Pretty much the best fanfic I've ever written ever. I regret absolutely nothing.

A shifting of fabric caused Naruto to jolt from his sleep, head swerving around to find the source of the noise.

Beside his bed, Naruto saw the last person he would ever expect to see: Sasuke Uchiha.

His irritated expression morphed into something more intense, sex clearly displayed in his eyes.

"Sasuke, what are you doing here?"

The other teen scowled. "Do I need a reason?"

"Well, kinda, yeah," Naruto replied, taken aback. "I mean, it's the middle of the night, you left the village for power like two years ago, and you're standing over me. It's kind of… sexy."

Sasuke's face took on a sexy smolder as he climbed atop Naruto's bed. "Naruto, I will mount you now."

"But I am not a horse, Sasuke, how will you do that?" It was true; Naruto was not a horse, and on top of that didn't own a saddle.

"I will show you," Sasuke answered. Without wasting a moment, Sasuke tore off his pants, revealing his engorged member.

Naruto was in awe. "Wow Sasuke, your penis is as big as a rake!"

"I used a genjutsu to make my cock seem bigger."

"What are you going to do with it?" Naruto asked, mysteriously naked as he sat up in bed.

"This." Sasuke, in a brutal motion of passion, thrust his throbbing kunai into Naruto's fleshy holster.

"Ahhhhhh~" Naruto's loud moan pierced the night as Sasuke rammed his penis into Naruto, and even with the size-enhancing jutsu Naruto was not satisfied. "Fill me more, Sasuke~!"

Not a bead of sweat rolled down Sasuke's face as he answered, "You are not ready for my two penis jutsu, Naruto."

"Ohhhh~" Naruto could barely contain himself as he was hammered mercilessly by his rival, so close to coming it was unbearable. He exclaimed a final "Sasukeeeeeeeeeeeee~!" before he came onto the sheets, shurikens dancing and flying behind his eyelids as his semen sprayed from his cock and painted the bed.

At the same exact moment, Sasuke screamed Naruto's name, his orgasm exploding inside of Naruto and washing his anal cavity in white. As they both struggled to regain their breaths, Sasuke pulled his giant penis out, still shrouded by genjutsu. He laid himself down next to Naruto, relishing in the silence before murmuring, "You know what? I didn't really leave the village for power. It's just… you kept hanging around me, and… Goddamn are you kawaii, and after a while I just had to leave because I just had this huge boner for you all the time, Naruto. I couldn't handle it."

An embarrassed flush blossomed on Naruto's face. "Sasuke, I… I also have a giant boner for you, Sasuke! You should have just told me! We would have been together forever."

Sasuke chuckled, a low and masculine sound. "Forever, huh?"

"No, not forever…" Naruto gave Sasuke a gentle kiss on the lips before leaning toward Sasuke's ear to whisper, "Five-ever."