Caution! Extremely Contagious: Icha Icha Addiction

One-shot. Humor.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… this plot is written only for the author's pleasure, and I guess, yours as well.

Uzumaki Naruto though mentored by two of Konoha's biggest perverts and despite his own questionable sensibilities never appreciated the Icha Icha Series.

The first time he let his bright blue eyes graze the smut-filled pages of 'Icha Icha', he had found it to be incredibly boring and snooze-inducing, and therefore gave up on the said book after the first dozen or so pages. And since then, he never held another Icha Icha book other than for the sole purpose of delivering them to his white-haired, mask-clad sensei, Hatake Kakashi.

That is until he went on a particularly difficult ANBU mission at 18 years old, he returned to Konoha near-mortally injured. If he were any other than Uzumaki Naruto, Kyuubi Jinchuuriki Extraordinaire, he would have ended up in a beautifully-carved ornate casket, six-feet below the ground.

He awoke fully healed but extremely weak, and was threatened told to remain in bed for a week by his team-mate Haruno Sakura. To which he agreed to upon the mention of suffering even worse injuries at her hands.

Once his mentor, Jiraiya, heard about his protégé's condition he graciously dropped by for a visit bringing a bowl of ramen from the world famous Ichiraku, along with an infernal orange book, the first one of it's kind, 'Icha Icha Paradise'.

Due to extreme and utter boredom, for the first time Uzumaki Naruto held a book from the Icha Icha series with the intent to finish, for lack of nothing else to do. As he expected the first few chapters were indeed boring and uninteresting, but because he had nothing better to do, he pushed on reading chapter after chapter until, surprisingly, he found himself completely engrossed in what he thought to be a very stupid waste of paper and a thoroughly mindless and plotless smut.

And by the end of that book, Naruto found himself thinking, 'How could I have wasted all those years not reading this awe-inspiring book?'

As a teenager, Sasuke Uchiha always grumbled and complained, albeit quietly, about his Genin sensei and team leader's choice of reading material.

As he grew older, he found himself becoming more and more intrigued about the magic that made the almost invincible Hatake Kakashi practically glue the stupid books to his fingertips. Due to his curiosity, he is constantly tempted to buy that taunting little orange book everytime he goes to the village bookstore, but his overly abundant pride wouldn't allow him.

But when he turned 19, reprieve to his curiosity of the blasted book's content came in the form of a birthday gift from his blond-haired blue-eyed whiskered best friend.

He eagerly read the infernal orange book.

Since then, unbeknownst to the entire population of Konoha, Sasuke Uchiha had become one of the most avid fans of 'Icha Icha'. So avid that he sported one of the largest collections of the series, and the only ones more extensive than his are the collections of Hatake Kakashi (obviously), Uzumaki Naruto (his mentor is THE author), and Jiraiya himself.

This addiction had been a very well kept secret until his teammate had stumbled upon his secret library in one of the Uchiha Clan's vast hidden rooms, when she was instructed by the Godaime to watch over him because of his injuries, while cleaning around the compound.

Needless to say that Sakura had laughed (so hard she could barely speak) at a highly mortified Uchiha when she found the hidden library of 'Icha Icha'.

"Who would've thought… gasp… that… gasp… that the great… chuckle… great ice cube… gasp… Uchiha Sasuke… gasp… was a fan… chuckle… of the… gasp… 'Icha Icha' series?" she said between generous fits of laughter. "I never… giggle… never thought that… gasp… you… gasphaha… you're just… chokegiggle… as big a pervert as Na-… gasp… Naruto and Ka-… haha… kashi. Haha… wheeze… Haha!"

After Sakura found out about Sasuke's secret smut addiction, she was slowly eaten up by curiosity.

"What could be in that stupid smut novel that it got even Sasuke hooked?" Sakura screamed in frustration.

Unfortunately, or rather fortunately in another point of view, Konoha's resident closet pervert, Ebisu, had heard her rant and decided, with a rather alarming glint in his eyes, to help the pink haired kunoichi understand the captivating literary 'miracle' that is 'Icha Icha'.

So the 'elite' Jounin sensei that was the first ever victim of her mischievous blue-eyed best friend's – rather unique and racy – Harem no Jutsu, decided to slip a book within Sakura's Konoha General Hospital medic office to help her satisfy her mounting curiosity.

The next morning, Sakura found Icha Icha Paradise sitting proudly on top of her desk, bright orange cover glinting in the harsh fluorescent light, and was forced by her curiosity to read the infuriating orange bound book.

And midway through the book, Sakura, like her teammates, had gained a newfound admiration for the great white haired Sannin, Jiraiya.

And she wasted no time in gathering the other titles of 'Icha Icha'.

Sai had been assigned to inform Sakura about a mission briefing by dawn of the next day. Sai, as socially inept he is, decided that since 'Hag' was probably inside her bedroom, he should just enter her house through her bedroom window.

He found Sakura was lying on her bed; her cheeks flushed a beautiful pink shade, while reading the book that he often saw Kakashi reading – the very same book that Sakura always regarded with disgust and contempt.

He was confused, but decided to talk to Sakura about it instead.

When he entered Sakura's bedroom, Sakura remained unperturbed and he realized that she hasn't noticed his presence yet. This was quite unusual because Sakura has the best chakra sensing abilities amongst team Kakashi…

He then cleared his throat audibly to gain her attention, which then caused Sakura to hurriedly hide the book beneath the pillow.

Then he asked, "What were you reading, Hag?"

This question then caused Sakura to sputter indignantly, "I-I-It's no-nothing, just another… anou… novel. Yeah, that's it."

She was flustered, incredibly flustered. A testament to this was the fact that she didn't seem to notice the use of the contemptible nickname that he so bestowed her.

He then raised his eyebrow in response, "Isn't that one of Kakashi's favorite books?"

"Wha-what?" she answered. "That's stupid! Why would I be reading one of those smut novels?" she added, her voice wavering slightly and climbing an octave or two.

"Then?" Sai replied, obviously incredulous. "Why is 'Icha Icha Tactics' written in big bold letters on that green book that you hid under your pillow?"

Sakura spluttered slightly, turned bright red, and then let out a sigh of defeat. "Fine so I was reading 'Icha Icha Tactics'. What are you gonna do about it?"

"I was merely curious, Hag." He replied. "If you like that book, why do you constantly give Kakashi grief about his choice of reading material? Isn't that what you call hypocrisy?"

"I only do that, Sai, because it's considered impolite to read these kinds of books in public." She replied, clearly uncomfortable talking about her questionable choice in reading material, "Naruto and Sasuke read them too. So does Yamato-taichō and Ebisu-san. But they still admonish Kakashi."

"Why is that impolite?"

"Because these books are for-adults-only and have quite a bit of racy and graphic content." She continued with a soft sigh. "It's just something that people usually read in private."

"Like you do?"

"Yes…"she replied a blush still staining her cheeks.

"Hag…" She just grunted in answer. "Can I borrow one?"

She mumbled a quiet "yes" then moved to take one the books from the hidden compartment on her bedroom floor. Then gave Sai the first book of the series.

"I want it back undamaged, okay?"

He smiled that annoyingly fake smile then said, "Before I forget, we have a mission briefing at the Hokage tower tomorrow at dawn. Ja!" Then he disappeared with a muted 'pop' and puff of smoke, leaving a flushed, flustered, and incredibly annoyed Sakura behind.

When Sai arrived at his apartment he was overcame by the need to read the orange-backed novel that his current team leader and his teammates all find so interesting.

Sai pored over the orange covered book that night. The book was incredibly amazing. Opening its ink covered pages is comparable to gazing upon a painting by the great masters. It was incredibly detailed, bold, yet tastefully done.

And if there was one way that could capture Sai's attention it was art.

So Sai, as emotionally stunted and repressed he is, became incredibly enraptured at the written art that was penned by Naruto's rather annoying and perverted mentor. So incredibly enraptured, that he arrived five minutes later than their incredibly infuriating, extremely perverted, and perpetually, pathologically tardy team leader.

And that was how Team Kakashi ended up addicted to the 'Icha Icha' series.

Author's Note:

Well… When boredom strikes… This happens…

To the Uchiha Dilemma readers:

This is a sort of apology for making you wait so long for an update… School's been keeping me busy. Had I known taking up nursing would slowly take what remains of my incredibly tenuous grip on sanity…

Well, enough of that… Hope you enjoyed it…

PS: If you want to see how Kakashi, Yamato, and Ebisu got hooked… Review. :D


To all my readers:

I'm some of you noticed that my story "My One Regret" was plagiarized by a Pearl Princess… I was incredibly pissed off when I was informed by a friend, whose works were also plagiarized by the same… I want to thank the people who gave me a heads up about this. I love youguys!