It had to end.
Their relationship did nothing but hurt him. Night after night he inflicted pain upon the most important mouse in his life. The most important everything in his life. He didn't ask for much, yet even on those rare occasions where he achieved pure, exalted happiness, something had to go wrong. He was hurting him, yet he selfishly stayed. Forced himself on him. Because he knew he wouldn't, couldn't leave on his own. He would've left by now if he could.
So he'd leave for him. Because he deserved so much more. Because he loved him enough to let him go and be happy without having to suffer heartbreak night after night. It would hurt at first. His love was very sensitive, very clingy, and had a huge heart that somehow had space for him inside, and he hated that he'd have to hurt him so much this one last time. But then he'd be okay and he'd never endure this kind of abuse ever again.
"I want to break up."
At first it seemed as if he didn't understand him, or hear him, which wasn't unusual but his words could not have been plainer. Slowly, hesitantly, he turned around. Pink eyes met blue, narrowed and suspicious.
"What are you babbling about, Pinky?" The Brain demanded of his lover, though the waver in his voice was unmistakable. He'd heard well enough.
Pinky stayed firm, standing straight and still even though his insides quivered. "I want to break up, Brain."
The silence was so thick, Pinky believed he was choking on it. But it was only the tears he kept lodged in his throat rather than in his eyes. He couldn't let Brain see them, then he'd know he didn't really want to do this. But he needed to stop being so selfish, wanting all Brain's attention and time and love when the world needed it more.
The pencil clattered to the countertop and Pinky noticed how fast Brain's chest was moving. His hand clutching his heart. "Pinky… you don't know what you're saying. You're confused-"
"I'm not, Brain. I don't love you anymore." He was screaming inside because there was no one he loved more than Brain. Absolutely no one. And to watch that precious face crumble at his words felt like a bunch of sharp jabby things being shoved into him. "I want to break up."
"Pinky, no… no…" Brain trembled as he got to his feet, Pinky feared his legs would give out they were shaking so badly. "I-I… what did I do, Pinky? I'm sorry. Was it my outburst earlier? I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but you know I never mean those things I say."
No, his outburst had made everything quite clear. The past seven plans this month hadn't worked out because they'd put Pinky in some kind of peril, whether it be physical or emotional. He didn't want Brain to have to worry about him, to sacrifice his dreams because he loved him too much to risk injury to his person.
"It's not that, Brain. I just don't… I just don't love you anymore." Pinky lied.
Brain's breath hitched and he had to lean against a stack of nearby books to keep from falling down. "But… but how, Pinky? What did I do?" His pretty, pretty pink eyes glimmered with tears, wide with disbelief. "What did I do?"
Lie some more, you've come this far. A mean ol' meanie voice hissed in his ear, drowning out the wailing of his heart. "You hit me too much." A stuttered sob fell from his lover's lips. Lie. "You don't give me enough attention." His legs did give out this time, the smaller mouse looking even smaller on his knees. Lie. "You call me names. You hurt my feelings. I don't mean as much to you as the world." Lies. Lies. Lies. He knew all of Brain's fears, had heard them before, had assured him that he was never bothered by them. "You don't love me enough." The biggest lie of all. He knew Brain loved no other like he loved him. He knew.
He shut his eyes as if it would help shut out the stream of apologies pouring from his most special person. Promises to do better, to not take advantage of him, to never hurt him. That hit a little too close to home, because Brain had never hurt him as much as Pinky was certain he'd hurt him. If it weren't for Pinky, Brain would have taken over the world months ago. He wouldn't have to feel torn when choosing who to divvy out his love to. The world could have it. The world needed it; needed a leader as brave, kind, and amazing as the mouse in front of him, despite his tears and blubbering. He'd seen the suitcase; red-rimmed eyes fixated on it and Pinky clutched it tighter.
There was nothing in it. Nothing except a few pictures of the two of them and some food pellets. It was mostly for show. To convince Brain that he was leaving, that he could get on with his destiny.
"Please don't go. We can go back to how it was," Brain begged, and Brain didn't beg when they weren't doing love things.
Pinky shivered. No, they couldn't go back to how it was, they were too entangled in each other, their souls had long since melded together. Which was why it hurt so much to leave, he supposed, he was tearing them both in two. Please don't make me do this! Pinky begged himself. Please, he does need me! Look at him!
But he only needed him because he didn't know what it was like to not have him. They'd always been together, were all the other had in the entire world. Brain could do so much better than him.
"Let's just talk this through, Pinky. Don't be rash. Don't make these kinds of decisions on your own! We both have a say in this relationship! For the love of- Pinky, look at me!"
"Goodbye, Brain." Pinky forced out, staring at the window because his eyes were stealing the tears from his throat and he could not cry in front of Brain! Brain would know it was all a lie if he did!
"No, no, no… this isn't happening…" Brain moaned, hands cradling his big-crazy-big head.
Every step towards the window unraveled the thread holding their hearts together. Pinky placed his hand against the cold glass and realized for the first time that his body was shaking too. His palm was slick with sweat, fingers twitching with violent spasms that rocked his arm. If he walked out now, he could never come back. He looked into the face of his reflection. Brain always said he had the prettiest blue eyes…
"Pinky… please." He sounded so broken. Pinky knocked his forehead against the glass, biting his lip. Stay strong. You're doing this for him. Stay strong. "I need you. I need you so much."
"No, you don't!"
The words were out before Pinky even realized he'd shouted, his voice reverberating against the glass, the face reflected back at him twisted in grief for a flash before schooling it back into a mask of solid resistance. But he'd shouted, his voice cracked, he'd given himself away.
The silence made that clear.
He needed to leave. He needed to get out. He couldn't stay-!
So why wouldn't his hand move to push open the window?
His ears twitched, he'd been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't heard Brain get up and start walking over to him. He was much closer than he'd thought. Panicked, Pinky threw his weight at the glass, the window creaking open, and scrambled over the ledge-
A sharp yank on his tail dragged him back inside. It hurt, but he supposed he deserved it. It couldn't have hurt as much as Brain's heart, for it certainly didn't hurt as much as his own. "Oof!" He landed hard on his back and found himself staring into watery, enraged, anguished eyes. "Let me go!"
"Why do you think that?" Brain demanded, sounding about as threatening as a kitten the way his voice hitched. He straddled his chest, gripping the fur of his shoulders. "Answer me, Pinky!"
"Let me go!" Pinky turned his head, squeezing his eyes shut and tried to remember what came after two. Anything to take his mind off the warmth settled atop him. Away from those eyes that made him feel so very very guilty.
He was shaken lightly, not hard, but enough to lift his head off the counter, force his face to be nose to nose with the megalomaniac. "Why do you think that, Pinky?"
Don't open your eyes, don't do it. He told himself, his eyes closed so tightly it was actually giving him a headache. Lips crushed against his; hungry and desperate and vicious. His mouth opened readily, accepting all the frustration and anger and hurt. Their tongues lapped at each other, Brain's forcing his down, his dominance of their kiss sending delicious shivers down his spine. He wanted to lose himself in the kiss, oh, he wanted wanted wanted.
Pinky's head fell against the counter, jerking him back to reality, eyes flying open at the jarring impact. Stars speckled his vision, but the bop had been anything but pleasant with both of them so completely miserable. Brain had released him in favor of pinning him, both hands on either side of his head as he loomed over him. Pink eyes dark and damp. Oh, how he wanted to kiss away those tears and wrap him up all tight and safe in his arms.
"You kissed me back." Accusation dripping from his tongue, just like the tears dripping off his cheeks to land on his lips. Salty and bitter. "Why are you lying to me, Pinky? Why would you say that?"
"Please let me go, Brain..." Pinky whimpered, his resolve cracking as an invisible hand gripped his chest and crushed his ribs into his heart and lungs. It was so hard to breath.
Brain kissed him again, rough, biting his lower lip before forcing their foreheads together. "Never, Pinky. You're stuck with me for as long as you love me." The smaller mouse swallowed thickly. "And don't you dare try to tell me otherwise."
"But... but you'd be so much better off without me..." Pinky whispered, his watering eyes finally releasing one tear, then another. "I distract you from taking over the world, I ask for too much. I keep you all to myself when the world needs you-!"
Their lips met again, slick and moist and warm and far gentler than the previous two times. Brain's tongue laved over the spot he'd bitten, already swelling and sensitive. "Don't be even more of an imbecile than you already are, Pinky."
Brain was startled by the intensity of Pinky's tone, an actual scowl present on the blue-eyed mouse's face. The tears did diminish it's effectiveness, and Pinky knew it too, so he scrubbed at his face hastily. "How can you be when what you're saying is completely ridiculous?"
"It's not ridiculous to me!" he snapped, forcing his head to the side so he didn't have to look at Brain. Maybe he could still muster up the strength to walk away. Muster... it sounded an awful lot like mustard... he was hungry... No! Stay focused!
He felt more than heard Brain's sigh; his head voices arguing again. Should I stay or should I go? "Pinky..."
"You don't get to say that I'm being ridiculous, you do it all the time!" All the worries he'd thrown back in Brain's face. They were all stupid. If Pinky didn't like being bopped on the head he would've said something by now! If he didn't like the name calling and the bossiness and the schemes he would've told him! So if he got to worry about stupid things, then so did he!
Wait... didn't that completely destroy his argument for leaving in the first place?
Brain settled back on Pinky's stomach, stroking his chest. "You just proved why I worry about those things, Pinky. One day you could snap and have a plethora of reasons to leave me. And I can't deny a single one of them."
"Don't have much faith in me then," he grumbled, though the act was foreign and made his chest and throat tickle.
"Clearly you don't in me either." Brain wore a matching scowl, born out of frustration over their miscommunication rather than from Pinky himself, though the taller mouse did his best to ignore it altogether.
"Of course I do," Pinky snorted. "I have more faith in you than you do."
"Pinky, don't quibble with me." Brain flicked his nose, finally getting those teary blue eyes to look back at him instead of the bunsen burner to their left. "I am The Brain. Everything I do, I do of my own volition. That includes staying with you."
"I know! That's why I have to be the one to leave, because you won't!-!"
"Quiet, Pinky. Don't interrupt me." Brain arched an eyebrow, waiting for Pinky to clamp his lips shut. "As I was saying... if I really believed that being with you was a distraction from world domination... well..." He trailed off, flushing darkly and averted his gaze. "I believe I've... proven to you several times that... that is... I'd choose you."
Fresh tears spilled over Pinky's cheeks. "But I don't want you to choose me... I don't want to get in the way of your destiny. It would hurt you."
One eye closed as Brain's thumb brushed underneath it and he reflexively nuzzled his hand. "Well, then, let us be glad that I don't have to choose. I appreciate that you'd never make me, my dear. More than you know. And Pinky, it's become clear to me over the time I've spent with you that my destiny always has and always will include you."
Pinky sniffled, the weight in his chest nearly dissipated and he so desperately just wanted to curl up with his lover and bury himself in his scent. "Oh, Brain..."
"I will take over... that is- we'll take over the world soon enough, Pinky. On our own terms." Pinky's eyes fluttered shut as Brain kissed the tip of his nose. "The only way you could hurt me, Pinky, is by pulling a stunt like this. Leaving my side when you clearly don't want to. You don't get to do that, Pinky. Understand?"
He nodded as his cheek was stroked, blinking back the last of his tears as he reached up to wipe away Brain's, the fur of his face still damp and mussed from his bout of crying. "'Kay."
As their lips met again, Pinky wound his arms around Brain's neck and pulled their chests flush together. He savored each lick, nibble, and sigh; tucking them away in case he ever needed to be reminded of why he needed to stay. Brain needed somebody to kiss, and Pinky didn't want anyone else to take that job from him. Because even though the world could love Brain, it certainly couldn't kiss him back.
This was born from a need to be studying for a psych test instead of writing PatB fics and my 90s pop music station on Pandora. Oh, Backstreet Boys, O-town, and N'Sync... how depressing ye be.
Yeah, I was washing dishes and all of a sudden Pinky told me this had to happen. Luckily I talked him into staying and keeping his head on straight, but he almost walked out that window! I'm serious!
Thank StarShineDC for helping to talk him into staying as well!