Author's Note: Here's an 11/River humor fic with some Pond love, too. FYI, River is older and married to the Doctor(still in Stormcage), but the Doctor is not married to her yet(takes place between LKH and TGC). Enjoy.

The unsuspecting raggedy man nearly stumbled as a pair of crimson lips suddenly brushed against his.

Caught by surprise, the time traveler stood awkwardly, his daft hands flailing all over the place, before finally settling in the woman's wild curls.

His hearts thumped rapidly in his chest as she deepened the embrace, her slender fingers playfully loosening his pitch black bow tie, causing his insides to twirl with indescribable emotions.

Drawing back, River Song grinned devilishly, cocking her head as she turned to approach the looming TARDIS blue doors.

"Goodnight, Sweetie," she winked, cooing flirtatiously while simultaneously making a swift exit into the confines of her drab prison cell, the wooden hatches creaking behind her.

"G-Goodn—" the Doctor stuttered sheepishly, though his future wife had already since drifted out of the little blue box.

Leaning backwards, with only the TARDIS console to support him, the man in the elegant suit released a soft sigh, the recent kiss still lingering on his lips.

For a short time, the Doctor, completely dazed, scratched his cheek nervously, his befuddled mind intrinsically focused upon one impossible woman.

It wasn't until he detected a quiet giggling sound that his body suddenly lurched in surprise.

"What? Who's there?" The man's eyes darted across the control room, until finally stopping at the chuckling red head who had secretly perched herself upon the reflective staircase.

"Ha—you should have seen your face! Priceless!" Amy Pond laughed hysterically, causing the Doctor's pulse to soar.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" Furrowing his brow, the man in the bow tie eyed his companion indignantly.

"I could ask you the same question." The feisty ginger refuted, her eyes motioning to his disgruntled bow tie.

The look on her face kept him silent for a mere second, but, unable to suppress the questions pouring into his head any longer, the Doctor soon spoke again.

"How long have you been sitting there? Stop looking at me like that!" He demanded, his forehead crinkling into tiny folds.

"Oh, probably about ten minutes, now. Long enough to see you snogging my daughter goodbye." She raised one eyebrow indicatively.


Staring down at his black dress shoes, the Doctor could feel the heat rising in his cheeks.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about," his effort to play dumb failed atrociously.

"You are such a rubbish liar, Doctor."

"You still haven't told me why you're awake." The Doctor interjected, attempting to avoid her gaze.

"Neither have you."

"Well, I…I shouldn't have to explain myself…this is my TARDIS after all, I can do whatever I like!" Crossing his arms, the man blurted out his random thoughts.

"Oh, really?" A mischievous expression folded across her face.

"Yes really!" He replied without processing his thoughts.

"So, you don't mind if I just run upstairs and get Rory, right now?"

The Doctor's eyes widened.

"Yes! I mean no, I mean…" Flailing his arms obnoxiously, the raggedy man could not veil his paranoia.

A voice resounded from up above.

"Will you two stop jabbering on? Some of us need our sleep, thank you. What's all the commotion about anyway—" The sandy haired man halted abruptly, his head jolting upward at the sight of the Doctor.

Searching Amy's face, the man in the bow tie silently pleaded, only to realize that she was now smirking.

"Doctor, I think you have some explaining to do." Even in his pinstriped pajamas, the Last Centurion was rather intimidating, his voice laced with a fatherly authority.

"Oh, hello, Rory! Didn't see you there! Amy and I were just having a nice little chat, weren't we Amy?" It was his last desperate attempt of smooth talking his way out of trouble.

It met little success.

He felt the intensity of two pairs of eyes chastising him without fail.

Uh Oh.

"Stop it! Wait—why are you two staring at me like that?" The Doctor inquired frantically, his breath coming out in quickened puffs.

Inching forward, the red head prepared herself to answer.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you?" Amy muttered sarcastically.

"Tell me what?"

"You're blushing like a bloody idiot!" Her slender finger pointed to his cheeks, causing a deeper crimson color to form.

"What's that on your cheek, Doctor?" Rory continued the scrutiny, his hand gesturing towards something else.

Stroking his skin, the Doctor cringed as a fading red lipstick made an imprint on his hand.


He'd forgotten about that one.

"Funny story there, Ponds, you see…I…"

"And the bow tie?" The Roman stepped closer, his eyes narrowing down to the unraveled cloth draped around the Doctor's skinny neck.

Yeah…about that…

As the Doctor's hearts beat faster and faster, his bottom lip quivered.

"I swear… this is not what it looks like…"

Well, that of course depended on how one looked at it.

And Rory looked very cross.

"Are you trying to deny the fact that you've been snogging my daughter? Because I'm afraid that fact's painfully obvious."

The Doctor mentally cursed himself as the blood continued to flood into his burning cheeks.

"Okay! You win! But don't get angry with me because I can't help it…I mean, it wasn't my fault…I mean… it was just a goodbye kiss...nothing more…and she's River…she's your daughter…I" Confessing the truth in random babbles, the man in the bow tie attempted to justify his actions.

Sighing, the Last Centurion gave the Doctor an empathetic look.

"You're hopelessly in love with her, aren't you?" Rory asked a rhetorical question, his expression finally softening.

"Umm…yes…I mean…no…I…"The Doctor mumbled under his breath, growing embarrassed.

"Well, in all honesty, I'd rather it be you than someone else. Just be careful. Keep an eye out for her. Also, given the fact that you haven't married her yet, I expect that you will restrict yourself from…certain behaviors. I mean it. And always remember that she's my daughter and if you ever lay a finger on her or break her heart I swear I'll come after you."

"I wouldn't doubt that." The man in the bow tie momentarily visualized a furious Roman with a long pointy sword.


"So we're good, then?" Rory's voice was filled with question as he offered the Doctor his hand.

"What? Oh, yes, right, we're good!" Shaking his best friend's hand somewhat awkwardly, the Doctor confirmed his words.

"Too bad…I was really beginning to enjoy this." Amy chuckled.

Rory shot her a look.

"Calm down, I'm just kidding! But you have to admit, the whole thing was pretty funny. With the Doctor's face and all…"

"Hey, what are you trying to say?" the red faced man criticized.

"Nothing. Just…"

" What? Pond…"

Exacerbated by their constant bickering, the sandy haired man scolded them.

"Will you two just get over it already? You're the ones who started this blasted mess."

Before the Doctor could give a defensive reply, the TARDIS doors suddenly swung open, instantly directing everyone's attention elsewhere.

"Sweetie, why are you still here? As enjoyable as that little excursion was, I'm afraid that it wouldn't look good if the guards realized the TARDIS was in my cell. I—"

The woman stopped midsentence, her curls bouncing atop her bare shoulders, as her eyes darted to her crimson heels, avoiding the reproachful stares of her parents.


Shifting her gaze back up to the Doctor, River smiled wickedly.

"Well, I suppose that since you haven't left yet we could say goodbye one last time." She raised an eyebrow suggestively, despite being fully aware of her parents' presence.

Oh, please don't, River. No, no, no, no, no, no…

The Doctor shuddered.

Amy and Rory exchanged glances.

As the woman in the dazzling gown scampered directly towards him, the man in the bow tie battled a dozen conflicting emotions.

Before the Doctor could protest, River's arms were entangled around his neck, her mouth dancing upon his passionately.

At first he reacted stiffly, until his hearts finally submitted to her irresistible allure and his resolve melted.

She then broke it off, leaving him gasping for breath.

"Goodnight, Sweetie," River sang before her eyes caught the frazzled looks of her mother and father.

Rory's light eyes were bulging, his face was stony.

"Oh, Father dear, I haven't seen that face since that time when you found us—" The curly haired woman stopped, her words rendering her father paralyzed.

The Doctor's face was entirely crimson as he pondered her remark.

"Found you what?" Amy asked somewhat apprehensively.

Shooting the Doctor a grin, River fluttered her eyelashes seductively.


The word continued to reverberate through the TARDIS console room, as the curly haired woman blew her husband an airy kiss, and then proceeded to enter cell 426.

As the door slammed shut, the three remaining people stood eying one another fearfully, their cheeks flushed with color.

No one spoke.

They could only stare, utterly speechless.

It was going to be a long night.

Note: I hoped you enjoyed it. It was...interesting to write, to say the least. If you would be interested in reading any of my other stories feel free to visit my profile page. Now, please take a moment to review.

Have a great day:)