a/n: a year ago today, The Savage Soul dubbed this day "KAMES DAY" aka my new favorite holiday! :D so in honor of her and today, I decided to write a cute little fluffy- with hidden angst innuendos- Kames oneshot :D I feel kinda meh about the title but I was struggling with it and this was all I couldn't think of lol. Womp oh yell, I hope you guys enjoy this! I don't own anything.
For as long as Kendall could remember, James was afraid of the dark.
When you're little, it's natural that you're afraid of the dark- all little kids are. The unknown and being unable to see is enough to send even the bravest of six year olds to tears. James was no different, and there wasn't anything wrong with that, except that his best friend Kendall was absolutely fearless, making him feel like a baby compared to him.
But Kendall, being the bestest friend a six year old could've asked for, never teased James for his fear. In fact, he was always there to make him feel better even in the darkest times, no pun intended.
"You don't use a nightlight?" James asked in disbelief during his first sleepover at the Knight house. After an afternoon of playing, and a dinner of pizza, it was getting late and the young boys were instructed to go to bed. After brushing their teeth, James followed Kendall into his bedroom, surprised to see that he didn't have a nightlight like he did.
"Nope." Kendall said proudly. "The dark don't scare me no more."
"Oh." was all James could say. How could he let his brave friend know that he still needed a nightlight? He would make fun of him for sure. "What about monsters?" he asked Kendall, feeling himself getting a little anxious thinking about seeing in the pitch blackness.
Kendal just smiled and pointed to the picture nailed to his wall of him and his father, who passed away recently. "The monster's can't get me 'cause my daddy watches over me. He watches my mom and the new baby too 'cause she has a picture in her room." he added, referring to the unborn baby in his mom's stomach.
"Will he watch over me too?" James asked meekly, climbing into Kendall's bed. He pulled the blankets up to his chin.
"Jamie, are you scared of the dark?" Kendall inquired curiously.
"No!" James replied immediately. "I just don't like it." he looked down, feeling embarrassed. "And I still sleep with my nightlight." he added quietly.
"Aw, Jamie, it's okay to be scared of the dark." Kendall said, climbing into bed to sit next to his friend.
"I'm not scared, I just don't like it!" James insisted.
"I won't make fun if you if you are scared." Kendall added.
James paused in thought for a moment. "Well maybe if you stay next to me, some of your braveness will rub off on me." he decided.
"Okay." Kendall smiled and reached over to shut the lamp off, engulfing the room in darkness and evoking a small yelp from James. Kendall reached over to hug his friend. "it's okay." he said. "The monsters won't get you. I promise."
They fell asleep holding each other and for the first time, James fell asleep somewhat peacefully without a nightlight.
All thanks to Kendall.
. . .
When the boys were twelve, other than Kendall realizing he had developed a little bit of a crush on James, Logan had taken an interest in phobias, "diagnosing" for lack of a better term his friends with their proper phobia names. According to the research he had done on the internet and on his friends, he deduced that Kendall had Arachnophobia, also known as the fear of spiders (which made no sense to any of them, since the blonde practically worshiped Spiderman. Logan was sure there was a logical explanation behind that though); Carlos had Phalacrophobia, the fear of balding (he was just pleased there was a cool word for him); and naturally, James had Achluophobia, a fear of the dark.
James didn't agree. A twelve, almost thirteen, year old shouldn't be afraid of something as silly as the dark, therefore he insisted that he wasn't.
Kendall knew otherwise, and he figured it out later that same day.
The brunette boy spent the night at his friend's house and for the most part it was the two of them alone. Mrs. Knight was working the late shift and Katie was spending the night at her grandparents', leaving the two twelve- "almost thirteen and completely old enough to be home alone," Kendall insisted- by themselves for a few hours. Mrs. Knight ordered a pizza for them and made sure the door was locked. She also called every hour, but Kendall and James expected that.
It was around midnight, when video games were getting boring and indoor hockey was out of the question since they lost their makeshift puck under the couch, that Kendall suggested the two of them watch a movie. After the two of them agreed on the perfect movie, the lights went out, and Kendall didn't fail to notice how James stiffened up immediately. "Everything okay?"
"I'm not afraid of the dark." James insisted, but he pulled the blanket on the couch up over his body and up to his chin.
Kendall had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "Just asking if you're okay." he replied smoothly, taking a seat on the couch next to him.
"Logan doesn't know what he's talking about." James continued to mumble, still looking uneasy. "I'm not afraid of the dark."
The blonde smirked at his foolish friend. "Whatever you say dude." he reached out to tousle James' hair but he flinched away from the sudden movement. While Kendall found that suspicious, he didn't press the subject. "You know, it's okay to be scared." Kendall told him. "I won't make fun of you for it."
"I'm not scared." James insisted again, and Kendall felt his stubborn nature take over as he reached for the remote control, clicking the TV off, leaving the two boys in complete darkness. "Why'd you do that?" James asked, his voice cracking a little.
"I don't want to watch this movie." Kendall said simply. "You sit here for a sec and I'll head up to my room and get a different one."
James didn't get a chance to reply before Kendall got up and left, hoping that his actions would allow James to finally admit that he was afraid of the dark so Kendall could be a good friend and comfort him and possibly help him through his problem. However, Kendall didn't expect to return downstairs to hear the sounds of quiet crying. "James?" through the darkness, Kendall could see a bundle in the corner of his couch, that he assumed was James under a blanket, and when he called his name, he flinched again. "James, are you crying?" Kendall asked, dumbfounded. This wasn't supposed to happen…
"Turn the light on." James pleaded quietly. "P-please."
Immediately, Kendall turned a lamp on and climbed back onto the couch, pulling the blanket off of James and into his arms. He stiffened up a little bit but he gradually relaxed, wrapping his arms around Kendall as well, sniffling a little. "I am so, so sorry James." Kendall apologize. "I didn't think you would get so scared." James whimpered a little, clinging to Kendall a little tighter. The blonde's stomach was doing flips feeling James hold him like this and even though the situation wasn't ideal, he was really liking it. "It's okay, it's okay." he murmured to him gently. "I'm here."
"Don't leave me alone again Kenny." James pleaded, burying his face in the crook of Kendall's neck.
Against his better judgment, Kendall placed a kiss on James' head. "Never." he swore.
James shuddered a little feeling Kendall's lips against his forehead but he felt his heart skip a beat- he honestly thought it did because his chest tightened a little. "Thanks." he mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed at the moment. Why did he have to be such a baby? Why couldn't he man up like his dad always told him to?
"Do you want to talk or anything?" Kendall asked him. "Or is there something I can do to make you feel better?"
James licked his lips nervously and pulled away from Kendall just enough to look him in the eye. "Can you kiss me again?" he asked, his voice cracking with embarrassment again.
Kendall was shocked to hear his request, but his heart leapt in his throat and all he could do was smile and nod. When he composed himself enough, he leaned forward and capture James' lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. Their mouths moved in motion, fitting together perfectly like they were meant to be together, meant to be kissing. When the two of them needed to take a breath of air, they broke the kiss, panting slightly, blushing a lot, and not meeting each other's gazes.
It was both of their first kisses.
"Um, that was nice." James muttered, breaking the silence first.
"Yeah…" Kendall brought his hand up to his mouth to bite at his nails. "Uh good job?" he said nervously.
"Thank you, you too." James said quickly, still not meeting his gaze, and Kendall chuckled lightly despite the awkwardness. "Uh, so um, how about that movie?"
Kendall raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you sure?" he asked, wondering if James would be okay in the dark.
James' face flushed noticeably. "I mean, if you want the lights off I'm sure I can suck it up for a while… if you, um, sat with me." he mumbled, once again looking down embarrassed at his lap.
Kendall felt his lips curl into a smile and he moved over closer to James, wrapping his arm around his shoulder and hugged him tightly, using his other hand to reach over and turn the lights out once again. The only difference this time is that James didn't tense up or get nervous; he was absolutely relaxed under Kendall's touch.
. . .
At sixteen, James' fear of the dark hadn't lessened any but Kendall discovered the truth behind his phobia. For years, James had been keeping a secret- he was being abused. It turns out that his father was doing some not nice things to him, including touching him and doing some inappropriate things that a father shouldn't do to his son. It took Kendall nearly two years to get the truth out of James, but once he finally did, he vowed to get revenge for James' sake. But, since sleepovers were a regular thing for the new couple, Kendall made sure to leave a lamp on for his friend whenever the two of them got to cuddle in his bed. James would blush furiously and insist he didn't need it, but Kendall would leave it on for him anyway, and James would thank him right before he fell asleep.
If there was one thing Kendall couldn't control, it was the bipolar Minnesota weather and the blackouts that followed the storms.
One summer night, the two boys had fallen asleep to the sounds of thunder and Kendall's lamp on as usual, but Kendall had been woken up in the middle of the night by a certain brunette boy practically on top of him, buried under his blanket. "What's going on?" Kendall mumbled sleepily, looking around. It only took him a second to realize that the only light in the room was coming from the lightning outside.
"Kendall, it's s-so dark." James whimpered, not resurfacing from under Kendall's blanket, where he was securely hidden.
Kendall rolled over so he was on his back and pulled his boyfriend over so James was laying on top of his stomach, and he wrapped his arms around his friend, hugging him and rubbing his back. "It's okay Jamie, the storm's gonna pass." James just whimpered in reply and nestled his head against the blonde's chest, flinching occasionally when there was a particularly loud thunderclap. "It's okay, you're okay." Kendall whispered to him, holding him tightly.
"Don't let the monster get me," James mumbled into Kendall's shirt, referring to his dad as the monster he always talked about, and the blonde's heart broke for him, especially since he could feel the tears of James' fears hitting his shirt like bullets.
"No one's going to hurt you James, I promise." Kendall swore, giving him a tighter hug. "I promise baby." James nodded into his chest and clung to Kendall. "Just relax."
James heaved a heavy sigh, and Kendall knew that something else was wrong with him. The brunette boy rolled off of his boyfriend's chest and laid on the bed, silent for a few moments. "C-can I tell you a story?" James asked, fiddling his hands together, then brining one of them up to bite down on his nails.
"Yeah, what is it?" Kendall asked, curious and confused.
James took a deep, yet shaky, breath. "There's this boy… and he's so scared all of the time. And- and he hates it but he can't help it, he's just so scared that he's going to get hurt again." tears were sticking to his eyelashes and James let out a long, heavy sigh. "And there's this guy…" his voice cracked a little, and he wiped his teary eyes with the back of his hand. "And he's so, so amazing, and he's always been there for this… this loser of a guy- who really needs to grow up and grow a pair, by the way." James added hastily and Kendall's chest felt tight. "And he doesn't even deserve to call his guy his boyfriend, but he does and he's even more afraid of losing him then anything else," James had to stop to wipe his eyes again. "But- but he keeps pushing him away because he's always so afraid of even being hugged by his amazing boyfriend because he can't stop thinking about how he was hurt."
Kendall didn't want to hear anymore; he reached out and pulled James into his arms, hugging his boyfriend tightly. He felt James stiffen up immediately and his hands moved up to Kendall's chest, instinctively wanting to push him away. "It's okay," Kendall whispered to him, placing a kiss on his temple. Slowly, he felt James relax and lower his arms. Kendall never let go of him. "Let me tell you a story." Kendall told him, struggling to keep his voice steady. "There's this really sweet, amazing boy who was raped." he felt James tense up again, and he pushed James back to brush his hair out of his face, cupping his tear stricken cheeks in his hands. "And then he met this boy, who completely understands that he's been hurt, and he's broken, and he's a little more sensitive then he used to be… and he's totally okay with it." Kendall looked James right in the eye when he said that, and another tear streaked the brunette's face. "He's going to stick by this boy's side until the end." Kendall swore, meaning every word he just said to James.
"Is he going to fix him?" James asked, his voice cracking with emotion.
Kendall placed a kiss on his forehead. "He will." he whispered to James, hugging him again. This time, however, James slowly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and hugged him back tightly. Kendall felt such pride, such happiness right now, that a single tear tarnished his cheek. "He's not going anywhere." he whispered.
"I don't know why you're with me." James said, his voice muffled due to the fact that his face was pressed into his boyfriend's shoulder. "I- I'm a horrible boyfriend to you! I can't let you hug or kiss me without freaking out, I keep you up half the night when I have nightmares, I can't even have sex with you-"
"James, you were raped." Kendall reminded him, pushing him away so he could look him in the eye once again. "Baby, it's not something that you can get over in a few days. I know that one day you'll be okay with me hugging you, and you'll be ready for sex, but until those days come, I don't mind any of this."
"You're just saying that." James mumbled stubbornly.
"I'm not." Kendall insisted, brushing the boy's hair back once again. "I swear to you James. I don't care about sex, not right now at least. All I care about is you and making sure that you're okay." James still looked a little disbelieving but Kendall thought he convinced him enough to calm him down. "And to answer your question…" Kendall placed a soft kiss on the brunette's lips, then pressed their foreheads together. "I'm with you, because I love you."
James finally smiled and rolled over, allowing Kendall to pull him into another tight hug and just hold him a while. "I love you too." he murmured softly, resting his head on Kendall's shoulder.
The blonde placed a kiss on the side of James' face and rubbed his back when a loud clap of thunder sounded and James tensed up. "It's okay, I'm here." he said softly.
James smiled again. "You always have been." he whispered, and no truer words have been spoken.
For as long as Kendall could remember, James was afraid of the dark.
And for as long as James could remember, Kendall was there to chase the monster's away.