Worse Than Death

Summary: Graham has bad news to break to Buffy. WARNING: Not for Riley fans. Almost total crackfic!

Timeline: any time after season 6. Could be AU if you wanted it to be.

A/N: My addled brain thought this idea was amusing. Probably because I don't like Riley very much.

Thanks to my betas: none.

Disclaimer: BtVS and AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

Summers home

Hearing a frantic knocking at the door, Buffy got up to open it and found a worried Graham standing there. She glanced behind him for demons; it couldn't be vampires because of the daylight.

Before she could ask what the problem was, he blurted out, "Buffy, I don't have much time."

"What's wrong?" she demanded, wondering how fast the Scoobies could get over to help with the threat.

Pausing to take a breath and calm himself, Graham just told her bluntly, "I have bad news about Riley."

Bad news? All Buffy could think was, "He's dead?"

He shook his head vehemently. "No…worse."

Oh god, not turned! "What could be worse?" she asked nervously.

Instead of Graham answering her, Riley walked in without knocking and called out to her, "Buffy! Sam left me, so I'm free again and ready for some Slayer lovin'!"

Buffy whimpered, "It's worse than being turned!" She glared at Graham and demanded, "And why does he think I'll take him back?"

"Because that's what he's been telling people since we left Sunnydale the first time?" Graham answered with a grimace. "I think he's finally convinced himself it's true."

Seeing that her ex was about to strip down…even with Graham in the room, Buffy decided that she needed to take drastic – and possibly yummy – action. She grabbed Graham by the collar and put him in a lip lock that Houdini couldn't get out of. If this didn't convince Riley she didn't want him, she wasn't sure what would.

The kissing couple didn't even hear Riley's cries of protest or his storming exit.

When they broke for air, Buffy murmured, "Best bad news I've ever gotten."

A/N: Maybe I shouldn't write when I'm sleep-deprived. It's Riley's OOC behavior that makes this a semi-crackfic. That and the fact that Riley being divorced would be worse than his being killed.