Run and Hide

Disclaimer: I don't own Blue Bloods, it belongs to CBS... would I really be writing fanfiction if I had anything to do with the actual show? LOL

A/N: Okay, so I had this idea ages ago, but since I intended on it being a chapter story I didn't expect to get it out right away. To be honest, I'm kind of nervous about publishing it in the first place. It's not that I don't like the story I've written, but it could easily end up being over the top. Guess I won't know until I actually publish though, right? ;) I'm also not quite done with the story, but since I'm close enough, I'll start it anyway. I know this chapter is slow and kinda weird... I hope that even if it bores you, you'll give it a chance. It gets better! This is just the set up - so yes, it's short LOL. :) It's a Jamie-story, again (of course ^_~). Wanted it to be Jamie/Danny, but it also works as Jamie/male family members.

Enjoy! :)


Jamie lay on his back in bed with his arms tucked under his head. He stared at the ceiling bathed in darkness. Turning his head, he gazed out the window at the lights of New York City. They twinkled innocently, but he knew things were not innocent. That was one of the downsides to his job; the things he saw, the things he now realized people were capable of. Not that he hadn't known before, he just didn't personally see them until now. His undercover work, having to pretend to be a tough mob member, having to pretend to agree with the way things were done, even having to pretend to be in the drug business, took a large toll on him. A physical toll too, if he wasn't careful. At least that was over, for now. He just had to lay low. Secretly, he hoped to lay low for a long time. He didn't have much desire to get back to that part of his job.

The stress got to him. He found himself lying awake quite often, tossing and turning and staring at the alarm clock by his bed. Other nights, even if he was able to fall asleep right away, he'd keep waking up. Not always from nightmares; sometimes it was just worry that woke him and kept him awake. Unknown to his family, there were nights right after a tough shift that he would drive home, then walk to the closest bar. He'd sit for a few hours, drinking more than he normally would. The moment he really started to feel it was the exact moment some female would sit beside him, almost as if they could see the stress and drunkenness surrounding him. She'd flirt, he'd flirt, he'd pay his tab and follow her out. Those nights were not his proudest of moments, leaving him feeling ashamed by early morning and sneaking out without her noticing. He always felt disgusted with himself, for using them as a way to forget and for letting them use him. He knew he'd never develop a relationship with any of them – they only wanted one thing. He prayed every day that he would not run into any of them on the street during a shift. If they recognized him, and if Renzulli was with him, he'd never hear the end of it. Renzulli would probably tease him about it, making him feel worse. If Renzulli found out, Danny wouldn't be far behind, and his father wouldn't be far behind that. He could already feel the humiliation, and see the disappointment written on his father's face. His grandfather and Erin wouldn't be happy about it either. He could already hear the lecture he'd get from his sister.

Tonight could have been one of those nights. He had been just steps away from his apartment door when he thought he could use a few drinks. He had stopped himself, telling himself that this was not a good habit to get into. With the way things were going, he could end up in Alcoholics Anonymous with a child support court case to boot. He had to turn things around! He'd kept on walking, straight into his building. He'd hurried into his apartment, grabbing a bottle of water instead, ignoring the few bottles of beer that he kept in his fridge.

He needed time away. Tomorrow was Friday, his first day off in what felt like years. He had the entire weekend. He made up his mind, a look of determination filling his features. He'd leave tomorrow afternoon, grab his camping and hiking equipment, and spend the weekend in solitude. He knew of a campground a couple of hours out of the city that specialized in quiet getaways. You had no choice but to leave your car at the main office and to hike to a campsite once checked in. He had met many people who had done solitude weekends and had come out better for it.

He smiled to himself. Yes, that was what he needed, an entire weekend of peace and quiet, letting nature surround him, no cop duties to worry him. He needed a few moments of self-reflection. He'd also have to tell his father and Danny where he was going of course, so they would know where to reach him if he was needed.

He rolled over, feeling more at peace than he had in a long time.


A/N 2: Yeah, okay... I know what you're saying. Jamie would never act like a... um... male slut?... so why write him like that? You're right, he probably wouldn't, but there was one episode where Renzulli asked him something about how his love life was going and Jamie answered with "nothing serious"... made me think one-night stands weren't out of the question ^_~ (and I'm ashamed to admit there was a bad case of jealousy that followed that LOL). Also, I know nothing about New York, so I have no idea if there are any campgrounds around. I made that part up. ;)

Please review. Thanks! :)