Author's Notes: Just a little oneshot inspired by a scene in 3x05. It won't make much sense if you haven't seen the episode. I don't want to spoil anything by saying explicitly when it takes place, so hopefully you can figure it out! The tone feels a little strange to me, but I think it fits. Oh, and the pairing would be Payson/Sasha, but I think it still holds validity if you're not a shipper.
Thanks for reading!
It bleeds through so clearly when she's talking to Rigo about Lauren. Because he's wrong about what she wants. She doesn't want someone to agree with her, she wants someone who will tell her to do the right thing. She doesn't want her BMX boyfriend telling her that she's right, she wants someone telling her to do what's right. She kind of wants to hit Rigo for being so thick because, really, if he thinks that she just wants someone to agree with her, he doesn't know her at all. Because, deep down, Payson knows when she's wrong, when she's right, and when it doesn't matter because someone's life could be in danger. She knows what she wants, and who she wants to do it… except that he's not here and all she has is Rigo being almost right but so wrong at the same time. Because she wants someone… better. She doesn't want to think it, but it's the only word for it. She wants someone better. Someone with integrity, who cares first and foremost about his gymnasts' wellbeing. Someone who isn't here.
She wants someone else, but what she has is Rigo. Rigo who thinks that she just wants someone to agree with her. Rigo, who's never had a career-ending injury. Rigo, who can't flip his body through the air a hundred different ways and come out fine. Rigo, who can pedal hard and whip a piece of metal around, but couldn't work as hard as he could if his life depended on it. Rigo, who just doesn't get it. And she knows, right then, that if he thought the Olympics were more important than keeping ones heart beating, that he isn't the right one for her. He doesn't understand how dangerous what she does is. He doesn't understand her. He just doesn't understand.
But someone else isn't here, and he's all she has right now.
So when Lauren tells her to get out, she holds onto him as she sobs, and tries not to think about how he's too short to hold her properly, and how much safer she feels in someone else's arms.
She tries not to. But she does. And it breaks her heart all over again.