Me: Hallo. Welcome to The Borgias counseling service. (You know they need one). I don't own the Borgias, sadly enough…I am lusting after Cesare a bit…not a bit…but that's not important. This will be very OOC and quite insane. Just a warning.

Burchard: Apparently I'm the only one unbiased enough to help you people.

Dela Rovere: I'm unbiased…!

Cesare: Uh, yeah, no. Also, you stole my monkey idea. So screw you.

Micholetto: Wait, the monkey was your idea?

Burchard: Everyone shut up and listen to me! Why do you lot think you're here?

Rodrigo: We molest children.

Everyone: *backs off*

Cesare: I don't exactly know how to top that…here goes: I'm extremely violent and have killed a bunch of people. RAWR! I'M ACTING OUT! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

Juan: I'm overprivileged. And I have a mullet that is sucking the intelligence out of me.

Lucrezia: Juan killed my boyfriend so I dropped a chandelier on him.

Cesare: …wow. I'll need to step up my game here.

Goffre: Everyone's totally forgotten about me.

Giulia: My leg is some kind of classroom.


Giulia: Did no one hear me? My leg is a frickin' classroom! And I step on Naples, like, every day!

Charles: Oh, so that's what that was.

Micholetto: I get zero love. Also, I kill everything. And a hot priest whipped me. Wait…why am I complaining about that?

Cesare: Notice how I'm not complaining about being the whipper…*eyebrow waggle*

Rodrigo: We think we enjoy calling ourselves 'we' too much.

Charles: We think the same thing.

Cesare: Then maybe just stop.

Charles: …the boy has sense.

Juan: UGH PEOPLE, PAY ATTENTION TO ME! Oh, right, that's the other thing…I'm an attention whore.

Cesare: Well, you're right about the 'whore' part.

Juan: *glare* Let's have a talk about fratricide.

Micholetto: Dudes, that's a big word! It's so big I don't even know what it means!

Cesare: *facepalm*

Juan: Everytime you facepalm, you kill a unicorn.


Giulia: I've stepped on a few lately…damn you Rodrigo Borgia! Now all of Italy is dependent on my leg! What happens if Rome gets an itch? Huh?

Rodrigo: …that would be bad.

Lucrezia: Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows.

Micholetto: I don't know what those words mean either…

Lucrezia: They're related to happiness.

Micholetto: Ah. That's why.

Giulia: Florence is getting itchy!

A/N: Please review!