"GET YOUR BUTTS UP PEOPLE! GET ON UP!" Bailiff yelled in his usual hammy fashion as the intro music began to play and the door to the courtroom opened.
This is the courtroom of Judge Trudy. If you've got a beef, don't take the law into your own hands, put your beef into the hands of Judge Trudy.
Judge Trudy strode up to her stand, robes billowing behind her and got settled in.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit, sit, sit." Judge Trudy said, waving her mallet at the people in the courtroom.
The children in the spectator seats sat quietly and Judge Trudy turned her attention to the case at hand.
"So, Miss Talia Bryan. I understand you're suing your parents here today?" She asked, looking at the Plaintiff, a ten year old girl with a light caramel skin tone, brown eyes and shoulder-length braided black hair that was also a bit tall for her age.
"Yeah. You bet I do Judge Trudy!" Talia exclaimed.
"Very well then. What are you suing them for?" Judge Trudy asked.
"They grounded me and wouldn't let me have any of my favourite stuff!" She exclaimed.
The children in the audience gasped and then began to boo at the Defendants, a tall, black man with buzz-cut black hair and brown eyes and an average-height white woman with wavy ginger hair that went just past her shoulders and green eyes.
"WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU GROUND THIS LOVELY LITTLE GIRL?" Judge Trudy yelled.
"Well she dyed her older sister's hair pink so she had to get it completely cut off!" The man exclaimed, holding out three pictures.
Bailiff looked at them briefly, snickering as he handed them over to the Judge.
Judge Trudy glanced down at the pictures.
The first which showed the girl's older sister who looked to be about fourteen with curly, shoulder-length black hair, the same skin tone and hazel eyes.
The second showed the girl looking very upset as she raked her fingers through messy, tangled, bright pink hair.
The third showed the girl in the process of getting her hair shaved bald and crying.
"SO?" Judge Trudy raised an eyebrow as she tossed away the pictures.
"So?" The woman exclaimed exasperatedly. "Kimberly was catatonic for days! She refused to even leave the house until we bought her a wig!"
"It was hilarious!" Talia exclaimed. "You see Judge, I thought it would be great payback for her because she kept telling me that I couldn't use her stuff or to... stop teasing her cat Fergus or don't hack into her computer and delete her reports…" She shrugged.
"Perfectly understandable…" Judge Trudy nodded.
"WHAT?" Mr and Mrs Bryan exclaimed in unison.
"That's absolutely unreasonable!" Mrs Bryan said.
"What kind of justice is this?" Mr Bryan asked incredulously.
"SILENCE!" Judge Trudy shouted. "One more comment and you will LOSE THIS CASE!"
"Heh-heh! You're gonna lose this case! Na-na-na-na-na-na!" Bailiff cackled.
"Bu-" Mr and Mrs Bryan said in unison.
"SILENCE! I find in favour of the plaintiff and order the defendants to pay a sum of $127, 632 dollars!" Judge Trudy banged her mallet.
"WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!"
"Oh yeah?" Judge Trudy raised an eyebrow. "In that case I sentence the defendants to be chased around by a giant radioactive cockroach!" She banged her mallet. "BAILIFF!"
"One giant radioactive cockroach coming up!" Bailiff cackled as he opened the door next to Judge Trudy's stand and a giant cockroach glowing a sickly green emerged from it.
As soon as the defendants saw it, they ran screaming as the cockroach chased behind them, firing lasers from its antennas.
"NEXT CASE!" Judge Trudy banged her mallet once they were gone.
The doors opened as the intro music started to play and a tall Asian woman walked in, followed by twin Asian boys one of whom was wearing a red t-shirt and the other wearing a blue t-shirt. The woman went to the Defendant stand while the twins went to the Plaintiff stand.
Our next litigants are entering the courtroom. I really need to find a new job…
"So, young men, please tell the court why you are here…" She looked over to the twins.
"Well my brother and I were playing a video game-" The one in the blue t-shirt started.
"-Grid, you know? A racing game on the Xbox?" The one in the red t-shirt said.
"There we were, about to finish the race…" Blue t-shirt said.
"And that woman over there…" Red t-shirt said.
"Our... mother..." Blue t-shirt said.
The two boys turned in unison and pointed at the woman.
"Plugged out our game and told us to do our homework!" They exclaimed in unison.
All the children in the audience gasped and then began to boo and throw papers and other varying items of stationery at the woman who tried ducking them unsuccessfully.
"Hey! Your honour! Make these children stop throwing items of stationery at me!" The woman wailed.
"Oh?" Judge Trudy leaned over the front of her stand, eyebrow raised and still clutching her mallet. "You want them to stop throwing stationery at you?" She asked.
"YES!" The woman yelled.
"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME!" Judge Trudy yelled.
"Anyway… Everyone I want you to stop throwing stationery at this woman." She said.
They stopped instantly.
"I want you to start throwing textbooks at her instead."
"WHA-" The woman barely had a minute to recover as she was pelted with dictionaries, atlases, science books and history books among others.
"Arugh! Stop it, stop it right now!" The woman cried out as even her sons started laughing at her.
"OVERULED!" Judge Trudy banged her mallet.
"Okay. Let's move on." Judge Trudy leaned back in her chair.
"We'd saved up to buy that game for a long time so we were really happy when we were almost at the finish line- well me anyway…" Red t-shirt said and Blue t-shirt frowned at him.
"She plugged it out at the last moment…" Blue t-shirt said sadly.
Judge Trudy gasped.
"How heartless are you?" Judge Trudy said to the twins' mother.
"But they needed to do it! Education is important and I won't have them getting any grade less than an A plus!" The mother exclaimed. "They need perfect averages to get into college and-"
"OVERULED! YOU LOSE! I find in favour of the plaintiffs and order you to pay $2,417, 290.63 to them!" Judge Trudy exclaimed.
"What? Wait- wha-?" The mother's eyes widened.
"I do not have so much money! I have never even seen that much at any point in my life!"
"I meant $2,417,290.63 each. My mistake." Judge Trudy shrugged.
The woman started to wheeze. "I definitely don't have that kind of cash!" She exclaimed.
"Very well then. I order you to be chased all the way to Japan by a samurai with a very sharp sword!" Judge Trudy banged her mallet.
The samurai appeared yelling and brandishing his sword as Oriental music began to play in the background.
The mother ran screaming as the samurai gave chase, slashing the air with the sword as he did.
Her sons started laughing loudly.
"Court dismissed! Bring in the dancing lobsters!" Judge Trudy banged her mallet.
The lobsters came in as they dance to Usher's Yeah and everyone in the courtroom got up to join them in their dancing.