Author's Notes: Now I do realize this is a ridiculous waste of time but it is fun nonetheless. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Inspiration came from: The Very Secret LOTR diaries. Google it if you haven't already read it. It's hilarious.

I don't own Death Note.

Date: 3rd December 2003

Light: [Age: 17]

Dear Diary,

Met a Shinigami. The faggot didn't want to kill me so apparently I can continue writing in my Death Note…..oh hold on I never told you about the Death Note….sorry I got so busy writing in the Death Note I forgot all about you….simply put it's a notebook that kills people…how cool is that? And it comes with a free Shinigami! How cool is that? So I told the guy that I'm going to be the God of the new world that I create with this Death Note. How cool is that?

I'm awesome.

L: [Age: 24]

Dear Diary,

Some weirdo has started killing people all over the world. Apparently, he only kills criminals. Listen to that diary! Someone thinks they're oh so righteous because they're killing criminals. He must be thinking, 'ooh I'm such a good person! I'm the hope of them weaker peoples!'

Makes me sick!

Near: [Age: 12]

Dear Diary,

Still number one. Still better than Mello at everything. I thought he'd like me more if I was better than him but looks like I only managed to piss him off. He kicked my legos in my face today! :( Matt laughed.

Mello is a meanie.

Mello: [Age: 13 going on 14 in 10 days.]

Dear Diary,

Near is a jackass! He thinks just cuz he gets better grades than me he's better. Well I say NU-UH! I got way more swag than him. I mean have you seen his hair? My hair is bloody perfect. Also, played football till I fell on my ass. Went back to room and found Matt bent over his video game. IS HE NEVER GOING TO NOTICE ME?

I love Matt.

Matt: [Age: 13]

Dear Diary,

Recently started playing The Wind Waker. Cannot put my controller down anymore. Watched Mello play football for a while. His hair is perfect. I remember when I first saw him I thought he was a girl till I saw his thing while we were in the locker room. Haven't been able to get that image out of my mind since. Did I just get turned on just by writing about that?

Puberty is weird.