CHAPTER 1 – EPILOGUE
[Author's Note/Disclaimer: First of all, this is a work of fiction and all a product of my somewhat disturbing imagination, hence the M rating, mostly for this first chapter that is the anticlimactic, abrupt conclusion of my horrible, deliberately-poorly-written troll-fiction that I've finally given up on, One Less Lonely Gurl. (Update on this statement: I was planning to give this fic an M rating, but I decided to give it a T rating because the contents after this chapter will be more wholesome. Only this chapter is actually M rated.) For more details on what happened and why I quit writing that horrifically preppy equivalent of Tara Gilesbie's My Immortal, please visit my profile or my blog, which my profile has a link to.
None of the events that are currently taking place in this story ever really happened or will ever happen either in real life or in the Spongebob Franchise itself. Also, I don't own the Spongebob franchise in any way, knowing that this is FAN fiction after all. Any similar events, people (sorry Justin!), and places, especially Russia and the Bermuda Triangle, are just coincidences.
If you want to skip this ending to One Less Lonely Gurl and get to the main story immediately, jump to chapter 2 and read onwards. I promise you guys that chapter 2 onwards will be a more wholesome story about friendship, hurt, and comfort in the Plankton's Eye View, hence the title of this story.
Lastly, enjoy, and feel free to post a review that will help improve my writing and therefore provide you guys with a truly memorable reading material. You can even flame me if you want. Go ahead. I'm not going to argue with you anymore. By the way, I would like to apologize to you guys for wasting your time back then and dumping f-bombs on you. In fact, I actually agree with all your flame comments on my previous story which I hate as much as you guys do. I would even want to thank you guys for helping me restore my faith in humanity amidst all human stupidity, from duck faces to Jackass stunts gone horribly wrong, known as 'epic fails' spreading across the internet and all other forms of media.
I would also like to apologize for this long introduction. So, are we okay? Great. Now, here's the ending to C'ren's adventure... Or you may skip to chapter 2, but to fully understand the story, know that this chapter will play an important role in some of the events in the main story no matter how irrelevant this might seem to be.]
...but it was all just a dream, and C'ren Bieber is really just a delusional woman selling herself to lonely men in the snowy streets of Russia. Her real name is Kataryna Simovitch, and she is, fortunately, not a villainous dominatrix-turned-goddess bent on world domination through mind control and the total elimination of rock and roll no matter how much she loathes the music genre. With her disastrous cooking skills, she will never be able to make even a half-decent sandwich that won't at least give a man of iron stomach even a slight churning.
She woke up from the weirdest dream yet, a dream that took her to an adventure of a lifetime, to the amazing discovery of a world only found in a TV show that she was able to sometimes watch by peeking through slightly-opened blinds in an apartment across the street, to (parallel-universe) Justin Bieber, the love of her life, a much younger than her pop star who will never actually love her back, and to conquest of the parallel world with Plankton's help. It was a dream that led her back to the days of her youth and it was something she never wanted to get out of, but in the end, dreams only last for a night. Any time soon, she will have to wake up, feel the chills up her spine, and realize that Justin's warm embrace that will ultimately make her one less lonely girl in the world is nothing but a figment of her imagination, along with the swarms of mindless zombies submitting to her orders.
She was never really taken in one winter night by some nice folks who allowed her to become a marine biologist at such a young age and start anew in America, let alone pursue her passion in life to make a groundbreaking discovery that will make a difference to the world and to avenge herself. She is just a crazy woman with dreams of world conquest that will never come true. She never also learned to read and write. No, she can't even count and logically explain why one plus one is equal to two. But hey, at least she knows that the rectangular papers and pieces of shiny, circular things called Rubles, also known as money, which she collects from her clients, is something that she can give away to sellers in exchange for better food and a vestige of hope for a 'better' life.
It was true, though, that she was abused in her childhood by her half-brother and his even more insane mother because she is the daughter of her father's other woman who died giving birth to her. While she was being abused, her father could do nothing but just watch her scream her heart out in vain because he was gagged and bound to a chair. It was also true that she hated rock and all other types of heavy music (especially Green Day and Avenged Sevenfold, her half-brother's two favorite bands) because she felt that their loudness silenced her screams and that they serve as a permanent reminder of all the things she's been through. What she doesn't know, however, is that her brother likes those bands because he feels empowered just listening to them. What she doesn't understand is that her brother has low self-esteem because he gets bullied in school a lot, is overweight and aesthetically-challenged, and has low grades to the point that he sometimes contemplates suicide. Unfortunately for him, he never really mustered up the courage to stand up for himself and do what is right; instead, all he ever did was do what he was told to. In other words, he just suffers as much as she does. It was true too that on her seventh birthday, she lost her father to her half-brother's mother.
Besides, Bikini Bottom really isn't the destination of a mysterious portal inside a giant coral reef under the Bermuda Triangle, if that coral reef and portal had actually existed. Bikini Bottom isn't a district in Atlantis because they are two separate places. Also, Kataryna can't be a marine biologist because she can't hold her breath underwater, not even for a millisecond. She is a horrible swimmer.
The only thing that Kataryna is ever really good at is being a fixture in that street where she would often stand, scantily-clad even in days when temperature drops below zero. Most days, she was wearing just an old, tattered-beyond-possible-repair, faded black shirt that flaunted her huge sagging breasts and a hot pink leather miniskirt so short that it resembled a belt without the pants. She was always trying to hitch a ride in bed with every man she meets. And, being a fixture, she's only had relatively very few clients in her years there. She isn't the tall, voluptuous yet slender, beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde woman who seduced the world to follow her whims. Yes, she is a tall woman standing at five foot ten, with blonde hair, fair skin, and blue eyes, but other than that, she isn't really a dream. Let's just say that she looks like someone that a drunken man would see on his bed after a nasty hangover or someone any man in his right mind would only be caught with if he lost a bet.
No one, not even herself, remembers when she actually started to dwell in that street after she decided to flee her house in the heat of a civil war that broke out many years ago, shortly after her father passed away. Justice never came for the murder of her father. As of today, her former tormentors still freely roam the streets of Russia and live their lives as if nothing had gone wrong at all.
It was in that street too when she learned how to use herself to somewhat restore the morale of emotionally wounded soldiers and refugees. But that seemingly glorious purpose has faded away after the years have went by and effaced the traces of the war.
As she stood up from the dimly-lit lamppost that she leaned on in her cold slumber, she looked up and saw a silhouette of a man.
"Finally," she thought. She hasn't had a client for months now, and she barely ate. She drank the snow she melted in the palms of her hands to quench her thirst and keep herself alive. She only ate leftovers from the trash cans, and on luckier days, roadkill roasted on a cozy fire made from boughs of withering trees nearby. Even if she is a horrible cook, she has learned to love the taste of roadkill ripple's savory flavor of fresh blood with half-cooked meat.
"Get in the car," the man said as he smoked a cigar.
He then led her up to a cheap motel room, and before she was able to undo the zipper of her leather miniskirt, he turned on the TV, and anyone could just guess what he was watching. Yes, he was watching the latest episode of Spongebob SquarePants.
"Don't even get me started on that goddamned yellow nightmare," Kataryna said angrily as she zipped up her skirt again and looked at him in such disdain, not even taking the money. And that's about the time she walked away from him.
[Author's Note/Disclaimer: My favorite part of writing this ending is describing her nightmarish appearance and ridiculously unfashionable clothing just for the lulz. I forgot to include this in the first author's note, but I would also like to apologize to all the rock/punk/metal acts I've dissed in my previous fanfic. I never really meant any of that. The truth is, I love all those bands/artists to death. At least Tara has good taste in music. I have to admit that and I don't care if any of you guys will bash me for it.
I've also seen Avenged Sevenfold live and they are the best band of this generation in my opinion to ever walk this planet. If you think otherwise, then I respect that. I know for a fact that everyone has a right to prefer something over another and that variety is the spice of life. I know that it's impossible to please everyone. Heck, not even Jesus himself could do just that. Rock in peace, Jimmy Sullivan, foREVer.]