A/N: I had to write this after tonight's episode, just to make myself feel better. Hope it helps you guys as well! :)
I promise to get back to my other ones now…
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee
I can't take the way everyone, especially Rachel, is looking at me. I feel so undesirable sitting in the chair. Even a sophomore who's never been with a girl pulls away from kissing me. I barely get out the bathroom door before I hear Rachel's soft voice.
"You're wrong." She whispers and I stop moving.
My eyes close as I try to control my breathing.
Suddenly, Rachel is in front of me. She lowers herself to my level and our eyes lock on each other. "You don't think anyone would want you anymore Quinn, but you're wrong."
My breath hitches.
"I don't know if you remember, but last Prom…" She pauses.
Of course I remember last Prom. It's when I realized that I was completely and hopelessly in love with her.
"I told you that you were the prettiest girl I have ever met." She touches my chin and lifts it slightly with her fingertips. She waits until she is sure she's got my undivided attention (though she always has my undivided attention) before she speaks again. "I also told you that you were a lot more than that."
I scoff at that. "Yeah, I know I've got more than just my looks Rachel. I'm smart, I'm going to Yale, I can sing and…"
Rachel was the first person to see beyond my appearance. She didn't lust after me because I was beautiful like all the boys did. And she wasn't put off by the Ice Queen exterior that I tried so hard to portray. She always saw me. But sometimes, especially now, I really just want someone to see me as beautiful.
I get pulled from my thoughts when I see Rachel shaking her head at me. "All those things are true, Quinn. But…" She sighs. "But you're still beautiful. And if Joe, or anyone else for that matter, can't see that…then they don't deserve you."
How can she say things like that and not expect me to fall in love with her. I swallow audibly as she smiles at me sincerely. I blink a few times and contemplate pinching myself to make sure that this isn't just a dream. "Thank you." I breathe out.
The words barely escape my lips before she's embracing me in a hug. I hold her tightly in my arms and try not to be too creepy as I inhale the scent of her shampoo.
I went to physical therapy with Joe last night and as he was helping me stretch my leg, I felt his boner. I should be disgusted, but all I could comprehend was that I could feel my legs. I could feel! And the idea that the thought of me did that to him was kind of flattering. It makes me feel a whole lot more desirable. Or maybe that's just the continuous loop of Rachel's words replaying in my head.
Joe said he likes me and that he thought I was the prettiest girl he's ever seen but all I can think about was how Rachel told me that first. I consider dating him because, well, it does feel nice to have someone want you like that. But I promised myself I'd never use a guy for status or anything else again. I let him down easy. Even if I wasn't hung up on someone else, he's just a sophomore and I'm graduating soon. I don't want to have an anchor from my past as I begin my future, unless of course that anchor is Rachel.
"Fabray!" Santana calls out to me from her locker.
I make my way over to her. "Hey."
"I wanted to say something to you about what you said in the bathroom yesterday…"
I raise my hand to cut her off. "It's fine, San. I was just feeling sorry for myself."
She looks like she's about ready to say more, so I let my eyes wander while she speaks. I don't really pay attention to what she's saying because my eyes immediately land on a picture of Rachel in her locker.
"Why do you have a picture of Rachel?" I ask before I can help myself.
"She gave it to me." Santana answers as her eyes land on the picture as well.
"And you haven't defaced it?" I ask as I raise my brow.
She chuckles at that. "I know right. I think I've gone soft."
I frown at her. I still don't understand why Rachel would give her a picture of herself. And I try not to think about how much it hurts that she didn't give me one.
"We're friends now." Santana comments, probably answering the question she thinks is on my mind.
She is now smirking at me. "What do you care, Fabray?"
I shrug. "Just curious."
"There are a lot of things I did that I regret. I wasted so much time being scared of who I was…I don't want to regret anything else." She sighs. "I was awful to Rachel for the same reasons you were."
"Oh my God! You're in love with her." The last statement comes out as a whispered accusation.
"Wait, what?" Santana's eyebrows shoot to her hairline.
"What?" I say as my eyes widen in fear. What'd I just do?
A smirk overtakes Santana's features. "I knew it!" She cackles obnoxiously. "I have excellent gaydar and it's never been wrong." She says as she points a finger at me. "You're gay for Berry."
"Why were you awful to Rachel?" I ask in an attempt to deflect her allegation.
She nods in understanding before answering my question. "She's confident in who she is and I hated her for it. But eventually I realized that teasing her wasn't helping me with my situation." She shrugs at the admission. "We only have a little while left, Quinn. Don't leave high school with any more regrets."
"Rachel and I have just started becoming friends, and I won't risk that." I say even though I am absolutely refusing to acknowledge that she's also engaged.
"Yeah, you two are friends. But what if you could be so much more than that?"
I leave without a word because I can't let myself think that way. As I wheel myself down the hallway, I hear Rachel and Finn arguing.
"Why would you tell Burt you could work for him today? You know I have my NYADA audition this afternoon!" Rachel yells at the boy.
"And you'll do fine, you don't need me there." He assures her. Then the boy says something that makes me want to murder him. "Besides, if you choke in the audition and don't make it to NYADA…you'll still have me." He smiles at her with his constipated smile that is supposed to make him look charming.
"What if that's not enough for me, Finn." Rachel says through gritted teeth before slamming her locker shut and storming away from him.
As she stomps passed me, I see the tears in her eyes. I cast a glare at Finn and turn around to follow Rachel. Luckily she doesn't go far, because I would never be able to catch her while in this chair.
"Rach, wait." I call to her and I see her hesitate before turning around to face me.
"You heard the fight, didn't you?" I nod. "And you're here to tell me 'I told you so'?"
I frown at her before shaking my head. "No." Then I get struck with a thought and go with it. "I came to offer to accompany you to your NYADA audition." Her mouth drops open in shock, so I continue. "That is, if you can give me a ride to my physical therapy afterwards."
She smiles at me shyly as she tucks her hair behind her ear. "I think I handle that."
She sounds amazing, like I knew she would. And I tell her so as we make our way back to her car. "You took my breath away in there, Rachel. You just secured your spot at NYADA with that song."
She smiles at me. "You really think so?"
"I've never believed in anything more."
The car ride is silent and when Rachel pulls into the parking lot of my physical therapist's office, she turns to me. "Do you mind? Could I go in with you?"
I'm sure I've never smiled so brightly before. "I'd like that."
Yup, I can definitely feel my legs. I can feel Rachel's fingers on my thigh and my whole body tingles at the touch. As she moves her hands down to my feet, I have to fight back a moan. Until today, I never thought my physical therapy could be so enjoyable.
"Finn told me once that I had to decide if I loved him or the idea of being in love." Rachel tells me out of nowhere.
I nod, and try to focus on her words but her hands are still working on my legs and it's becoming increasingly difficult. This must have been what Joe meant about being willing to give up his faith for the sins of his flesh. Because the things that I imagine Rachel's hands doing to me are far from innocent.
"The thing is, I don't know." Rachel continues. Probably because I was silent. "I think…at first I just wanted someone to love me. And then, being loved felt amazing. But…I don't know if I'm settling because I don't think anyone else could love me like Finn does…or if I don't think I could ever love anyone else the way I love him."
"M-maybe." I have to clear my throat because my voice sounds far huskier than I intended it to. "Maybe you should keep your options open. Because I can guarantee that there are plenty of people who can love you far better than Finn can." I tell her with all the conviction I can muster and she stares at me with an unreadable expression.
We're both silent for the rest of the therapy session but as Rachel drops me off at my house, she speaks again. "Can I accompany you again tomorrow?"
My whole face lights up, I'm sure. "Yes, of course!" I curse myself for sounding so eager.
"Great. Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Rachel replies with a shy smile.
Rachel comes to every physical therapy session for the next two weeks and we talk about everything but Finn. We talk about our last four years of high school. We talk about our childhoods. We talk about our plans for the future. And we talk about Prom.
"I heard that you're going to Prom with Joe." Rachel tells me the day before Prom.
I nod. "Yes. As friends." I emphasize.
She bites her bottom lip in the adorable way that makes me want to hold her and tell her how beautiful I think she is.
"I'm glad you decided to go to Prom. I was worried you wouldn't go." Rachel replies.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." I tell her. "It's our senior year. I don't want to miss out on stuff just because I'm in a wheelchair for now."
"For now." Rachel says with a large smile as she places her hand on my knee and squeezes gently.
Joe picks me up for Prom wearing a white tuxedo. It matches with my light green dress well enough. Not that things like that matter to me anymore. As we get in the car, he hands me a corsage box.
When I see the gardenia wrist corsage with a light green ribbon that not only matches my eyes but also my dress, I stare at him in confusion.
"Rachel picked it out. She said you'd like this one."
"Rachel…" I say as I run my fingers over the ribbon before putting the corsage on my wrist. I should have known that Finn would never have been able to pick out the perfect corsage last year.
As soon as we get to the gymnasium, I scan the room in search of Rachel. She's nowhere in sight so I wander the halls in search of her. I end up finding her in the bathroom. Our bathroom. The one she followed me into last year at Prom, before I slapped her. The same one where she told me Finn proposed to her and I told her that I got into Yale.
"You picked out the corsage for me last year as well." I tell her quietly as I enter the room.
She turns toward me. "I wanted your Prom night to be perfect."
It turned out that way, because I had her at the end of the night. Sort of. No Finn. No Jesse. It was just us.
"Why?" I have to ask.
"It's always been you." She says as she takes a step closer. "You've always supported me. You went to the doctor's office with me when I wanted a nose job."
"You didn't need a nose job, though Rachel." I whisper.
She smiles. "And yet you supported my decision to get one. No one else did." She steps closer still. "And you were going to attend my wedding even though you were against it."
My breath hitches because she's standing right in front of me right now.
"You always believed in me. Even when I didn't see it, you were trying to tell me that I deserved more than Lima…more than Finn."
Her hand caresses my cheek and my eyes fall shut. I can feel her breath on my lips and I know what's coming next. But I have to stop it. It isn't right. Not like this. "What about Finn?" I ask as I open my eyes and see her face right next to mine.
"I broke up with him."
My eyes widen in shock as I take in the honesty in her features. "Why?"
"Someone told me that I should keep my options open…she said that there are plenty of people who will love me far better than Finn ever could." She stands up straight and her eyes bore into my soul. "I was sort of hoping…maybe you could be one of those people."
I take a deep breath, trying to control my emotions. "Come here." I demand as I pull her on my lap.
Her lips graze mine tentatively until I deepen the kiss. As our tongues wage war, my hands tangle in her hair and pull her impossibly closer. I moan into her mouth when she nibbles on my bottom lip.
Eventually we have to part for air, and she rests her forehead on mine. As I gaze into her eyes, I feel like it was meant to be this way. We fit together. I smile at her because we finally got it right. "Dance with me." I whisper.
She climbs off of me and starts walking toward the door.
"No. In here." I tell her.
She looks at me questioningly. "Here?"
I nod as she walks back over to me. I push myself up and out of my chair. Her hands immediately grasp my hips and hold me steady. My arms go around her shoulders as I pull her closer to me, and use her body to bold myself up. We simply sway back and forth. It isn't much of a dance, but it's our first dance.
"I looked it up. NYADA and Yale aren't very far away from each other." She whispers in my ear and causes me to shiver.
"I know." I breathe and then I watch as her smile takes my breath away.
She kisses me again and rests her head on my shoulder. As we sway back and forth, I revel in the fact that this is only our first dance; there are still many more to come.