I Have Nothing
Disclaimer: Fox owns Glee and the Characters. I Have Nothing belongs to Whitney. Jane Eyre belongs to Charlote Bronte.
Warning: A bit angsty.
Authosr notes: That's my interpretation on Kurt's feelings as he was singing I Have Nothing.
I have no tears to spare… Not for now… Because if I lose him, I know I'll have to use them all. I sing for him. My voice sounds through the room but it is only for him. Like if he rejects me now there is no point going to NYADA at all because I'll be mute forever. Like Lady Gaga, I know I would be Speechless. As if my voice exists only for him. Only to beg of him that he forgives me. I hate myself in that moment. I hate that I was so weak. I hate that he saw through my charade so easily, he knows me too well. I feel ashamed of even giving my phone number to Chandler and I hate him for even asking. It's not that he is a bad person, but the memory of the look in Blaine's eyes as he sang It's Not Right But It's Ok, cuts deeply into my soul, and for more than once I had had these thoughts of picking up the knife and drive it into my flesh just so my soul would stop burning for a bit. I love him. There is no other words to say it but they seem so short. So humble next to what I feel for him.
I feel like a whore.
I feel like the worst of men.
I feel like Rochester begging Jane Eyre not to go. Because like him, I have no right to ask nothing, but still in my despair, there is nothing else I can do.
I could actually beg in a less dignified way, but it wouldn't bring him back. He would not love the shell that is left of me after his song. So I man up, I try to remember my old antics and sing Whitney. I Have Nothing… Nothing but him. I'm nothing… Nothing but what we are together. There is no me without him. Nothing that he didn't help build. And, though, I am the one on the wrong, the one who started this whole mess and he was the one to end it… I know… I know I would be the one to finish. Because if he rejects me again… It is indeed the end. For me. For everything.
I look into his eyes and I see a flicker of something.
Maybe I don't need to hold my tears.
Maybe… Just maybe, there is still hope for us.