Dakka No Jutsu

Mizuki, Naruto had decided, was a totally putz. Spouting off stupidity like that, and come to find out, it would probably get him killed. Why would someone do something like that?

Well, when dealing with a person like Mizuki, it was natural that Naruto beat him up when he hurt Iruka. But it was a big surprise when Iruka had given him the man's own forehead protector. He had passed! Kage Bushin all the way!

There had been a tense situation when Naruto had stood before the Hokage to explain himself, but it seemed like the blonde boy was off the hook. It wasn't until later that night that Naruto remembered the scroll that had popped out of the larger scroll and Naruto had tucked into his pocket. He hadn't meant to keep it, but it just worked out that way, and now it was his. Finder's Keeper's, right?

So there he was, alone in his apartment looking at the scroll. Ends up this Dakka No Jutsu wasn't just a ninjutsu scroll, it was a scroll to a whole new style of fighting: Long, long ranged fighting. And it was all based around this strange pipe and seal combination and a few D- and E-rank techniques to shape metal into little bits that looked a lot like almond seeds with the butt end cut off. The only problem was that these Dakka pieces needed to have a steady supply of metal, but that could be problematic as not every place a ninja would venture would have a steady supply.

He had a week before he had to go for his team assignment. That meant he had that long to master this fighting style, and Naruto was completely convinced that he could do so. He was going to be the next Hokage, after all. And so Naruto set to work, put his nose to the grindstone and studied.

...And failed. The shaping, not an actual elemental jutsu, was more of a chakra control exercise, allowing it to be precisely made. And Naruto sucked at chakra control exercises. This wasn't for lack of trying. For most people, Chakra Control was like being taught to swim in the shallow end of the pool before gradually paddling to the deep end. Low chakra reserves allowed for more precise control and chakra reserves grew alongside increasing chakra control as the ninja became more exerienced. For Naruto, chakra control was like tossing someone who'd lived in the desert all their lives into the ocean and telling them to swim across it to the next continent underwater without coming up for air except on the third full moon of every leap year. Needless to say, this proved to be a little bit of a problem.

And so, Naruto came up with an alternative. He used the designs in the scroll to make his own. He used a pipe that used to be part of his broken sink as the barrel. He found an old rusty cigar tin to use as the magazine, an old, heavily blunted kunai for the firing piece, an old table leg he found in the rubbish bin outside his apartment, and a few other bits and pieces here and there to cobble together something like the tool illustrated in the Dakka no jutsu scroll. On the "firing piece" he drew a crude, barely acceptable explosive seal, which was then scratched into the metal with a nail. The result was a hideous monstrosity of pure function over fashion that would probably explode the first chance it got. However, the ammunition was more difficult.

Naruto tried many things, but none of them worked. He tried carved wood ammunition, but that just exploded in the barrel. He tried balled up paper, but that just started on fire and made smoke pour out the barrel. Rocks just flew every which way without even coming close to the target, and would often get stuck, forcing Naruto to re-rifle the barrel all over again. And so, he came to a solution that has served many a Naruto in many different incarnations: Kage Bushin, Kage Bushin, Kage Bushin, Kage Bushin. For Naruto, it was dreadfully easy to transform his shadow clones into the tiny metal bullets that were propelled down the barrel at exceedingly high speed and hit things far away.

He also discovered that he could see things that the Clone-unition saw once the clone was dispersed. This allowed him to see exactly what he was hitting.

This was rarely the actual intended target.

In fact, the abomination Naruto had created was not remotely consistent in its trajectory and would often hit around the target, in at least the same general direction, however, precision was not something this would be using any time soon. It did, however, have a very satisfying ability to obliterate trees with his clone bullets. Now if only he could hit what he was aiming at.

After a week of practice, it was finally time for teams to be assigned. As Naruto and his classmates hung out waiting for their teacher, their instructor was with the Hokage in Naruto's apartment.

"So this is the place?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes indeed," Sarutobi replied. "Naruto is a very hard worker, but requires a firm hand to guide him. He acts out, but there is real talent in him just waiting to come out."

"This milk is bad," Kakashi said half to himself as he picked up the offending carton before glancing at the rest of Naruto's project displayed on the table. "Looks like he's following in his parents' footsteps."

"Hmm?" asked the Hokage as he turned to look at the failed attempts at exploding tags on the counter. "I didn't know he was working with seals. And inscribing them on kunai is a novel idea, so long as you remember which ones have the seals. Prevents enemies from expecting the explosion. See, an example of his hidden depths."

"What's with the modern art?" Kakashi asked, pointing towards the monstrosity Naruto had built during the previous week. The Hokage was equally baffled.

"Every ninja needs a hobby?" the older man suggested.

"So you'd better come at me with intent to kill," Kakashi finished the next day. He got the expected "but we don't want to hurt you" response that he got at least once every time he failed...er...tested...a genin team.

"Alright!" Naruto said, charging off into the bushes before the jonin could say "start." Kakashi let him go.


Naruto hid in the shadows, tucking himself down low to the ground. Gone was his orange jumpsuit and underneath was a camouflage bodysuit with a mask that had forest debris stuck to it at strange angles to break up the outline of his body. Shimmying along the ground, Naruto got to a good vantage point and called his clones to act as ammunition. Then he took careful aim at the jonin lazily flipping the pages of his porno.

The next thing Kakashi knew, a Naruto was flying out of the bushes, apparently appearing out of thin air with a great BANG! that echoed throughout the training ground. The Naruto was moving so fast Kakashi barely had enough time to replace himself with a log that was shattered by the raw force of Naruto's blow.

As the clone vanished into smoke from the force of it hitting the log, Kakashi sweated slightly. THAT certainly wasn't in the boy's file. It wasn't long before more Narutos started appearing in an arch preceded by a series of sharp BANGs that echoed once more. Trees were obliterated where they struck. Sakura's scream could be heard as she narrowly avoided being crushed by a branch.

"Sorry Sakura-chan!" Naruto called out, giving away his position. Kakashi appeared behind him, unfortunately stepping on a branch, giving Naruto time to spin around and point the familiar piece of modern art at the jonin's body. Luckily for Kakashi, no one using the contraption could have hit the broad side of a barn, even at that range, and therefore survived. Naruto was, however, able to shoot a clone-bullet right into the meaty part of Kakashi's thigh. Since it didn't have time to transform back into a person, the bullet went right through the leg and into the ground beyond it, where the clone vanished with a poof of smoke.

"What the hell?" Kakashi asked as he strained to keep the blood on the right side of his skin. The blood did not seem to agree and was doing its best to rush out the holes on either side of the man's thigh. Naruto panicked, glancing between the jonin, the hole in his leg and the bells on his hip. So Naruto did the most logical thing: Made a bunch of clones, took the bells and started marching the jonin to the medics.

Later, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were in front of the Hokage, looking a bit sheepish. Well, Naruto looked sheepish, and Sakura managed bashful, but the best Sasuke could do was sullen, which was a step up from his normal personality.

"So... your jonin says you shot him with a bushin," the Hokage began. "Care to explain?"

"He told us to come at him with intent to kill," Sasuke grumbled, arms crossed as he enunciated more words than he had in the last year.

"Oh, he did, did he?" Sarutobi asked, his eyes trailing over to where Kakashi was lying in a bed. The one-eyed man shivered under the Hokage's gaze. "He left that little fact out of his report, although that could be due to the blood loss from the wound, and heavy narcotics they pumped into his system. And did you?"

"Attack with intent to kill?" Sakura asked.

"Precisely what I'm asking."

"Hn!" Sasuke replied, which was a fair approximation of confirmation to any who spent long periods of time with Uchiha.

"And you two?" Sarutobi asked. Sakura seemed to shrink under his gaze and shook her head. Naruto, on the other hand, was refusing to meet the old man's gaze. 'I'm getting too old for this shit,' he thought as he captured the blond boy's gaze. "Naruto, did you shoot your join instructor with a clone?"

"Um, yeah?" Naruto said.

"How exactly did you do that?" Sarutobi asked calmly.

"With my new technique?" Naruto replied, a little unsure of the answer. "He kinda scared me, and I reacted."

"And what technique would that be?"

"Dakka no Jutsu?" Naruto said sheepishly. He held up the bells. "I got the bells."

'I'm getting too old for this shit,' Sarutobi sighed to himself. "Very well, why don't you three go back home and I'll talk to your Jonin about what happened."

As soon as they were gone, Kakashi let out a sigh of relief.

"I don't know how he did it, or who gave them to him, but Naruto found his mother's unfinished technique," Kakashi told the Hokage. He winced a little as he shifted his weight around.

"Kushina's technique?" the Hokage asked as he sat down next to the masked jonin. "How so?"

"Sensei knew she was working on something, an answer to her weakness in long-range battles," Kakashi said with more than a little bit of awe and horror. "The result...well, it wasn't pretty. If it wasn't for her regeneration, she would have been damn scarred."

"What happened?"

"Instead of shooting things off in the distance, it blew up in her face," Kakashi explained. "She wanted a long-range kunai launcher, but all the seal did was blow up the kunai she was using. Naruto must have fixed it."

"Fixed it how?"

"He doesn't shoot kunai, he shoots clones that he transforms into other things," Kakashi said with a wince as he gingerly moved his wounded leg. "He's just a kid; how'd he figure it out?"

"Well, I think, that with many issues with Naruto, that so long as he doesn't know it can't be done, he assumes there's a way, and nine times out of ten, he figures it out," Sarutobi replied. "That and the fact that he makes kage's jealous of his chakra capacity, something else he got from his mother. I'll look into how he got the techniques while you prepare your notes on how you're training your team."

"But I didn't pass them yet," Kakashi protested weakly.

"And yet they still got the bells," his superior reminded.

"But I didn't pass them," Kakashi protested.

"I think being able to disable a jonin shows that they're up to the task, don't you?" Sarutobi commented with a puff of his pipe. Kakashi was not amused, but acquiesced to his superior's decision. Sarutobi left the hospital and made his way back to the Hokage Tower. He slumped into the chair, looked at where the Forbidden Scroll was hidden and sighed.

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

Naruto was super happy. His team had passed and he was going to get some help with his new techniques. He was grinning wider than he had grinned since Iruka last paid for his Ramen, in other words, a wide, wide smile. He had his Dakka launcher propped against his shoulder as he marched down the street towards his favorite eatery. Sliding onto a stool, he set the metal monstrosity down and gleefully ordered a triple sized portion which he gleefully devoured with the gusto of a ravenous beast.

Author's Note: So this is my version of the "Uzumaki clan members were crazy seal people" trope. Not finished, had some potential, but didn't pan out. This, like many other ideas I've had, were based on inspiration I got from other people's work either because I enjoyed the idea or because the idea annoyed me.

For those who don't know, "Dakka" is the 40K Orkish term for "ammunition."