Client 314

A thick cloud of smoke filled the room. She rarely allowed anyone to smoke while she conducted business, but she made an exception this time. He looked damn good with that cigar in his mouth. Nami had to remind herself why she was here. No matter how good this man looked, she need to stay professional. Falling for clients was unacceptable sin. She had slipped up once before, but never again. She kept that heart of hers locked up tight. But it was always difficult when her clients look so damn fine. Nami wrapped her naked body with his white bed sheets as he reached over for his den den phone. She could hear him swear with each puff he took. It seemed he was not please with the text he just received.

"That little bitch is working another overnight," hissed Smoker, grabbing another cigar on his nightstand.

Nami just sighed and shook her head. She knew exactly whom he was speaking about. Smoker had been a client for fair amount of time. She knew more about him than she cared to know about any of her clients. Everyone had their reasons why they seek her services. Some craved her company, others desire to act out a wild fantasy, but Client #314 reason was much more personal. This was an act of revenge.

"That cunt can go and eat shit," growled Smoker, slamming the den den phone back on the nightstand.

Smoker was a New World City police officer. He had long suspected his wife Hina, another New World City officer, was having an affair. And what made things worst, the man Smoker suspected his wife was carrying out an affair with was their Chief. Chief Sakazuki, the Red Dog himself, had recently promoted his wife to a higher title. Smoker rarely saw Hina at their apartment any more. She was always on "assignment" with Chief Sakazuki. It made Smoker sick to his stomach.

"She has to obey orders," explained Nami. "The New World City force needs her."

"The force can go eat shit too."

Nami crawled to his side of the bed. Her fingers brushed back his slick gray hair. She pressed her naked chest against his exposed back. Every bit of him felt like he was carved from stone. His body felt firm and hard. There was so much force in his kisses. His grip left small bruises around her hips with every intense thrust he made. And even when they fuck he came hard. If Nami didn't enjoy it so much, she would've end the session a long time ago. It was never a good sign when a client became so aggressive. In the end it made little difference, she would make him pay for the damages regardless. As foul as he spoke about his wife, Nami knew better. He loved Hina dearly and all this vengeful cheating was out of spite. An eye for an eye, a fuck for a fuck. Nami wasn't there to solve his marital problems. She was there for business and to get paid. Their session was over and Nami made sure to get dressed as quickly as possible. After accepting a stack of beli, Smoker handed her another slip of paper. Nami looked confused.

"What the hell is this?"

"A citation."

"For what!?"

"Soliciting prostitution."

"Are you serious!?"

"I take my work very seriously. Don't forget I am an officer of the law, Miss Nami."

Nami just rolled her eyes and placed the slip in her purse.

"Very well, Officer Smoker. I will see you in two weeks."

As Nami exited the building, she saw Usopp waiting for her in his car. Nami couldn't help but let out small laugh. It appeared her "Captain" Luffy was too afraid to pick her up himself. He was always wary about Officer Smoker. He knew Smoker had it out for him and would do anything to lock him up for good. Nami saw a look of concern on Usopp's face and she stepped into his car. He was looking at something behind her. Turning her head she could see Smoker looking down at them from his window. He looked like he was staking them out.

"Who the hell is that guy?"

"My probation officer," answered Nami, waving a farewell to Smoker.

"Your probation officer?!" cried Usopp. "I thought he was your client?"

"He is. Don't worry, we have a nice deal working out."

"Oh good! Then where's my money bitch?" yelled Usopp. "Or will I have to slap a StrawHO—"

Nami punched Usopp right in the nose. His once long nose was now scrunched up against his face.

"Fuck Nami! That hurt!"

"How many times do I have to tell you?" growled Nami. "You don't get a fucking cut of my shit! Luffy barely even gets a cut!"

"I was just joking," barked Usopp, rubbing his sore nose.

"Well you sound like a damn fool," declared Nami. "And you're dressed like one too. What the hell are you wearing, Usopp?"

The outfit was just horrendous. He wore a bright green blazer with a revealing purple top. His shorts were tight and pink and he wore a red bow tie around his neck. He even had the audacity to monocle and flamboyant polka dot hat. He was the definition of a hot mess.

"Luffy thought that I shouldn't look so conspicuous," explained Usopp. "So we came up with this outfit. Pretty good, huh?"

"You guys are idiots," groaned Nami.

There was a small ring coming from her purse. Nami had a new text on her den den phone. There was a mischievous look on her face as she read her text.

"Who is it?" asked Usopp curiously.

"A client."

"What's up?"

"He's asking for a threesome."

"Looks like you and Robin will have your work cut out for today."

"He's not requesting another girl…he wants a man."

Usopp looked up in shock. It wasn't everyday they received this type of request. Nami stuck her tongue out as she went through her contact list. Once she located the contact, she started to type away.

"Who are you texting now?"

"Zoro," grinned Nami as she typed. "I wonder if he would be up for this threesome…"


I have to admit…I was at a crossroads with this fanfic. I was either going to delete it or finally write up a chapter. Lucky for all who fav/follow/reviewed this fic…I decided to UPDATE IT! YAY! WAHOO!

Now…this is mostly going to be a spontaneous type of fic. I'm not sure it will have much of a storyline. Just mostly silly stupid sexy chapters that I just cooked up in my head. Will there be lots of comedy? Of course! Will there be lots of smutty sex? I don't know…maybe! Why not. I don't normally write lemons/smut…but I'm always down for a challenge. But just for the record…I'm not a pervert! Ok maybe just a little…or a lot…whatever! You love me anyways, right? Right?

-awkward silence-

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who review this fic! Your selection of clients will not go unnoticed! I'm seeing some very tasty crack!pairings in the future. If you request a certain character…I will try my best to add them to the list. So please send in requests! If you really had your heart on seeing a certain character paired up with Nami….keep requesting this character! The more I see people interested in a particular crack!pairing…the more inspired I will be to write a chapter for them.

As you can see, chapters will be labeled by the "client" number. I will update the list of characters for each fic chapter I enter. There will always be Nami and Luffy on the list..but I will add a couple more depending on "clients".

Major points to those that recognized the outfit Usopp was wearing. He was wearing a similar outfit in Movie Z. I love that outfit on him XD he looks stupid cool! And if you still haven't watched Movie Z...what are you waiting for fool? Go watch it now!

Thanks again for all the support! I didn't touch this fic for a year and yet I was so amazed by the amount of people who still had an interest with this silly fic. I hope to make up for that long ass wait. I will add another chapter as soon as I get the chance!

Thanks again, bitches!