It really has been so long since I updated so sorry but stuffs happened and as ever life gets in the way. Anyway, I have a small idea of what is going to happen in the next chapter but I could do with some more help so any suggestions are appreciated.
Also I apologise, this is quite a bit shorter than the other chapters that I have posted but I figured that it was better than nothing!
ALSO, series finale of season 7. I am not happy lol Season 8 will never be as good as the rest.
Once again I do not own any part of criminal minds. Although I wish I did.
The drive home seemed to take forever, however neither of the women really minded. They sat there in comfortable silence, both engrossed in their own thoughts. JJ's head felt like a minefield and Emily's wasn't much better, both thinking the same things, both to scared to have the convocation. They finally pulled up to the drive of Emily's house, glad to finally be away from the hospital and back to somewhere that felt like home. Emily exited the car abruptly, moving around to open the passenger side door to help the blonde out. After grabbing JJ's bag from the back of the car, she followed closely behind JJ as they walked towards the door, ready to be her support if she needed her. When they faced the door, Emily reached around JJ to put the key in the lock, brushing slightly against the blondes arm, smirking when she saw the shiver run through her body. Once inside Emily flicked the lights for the living room on and moved to put JJ's bag on a nearby chair.
'Make yourself comfortable. Would you like a drink?' She moved over to the kitchen around the corner, JJ looked around noting that it looked like a women's version of a bachelor pad. Everything was so modern and sleek but as much as she hated to admit it, it didn't look like a home for anyone. There were no personal photos around and the place seemed void of all feeling, JJ knew Emily was good at compartmentalizing but she didn't realise she was this good. She thought that there must be somewhere where she didn't have to be so controlled but this defiantly wasn't it. It was a minute later before she realised the brunette was looking at her waiting for an answer with the most beautiful smile she had ever seen plastered across her face.
'Yes please, what are you having? Glass of wine?' She asked hopefully. They both knew that she wasn't supposed to drink but after what she had been through, she really felt like a drink. It would help her nerves in this situation too. 'Come on Em, please? One glass isn't going to hurt'. Emily nodded slightly, she knew she shouldn't but she just couldn't deny those beautiful blue eyes anything. She moved over to the wine cabinet, JJ following her into the kitchen. After pouring the two glasses, the two women moved over to the sofa in the middle of the living room, they couldn't help but just look at each other and smile.
'You are so beautiful Jennifer, you know that?' Emily reached up and placed a loose piece of hair behind the other woman's ear. In that moment she felt more connected to JJ than she ever had to anyone before and she wanted the blonde to know that. After taking JJ's glass out of her hand and placing them both on the coffee table, she reached over and lead the younger woman's face towards hers.
They seemed to linger in that space for hours before Emily finally closed the gap and claimed the lips that had lingered in her thoughts for as long as she could remember. The kiss started off slow, both tentative, but quickly became more heated. Emily felt like she was flying, she had never felt that good before, JJ did something to her that no one had ever come close to before. She ran her tongue along the blonde's bottom lip asking for entrance and she was instantly granted it, using her tongue to stroke the other woman's and extract some of the most beautiful noises she had ever heard. They kissed like this for what felt like forever, Emily feeling like a horny teenager again, unable to stop herself. Every movement seemed so perfect and it just made her wonder why she hadn't taken the leap all that time ago, she could have been doing this for ages. She vowed in that second to never take JJ for granted, she would treasure her, every bit of her. Emily started leaning JJ back so they ended up lying down on the sofa, Emily hovering over the blonde. They were still kissing yet Emily couldn't stop herself pouring all of the passion she had into it, pushing JJ back down into the sofa. Emily was completely lost in her feeling until she realised that the blonde had gone completely rigid underneath her and when she opened her eyes to take in the expression of the woman underneath her she was shocked at what she saw. JJ's eyes were screwed tight shut with tears running out of the corners and down the side of her face and her shoulders were tensed along with the rest of her body. The brunette abruptly pulled herself up off Jennifer's body and placed her hand on the side of her face.
'Jennifer, it's only me. Baby open your eyes. I'm so sorry' She didn't think she could feel any more guilty until she saw the normally sparkling eyes open filled with fear and she heard the words that broke her heart.
'I'm so sorry Emily' Instantly she jumped into action and held the younger woman close to her while she wept, whispering apologies and love. After a few minutes the sobbing stopped and Emily pulled back to look into the empty eyes before her.
'Jennifer, look at me' After a second the blonde turned to return her gaze. 'I am so sorry. I should never have pushed you. I should know more than anyone what you are feeling and I didn't even think. Please forgive me. I will do everything in my power to never hurt you again'.
'It isn't your fault Em, you weren't supposed to know. I just couldn't stop it, the images started coming back. Him… In that place… I just couldn't…' She trailed off, no longer to construct a coherent thought.
'But I should have known. More than anyone I should have known. Because I've…' She paused. She had never told anyone this before but she knew it was only fair, she needed to be honest with JJ. She took a deep breath and continued. 'Because I've been where you are now. I have been you. I've been raped' She whispered the last bit and looked down instantly, not able to meet the look of the blonde.
'What?' She could hear the disbelief in the voice and she knew she had to be completely honest.
'Cyrus. The compound' She heard the blonde gasp and she winced away. She hated being seen as weak but she knew that JJ needed her right now, she needed proof that she could get through this.
'Oh, Em. Why did you never say something?' JJ reached over and placed her hand over the brunette's.
'Because that's what I do. I compartmentalize. Lock things away. But I should have known better than to push you. I'm so sorry Jennifer, I will do anything to make it up to you'. She was ashamed. She had known exactly how JJ would feel in that moment but she had forgotten and let herself get carried away.
'But we were listening. How did we not know?' The tears started flowing down JJ's face once again. She wept for her own trauma but also for the pain the woman beside her had gone through with no one to look after her.
'He took me to another room. I'm glad you never heard. None of you deserved that.' She still couldn't look JJ in the eye. She had never felt this weak before but she knew she needed to do this for JJ.
'You should have told me. I would have been there for you. I'm so sorry.' How had she never noticed what the other woman was going through? How had she been so strong when JJ couldn't help but breakdown.
'You have no need to be sorry. Just being yourself helped me.' For the first time since she had told this secret, she looked up into the eyes of the woman she loved and saw not pity but love. 'Everyday when I would come into the office and you would greet me with the biggest smile it made me smile. You were the only person that could do that for a long time. You treated me like you always had, like everyone else and it made me realise that I was still me. The… rape… it hadn't changed that. You helped me more than you will ever understand'. She smiled to herself because she knew every word that she had said had been true. Loving JJ is what had kept her sane for months. They both sat there in silence for what seemed like ages just looking into each other's eyes before JJ took a quick glance away to look at the clock.
'We should probably leave now, I've got to be at the doctor's in about half an hour' She looked meekly away. 'Is it still ok if….you come with me?' Emily could have almost laughed at the worry in her voice but she didn't.
'Of cause I'm coming with you. Please stop worrying. I'm going to be here with you every step of the way. I've only just got you, don't think I'm going away for even one second' She offered her most honest smile to the blonde and moved to get up and get ready to go. After grabbing their bags and anything else they needed Emily reached for JJ's hand, met with surprise but not reluctance, and lead her down to the car.