Disclaimer: Me no own Star Trek. No no. I only own Celeste, this plot, and the currently-in-progress-of-being-patented nickname "Celeste the False Founder".

I feel like a Ferengi trying to avoid a lawsuit. Oh well, I suppose in the end that's what we're all trying to do, right?

This is because Weyoun doesn't get enough lovin'. So I shall give him some.

Enjoy the Weyoun-lovin'! :D


"I'm a Founder, bitch. Who do you think you are?" Those were the first ten words that tumbled out of her mouth, before she could stop them, that she spoke to this man.

She had made an honest mistake. She hadn't been watching where she was going, and she'd run into him by accident. She had been about to say sorry when he started in on her. She had murmured "Excuse me", which she thought was enough, but he had to turn it into something. His voice was polite with a very malicious undertone, as he asked her where she had to go in such a hurry. Was her time more important than his? Was this life or death? And most importantly, who did she think she was?

So she lied.

She knew he was a Vorta, and she knew they served the Founders. They puffed up the heads of those Changelings by worshipping them as gods. If he thought she was one of them, he would be shocked and change his tune, and start kissing the ground she walked on. He would yank that stick out of his ass and apologize to her.

Almost immediately, his eyes widened. "Oh, I - I-I'm so sorry, I..." He blinked a few times. "My vision must be quite bad today. I-I don't recognize you, I..." He quickly bowed his head and raised his arms, displaying his palms to her. "Please forgive me. I am truly not worthy. I was wrong to speak to you in such a manner - please, my Founder, punish me."

She crossed her arms. Well well, hook, line, sucker. "You probably don't recognize me because I just got here. But because I'm in a relatively good mood today, I shall not smack the gel out your hair, as I would any other Vorta who dared talk to me as you just did."

"Oh, thank you. I am most undeserving of your mercy." He tentatively lifted his head up, and his blue-violet eyes studied her face, though he probably couldn't see the details very well, if his eyes were as bad as he claimed. "You say you just got here? Of course you don't concern yourself with every single Vorta who serves you, so allow me to introduce myself. I am Weyoun, and it is such a pleasure to meet another of the Founders I serve."

"Ah. Weyoun. Yes, I've heard of you." She could almost giggle like a little schoolgirl at the look of pure delight that flashed onto his face when she said that. A Founder knew who he was? Ohhhhh, mercy, Mama! "You should know who I am, but since I'm new to this station I shall overlook that. My name is Celeste." And sadly enough, that was her real name. She didn't lie about that part, and she probably should have - maybe come up with a more Founderish name.

He seemed to accept it though. "What a magnificent name for an equally magnificent Founder. I-I assure you, it is my greatest pleasure."

She pretended to roll her eyes. "Yes yes, I'm sure it's the most exciting thing that's going to happen to you all day and probably all week. Now, Weyoun, could you kindly show me to anywhere I could get something to drink? The trip here was quite taxing, and I would like to relax."

"Oh... oh yes, of course. I shall escort you to the most popular recreational facility on the Promenade, if that's what you desire?"

"That should be fine, Weyoun." When he began walking, she cleared her throat loudly. "Excuse me."

He turned around quickly. "Y-Yes?"

She held out her arm. "Weyoun, you are not properly escorting me. Come here and take my arm in yours."

He blinked rapidly. "You... You are giving me permission to touch you?"

She waved him over, the expression on her face feigning anger. "You don't want me to get lost, do you?"

"Oh! My, of course not." He quickly walked back over to her and laced his arm through hers. "Forgive me for being so careless, please."

"I suppose." She flipped her hair as he began to walk her. Oh yes, this was soooo much better than being a Terran. She could get used to this. "Do you happen to know, Weyoun, if there are any other Founders on the station?"

"At the moment there is only one other - Constable Odo. But sometimes one or two may make visits, and what a rare delight it is." He face brightened a little, and he sent a nervous smile her way. "I suppose that now, I shall have two Founders to serve here. Simply wonderful."

"Mm." She looked around on the Promenade. It was perfect for a simple stroll, as its name suggested. There weren't many people about right now, it looked like - fairly empty for a recreation area. "Say, Weyoun, what do you do on this station?"

"Why, I'm a diplomat for the Founders. You know, I'm a very lucky person that you trust me so highly."

"Yes... I suppose we do. I've been told you can be trusted, but I do think I'll need to see it for myself before I truly trust you."

He nodded, almost imperceptibly. "Quite understandable. Not many people I meet trust me besides the Founders - everyone seems wary of me. It's likely due to the fact that I am your diplomat. This station is biased against the Dominion."

"Is that so? This may be an interesting excursion then." She giggled. "Do remind me, Weyoun, that I am not to get into any... altercations while I am here. The others would have my head."

A small, rather mirthless chuckle escaped his lips. "Your head?"

"Err, uh... isn't that how the Terran expression goes? 'Ohh, off with his head, then!' That is what they would do if I besmirched the name of the Founders while I am here. They say I still have much to learn... I'm not as old as most of them."

"Is that so? Perhaps Odo may be able to pass on some knowledge to you."

"Maybe." Her eyes were still roving around the Promenade, and a storefront caught her eye. "Oh? Weyoun, what is that place?"

He turned to where she was looking. "Oh, that is Garak's shop. He's a Cardassian tailor."

"Oh, Cardassian? I may have to check out the store at a later date..."

"'Check out'?"

"Er, I mean... that is, investigate inside it. You may have to come with me, I don't know this... Garak person."

"Oh, he's..." Weyoun's lips opened and closed several times, before finally deciding on the right phrase. "... Decent enough, I suppose. He's Cardassian."

She giggled. "You are very funny, Weyoun."

"I, uh... I am?"

"Oh yes. Listen to you! 'Oh, he's fine, just Cardassian'. Ha! And I actually understood the humor for once!"

"Well, I, er... thank you." He pointed up ahead. "Here. We are almost there, to Quark's Bar. It is the best-" He raised an eyebrow, then shook his head, sighing. "Err, well, the owner is the nicest-" His mouth opened as if he wanted to continue, but then he just pursed his lips. "... You can get a drink there, anyway."

"Like I said, Weyoun, you're a riot."

He raised his eyebrow again, this time looking at her. "Forgive me for my observation, my Founder, but... you use a lot of human expressions."

She blinked a few times, rapidly, then laughed and waved her hand. "Oh, well, the ship I rode on consisted of mostly Terran passengers. I believe I was the only non-human on the ship. I believe I was also the only one to get off here on Deep Space 9."

"So, you spoke to them on the way here? Were they interesting? I've watched them, and they are extremely peculiar."

"Oh yes, they were different. One of them gave up his seat to me, so I don't believe they're bad. They're just... odd and... have much to learn. They're a young species."

He nodded, even though he probably didn't agree with her. "Indeed, my Founder. Ah, we have arrived." He ushered her through the door, and for a bar it was surprisingly well-lit. There were a few people about - and from what she knew of the Dominion, most of them were of the species Jem'Hadar. They also served the Founders, but they served their Vorta commanders on top of that.

"Friends of yours?" Celeste asked, leaning over to Weyoun.

"My Jem'Hadar unit, yes." It seemed he'd gotten used to her sprinkling of human euphemisms, and began walking her over toward said unit. "They will be most pleased to meet you, just as I am."

"Right... er, Weyoun, I've never met any Jem'Hadar before. I've only left the Great Link one other time. They, um... they won't hurt me, will they?" She was honestly worried about this. What if the Jem'Hadar could sense that she was a human? They'd attack her for sure.

"Hurt you?" Weyoun chuckled. "They will revere you, just as I do. They would never lay a hand on you."

"Of course. Please forgive me, Weyoun. They look a bit intimidating."

"Humans think so as well. But mostly they are harmless while not in battle."

They had reached the small cluster of Jem'Hadar now, and the obvious leader stepped forward almost eagerly. "It is time?" His voice was rough, as she'd expected from their reptilian appearance, but nowhere near as vicious as she'd imagined.

"Not yet, I'm afraid," Weyoun replied, just as cheerfully. "Later, yes? But there's someone I must introduce you to." He let go of Celeste's arm and put his hand instead on her shoulder. "I present our new Founder, Celeste."

The leader raised his hands as Weyoun had done, and bowed before her. "It is an honor. I am First Omet'iklan. May we serve you well."

She was feeling gracious enough to reach over and put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure you will. It's nice to meet you all, but now I must go sit down. I shall see you later." She took a few steps toward the bar. "Weyoun?"

"Oh! Y-Yes, I am coming." He scurried back to her side as she took a seat on one of the barstools, next to what looked to her like a hairless Lunarian.

She turned to the creature and smiled. "Good afternoon! I am Celeste. What's your name?"

He looked at her for a few seconds. All he did was stare and blink.

"That's Morn." A Ferengi suddenly appeared, leaning over the counter at her and grinning. "Strange, he usually never shuts up - not in a talkative mood today, eh, Morn?" He chuckled and returned his eyes to her. "Well, anyway, I'm Quark. I say that because I've never seen you here before. Now, what can I get you?"

"Hmm... I just landed from an extremely long journey. I wouldn't suppose you could just get me a glass of ice water with some lime?"

"Of course, coming right up."

"Weyoun, he's staring at me."

"Oh - yes, of course, my Founder." Weyoun steeled himself in preparation for the apparent argument, glaring over at the Ferengi. "Q-Quark! What right do you have to ogle my Founder like that? Keep your eyes to yourself or I shall order my soldiers to gouge them out with a spoon!"

Quark raised an eyebrow, then muttered something derogatory about the Jem'Hadar and got a glass down to prepare her drink.

Celeste indulged in a silent snicker and crossed her legs. This was getting to be very fun; she wasn't sure she could take much more amusement. She had Weyoun at her beck and call, and he'd managed to annoy the bar owner into submission with five little words from her, one being his name. It was hilarious to watch him fall all over himself for her as if she really were a Founder.

She felt his hand on her arm. "Do you require anything else, my Founder?"

She pushed her blonde bangs back. "Yes. Please go find the temperature controls and turn them down. It's too hot in here."

"Of course!" He jumped up and immediately ran off in another direction. "I shall return posthaste!"

"Run, Weyoun, run!" She snickered as soon as he was out of earshot. She grabbed her drink that Quark had placed on the bar. "Can you believe it? I met the guy five minutes ago, and he's already doing anything I want."

"You're a Founder, aren't you?" Quark muttered. "Of course he's satisfying your every whim. They 'obey the Founders in all things', after all. By the way, which one of you is paying for the touching-my-thermostat surcharge?" (1)

She shook her head, disregarding his last comment. "Actually, Quark, can I let you guys in on a secret?" She glanced over at Morn. "You won't tell anyone, will you, Morn?"

"He may be a talker," Quark answered, "but he's not much of a gossip. What kind of secret is it?"

She sipped at her drink, then flipped her bangs back. "I'm not really a Founder. I'm pretending to be one so he'll give me a little respect. He was rude to me when I bumped into him by accident, so I wanted to make him eat his words."

"So you're a hew-mon?" Quark snorted. "He's going to be so pissed off if - and by if, I mean when - he finds out."

"I know. But hopefully, I can let him see who I am, and he'll be fine with it after I tell him."

"You better hope he doesn't sic his dolls on you when you tell him - and they're way more dangerous than Malibu Beach Barbie." He gestured to the Jem'Hadar in the corner with his head. "Have you seen the kinds of scary accessories they come with? You wouldn't stand a chance."

"Yeah, well, if they like me too, they're not going to jump me even if he orders them to."

"Celeste!" Weyoun's voice came floating back to the bar, but it sounded like more than one set of footsteps. "You'll never guess who I found! Oh, you must be so happy she's here, Odo!"

"What are you talking about, Weyoun?" came another voice, gruff but obviously confused.

Celeste froze and almost spit out her water. Shit.


(1) My friend suggested that last line. He was all "Oh hey, wouldn't it be funny if Quark was all 'Who's paying for the charge of touching my thermostat?'" and we both laughed and so I put it in. So give him credit for being funny.

Hope you liked the Weyoun-lovin'! Reviews are always muchly loved, since I don't always see a lot of reviews in the Star Trek category... ESPECIALLY for ones with OCs in them. So if you gave me a review I would be simply tickled. I might even be so giddy that I convince Garak to do a gleeful jig with me! And you'd all love to see that. Hell, I'd pay Quark ten strips of latinum for the chance to see that.

Well, thanks for reading! Till next time! ^^