Hello, hello! I am charlie009d's Typing Monkey! (Yes, that is pretty much my official title.) Anyway, I type and post all of Charlie's stories because Charlie does not have internet. Moving on: So this story basically resulted from a conversation me and Charlie had one day in English class. We were talking about how the Zeta beam in Gotham is a blue phone box that looked suspiciously like the TARDIS...and yeah, the rest is pretty much self-explanatory. Also, this story features the Joker...just because I thought it would be cool if he ever met the Doctor. So Charlie wrote it in.
And this story is not to be taken seriously in any way, shape, or form. Read on, and I hope you enjoy this fairly strange one-shot.
He had absolutely no clue as to how he ended up in Gotham. First he lost the TARDIS, and now he was absentmindedly walking around one of the most dangerous cities in the world. The year was 2012, the date February 12. The reign of the Batman. The Doctor laughed to himself. Bruce Wayne, he was a good kid. The Doctor had met him at the opera the same night his parents died.
He had been soaring over America when he crash landed in Gotham City. He had been teleported out of the TARDIS and was in the process of looking for her. He wasn't sure what had happened but as far as he could tell, he wasn't there for a reason. Batman had ahold of his city.
The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets and kicked a can that lay abandoned in the street. It was a beautiful night, the stars were actually shining through the smog that covered Gotham's sky. The air was crisp and small snowflakes fluttered to the ground, melting when they made contact with the wet asphalt.
On the less beautiful side, druggies were glaring out broken windows at him. He could hear sirens in the distance and people were running around in a panicked daze because the Joker had yet again broken out of Arkham Asylum. The Doctor sighed. The poor man beneath the make-up had obviously watched Stephen King's IT too many times.
A low cackle echoed off the walls of the brick alley. A dark figure with a white face and green hair stood at the end of the alley. His eyes and lips were as red as blood. A wide smile spread across his face when he saw the Doctor. The snow suddenly turned into a torrential downpour of rain. Thunder boomed and lightning cracked, but not louder than the maniacal laughter of the madman at the end of the alley.
"Hello," the Doctor called. "What's so funny?"
When he received no answer, the Doctor shrugged his shoulders and began to laugh along. The Joker seemed surprised that the Doctor had joined in. He stopped laughing and studied him through the pouring rain. He looked like a civilian, but there was something different about him.
"Who might you be?" the Joker asked.
"I'm the Doctor," he replied. "And you must be the famous Joker."
"Eh. 'Sup, Doc?"
The Doctor shrugged. "The sky, a plane or two, maybe some birds."
The Joker cringed at the word. "That reminds me. Where are the Bat and the Bird?"
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," he warned. "Walk with me."
"I like you," the Joker stated, hooking arms with the Doctor.
The rain stopped as suddenly as it had started. Both the Doctor and Joker were soaked and freezing. They talked about Batman, Robin, and Harley Quinn. Eventually the Doctor confessed he was an alien and he let the Joker put his ear to his chest to listen to his hearts to prove it. The Doctor was amazed at how stupid the clown was. He felt as if a light bulb should be floating over his head.
"You know," the Doctor said slyly, "I'm also a time traveler."
"You don't say? Do I have any kiddies?"
He hesitated. "No, you kidnap one."
The Joker shrugged. "Sounds good to me."
"Well, here's the thing," the Doctor said carefully. "I came back in time to take you back to Arkham." Seeing the murderous look the Joker gave him, he was quick to explain. "Which is a hard task since I already consider you a close friend, but you see, you weren't supposed to break out today. If I let you continue on your path, you will eventually kill a man by the name of John Smith. In turn, his sister Cathleen will become a criminal, hijack a jewelry truck, run it into a gas tank, and blow up your hideout with Harley and the hyenas in it," the Doctor lied.
The Joker thought for a moment. "Then I will rob a bank tonight."
"Clever," the Doctor said with a smile. "But John Smith will be killed in your getaway. It would be best if you went back to Arkham."
"I see what you're saying."
"So you're going back?"
"Well, I don't want to lose my honey bunches of oats or my babies."
The Joker began to walk in the general direction of Arkham Asylum. The Doctor was astounded that the clown actually believed him. He felt bad for lying, but he knew he was saving many lives. He idly wondered where Batman and Robin were, but brushed the thought. He looked behind him and saw the faint outline of the Joker walking away. He trusted that he would actually deliver himself to the asylum.
"That purple suit looks dashing on you," he called over his shoulder.
"Why, thank ya, thank ya very much," the Joker called back. "Your hair is sexy."
The Doctor ran his hands through his hair and smiled to himself. He liked to think his hair was attractive. As he walked through the streets of Gotham, he heard people murmuring about the Joker turning himself in. He had made Batman's job a lot easier. He pulled his wet coat around himself, trying to keep some body heat in.
A blue box sat directly in front of him. He ran to it and threw the door open. He was surprised when the inside was a regular phone booth. Had the TARDIS somehow been damaged when it crashed? The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver from a pocket on the inside of his coat. He flashed it around and was mildly surprised when a bright light filled the booth. An unpleasant tingling feeling filled his body and he had to shut his eyes to keep from going blind.
The next thing he knew, he was in a large room. Superman sat at a keyboard, oblivious to him being there. Robin sat on the couch, staring at him in pure shock. Kid Flash's eyes were wide and a half-eaten donut hung from his mouth. Black Canary jumped to her feet as soon as she saw him. Red Arrow made a grab for his bow, but hesitated. The Doctor was practically nose to nose with Batman.
"Hey, Bruce," he said, waving slightly.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Batman growled.
"I'm the Doctor. I met you when you were younger. I had a different face then, of course."
"Dude," he heard Kid Flash whisper, "He knows who Batman is!"
Peering at the young speedster over the Dark Knight's shoulder, he yelled, "I know who you are too, Wallace West!"
Wally dropped the donut he was munching on and a large black tentacle slithered out from under the couch and snatched it up, causing Red Arrow and Robin to withdraw their feet onto the couch. Batman glared darkly at the Doctor, who gave him a warm smile in return. Black Canary and Superman separated the two, worried that the Dark Knight would shove a bat-a-rang in the other man's eye.
"You should be thanking me," the Doctor said, sitting down on the couch. He threw an arm around Robin's shoulder, causing Batman to growl.
"For revealing my identity to everyone?"
"No, for taking care of the Joker while you were up here in the Watchtower," he replied. "This is the Watchtower, isn't it?"
Robin nodded slightly. Black Canary took a seat next to the Doctor and everyone looked up at Batman and Superman, waiting for what was to come next. The Man of Steel danced from foot to foot awkwardly, looking between Batman and the Doctor. He rubbed the back of his neck and approached his long-time friend.
"Ummm…Bruce, look….we've all known your identity for quite some time."
Everyone murmured their agreement.
"See, Bruce," the Doctor said, "No need to get angry. Clark is right."
Superman looked at him in disbelief. "How do you know that?"
The Doctor stood up faster than the Flash could move. Taking his glasses out of his shirt pocket, he put them on. "I'm Clark Kent," he announced. Whipping them off, he said, "I'm Superman!" he repeated the action several times until Robin and Black Canary yanked him back onto the couch. Superman stood as still as a statue, stunned by the Doctor's actions.
Black Canary cleared her throat. "So who are you? How did you get here?"
"I'm the Doctor, and before you ask, that is my 'legal' name. I travel through time and space, normally with a companion, or a sidekick if you will. But I'm currently companionless and before you ask, my former partners are still alive. I travel in my 'spaceship' called the TARDIS. That stands for 'Time and Relative Dimensions in Space'. I lost it in Gotham. I walked into your Zeta beam, I believe it called. And now here I am talking to you," the Doctor told them. "Oh, by the way, Dinah, how's Ollie?"
Black Canary ignored his comment. "So you're stuck here?"
"It seems that way."
Batman spoke to Superman briefly, turned on his heel, and took the Zeta beam to Gotham. Black Canary and Superman used a satellite to try and locate the TARDIS by air while Batman looked for it by land. Robin, Red Arrow, Kid Flash, and the Doctor sat on the couch, quietly telling stories of their adventures.
"Do you guys want to see something cool?" the Doctor asked.
The three boys nodded.
Red Arrow immediately sat up straight. His mask covered eyes fixed on the Doctor and he began to slap himself. Kid Flash and Robin laughed so hard they cried and nearly peed themselves. The Doctor could have sworn he had even heard Black Canary and Superman laugh.
"Roy Harper! Stop hitting yourself!" The Doctor bellowed.
Roy stopped, rubbed his cheek, and asked what was so funny, which awarded him with a roar of laughter. The Doctor stopped laughing when something warm touched his chest. He mentally slapped himself when he realized he had the TARDIS key on him. He pulled it from his pocket and the TARDIS materialized in the middle of the room, confusing everyone.
"Well, I'm off," said the Doctor, climbing into the TARDIS.
"Dude," Wally said as the door to the ship closed. "His hair was more cooler than my Uncle Barry's."
'More cooler?' Robin mouthed to Roy, who just shrugged.
"Take me with you!" Robin cried, running towards the dematerializing TARDIS.
The ship stopped at the Doctor peeked out. "No can do, Dick. Bats hates me enough as it is."
So yeah, I have no idea how the Doctor lost the TARDIS. Neither me or Charlie are creative enough to come up with a plausible answer. Also, the whole part with the Doctor making Roy slap himself is pretty much the only funny thing that will come out of the whole Roy situation. Oh, and I'm excited for the YJ season 2 premiere tomorrow! Hopefully, I'll be able to find it on the internet, as I don't have Cartoon Network.
And if you're interested, Charlie is in the process of writing a Teen Titans fic. It involves Slade and kidnapping. So yeah, it should be awesome. It might take me a while to get around to posting it though. Anyway, I hope you liked the story! Don't forget to leave a review!