Disclaimer: As much as I beg, do puppy eyes and throw tantrums, J.K Rowling will not give me the rights to Harry Potter, nor will she admit that it is real.

Scorpius.

Al.

Rose.

Ten Things I Know About Rose Weasley.

By Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy.

She rants on about stupid chain owls (you know, like letters saying 'if you send this on the love of your life will burst in and ask you to marry them, but if you don't the ghost of Severus Snape will haunt you forever more') but she sends them on anyway because she gets scared.

She thinks that I, Scorpius Hyperion Amazing Awe-inspiring, or maybe just Hyperion, Malfoy, hate her. I don't. No, it's a different four letter word that begins with L isn't it, eh Scor? Her cousin Albus, my oh-so-annoying best friend thinks that I am madly and passionately in love with her, to a point of scary obsession. I disagree; it's more of a crush. Yes! He's out of denial, although I maintain that it's an obsession, I mean, you're writing a list about her in charms, it's weird. Yeah, yeah we know, I admit it, now shut up, she's looking at us.

Her favourite uncle is Charlie Weasley. They share an unhealthy love of magical creatures, especially dangerous ones like Dragons. I know someone else with an unhealthy love of a dangerous magical creature...Shut up Al; I'll get to that bit later.

She hates mistletoe, and it's kind of my fault. It's your fault entirely. Be quiet Al, it isn't. Because one Christmas we both stayed at school and got caught under magic mistletoe, so neither of us could escape until we kissed. Thanks to that I was her first kiss. She was my first kiss too, but I didn't fuss about it like she did. Yes you did. Didn't. Oh right, so the three hour long 'do you think she likes me' chat-Don't say 'chat' it makes us sound like forty year old women- conversation, that we had afterwards and your massive crush on her at the time, now a stalkerish obsession, were completely unrelated? Shut up, Potter. Thought not. I said shut up, Potter! Witty comeback Malfoy, did you think of it yourself?

She may be closest to Charlie, but she wants to be a Gringotts curse breaker, like her uncle Bill. Or a journalist, because she's fed up of being the one that gets interviewed. Do you often discuss your futures with Rose? Only sometimes. Stalker. She told me!

She's a werewolf. I'm still not entirely sure how you found out, she wouldn't just tell you! Not even Alice Longbottom knows and she's her best friend! She didn't tell me. Then how- Shut up Al.

She doesn't remember how I found out, I won't tell her. I still like to annoy her. I'll tell her one day. It's not particularly interesting, I was in the hospital wing one full moon and my curiosity got the better of me. Is that it? Yeah. That's really quite boring you know. Yeah. Can you stop interrupting? No.

She has a ridiculously annoying and irritating cousin. Rose says that annoying and irritating are synonyms. WHAT! Rose is reading this? If Rose was reading this she'd have murdered you by now. Oh, okay. And this doesn't count as something you know about her; everyone knows that Dominique is annoying. I wasn't talking about Dominique you dung brain. Who were you talking about? Are you sure you weren't supposed to be in Hufflepuff? I was talking about you! Me? You, you meanie! Meanie? You seriously just used the word meanie? Yes, I did, can you move on? I don't know... I'll tell Rose! You wouldn't! I would! Okay, okay.

She doesn't really hate me. She's told me stuff she hasn't even told Al or Alice, her closest cousin and her best friend. Then again, they're attached at the mouth so she probably doesn't get the chance to have an actual conversation these days. Alice and I are not 'attached at the mouth'. Are too. You barely noticed she and Ruairi Finnigan split up. I was the one who had my nice white shirt stained with her eye makeup whilst you and Alice exchanged saliva. Kissed! Not exchanged saliva. I didn't know she ended it with Finnigan! I rest my case.

She's surrounded by some of the greatest love stories of all time, Harry and Ginny Potter, Ron and Hermione Weasley, Remus and Nymphadora Lupin, yet she still doesn't believe that she will find true love. This is sort of sad. But then again, you could be her true love. Shut up Potter. You hope that you're her true love! I said shut it! Malfoy? Al? What the hell is this? Hi Rose! Hello Rosie! I demand an explanation! It's a list. I gathered that. Why have you written a list about me? Anyone could find out about the, you know, Lycanthropy. Yeah, Malfoy! What were you thinking? You idiot! You too Al! What is going on? Scorpius was just being all love struck and decided to write a list. What has that got to do with me? Can you read Rose? Yes, of course, what does that have to do with this mess? You are so oblivious! Did you only read the Lycanthropy bit? Yes, if you know stuff about me then I know it about me, why on earth would I read what I already know? Because of stuff that you don't know, like how much Scor doesn't hate you...Shut up Potter! Wait! He doesn't hate me? Nope. In fact he- SHUT UP ALBUS! You say shut up far too much Scorpius. You just called me Scorpius! So I did... now what were you saying Al? Scor fancies youuuuu! In fact he luuuuuuuuurves youuuuu! Oh don't be so ridiculous Albus. He's, er, he's not being ridiculous. Oh, OH! Albus Severus Potter must inform you that he is now watching the weirdest thing he thinks he will ever see, his ever bickering best friends 'exchanging saliva' in the middle of a packed classroom. He saw this coming, just not in a charms class. Shut up Potter!