Outtake from Come Back to Me
Title: I'll Always Come back
Summary: You were patient and trusting…putting your faith in a man you barely knew yet believed he loved you as much as you did him. And while at night you prayed of his safe return, he prayed to that same God that when he did, you would be there, waiting on him, because I will always come back.
Word count: 3744
Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine.
Song for Outtake:
Everything by Life House
The last few years away from my wife, my love, my family… have been some of the hardest and most painful in my life.
Some would say that the above statement could be construed as dramatic, but try finding the one…that special person that makes you whole, and happy… spending time together and merging your souls into one…then have to leave them behind. It is harder to endure than any physical pain.
That's what I had to do and it has been harder than taking the bullet that almost cost me my life on my first tour in active duty. The killing, running into building with bombs, or even enemy territory hasn't been as hard as being away from her and our son.
Never thought I would ever see myself with one of those. A child, a mini me and his mother…completely amazing and terrifying all at once. Not because he wasn't welcomed, but the fear of something going terribly wrong while I was away was suffocating and then to call and hear her tears and fears of me not coming home…debilitating, but I digress.
When I first met my spouse, his mother …my Bella, I was young and loving the single life.
I had no one to answer to or take into consideration while making decisions… that changed with one look into her soulful eyes.
I was irrevocably in love with her…without even knowing her name or if she was interested.
There she was, lying on her back, looking towards the sky with a gorgeous smile playing over her lips... not a care in the world.
Bee- stung and plump, they called to me, before anything else did.
Sure, she had an amazing body in that tiny string bikini that showcased her figure, but those lips were my downfall. Then, she looked down and our eyes met and I became fucked. Mesmerizing wide and innocent eyes that looked right through me and directly into my soul…they took a hold of me and just wouldn't let go.
Tiny button nose that curved at the tip, making my fingertips itch with the desire to lay tiny kisses on and give Eskimo nudges to.
She was absolutely beautiful.
I was completely fucked.
That night we talked for hours…staying up way past the time the sun came down and everyone else had vacated the beach. We lay beside the other with only the heat of a bonfire and a blanket keeping us warm.
That night quickly, and much to my dismay, became morning, which in turn, as the hours passed became days then a week, but the one thing that never changed as the sun set down and rose everyday was her. Always by my side and enjoying the time we had, little as it was. It was what I could offer, and there she was, grateful for what I could give.
She made me fall in love with her blindly…madly.
Much too soon my time with her was up and I had to go back to that scorching desert, that up to a few weeks ago, I had called home.
She cried and hugged me to her… promising to wait for me and not let what we had discovered go.
We wrote to each other all the time and it was so easy for me to be honest and open with her, no pretenses needed or awkward moments.
Sometimes the letters would be five pages long…telling the other about our feelings and fears, while others were just us saying 'hello and I miss you', just a little something to get us by until I was granted those ten minutes to call.
It was never enough for us, but she never once complained or held anything against me.
One of the things that endeared her to me the most was the interest she took in my platoon and making them feel loved and appreciated. Those care packages she sent me, while few and far between, were always welcomed with so much enthusiasm.
Just the simple things reminded my men of what they had to look forward to when they returned home.
It kept their spirits up and made her extremely popular within my crew…in a very respectful way.
Soon enough the months rolled and it was time for me to leave the desert and go home…to Bella.
I was worried about what this meeting could bring as the news I was bringing with me wasn't the greatest… I had re-enlisted while away and had not even mentioned or asked her for her thoughts on the matter.
Maybe it was selfish of me, but with so much still left undone overseas, and my crew wanting to stay and help finish the progress we had started, I felt that it was my duty and responsibility to do the same.
I arrived at the airport and no sooner had I collected my bag than she was in my arms…appraising me and making sure that what her eyes showed her what was truly there…I was safe.
The drive back over to her house was silent yet comforting.
We didn't need to fill the time between us with mundane stupidity…just being this close was enough to satiate our hearts. I parked her truck behind the motorcycle I'd left behind, and from what I could see, it had been properly taken care of.
Following her inside was surreal and something I had yearned to do for over a year…to have her close…within my reach.
No sooner had we entered her house, then I had her in my arms…pressed against every ridge of my body and my lips attached to hers. Nips, bites and swipes of my tongue to take care of the sting my assault had caused… not that she seemed to mind.
Her lips molded to mine and became submissive to my efforts.
"I missed you sweet heart…your body…your smell, the way you fit in my arms…leaving you again is going to be so hard," I crooned over her lips…just a hairs space between the two, but far too far for my comfort.
I made love to her that night for hours on end…my mind telling me that this might be the last, yet my heart telling me to trust.
God please let her understand.
"W-what?"she exclaimed and the blood within my blood froze… she wasn't happy…not one bit.
"Bella, I need to do this…my men need me and so does my country…its only four more years , then I'll get out and retire…just you, me and the family we plan to have…all I ask is that you wait…can you do that?"
Could she…I knew it was a lot of me to ask, especially with how I dropped the bomb, but could she wait?
"Edward, I truly just don't know how to feel…you promised me last year when we met and decided to see where our relationship went, that that was your last year and then you would come back to me…how can I trust what you say now, after lying to me before?"
My shoulders sagged.
I was so stupid to believe that she would wait…trust me to come back. I felt as though the air had been knocked out of me and my eyes fell down.
I couldn't look her in the eyes while my heart bled.
"I'm not leaving, Edward."My eyes snapped up at this, "I already told you I was in it for the long haul." Her delicate fingers pointed between the both of us… she was determined not to leave a single doubt in my mind of what she meant. "All I want to know, or better yet, understand, is how this is any different from what you whispered in my ear all those months ago…how can I trust you won't do this to me again?'
I never for one moment believed that this moment would bite me in the ass later on, but it did.
How those words tormented me…I had let her down.
The years rolled by us at lightning speed and so did our anniversaries and other special dates.
I, on more than one occasion, sent her flowers or silly trinkets I could order online whenever I had a few short minutes of private usage. Her sweet little emails saying 'thank you' always lit up my days, but the special 'pictures' she would include in our occasional letter exchange made the absence bearable.
It was on one of those pictures that I truly felt as though my judgment call had been off when I re-enlisted. The picture was of her standing, facing a wall and her stomach on its side.
There…inside her, was growing a little piece of her and me, that we had conceived on our tiny honeymoon. I remember as if it were yesterday when I had walked in and she was laid out for my eyes…barely clothed, in a tiny negligee barely containing her attributes from my lustful eyes.
Skimpy, lacey, and completely indecent...is exactly how I found her tonight as I entered our hotel suite...my favorite.
We would be spending two days at the Bellagio in the honeymoon suite, she didn't know this, but I was planning on marrying this incredible woman and my hopes lay with it being this weekend…I wanted to spoil her and treat her like the princess I truly thought she was…it would be our mini honeymoon…something to tie us over until I returned.
She's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
The entire room was littered with candles, rose petals and a bottle of champagne put to chill in a bucket.
Everything was beautiful…perfect, but nothing compared to her all done up for my enjoyment...welcome home to me.
I almost fell to my knees and by the look in her eyes I could see that she loved having this effect on me.
My first instincts were to worship her…to show her how deeply my love for her ran, but instead I watched her...lying on that bed in that innocent yet sexy negligee she had on and the plans changed.
I fucked her...hard...fast and oh so brutally good.
Months and months of frustration and need released as I rode her hard, leaving us both barely able to breathe...let alone move.
My cock sliding in and out of her saturated flesh… making me higher than any drug ever could. Her little mewls of tortured pleasures making my girth swell within her pussy and her walls capture and milk me dry.
Her feet never touched the floor...my body, never left her side... my lips, never quit devouring every piece of her I could reach.
It was around three the following morning when we finally succumbed to exhaustion and laid down to talk.
"Hi beautiful," I softly whispered against the soft skin of her neck.
"Hi yourself, handsome."Our smiles were huge and full of warmth.
"Bella, I have something I need to ask you...it could change everything for us and it might be too soon, but to me it feels right." I could tell she was becoming nervous from all my fidgeting and nerves.
"Baby, just spit it out..."She looked scared…if only she knew that what I was to say was something that could bring so much joy and happiness to us both.
"Marry me..." I blurted out, but quickly composed myself and began to do it right… say it right, "I want you to be my wife...my companion for life. No other person will, or ever could, make my life as complete or happy...only you. Do me the honor, sweetheart, and become the wife to this man standing before you with his heart open...a man that loves you above all else." My vision was blurry and my hands were trembling.
She had tears in her eyes and a bright smile on her face.
"Isabella, will you marry me?
"Yes, yes, yes...a thousand times yes...I love you so much...so much, I promise to spend the rest of my life making you see how deep my love for you runs."
Our lips connected softly...reverently, pouring out all the love and devotion we felt towards the other.
That same weekend we wed.
It was small, intimate and just us.
I dressed in my army greens, while she wore a simple, yet beautiful, white dress that fell to just below her knees…hair loose and falling down to the middle of her back…simple make up on her face.
We shared traditional vows and tied ourselves to each other with simple gold bands as a symbol of our love.
That night we made love as husband and wife for the first time and it was sweeter than all the times before. This woman…this goddess I now got to call mine, was everything I could have asked for and more, in a lover, friend and life companion.
The day that I flew back was so hard for us both.
Leaving my new bride after hours of satiating our thirst, but never our hunger, for the other was not how I had envisioned my first days of marriage to be.
Was it wrong of me to hurry the process of our union without taking into consideration having to leave her behind again?
Maybe…would I ever change having the honor of calling her my wife?
Little could I know, that this time as my plane ascended from the tarmac, that I would be leaving more than my wife behind…this time I would be leaving her with a part of me.
The months following my departure were extremely hard on us both.
Bella had become pregnant from our honeymoon and would be dealing with all of it by herself while I was away.
She was a real trooper though…never once complaining about having to get up in the middle of the night to go out and satisfy her own cravings.
Morning sickness she made sure to recount with a smile over Skype…I was made to feel a part of it all with pictures, letters and the sonogram pictures that brought tears to my eyes.
It was a week before my departure home that I was called into a meeting with my superiors. There was a recon mission that needed to be dealt with at once.
The entire thing was being led by a group of twelve…top of the crop experts in every field imaginable. The government was keeping this entire operation under close wraps and I was one of the few selected to go out into the desert and carry out this mission till its completion.
Failure was not an option for us.
My first thoughts were of course I'll go, but then Bella came to mind. She would be devastated…I would be missing a lot more than just the birth of our child.
While that thought alone made me second guess my previous decision, I couldn't negate now.
My country needed me and with its protection being a priority… making it stay that way for my son was what drove me forward with the plans to go out with my crew within the next few days.
The day I called her to say that I couldn't come home and that I was going to be undisclosed for an infinite amount of time, was the scariest moment of my life. I kept thinking if this would be it…would this be the day that my wife walked away…would I ever get to meet my son and how could I make it up to them if given the chance.
"Bella, sweetheart, I'm fine…in perfect working condition and just calling to check up on you and our munchkin," I chuckled and remained at ease…trying to alleviate any more stress than what she was sure to exude in a few minutes.
"Are you sure…you promise, you're okay?" She was frantic…afraid…my poor baby.
Please forgive me Bella.
"Yes baby, I am, even though what I have to tell you might guarantee that when you see me again, you might just want to kill me yourself." And now I was nervous…not her calm down at all.
"What is it…just spit it out?"
"I can't come home," I said and she let the phone immediately drop to the floor. I panicked and began to yell for Jasper, who had promised me to stay by her side during what was sure to be a horrible conversation for us both.
All the plans we'd made…the few memories she wanted to document, were sinking down the drain and I had no way to fix it.
Pictures, videos and stories we could tell our child when they grew up, about their birth.
Forgive me, my love.
"Edward, I don't think she can talk at the moment…she just kind of sat down and hasn't moved," Jasper said into the receiver as my wife sobbed in the background.
We were both afraid at this point that her delivery would be accelerated due to this news.
"Jasper, I would be home if I could…you have to believe me. I love that girl more than life itself, but it's not up to me…they command and I follow. Please put her on…let me explain…she has to hear me out."
"Hmm…okay, okay…I'll put you on speaker so you can tell her this yourself. The only thing I will promise you is to not leave her side through all this, and try to explain to her that this is completely out of your hands, bro." he was trying so hard to keep his calm in front of her, but I could feel his frustration mounting as I let her down yet again.
"W-why Edward…why?"My chest tightened at the pain in her voice…I never wanted to cause her such grief.
"Sweetheart, I've been pulled out to lead a special team on a reconnaissance mission…I'll be away for a few months at best…it could be longer. I can't say what we will be doing or where…just that I love you and our bean…I will come back to you, baby…I will come back…just trust me." God, I needed her to believe me…needed her to trust me more than anything in this world.
"I don't think I can, baby…not this time."
"Bella what are you saying…are you leaving me?"My heart was breaking at just the thought of this being it…I couldn't live with her, my son…my family.
"I couldn't, even if everything within me says to just walk away and save myself from another disappointment, heartache…loss…" I let out a long sigh…I knew this couldn't continue being all her giving and me nothing.
"But no, I wont leave…the only thing I can do now is have our child…raise it and pray that someday, as you say, you'll be back…at least for it."
"Baby, I love you…I only want you. I know you are tired of doing it all and being alone, but it won't be much longer…just a bit more and we will be together for the rest of our lives…till our last dying breath."
"I hope so, baby…I truly do," were the last words I heard her say before we were disconnected… my ten minutes were now up and Sergeant Edward Anthony Cullen was officially blacklisted.
So many emotions, questions and fears running through me all at once, but this was the price I paid to serve my country.
I had never once regretted joining or serving in all the years I'd protected my country, but this one time would be the exception.
Missing his birth was just cruel.
There wasn't a single day while on my mission that I didn't pray to god for her, for him…for us. Most men in my group held with them, the thoughts of loved ones awaiting their arrival to get them through the day…I held hope she would simply just be there.
The mission took a lot longer than what we ever thought possible.
Wrong leads…wrong data…wrong time at the right place.
Eventually we got the break we were all waiting for and moved forward…taking our prisoner into the custody of the United States and ridding the world of another bad seed. He was their problem now…I was done.
Ready to go home and fight for my family for once.
I was lucky enough to have someone look them up and give me a few updates over the years.
That's how I knew we had a son, his name, and the fact that we were still married to this day.
God, I love that woman.
Knocking on that door…waiting and having my boy answer the door knocked the wind right out of me.
Unruly copper hair, green eyes and a crooked smile…all mine…my mini me.
I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and never let go…I had years worth of memories to build and make up for.
I was afraid he wouldn't know who or what I was, that I would be a complete stranger to him and scare him away. But I should have known better, she would never allow our son to not know who his father was.
She was too good of a mother to take that away from him.
"DADDY!" his jovial voice screamed and my heart exploded with love and respect for her all over again.
"Buddy, where's mama?"
"I was hiding…baths suck." He hated baths, just like his old man…what a stinker, but the bad language was a no no.
"Language Anthony," we both scolded and met eye to eye for the first time in three years.
It was the first time we had been in the same room, same state and same country.
"You came back," she whispered as I took a step closer to her...I needed to feel her warmth after being deprived for so long.
"I told you I would always come back to you…to our family." Her tiny, fragile body was beginning to be wracked with the sobs trying to break free.
I knew this would be hard on us all…especially her.
She felt so good when I took her in my arms, like a piece of me had been put back together and I was finally at peace within myself…I was home.
I held our bodies close, not an inch of space separating our cloth covered flesh. I wouldn't or couldn't let her go, not now, not ever again.
"But for how long this time?" she whispered against my heart before looking up and into my eyes.
"For the rest of my life…I'm done…I'm home."
I came back to my baby…I always will.