mean well." Itachi swirled the wine around, abruptly realizing, "There was that one time when he saved the governer of California from a terrorist cell. That was something."
Los Angeles was in a state of panic as the state representative was being held hostage by a group of locally-grown terrorists. "Hey, listen up!" The leader called out via megaphone, "If we don't get some nuclear launch-codes in the next thirty minutes, this old guy is toast! You hear me? I'll blast his brains all over these walls and – wait a minute! Who the hell are you?"
Kisame walked straight towards city hall where the terrorists had the governer in their grasp. He slowly pushed a large speaker system on wheels towards the front of the building before he stopped a few feet away and announced, "Alright everyone, stand back. I got this."
"What the fuck can you do?" The head terrorist asked, "And what the fuck is that?" Kisame chuckled, taking his mp3-player out of his pocket and hooking it up to the speaker,
"Oh, nothing much... just my BASS-CANNON, MOTHER-FUCKER!" He slammed his fist against the power button on the machine. A few seconds of gathering power later, the speakers opened up into one powerful speaker decorated in electric blue sharks and shot forth a powerful stream of sound waves generated from a compilation of the world's worst dubstep music.
He smirked as he heard the terrorists all scream from the eardrums being ruptured before he gave the police the all-clear to save the governor. In the midst of the commotion, he took out a cell-phone and made a quick call. "Hello? Hey Skrillex, guess what? I finally found a use for your shitty-ass music! HA HA!"
"Differences aside, 'Tachi really is one of the best things to ever happen to me. He's beautiful, intelligent, sexy... and he does it like a fox man, I'm telling you!" A peal of laughter later, he sighed, "And he's the real deal. He's been there for me no matter what."
One morning Kisame was vacuuming the kitchen floor as Itachi was eating breakfast. Suddenly, the brunette looked at the clock and hissed, "Shit, I'm late for work!"
Kisame removed his headphones, which were blasting LMFAO (he wanted to write a thesis on why their music was complete shit), and asked, "Hey wait, aren't you going to eat your panini?" Itachi shook his head,
"No, I'm already late enough as is. You can have it if you want."
Kisame gasped in astonishment, his eyes going wide as a tear slid down from one of them.
Back with Kisame in the library, the bluenette was choking back tears, "He's an angel, I swear. He really taught me what love was that day!" He sniffled, "And it was fucking delicious...!"
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was 'Lifestyles With the Beautiful and Talented'. Make sure to tune in next week when we talk with Stock Market wizard Kakuzu Hoku and his partner the extreme concept artist Hidan Shiroi.
"What people don't seem to understand," Kakuzu, a broad-shouldered man with coarse, brown hair and emerald green eyes spoke to the camera, "Is that Wall Street is a battlefield. Which is why it's so nice to have someone like Hidan to reflect that violent struggle on canvas. Isn't that right Hidan?" He turned towards the center of the room where a slim albino was too busy disemboweling a goat to answer.
A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!