I've been meaning to write this for months now and finally got around to doing it. It's the sequel to "Ed's Happy Dance" so if you haven't read that first I suggest you do. Also, this story features Taylor from my story "The Blood Alchemist"
After Taylor had told him that she was in love with Edward Cullen, Ed decided to do some research about him online. Apparently he was a pretty famous guy, even having a bunch of books wrote after him along with several movies. There seemed to be a huge fan base for the guy too…and something about vampires? What the hell was a vampire? A website said that they were creatures that sucked blood and were affected by sunlight. It sounded to him like they were wimpy, oversized mosquitoes. Just what did Taylor see in this guy anyway? Ed would show her that he was more of a man than this Cullen guy.
Ed found that Edward Cullen resided in some town named after a utensil and went to confront him. He traveled there and eventually made it to his house. Before Ed could knock on the door, a tiny girl, even tinier than Ed himself, with short brown hair opened it.
Ed couldn't even say hi before she said, "He's over at Bella's house." Then she slammed the door in his face.
What the hell? Ed thought. It was like she was expecting me or something. That's just creepy…
Ed left to go find this Bella girl which wasn't too hard because she was the only girl named Bella in town. He went to her house and she answered the door. She was a bit more normal than the girl he had met earlier, so he was thankful for that. But when she looked him in the eyes she screamed and ran back inside, leaving Ed very confused. A couple of seconds later a tall, tanned guy with looks similar to Xingese people came out. He started attacking Ed immediately and calling him a bloodsucker.
When Ed had a moment to get a sentence in he screamed, "I didn't come here to pick a fight with you. I just want to pick a fight with Edward Cullen."
The tan boy stopped his assault and asked, "You're looking for Edward?"
"You bet! And I'm gonna kick his ass when I find him!" Ed screamed.
For some reason the guy smiled and told him that Edward had went to go sulk in some meadow a while ago. Ed, though grateful for the information, was still bewildered by all of this. Nonetheless, he followed the directions the boy gave him and left, yet again, to find Edward Cullen.
A couple of hours later, Ed found the meadow. But no one was there. He stood in the center of the grassy area and screamed, "Where the hell is he?"
"You shouldn't have come here," a voice called to him.
Ed turned around and saw a figure lurking in the shadows of the trees.
"Hey! Are you that Cullen guy?" Ed demanded.
"My name is Edward Cullen, yes. What is it you want from me?"
Ed pointed his finger at him and yelled, "I challenge you to a d-d-d-d-duel!"
"For what reason? I don't even know you." Edward said, staying stubbornly in the shadows.
"Because you pissed me off, that's why!" Ed shouted. "You stole my woman, you stupid vampire!"
Edward stiffened, "So you know what I am? How did you learn of this?"
"Easy, I just googled you," Ed shrugged. "But that's besides the point. The point is I'm here to kick your ass!"
"If you know what I am you should know better than to fight me. If you do it will only end with your death."
"I'll show you! Come out here and face me you coward!"
"Fine. As you wish," Edward sighed. He stepped into the light and said, "Look upon the face of a monster."
Ed's eyes widened at what the sunlight did to his skin. Ed couldn't help but start laughing his ass off, "YOU SPARKLE! Oh, my gate! You…SPARKLE!"
The vampire looked at him with a puzzled expression, "Why do you laugh at me? Why do you not fear me?"
"Dude, you're sparkling. I can't take an enemy seriously when he sparkles," Ed said, wiping a tear away from his eye produced by too much laughter.
"I have many other qualities that do make me terrifying, though," Edward said in protest.
"Really? Like what?"
"Well, I have extraordinary strength."
"Wait, I get it now!" Ed said in realization. "That must mean that Armstrong's a vampire! He has super strength and sparkles! It all makes sense!"
"Umm, okay…" Edward said.
"Oh right! Let's get back to the fight," Ed said, getting back to the task at hand. He had just assumed a fighting stance when someone burst onto the scene.
Ed paused and looked at the newcomer. His eyes widened, "Taylor? What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't let you go through with this. Please, don't do this," she asked him pleadingly.
Ed turned away from her and said solemnly, "But I have to. This guy stole you away and I can't just give you up that easily."
"But you have me."
Ed turned back to her with a shocked face, "What? But you said that you loved this Cullen guy." She couldn't help but snort at that. Ed frowned at her, "What's so funny?"
"Ed…the guy sparkles! How lame can you get?"
"I'm standing right here," the vampire pointed out.
"Eh, no one cares about you anyway," Taylor said dismissively. "In fact, why don't you skedaddle. You're hurting my eyes with your disco ball impression."
Edward pouted and left in a gloomy state.
Taylor turned back to Ed, "What I said before, it was a lie. I was just afraid to tell you before because I didn't know if you felt the same way, but really…you're the one I…love."
Ed smiled at her and she smiled back with a light blush.
"So…" Ed trailed off.
"So…" she mimicked him as they slowly inched towards one another.
"Will you um…" Ed looked away and blushed. "Will you go steady with me?"
Taylor grinned and said happily, "I though you'd never ask!" She closed the space between them and leaned in for a kiss. But before that could happen a meteor came crashing down to Earth and blew them up, ensuring that they would never get their happy ending cause I'm evil like that. MWHAHAHAHA!
Haha, yes this was a bit crackfic-y and OOC but that's how I intended it to be. Even though this has a lot of Twilight bashing I love the books. Hate the movies but love the books. Also, if you're confused about why Bella ran when she saw Ed it's cause she thought he was a vampire. I think it'd be weird if she didn't notice his golden eyes.
Reviews? Pretty please?