A/N: So this is inspired by the song "Looking for Angels" by Skillet, I recommend looking it up and listening to it while reading this.
Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man.
The world is a cruel heartless place full of hate, death, lust, sin, greed, and anger. It's consumed by fake promises from those who say they have a plan to make the world a better, but those naïve ones always fail because the world is too stubborn to change. The rich drive around in their fancy cars and whine about their trivial problems while there are people out there literally fighting for their lives. Hunger, poverty, disease, dirty water, drugs, suicide, etcetera kill millions around the world every day and no one ever does anything to stop it. We feed into the lies that this war and that war were a way to better our country or to stop something worse from happening but really all war does is kill people. The only hope for this world is love, love everyone and you'll live in peace but in a world that is so stuck in its hateful ways will never change. That's impossible.
I have lived through many wars and tragedies as an innocent bystander. Most of my life my grandfather and I traveled around the world, trying to record history while staying unattached to anyone or any place. I have quickly learned that the people of this world continue to repeat the same stupid mistakes, and they'll never learn. I guess being surrounded by wars and destruction my entire life is the reason I am so hateful toward everyone and this world. People are truly stupid and heartless, they take what they want and will do whatever they can to get it.
Take what happened to my parents for example, all they were trying to do is help but they just got in the way. I was only six when they died but I later heard their story. They got in the middle of a gang fight; they were trying to help out an injured friend of theirs who had become an enemy to the gang. They were innocent, they'd never hurt a soul, they might have been some of the few good people in the world and they were killed for their kindness. Well, when I still believed that there were good people in this world. Any person, no matter who they are, contains some level of darkness in them it just depends on how much they give into it. Anyway, my parents had tried to help their friend who was badly injured but the gang leader wouldn't have it and he shot and killed them and then their friend without a second thought. I was told I tried to run out and stop this, but I got in the way and the leader accidentally shot me in the eye. I cried out in pain as the vision in my right eye suddenly went black and blood poured out. I watched my parents get shot and die right in front of me. Getting shot in the eye and watching my parents die, well those were the only things I actually remembered and they will be forever stained in my memory.
I was found a little while and taken to the hospital to get care for my eye but it had been too late to save it so I ended up with and eye patch. Since I had no other family or anyone to look after, I was adopted by a man who called himself Bookman, but he let me refer to him as my grandfather. He told me because I had lost all my family, I would be the perfect candidate to become his successor. He told me that to be a Bookman I would have to stay unattached to all others because it was the only way to record history unbiased. I was so young then I didn't understand what he meant but I had nowhere else to go so I decided to join him. I spent the next 11 years of my life traveling around the world learning history, different languages, and changing personas with every new town we went to. I was mostly known as Bookman Junior, but I have had so many different personas, forty-nine to be exact, that I honestly don't remember my real name. I actually didn't mind switching towns and personas because I got to come up with a new personality and a new name to go with each one. At first I was really intrigued by history and the reasons behind the wars, but I started to realized how stupid other people were and that they'd never learn from past mistakes. Yet, back then I still had hope that something would change when we went to a new town, but I was always let down.
A year ago while recording a war somewhere in France, Bookman was accidentally killed by one of the soldiers on France's opposing side. Fortunately for me, I was off running an errand for Gramps so I was not with him. When I returned I found him dead. I knew I was supposed to become his successor but he was the closest thing I had to a real family member and his death tore me apart inside. I was so sick of the wars and death so I took the only money I had and bought a ticket to America and left. I had to get as far away from all of that as possible.
New York is no different from the rest of the world, hell; I think it may be worse than everywhere I have been in Europe. Everyday I sit here out here on the streets watching the world pass me by; the rich live in their own bubble and only help the needy when it's convenient for them. Some pity me because I don't have anywhere to go and give some spare change, but no one really cares that no one can live on that little in this world. Since I'm eighteen the orphanages have kicked me out because I'm an "adult" now. I have nowhere to go and I can't get a job because I don't have a place of residence, any sort of identification or even a real name. I call myself Lavi Deak, my last two personas, my last name would be Bookman but I can't call myself that because it honestly hurts too much and I failed him. Now I live here on the dirty streets of New York City, alone, broke, and forgotten.
"Thanks a bunch mister!" My head snaps up, pulling myself from my self-pitying thoughts. I look across the street to see a familiar little girl smiling up at a strange old man. I gasp as I take a better look at him and realize he's a young kid. He looks like no one I've ever seen before, and he has the white hair of an old man yet on him it looks soft and almost angelic. As he turns toward my direction I see his most prominent feature, a long scar that starts in the shape of a star on his forehead and descends down his face into a cross-like shape under his left eye. His silver eyes have a look that I haven't seen in years, kindness.
The boy laughs and ruffles the girl's hair as she thanks him for the sandwich. "No problem, glad I could help." I scoff. Sure, sure you must be getting something out of this. What was I thinking? True selfless, kindness doesn't exist in this world, that thinking is just naïve. I try not to laugh as I watch the other street kids swarm him, see you give food to one kid you'll have to give some to all. Yet I this doesn't seem to faze him, he just breaks out into that strange smile. Reaching into his bag, he starts distributing sandwiches. I watch in awe as the crowd of kids thins, each of them receiving a sandwich or two. There's no way, how could he afford food for all of those kids? Those sandwiches don't look cheap, he has to be loaded, but if he is so rich why is he wasting his money on the homeless kids? Maybe he's a son of one of the politician trying to get on the state's good side, or maybe he's being paid to do this? I just don't get it. "Hey, I got one for you too."
I open my eyes and jump back in surprise. "What?"
"I saw you watching from across the street. You look hungry, so here take one." That weird grin found its way on his face again as he offers the sandwich out to me.
"No, I'm fine. I don't need your charity I can get my own food," but my stomach suddenly growls in protest. Oh yeah I really haven't eaten yet today.
"Charity? No I'm doing this because I want to."
"Yeah right, no one does things like this without an ulterior motive."
He cocks his head to the side in confusion. "Haven't you heard of kindness?"
"Hah! Kindness doesn't exist, well pure kindness anyway. Even if you say you don't have a secret motive to do this, you're at least getting the satisfaction of 'doing good' or whatever. No one ever does anything unless they are getting something in return, especially the rich. Which, obviously, is what you must be to get the money to buy these fancy sandwiches for some homeless kids. What benefit are you getting out of this anyway?"
"None really." That smile appears on his face, and for some reason it annoys me. "You really have a harsh outlook on life, you should work on that." He lays the wrapped sandwich at my feet and starts to walk away. I watch his back as he leaves, I should change? You're just too naïve. Poor kid, he's so sheltered in his rich little life; the world will soon corrupt him. A kid like that has no chance in this world he will just get taken advantage of because of his "kindness". I try to ignore the sandwich that sits in front of me, but my hunger gets the best of me and I savagely devour it when I know the kid is not looking.
"Hey Big Brother Lavi!" 'Big Brother Lavi' is what the other homeless children in the area call me because I'm one of the oldest.
I plaster a fake smile on my face, I hate lying to the kids but children are the closest thing the world has to pure kindness, because they haven't have the chance to be corrupted by the evils of the world. "What is it Stephen?"
"Have you gotten one?" He waves half his sandwich in my face, "if not you can have the rest of mine or I think that boy would give you one, he seems nice."
I lay my empty wrapper at his feet, "Yeah don't worry about me, go ahead and finish yours." I smile again smoothing down his hair. He returns the smile, but his is actually genuine, and then takes off to rave about the "White Angel". That's what they've started calling him. I stand up just as the rain starts to drip down from the sky, I have to get away I can't understand the empty feeling that I'm starting to feel or why I have the sudden urge to cry. I haven't cried in years, there was no way I was going to cry because some rich kid decided to take pity on us today. I have to get away I can't stand that stupid smile on his face anymore. I just want to shake the children and tell them that he isn't an angel he just pities us.
Not paying attention to where I was running I entered the part of town I swear I would never go.
"Hey I know you!" I turned, as my eyes widened, no! That's impossible! But I would never forget that face. NO! MOM! DAD! YOU CAN'T! I shuddered closing my eyes trying to block out that memory, BANG! The gun went off as my screams filled the air. "That's what you get, kid! Do you see this? You can't mess with our clan you'll die! Now get out! Get lost! He was much older now, but that's him, no doubt. I would recognize the dark curly hair, tanned skin and condescending smile anywhere. The man that stands in front of me now is the man who killed my parents. "You're that kid aren't you? The kid whose parent I killed when they tried to save Johnny! I'd recognize that red hair anywhere and you have an eye patch on your right eye. Huh funny that we should meet again, I thought you fled the country and I thought I warned you to get lost."
I couldn't deny it I know he saw in my eye, he was right. "I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was going, please!" I'm still as weak as I was back then aren't I?
"Hah! Not that again, begging like a little baby, you haven't changed at all. You should've learned how much begging, ticks me off. Oh well at least you'll learn now!" Before I could even flinch, he pulled out his pistol and cocked it. I shut my eyes and waited for the shot to come.
"Who the hell are you?" I open my eyes to see the white haired boy from before standing in front of he with his arms stretched wide.
"What's the meaning of this?" The boy asks, "killing him just because he walked into your territory? I won't stand for this!" He turns to me, "Go! Leave now while you can!" My heart is pounding hard in my ears and I can't believe I'm still alive. Deciding to do what I'm I take off running like the coward I am. A gunshot is ringing out as hot tears fill my eyes.
A/N: By the way for those reading my other story Friend or Foe? I will try to update that one soon, this just popped into my head and I wanted to try to write something new. I'll try to update this one soon as well. See you next chapter.