May 5, 1692
I am terribly sorry I have not written for so long. Ever since I have become a midwife for Goody Proctor, I am been so busy. I write in great fear. I can only pray to God Almighty that no one will ever read the words that I will write in a few moments. If they do, I and many other lives will be in grave danger.
As I mentioned some days ago, Abby hates Goody Proctor. Her restless heart still clings to Mr. Proctor. I have a feeling that those two have done more than giving soft words or a kind thought to one another. Something worse and more valuable to Abby and for that, tonight, she had decided to take action in the woods. I am not sure of this but I have a strong feeling that what I think is true. Plus, everything I saw today only bring it closer to being true. She forced Tituba to help her-it is hard to write. I jump to every creak and stir of the house.
Moving on, I am almost sure Abby told the slave to cook up a charm to kill Goody Proctor. Why else would she need a Barbados women and a bunch of other girls? Also, why would they need to venture into the middle of the forest in the dead of night? Oh, that girl is cunning as a fox! She even managed to drag her own cousin, Betty, with her.
I only came to know from talk I heard from the other girls as I was walking into town to run some errands for Goody Proctor. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My mind slowly placed the pieces together. Even though the picture was almost finished I could not believe. Surely Abigail was not so mad! To be caught in the act of witchery would only lead her and the other girls to the rope! Witchery's a hanging error, a hangin' like they done in Boston two years ago! (1)So that night, I went into the woods to see if were true.
I did not have to wait long in the cold night. At about midnight, I could the whisperings of the girls as they were walking through the forest. I waited till they passed me by and I followed them. Abby was at the front of the pack with an excited and satisfied smile on her face. I saw Tituba slightly behind her; she looked uneasy and scared. She was not the only one…
We came into a small clearing. The space was about a wagon wide. I hid behind a tree in fear. I could not find the courage to peek around the trunk and see what they were doing. Chanting and singing began to echo among the trees. I quickly covered my ears to mask the noise. Suddenly, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest as I felt jumping!
I said to myself. I took a deep breath and looked beyond to tree I was hiding behind. I was could not believe my eyes! Tituba was kneeling at a big fire at the center of the clearing. The girls- I cannot say it but I have to- they were BARE! No clothes were on them and they were dancing! Dancing is forbidden here in Salem because it is thought upon as a sin to be leaping around like a frog! Here they were, the young girls of Salem, dancing around the fire. The air became hot with feeling and such energy. My heart thumped in my chest to the beat of the dance. My eyes fell on Abby who was at the fire with Tituba. She was sipping from a bowl as the slave was singing her Barbados songs. "What is she drinking?" I asked myself.
This is the moment where everything truly went into chaos. Mercy saw me as she danced by. Her eyes grew big in horror as so did mine for I was caught. I was afraid that Abby and the others will force me to join them in this, this madness. Insanity! Surely their lives are worth more than a charm to kill Goody Proctor?
I was about to turn and run away when I heard a shout on the other side of the circle. I squinted my eyes against the firelight and gasped in horror. It was Reverend Parris! Out of all people, Abby's uncle and the pastor! They were done for now!
Abby jumped up as the girls ran to hide behind the surrounding trees. Mister Parris stomped up to Abby, his face all hot in anger and confusion. The poor man had no clue what occurring here in the forest. If only he knew…
"Abby!" one of the girls called. She was standing by my tree and was dressed again. She was also kneeling beside a figure. She continued to call Abby's name in urgency. I could see the tears building in her eyes.
Reverend and Abby rushed to her and the body beside her. On the way, I glanced at Abby and looked in the eye. All I needing was one look to know that she too was scared death. She was caught but so was were so many girls with her. I knew in my heart that she was not going to tell the truth so easily.
I spun away in disgust and rushed away. A war has begun in Salem. The whore has been caught and a whore's vengeance will begin.
May 6, 1692
Sorry it is so late. Mr. Proctor caught me at Abby's house and scolded me for being there. Goody Proctor has made me do extra work since I was gone for so long.
Anyway, the situation has not gotten any better. In fact, it has become far worse than what I had feared the night before. The news on what took place has spread throughout the whole of Salem! I walked into town from the farm and everyone was running about anxiously and in fear. To my utter dismay, they whole town is crying "witchcraft!"
Remember the figure lying beside the girl calling out to Abby last night? Unfortunately, it was Betty. She must have fainted in shock, the poor little one. However, she is delusional and she is not waking up. Reverend Parris has the whole town screaming in panic. I even heard talk about a special man of God from Beverly who is making his way into town. He was sent for to drive the spirit of the Devil and the so called "witches" away. "This has seriously gone too far!" I continued to tell myself.
I waited till I saw the shadow of Reverend Parris and Mrs. Putnam leave the walls of Betty's bedroom before I ran to Abby. She was standing with Mercy by Betty's bedside. Oh, poor Betty. She looked so weak and fragile. I turned to Abby in anger but my fear took over my words.
For some reason I used the word "we" in my plea to Abby. I begged her to confess the truth to her uncle. I can remember the words clearly. I told her, "You'll only be whipped for dancin', and the other things!" I put emphasis on the "other things." However, my statement was not well taken because Mercy was sure that I would reveal their secret.
Then, a sound came from Betty and Abby darted to her, trying to wake her. Betty screams and runs from Abby. She continues to yell for her mother in fear but Abby reassured her that everything is already for she told Reverend Parris, her father, the "whole story." Betty yells at Abby "You drank blood Abby! You didn't tell him that! You did, you did! You drank a charm to kill John Proctor's wife. You drank a charm to kill Goody Proctor! (2)" I gasped! I was right! All my suspicions were true! She did try to kill Goody Proctor with a charm!
Abby showed her true colors to all of us. With cold eyes, she swore that f we were to speak of what has happened, she will punish us harshly. I do not doubt that she will got about anything to keep this secret, even killing us if she has to. Abby is a crafty girl even though she looks innocent. I fear on the punishment she will bring upon me if I utter a word. Maybe it is best I follow her for now, despite what I think. I can only hope that God will forgive me for this.
May 14, 1692
You must forgive me. I always forget to write in you. I have been so busy lately. Between court and work, I barely find time to write. I have been at court all day. The town has been crying spirits and the girls and I are at the top of the mess.
I have decide to go against my good conscience and follow Abby, my life is not worth the truth. She has all the girls playing cat and mouse with Reverend Hale and acting for the judges. We have to pretend to faint and see spirits. The Proctors are mad at me for going to court. I had to put on a show for them too. It is sort of fun to see that we are so believable, however, we are accusing so many innocent people, like Goody Osburn for example. As I just told Mr. Proctor with great sadness, "No sir. There be thirty-nine now- (3)"At least we are ridding this town of outcasts and I saved Goody Proctor! Maybe there are some benefits to this madness!
Anyhow, I made a poppet for Goody Proctor!
I have to go. There was commotion downstairs moments ago. I heard Reverend Hale and now I hear Mr. Cheever and Mr. Herrick. I hear someone coming up the steps. Who did they come for? Me? No. Mr. Proctor? Abby would not allow that. Goody Proctor? I thought I saved her!
May 17, 1692
I am terrified. I know it is unusual that I write when the sun rises and it has been three days since I last wrote but I was overcome with fright, horror, and grief. Today I must write because ….this might be my last day to walk among the living.
You see, on the night I wrote to you last, Goody Proctor was arrested. She was the one to come to my door that night. What had happen was that Mr. Cheever came by with a warrant to arrest her. When her husband asked on what grounds, Cheever asked for if they were any poppets in the house. Abigail had stuck a needle on herself where I had place mine on the doll for safe keeping. She had hoped to charge Goody Proctor.
I sought my chance to turn the tables on Abby by telling them men that she sitting beside me when I made it until Goody Proctor's words brought her doom. "The girl is murder! She must be ripped from the world! (4)"
With those words, she was whisked away in a cage with the rest of the accused women of Salem. I thought I had saved her but I could not. Now, an angry husband was going to seek revenge on Abigail Williams. But worse still, he is forcing me to help him.
His angry voice continues to rings in my mind. "My wife will never die for me! I will bring your guts into your mouth but that goodness will not die for me! (5)" I can smell the salt in his tears and picture the sorrow on his face. A man desperate to save his wife and a girl who is desperate to have that man. They will both tear the town the town apart and I am in the center of it all. What have I gotten myself into?
So this is how my life will end. I will die caught in a messy war. A war between love and fear, desire and greed. Abby and the other girls will no doubt turn on me and I am sure that they will put on quite a show. I also know that I will be hung for witchcraft. However, I do not want to die. My heart clings and grabs onto life. I pray that God will give me the strength to continue to hold on to it.
May 17, 1692
I beg for death! I beg that I will Lord Death himself will drag me to the Lake of Fire! I have betrayed the one man who tried to help me. I fell into the trap of the whore. I—
I might as well tell you what happened today. Mr. John and I went to the courthouse in town. All the judges were there, Judge Danforth and Judge Harthorne. Mr. Giles brought us in an everyone, especially Reverend Parris, was surprised to see me. Mr. Proctor gave the judge my deposition that I wrote after Mr. Corey gave his.. I was questioned immediately by Judge Danforth who brought in Susanna, Mercy, Betty, and last but not least, Abby. Of all people to be there that day, it had to be them.
When they saw me with John Proctor, they knew that I had betrayed them. I could see the fire of revenge in those cold eyes. It is hard to imagine that I was once in those seats. The judge questioned Abby but of course he did not get a straight answer from her. Judge Hathorne question me again and I told him once again that the girls and I made everything about the sprits attacking us up. Then, Parris said "So let her turn herself cold now, let her pretend she is attacked now, let her faint.(6)"
I tried and tried franticly to fainted like I did before but I could not. Because I my lack of ability to faint, the whole room turned against me. Mr. Parris went on making his statement, the judges going along with him. When Danforth turned his attention on Abby, she seized the opportunity to accuse me. She and Mercy screamed that I had sent my spirit to attack them. For another moment, it seemed as though the whole world was against me until Proctor revealed his sin of lechery towards Abby. Danforth called in Goody Proctor to tell him the truth, but as a good soul like she is, she told him that Mr. Proctor did nothing of the sort. I could tell that she was lying from the way she moved but Judge Danforth could not. Abby turned the attention from herself and began her finale.
She said that I was a bird and that I was changing my form. "Oh, Mary, this is a black art to change your shape. No, I cannot, I cannot stop my mouth; it's God's work I do. (7)" I pleaded with her to stop but then the other girls chimed in and began to repeat everything I said. The men of the court began to believe them too! I soon found myself in a pit of fear. I could not get out. The pressure was to kill me if I do not end this!
At last, I committed the worst sin in the Good Book.. I turned on Mr. Proctor and told that he made me do the Devil's work. I trapped him and he fell. I brought him to Pontius Pilate, I betrayed the one man who tried to help me! I have killed an innocent man! I am worse than Judas. Much worse.
Mr. Danforth words will haunt me forever. "How were instructed in your life? Do you not know that God damns all liars? (8)" I t maybe so that God damns all liars, but I am sure he damns all betrayers too. I should have told the truth, and now I shall pay the price.