I locked the doors, I locked the windows, I even tightened the screws on the air vent, just in case, but still she found her way in. Is there a hole in the bathroom that I don't know about? Did she have her own key card to my room? Most importantly, doesn't that long hair of hers get in the way of CQC?
"Laura?" I speak up finally. "How do you keep your hair out of the way when you do hand-to-hand combat? I mean, it's really long!"
She doesn't respond to me. Her back to me, I stare at the long silvery hair that draped down it. Is she ignoring me? That's not very nice, and it's not like her. Now, while I can't say that Laura paints the world view of my country's customs in a very positive light, I can say that when she is spoken to, she responds timely and appropriately… Although, what's appropriate can be a little subjective at times…
"Laura." I call to her again, but she still doesn't answer me.
We can't be more than a few feet away from each other. I know she can hear me. Did I make her angry somehow? I know that I do that sometimes, but no one ever tells me what I do!
"Laura c'mon, what's the matter with you?" I grab her wrist, and by extent, her attention.
"Hmm?" she finally turns to face me. I expected to see her scowling when she finally looks at me (the patch over her left eye would only serve to accentuate that), but I'm glad to see that she doesn't appear mad. "Oh, meine bride, you've come back fram kendo practice early today."
Yeah, yeah, I get it. You've made me your bride (read: your bitch); this spiel is getting kinda old. SPIEL! I like using that word for some reason. SPIEL!
"Why aren't you answering me?" I ask again, now that I have her attention.
"Hmm?" she still doesn't seem to hear me. Why doesn't she hear me? "Oh, vait I steel have ze music playing."
That accent of hers is kinda a turn-on when she acts empty headed like this – hey wait, that's my music player!
"I've been looking for that for the past week! Why do you have it?"
"Oh, I vound it vetween your mattress an ze bed frame. It must have been shtuck there for days." her accent is still a turn-on, and I can finally listen to my Hibari Misora track again! Go Laura!
"Thanks, Laura. I can finally listen to my music again."
"Anything for meine beloved bride." again, she says bride, but she means bitch.
I look at what she's wearing: a cute bandanna on her head to keep her hair back and matching, frilly apron over her… her…
"You crazy German, why are you naked!" I believe that was a perfectly reasonable question, was it not?
"I'm not naked, I'm vearing an apron."
Well, speaking denotatively, she was correct. However, in reference to nudity, my connotative definition is defined as being exposed to the elements. I'm sure that won't make it into any dictionary anywhere, but the guys who write dictionaries don't have hot, naked, German girls in their bedrooms, and I do, so they can kiss my – what am I thinking?
"Idiot! That – put some… You know what? Forget I said anything." I just came back from kendo practice with psycho Shinonono. I don't have the energy to argue right now. "Why are you in my room, Laura?"
"Vell, I decided that I vould be nice and clean meine bride's room vor him." at least her heart was in the right place.
I wanted to ask why she was wearing that apron, but usually, whenever I say something like that, someone like Houki, Cecelia, or Rin flies in and smashes my balls. I only have two of those, you know! So, instead of using my words, I try to convey my message by letting my eyes roam her body.
As she notices what I'm doing, she begins to blush. "Don't… Don't look at me vith such lustful eyes."
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M DOING AT ALL!"
"Ya, but vhen you look at me like that vhen I'm vering this I…" her hands venture south and she begins to crumple the apron with her hands.
"Then why are you wearing it?" I am finally forced to ask.
She gasps, surprised for some reason. "Could it be that… that you want to see me vithout zis apron?" she smiles sadistically at me, completely missing my point. "Hmph. To think that meine bride could be so lewd. But if I must…" she begins to undo the knot at the back of the garment.
"YOUR MISSING THE POINT!"
I reason with her (as much as possible with this girl) that, at this point, I was not yet ready for such an experience. I kindly asked her to put her clothes back on only to be informed that she had walked from her room to mine dressed in only that apron, and has been cleaning my room, in only that apron, since the end of classes today. Due to her lack of clothing, I handed to her the uniform blazer off of my back. I would have offered her some of my casual pants as well, but she's small so the blazer was enough.
"How did you get in here anyway?" that question has been on my mind since the beginning of the chapter. Good job, me, for finally asking that question.
"Vell…" seriously, if she were to whisper naughty words into my ears with that accent, I'd have an embarrassing sticky liquid flowing down my leg by the buckets worth faster than you can say close the flood gates! "The day I first claimed you as my bride, I asked Charlotte for the card key to your room so that I could speak vith you."
"So you do have a key!" and Char is to blame. Goddamn, cross-dressing Frenchie!
"I vas surprised that she vould give it to me so easily." you're not the only one, babe.
"Great… Sorry, Laura, but I'm tired right now. I just want to take a bath and head back to bed."
"Oh! Vell den, you're in luck. For meine bride, I've prepaired your bath. The vater should still be varm."
I know that, I the past, I've accused Laura of being a psycho, Nazi, German amazon, potato bitch, but the fact was that she made a very good house wife. I know because Chifuyu often says that I would make a good house wife… My sister is a bitch.
"Thank you, Laura. For that you may sleep in my room for the night." I could see that she was getting excited from that. I could not allow that to remain. "IN THE OTHER BED!"
With that all cleared up I continued to my bath. After another long hard day of being the only guy on campus (including the faculty) I have successfully managed to survive another day. My life is tough, you know. I should be rewarded for my efforts. What is my reward you ask? To me it is the most precious thing in the world. Yes. This is my Ichika Time, and I am Orimura Ichika-Chan.
I hear the bathroom door opening. I then turn to see who would intrude upon my Ichika Time. This is sacrilege!
"I'm not decent!" since when has saying that ever worked for me?
"Oh!" to my horror, I see none other than the silver haired Germ herself. She is covered only by one of my wash towels. "Meine bride is enjoying himself, I hope."
"HAVE YOU NO SHAME, WOMAN‽"
"Well, Laura said that she was going to be back late, but when I woke up this morning she was still gone."
"Do you know where she could be?"
"You share a room with Bodewig? Sounds tough."
"It's not really all that tough. Just… Odd."
"Hey! Laura's walking to class with Orimura! She's holding his arm!"
There's a ruckus as I enter the class room with Laura on my arm. I wonder what everyone is so excited about.
"You're not trying hard enough at being meine bride…" I heard Laura whining as we walk together. She's making a pouting face.
"Laura you have to realize that I'm just not ready for that kind of relationship, just yet." I try to reason with her, but I wonder why I even think that reason would work on her.
"But," she starts again.
"No means no, Laura."
"No means no!" that made some of the other girls stare at us. Don't giggle at my misfortune, stupid bitches.
"Okay…" she makes a very sad face… Aww! C'mon man! This is no fair…
"Hey." I grab her by her shoulder as she heads to her seat. "Don't make that face."
"But, meine bride isn't interested in me…" Laura really doesn't play fair does she?
"Don't say that. Hey, how about we have lunch together today? Just the two of us?" I say it now, but something tells me that I'm gonna regret this.
She perks up at this, so I let that malingering feeling of dread pass. Man, having a crazy girl like you is tough. I'm glad that this isn't one of those harem comedy mangas. If it were I'd have like five crazy girls after me at once! That would suck.
"Ichika…" I recognize that voice.
I turn to see a green bow, twin tails, blue eyes, and really, really great boobs.
"Hi, Houki!" don't stare at the boobs, Ichika. You are strong. You are stronger than the gravitational pull of Houki's boobs of steel.
"I hope you get anally penetrated by a silverback gorilla!"
What The Fuck‽
Oh well, can't let that bother me; class is starting! Where's Chifuyu-nee?
Oww! My head! That hurts, you crazy bitch! "Chifuyu-nee, that hurts!" you crazy bitch!
"That's Instructor Orimura when we're in class." said the crazy bitch. "Alright ladies, listen up!"
When she says ladies I know she's talking to me.
"Okay, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to say this, but thanks to Orimura and Bodewig, my hand is forced." oh, this can't be good. "From now on, NO SEX ON CAMPUS!"
WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX ON CAMPUS, YOU CRAZY BITCH! "But, Instructor Orimura, Laura and I didn't have sex on campus." YOU CRAZY BITCH!