-Tag to 3.17 Enough Blangst to kill someone. M for language. Enjoy-
Blaine Anderson's Broken Heart
This is fake.
This isn't real.
I'm dreaming. That's it, I'm dreaming. This is a horrible, horrible nightmare and I'm gonna wake up…now.
"Nohoh!" A tiny squeak that meant to be a scream.
Kurt wouldn't do this to me. He wouldn't.
You don't know if they did anything.
You don't know if they didn't.
Sebastian talked to you all the time to. He sent you inappropriate things.
But I never.
I never said anything back.
(7:02) You're dimples are to DIE for.
DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT HIM, DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY-
My sweet, beautiful, loving, trusting, wonderful, virtuous…
BUT THESE FUCKING TEXT MESSAGES!
My hands were shaking, my mouth so dry, a stone lodged in my throat.
How could he do this to me? I love him so much, I love him so much it hurts. That's why this hurts so much Gohod please, make it stop!
It took everything, every ounce of courage I had to…
To look into those beautiful eyes that I loved so much
Fuck it. He wants to throw our relationship away, good.
Have fun with that stupid little hipster and his stupid glasses and his un-gelled hair-
No. Forget him.
If that's what he wants I'll let him go.
I don't need him, I don't need anyone. I made it without Mom, without Dad, without Cooper, without ANYONE loving me or caring about me, why should this be any different?
Walk out of the choir room.
Don't look back.
DON'T FUCKING CRY!
I make it just far enough to be out of earshot before I collapse against the wall, sobbing.
Oh God, I can't.
I can't lose him.
I love him so much.
He's my whole life, my whole world! How am I supposed to tell him that I've been pulling away because I know he's leaving me?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY I'M TOO SCARED TO BE ALONE AGAIN?
What do I do?
Fuck what am I supposed to do?
I jumped when I felt arms around me, sniffing and looking down at the hands clasped around my chest.
"It's okay, dude," he whispered, pulling me into a proper hug. "Just givin' you a shoulder."
I kept crying.
Don't sing to me.
Don't you look at me.
Don't you dare reach for me.
Don't even think about saying this to me.
I wanted to scream that I loved him to. And God damn it, I forgave him.
I forgave everything right then and there because honestly, I just wanted to be in his arms again. I missed that.
I missed giddy moments kissing him somewhere we shouldn't be. I missed holding his hand just for the thrill of it.
I just missed him so much.
God, please hold me, Kurt.
No, hold it, Anderson. Just hold your ground. He's not getting off that easily.
Not like Cooper did.
Not like Finn did.
Not like Sebastian did.
He knows better.
He knows better.
But, God, Kurt, please, my chest hurts so much.
Please help me put me back together.
Please help me let you go.
Or right now…
Right now I just need you to hold me.
Don't walk toward me.
I looked at him. It hurt so much.
It was all I managed to get out.
He sat beside me.
That was okay.
That's enough for now.
"I love you so much."
"I love you too."
If I held onto him any tighter I'd hurt him.
I started to cry, sobbing into his neck, wishing, praying that he would never, ever let me go.
"Shh, shh, hush," he soothed, smoothing my hair. "I'll do better, baby. I'll stop putting bronzer in your lotion, I'll stop snapping at the wait-staff, I'll-"
"I was just mad at you," I admitted. "I mean, yeah, that does annoy me but…but you're perfect, Kurt."
"I cheated on you," he whispered. "Or, let's just call it half-cheating, okay?" I laughed with him, smiling at him.
"I half-cheated too," I nodded. He pressed his forehead against mine, holding my face now.
"I don't want to leave you," he said, bringing more tears to my eyes. "That's the, god, it's the last thing I ever want to do, okay? You have to know it's going to kill me to leave you." I nodded. "Come here."
He kissed me, really kissed me, kissed me like he hadn't in so long.
Was Ms. Pillsbury still in the room?
Not that it mattered.
"I don't want to be left again," I admitted, looking at him and knowing I was making him sad by saying it.
"I will wait for you. I will wait for you and talk about you to anyone that'll listen. It's gonna break my heart every day to be so far from you. And damn it, Blaine I'm so sorry for this. I love the way you make me feel." He touched my cheek. "You're so beautiful, and you do make me feel special—"
"But I haven't been paying attention to you," I breathed.
"Come home with me," he said, touching my cheek again. "Just…just spend the night with me. Let me show you how much you mean to me, Blaine."
His skin was still as soft as I remember it. His lips were gentle and sure. And he touched me, god, the way he touched me. So beautiful. My sweet Kurt.
And there was no stupid little hipster that was going to take him from me.
I wish there was a way I could keep New York City from doing the same.