I had a life before he landed in it. I have a life still. I just have to get this out of my system before I go crazy and then I'll never speak of it, him in that way again.
Yes, I admit that I occasionally wonder how he went from giving me his word he would return (for me mind you) to not coming back then landing in NYC a year later and me finding out by seeing it on the news along with everyone else. Dwelling on that isn't in my nature though. I have more important things to do with my time like setting my new lab up and continuing my research. Mental note, I still never got a straight answer from Coulson why SHIELD felt the need to move me so abruptly. It all happened so fast I never got the chance to question it and I haven't heard from him since. It's not like him to not return my calls or texts. I sort of like him even though he would have never given me back my stuff had "Donald" not made him and we've become almost friends so I am a little concerned. Surely my move isn't related to what happened in NYC…
I do wish I could have thanked Thor for everything he shared with me that night Erik got him back from SHIELD. More than anything he gave me proof and at least a small understanding of 9 other worlds, dimensions, spaces and times that I will forever be grateful for. I knew it was real in my gut. I knew other universes had to exist. I'm glad he wasn't crazy and for that matter, neither am I. His mere existence validates everything I've worked my entire adult life for. I refuse to let my findings and all my hard work be tainted with the fact that he didn't come back like he said he would and when he did, it wasn't for me like some needy love struck teenager. He doesn't owe me anything. I'm sure he has his reasons. He may not have been that in to me. Ok, I admit that possibility sucks but it doesn't make it less possible. Those few days were just really intense. Intensity can mess with your mind.
Besides it isn't like we had time to fall in love or anything. We just had a…connection. At least I thought we did. It may have just been in my head or just the theatrics of it all although Darcy swears he was as into me as I was him and considering I didn't ask him to come back but he offered, I would normally be inclined to agree. He probably got back, had his words with his brother and then decided there wasn't a reason to leave his world again. His father could not have been all that thrilled to learn the future King of Asgard promised he would return for a mere mortal like myself and talked him out of it. I do think it is odd that the bifrost went a little crazy before it disappeared but I digress…
Oh well. Something somehow brought him back and I guess I'm glad it did considering how needed he was to save our realm again. Realm? Good grief now I'm sounding like him. Not sure if it's a good thing or bad thing. I get a little warm sometimes when I remember that car ride on the way to the crash site when I was at my lowest feeling like he was different and just maybe was telling the truth then later that night spent outside on the roof under the stars that proved he was; both different and telling the truth. Warmer still when my mouth burns from that kiss I planted on him right before he left. I still don't know what I was thinking but considering I had watched him die, come back to life via a hammer attracting lightening and then take me flying (!) to show me a dimension traveling bridge, I was more than a little excited. I'm sure he was just as caught up in the moment as I was. Emotions can do that to you. That and exuding sex. It had been far too long and he is a god.
I will say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm more determined than ever to find a bridge or some kind of connection to other worlds. They obviously exist even now or I wouldn't have seen strange looking robotic creatures not from around here attacking people on Earth. So much death and destruction. We have to find a way to see this coming. Otherwise…I can't think about the otherwise.
Maybe one day I'll find a way to Asgard and maybe I won't. Maybe he'll come back one day to tell me what happened and maybe he won't. Either way I won't let it affect my life or research and what it could mean on a grander scale. I've come too far. I'm too close. Even if a tiny part of me still misses what we maybe almost could have had.
I had a life before he landed in it. I have a life still. It's just a little lonelier. That or I'm just more aware of it now.
I need a date. Darcy and Erik just aren't cutting it anymore.