Disclaimer: I don't own American McGee's Alice Madness Returns. It belongs to him, Spicy Horse,and those bastards at EA.

A/N: All of them are set in the No Love Lost universe. Yes, you read that right. I created an entire universe around this dysfunctional pairing that Dr. Bumby is a karma Houdini and poor Alice is his assistant. None of these drabbles are in any order and frankly it's just random bullshit that happens to pop up in my head. Some crack, some semi-crack. But all if not most is for mature viewers. Feel free to ask for prompts and don't forget to leave a review! Oh and that Disclaimer is only going on there once. Kazy-NecRus, this one is for you! Draw porn.

Spare the Rod

Spare the rod, spoil the child. The saying always goes. If there is one child that needs a whipping, it's the one sorry little bitch who is currently faced towards the headboard. Naked, on her knees, with her wrists bound. Just the way he likes it. For months, she continues to vex him. Well not anymore she's not! Not after she accepted his offer, his deluded little servant. Now he can finally break his spirited little lioness. Oh how he fantasizes this moment! To see welts on her perfect white skin, seeing a broken weeping Alice before him just begging him for mercy.

Angus Bumby held a thick birch rod, inspecting for any flaws. It was long, smooth, and perfectly polished. It was the perfect tool to rein in disobedient children. Never used, it was mainly just for show to scare the disobedient brats that came and went inside the orphanage. Now that Alice is a permanent resident and unwilling lover. This was the perfect time to put the rod into good use. Lightly tracing Alice's legs towards her thighs, Alice shivers at the cold wood.

"What a disobedient child you are. I remember you being a constant thorn on my side. Always asking questions, throwing tantrums. No one would even look at you for fear of catching your stupidity. Your sister on the other hand..."

Alice snapped her head towards him, "Don't you dare speak of my sister that way, you disgusting-"

Crack!

The rod struck Alice's right leg, leaving a bright red mark. Alice bit her lip trying not to scream at the pain. 'I hate him, I hate him, I HATE HIM!' Blood trickling down her mouth. Angus smirked at the sight.

"I didn't allow you to speak, now did I?" He taunted while grabbing her chin and licking the blood off her lip. Kissing her harshly, Alice bit his lower lip. He instantly pulled back, Alice glaring at him hatefully. Angus calmly wiped the blood off his lip, and then he proceeded to strike her again. This time, a much harsher smack on her bottom. Alice screams in pain at the strike. "For that, you'll get ten." He hissed, striking Alice's bottom, legs, and privates. Alice is wildly thrashing in pain. She screams obscenities causing him to strike her more. Alternating between strikes, he manages to break the skin on her legs and bottom.

Angus began to feel quite tedious at her stubbornness. But to his relief, Alice ceases cursing him, his (thankfully dead) mother, and his ability as a doctor (he hasn't graduated from Oxford top of his class for nothing, thank you very much!)Her lower half bright red from the various welts and angry bloody marks where he hit her. He sees her dripping wet, the sight arouses him. Alice is is laying in a fetal position with tears streaming down her face. Exhausted from the pain to put up any more of a fight.

Using the rod to uncross Alice's legs, he then slowly teased the outside of her maidenhood. Soft whimpers of pain coming out of her mouth. 'That wouldn't do at all.' Angus thought, as slowly inch by inch he pushed the rod inside. Alice arched her back; moaning at the intrusion of the cold, hard, wood.

In, out, repeat.

He smirks at the sight, Alice trying to close her legs together while whimpering pathetically. He hears her breathing getting more labored, her moans reverberating his room. He stops when Alice gives a particularly loud moan during his ministrations. Cautiously, he repeated the exact same motion. Another loud moan followed by a whining sound from the back of Alice's throat. 'Interesting...' Angus thought, filing that little tidbit away for future reference. He kept repeating the action until Alice screamed until she fell silent. Heavy pants fill the air.

Slowly sliding out the rod, Angus pauses to look at it. It was wet and slightly sticky from blood and juices. Licking it slowly, he decided he liked the taste of Alice. Casually tossing the birch rod aside, he undid Alice's bindings and licked her wounds of all her blood and juices. Alice made no effort to resist. Inspecting the damage, he finds to his relief that the wounds are superficial. Just some medicine and those lovely legs will soon be unblemished. Angus proceeded to clean her wounds. After Alice was cleaned up, he noticed Alice has fallen asleep. Dried tear-marks streaking her face.

Shedding his clothes, he climbs onto the bed. Holding Alice close, he wipes her dry tears away. He grins as Alice holds him close. Embracing him just like a child holding their favorite stuffed animal.

Spare the rod indeed.

A/N: Done! You know the drill, reviews motivate this shameless writer.