HEEEY, long time no see. c:
I haven't had a lot of time for writing, but I hope this makes up for it. This is my fav chapter so far.
Thank you so much for faving, following the story and for so many reviews.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ane, and all the characters here are highly stupidly portrayed. P.s. English is not my main language, just so you know.
I stared at the ceiling, still remembering the kiss. I could still feel Shima's taste on them, lingering like poison. The thinking was nearly killing me.
Why would he do that? There was no need, people were asleep, no one even noticed. So why did he call it an act?
I've never kissed a boy in my life, but it sure was something else.
I was lying in bed after a long shower. Bon asked me a lot of questions, which I answered and then more questions, which I also answered. I didn't tell him about the kiss though. Everyone in the camp was okay with homosexual kids, so this relationship stunt wasn't a blow. I didn't care about the reputation of my orientation either, so it wasn't a problem.
The problem was my over-thinking.
Maybe it was an act.
Maybe it wasn't.
But what did I want out of this? Why was I even thinking about it?
I got up, packed my guitar, and went to morning practice with my guitar teacher.
Shima didn't show up at band practice.
We decided to have a day off, so I picked my gear up and ran out of the room without explaining much.
I had this little place of mine in the woods. People didn't know it was there and whenever I felt down or depressed, I'd go there and sing my heart out.
I went past the familiar trees, searching for the path I made myself. Finally, I did find the little reminders on trees, so I'd remember the path. My heart was beating fast and I took quick breaths of pure air. My lungs filled with the freedom I loved feeling. Most of the Camp kids were at practice at this time of day, so I had all the silence I wanted.
I followed the path for more than five minutes and I reached a little meadow surrounded by bushes and trees. There were a lot of flowers at this time of year. I stood in the middle for a moment and sat down.
I put my guitar in my hands and brushed the strings. Suddenly, I didn't feel like playing. I just lay down on my back, holding the guitar close and hummed the familiar sound of One Ok Rock 'The Beginning'
Just give me a reason,
To get my heart beating,
Don't worry it's safe right here in my arms.
The words just flew out of my mouth, causing the silence around me feel warmer. It seemed that the whole meadow has fallen asleep. No sound reached my ears, except my own low singing. Different scents filled the air, causing my lungs sing out with joy and happiness. I completely forgot about my worries.
My mind was free for the time being. I could think everything through without freaking out.
Just give me a reason. I said to myself again in a heartbreaking tune.
To get my heart beating. I breathed out silently. I needed a reason to get my heart beating like a drum. And after a whole day of remembering the kiss over and over again, I understood that the reason my heart was beating like crazy for a few hours was Shima.
Slightly, I touched my lips. They were soft, but not as soft as Shima's. I felt safe in his arms. The Beginning was true in every way.
Take my hand. I sang out louder, risking ruining the silence I liked so much.
Yes, I wanted to take his hand again. I had to wake up and admit it to myself. After being irritated by Shima, we actually bonded while singing that song before he kissed me.
Look how far we've made it. Again, the humming pinched the deepest part of my heart. How could a kiss change the view of a person so rapidly?
I couldn't close my eyes anymore. Every time I did – I would see Shima's eyes glimmering in the starlight. All I could hear was Shima's amazing tone in his voice.
No, this was not right.
I got up from my position and stared absent-mindedly into the woods. I needed to face him. I needed to tell him how I felt about that kiss.
I wanted to at least be friends.
Yes, I'd tell him that I didn't care about the act and I kissed him back because I thought we were acting too.
And of course, the only reason I'd do that is to maybe get kissed again.
Suddenly, realization hit me. What was I thinking about?
Why would I want him to kiss me again? I needed a vocalist in my band. I didn't need to have a crush on a person I hated for so long. And he was a boy.
I got up, looked at my watch and noticed it was almost dinner time. I turned around and walked out of the meadow. I left the thoughts behind for the evening or until I meet Shima face to face.
"Hey, where've you been, sugar?" Bon shouted from his seat in the cafeteria. I put my tray right next to him and shrugged.
"Here and there. Had some thinking to do."
"About you and Shima?" Shiemi asked, while eating a cinnamon bun.
"Not exactly." My cheeks flushed. "We're not dating or anything."
"You looked like you were." Bon said and elbowed Koneko. He flinched.
"Bon, this hurts."
"Yeah, that's what life is, get used to it, Koneko." Bon cheered and did a little dance while sitting.
This was supposed to be funny, but I didn't laugh. I was searching for the familiar hair color in the crowd of people, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey, have you seen Shima today?" I asked.
"Why, you have a date or something?" Bon chuckled and Shiemi threw her last piece of cinnamon bun at him.
"Stop mocking him! It isn't his fault Shima needed to get rid of one of his admirers."
"Okay, okay." Bon pouted. "I haven't seen him anywhere. Maybe he's sick or something?"
I stared at my plate and didn't say anything.
"I could check his room, if you'd like." Koneko smiled. I shook my head.
"He's my vocalist, I'm gonna go and check. Explain the directions, please." I asked and Koneko helped me out.
I found out that Shima was living in a cottage near the woods. I left my plate of unfinished food and ran towards the door of the cafeteria without saying good-bye to my friends.
I puffed and huffed until I got tired of running and kept a slow pace while going to the cottage. I said hi to a few familiar kids, and then I saw it.
The cottage was pretty much the same as ours, but much more colorful. We were allowed to paint the cottages any color a few summers ago, and this was probably the work of the little kids. Well, of course, until they made it a cottage for seniors.
I hummed The Beginning again, completely not understanding why I was doing this. I kept saying it was for the sake of the band. But deep in my heart, I knew I had to understand my feelings for this guy.
Shima was living on the first floor of the cottage, so it wasn't hard to find his door.
I knocked three times and I heard a deep voice saying 'Come in'.
I opened the door and saw Shima leaning on the table, writing something in a fast manner.
"You okay?" I asked and his head rose as fast as it was physically possible.
"What are you doing here?" He hissed and jumped from his seat, rushing to close the door.
I scratched the back of my head and sat on his bed.
"I wanted to check up on you." I said. "You were gone for a while."
"Well, no shit, I wanted to be gone." He snapped and sat back on the chair. He picked the pen up, but didn't write anymore.
"I was worried." I whispered, but I knew he heard me. His shoulders tensed up a bit and he exhaled a shuddering breath.
"Danny fucked off." He said. "You can stop pretending now."
We sat silently and I laced my fingers together.
"I'm not here to pretend. I'm here to talk."
He laughed out loud and turned to me again. "About what? About the kiss? I didn't know what I was doing. Now get the fuck out if you don't want me to kiss you again."
I froze at the last sentence and jumped right up my seat.
"I'm not going anywhere until I get a proper explanation."
He got up his seat and stared right into my eyes. He was a bit taller than me, and his hair covered his eyes a bit.
"Wanna know why I kissed you, huh?" He murmured, clearly emphasizing the anger he felt. I didn't understand why he would be mad at me. "I was in the moment. You looked amazing in the starlight. Your voice charmed me. Happy now?"
I was completely taken aback by the words that flew out of his mouth. I wanted to start talking again, but I just opened and closed my mouth again. And then I gathered my courage to talk. Shima didn't turn his gaze away from me. He was breathing heavily, as if me being here irritated him to the core of his cells.
"No." I breathed out. "I'm not happy."
He looked surprised. I inhaled again. "Kiss me again."
"W-what?" He asked, clearly not understanding the situation I was putting him in.
"Aren't you in the moment right now?" I raised my voice a bit. He wasn't the only one annoyed. "Just give me a reason to get my heart beating." I sang silently, holding the moment, embracing the insanity I was about to make. But I needed to know how I felt about this boy for real. I wasn't sure how I'd react if he kissed me again. Time would show.
But I was sure I wanted his lips on mine again.
Shima's surprised eyes showed me he was judging the situation with a sober mind. I saw him raising his hand to touch my cheek, his fingers brushing against my skin tenderly, blinded by the situation I just gave him.
I knew he was lying about the act. He was lying into my face.
My heart started beating like a drum, embracing his touch. I didn't know how, but my whole body leaned into him bit by bit, my cheek fitting into his palm. Shima stared at my eyes, wearing a very serious expression on his face.
"Take my hand." I hummed again and Shima's lips were closer to mine than before. I liked the absence of distance between us. I wrapped my hands around his waist, knowing that what I'm about to do is crazy, but Shima made me want to do anything to have his lips on mine.
As we were about to crash our lips together, someone knocked on the door. Quickly, we tore everything apart and the next thing I know, I was sitting on the bed again and Shima was holding his sheet of paper.
A girl opened the door and blushed slightly.
"Shima-kun?" She asked, gawking at me once in a while. "Madam Kirigakure wanted to know why you skipped a few classes today."
"I wasn't feeling well, sorry for the trouble." Shima coughed and pretended to be very interested in the sheet.
"Should I ask the nurse to come here, or –"
"No, no need, Kiko." Shima waved at her and she nodded.
"Okay, take care, Shima-kun. And please don't miss the classes tomorrow." After saying that she closed the door and I heard her footsteps going away.
I looked at my hands, embarrassed by the situation we were in. Shima sat on the bed, keeping some distance between us and pushed the paper to me. I grabbed it and stared at him in question.
"I've been writing this since this morning." He said, not looking at me.
I read it silently.
I was safe while the stars shone at night,
I was there when you picked my soul up,
I was scared to rise my hopes up,
But the fear faded with glimpses of light.
You were here when I needed you most,
You were brave enough to pick me up off the ground,
I was drowning in my own hopeless misery,
Until it was you, you who showed me the way.
I could see the notes in my head, every line of the song fitting perfectly with the tune.
"I thought we should sing a song of our own." Shima said. "Of course, if you want to make it our own."
I nodded and didn't say a thing. Shima put every single feeling into this song, leaving anger out. It was so perfect and so meaningful, that I wanted to jump up and start singing right away.
"Bring it to practice tomorrow." Finally, I said and got up. There was no use to even stay here after the awkward moment we had. I walked to the door and opened it. I heard Shima doing the same and then he put his hand on mine as I was holding the handle.
He closed the door swiftly, took me by the shoulders and turned me around.
And then his lips were straight at mine. Shima crashed them without hesitating a second.
I wasn't sure what I was doing, but hell, was I kissing him back. We were all worked out with the routine, so our tongues explored one another's mouth, sharing the same passion we both felt.
I lost my mind.
I lost my mind.
Finally, Shima backed away, wiped his lips and opened the door again. I stood there awkwardly and then took a step towards him, giving a little peck on the lips.
"Seriously." I said. "Bring it to practice."
And then I walked out.
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