It was just a kiss; a scripted kiss, bound to happen between two characters that for some reason changed people's lives.
But then it turned into soft lips moving against each other, catching fire and spinning the world; a careful hand, a warm palm on a cheek, a heaving chest and eyes burning with passion and surprise.
So in the aftermath it was never just a kiss after all, it was so much more….
Chris held his breath as he read about the first kiss between Blaine and Kurt. It was simple and sweet, not over the top as he had been worried about, but just … honest and close. His cheeks heated a bit and it annoyed him, because this had nothing to do with him, it was just that … to actually kiss him would be … different.
Acting with Darren was so easy. He didn't hold back at all. His eyes were wide open and his smile could light up an entire room. All Chris had to do in their scenes together was to follow him into that electrified emotional center that seemed to be the core of him, and then something magical would happen, every time.
They were very much alike; theater geeks, word nerds and Harry Potter freaks; and they could get ridiculously giddy and silly together when shooting ran late into the night.
And at the same time they were so very different. Chris was sarcastic and guarded, while Darren was open and comfortable. The simple touch from Darren when they talked; a calming hand on his shoulder, the nudge of a foot, or the leaning in to whisper something in his ear, made Chris relax around him in a way he didn't do with anybody else.
Chris read the scene once more and new worries surfaced. How would people react to a gay kiss? Would it increase the amount of hateful remarks on the social media, or would it stay the same? He sighed and dropped down on the couch. His phone buzzed in his pocket and the display revealed a text message from Darren.
- Don't freak out – let's just go for it ;-)
Chris couldn't help laughing out loud. Darren knew him so well it was scary sometimes. He texted back immediately.
- I'm not freaking out!
- Yeah right …
- Okay I'm freaking out.
- Don't. The storyline is great and beautiful.
Chris smiled at the message, already feeling the tension release a bit.
- And you don't think a lot of peeps will react in a negative way about a gay kiss?
- Nope – cause it's Kurt and Blaine – Darren and Chris – you know.
Chris shook his head and bit his lip.
- Ha ha – and you think that's a valid reason.
- I actually do
-Okay, I promise to go for it then.
- Cool – see ya
Chris came a little later than the rest of the Dalton Cast for the shooting of "Blackbird". His outfit had to be altered at the last minute. The designer-team claimed that he was losing weight and "gaining" height, which amused him; and they had to change the measurements they'd had on him so far.
As he stepped into the Daltons common room, Chris tried to wear his black "mourning outfit" with as much elegance as he could master.
"Oooh – where's the blazer?" Curt and Riker asked, greeting him at the door. "You're so chic and sassy," Riker chuckled.
"Well I'm mourning Pavarotti's death … obviously", Chris said, raising an eyebrow as he looked very seriously at the two friends; "and that's apparently done most convincingly in these very … very …tight pants. So please don't ask me to sit down, because it's simply not possible!"
Curt and Riker laughed.
Darren came over and joined them and gave Chris a head to toe once over. "Wow, that outfit will do the trick Chris," he said with admiration in his voice.
"I'm sure it will," Chris moaned. "I just don't know what kind of trick it will do."
Darren smiled and shook his head. "Oh, just the Blaine-falling-in-love-with-Kurt trick," he answered teasingly, and locked eyes with Chris.
Chris bit his lip, a bit flustered about the attention. "Well could Blaine please fall in love with Kurt quickly then, cause these pants got to go. My … legs … need … blood."
"Sure", Darren said and took a walk around Chris, brushing his hand over Chris' waist. "All you have to do is to sing "Blackbird" so beautifully, while you are crying, that I just haveto fall in love with you."
"Ha ha – no pressure," Chris replied dryly, but still amused by their friendly banter.
"Not at all," Darren chuckled. "You'll do fine."
As they got ready for the scene Chris had to hit a balance between this funny drama queen-ish moment, and a very emotional take; and for that reason it was a demanding scene. Between every take, he stayed focused and didn't talk to the other guys; just to make sure he could nail it every time.
So it wasn't until the scene was a wrap and they got a chance to look at the footage that he saw the expression in Darren's eyes, as Blaine fell in love with Kurt, over and over again.
On the set next day Darren and Chris started working on different angles with the director about the kiss and the scene all together. It was important for Chris to do right with Kurt and to show all the emotions that was going through his body and mind. He wanted to express that it took a while before Kurt dared to believe what Blaine was about to say; and he wanted to capture the sweetness and the overwhelming reaction of really being kissed and kiss back.
His connection with Darren was great and they both tried to help each other making the scene flow and make it believable. Chris was focused, ready to go for it and relaxed.
They went through the lines, and marked up different positions and camera angles. Through the first dialog Darren nailed a very cute and nervous Blaine, and it made it so easy for Chris to interact with him. When they were about to kiss, Darren leaned over and closed the gap between them. He pushed Chris gently with his soft lips, making it easy for Chris to kiss back.
A jolt ran down Chris' spine as he felt their tongues glide against each other. He reached up for Darren's cheek, sucking lightly on Darren's bottom lip, when he felt his heart jump.
It was mind blowing and it took him by surprise, because suddenly all his well planned physical reactions were overruled by raw real emotions. He closed his eyes and got lost; in the taste of Darren, the warm lips, and the intimacy Darren shared with him in this brief moment.
When they pulled away from each other the first time their eyes met for a moment and then they started laughing.
Darren licked his lips. "Wow Chris, you sure aren't freaking out right now are you," he said quietly, still sitting a bit too close for Chris to compose himself.
"Sorry – is it too much?" he asked feeling the traitorous blush giving him away.
"No", Darren answered right away. "No, not at all; you're great, actually." Darren smiled as Chris tried to catch his breath again.
He was not really sure what had just happened, but it seemed out of his control, and he didn't like that at all.
They took a couple of more shots and despite Chris' attempt to cool down, his own emotional reaction gave him away, and things intensified for every kiss. Darren didn't hold back and he didn't seem uncomfortable with the situation either, which caused Chris to lower all his guards.
Brad, who was directing, was thrilled. "You're doing an amazing job here," he said with a smile, regrouping the cameras and the light.
"We know", Darren said beaming, and made a bow, to the crew's amusement. Chris rolled his eyes dramatic and put more chap stick on his lips with exaggerated movements. Everybody was giddy and the atmosphere was warm and caring.
Kurt started to relax more through the next shots, but no matter how much he tried to approach the scene more professionally, he just got caught up in the moment every single time.
When the scene was finally a wrap Chris and Darren started goofing around and doing silly things together. The pressure was off and the balance between them resettled.
"Chris, can we take a "behind the scene" with you before you move on?"
Chris turned around and saw one of the production assistants, Jessica, smiling at him.
"Sure", Chris answered with a giggle, trying to be all collected again. "Do you have any questions, or should I just say random things from the top of my head?"
Jessica tilted her head. "Well not completelyrandom things – I know you well enough to realize how far off track you can get."
Chris laughed. She was telling the truth, and he was just the right amount of tired to say extremely stupid things. "Okay, random stuff about the episode then," he promised.
"That would be nice," Jessica said and gave Chris a hug. "You can sit over there." She pointed at a setup with lights and a camera. "And then we'll just roll until we have enough."
Chris sat down and tried to figure out what he wanted to say. He saw that Darren kept an eye on him. He was a bouncing ball and ready to tease Chris that much was clear. Maybe he was planning something for the interview; something that would make Chris crack up. Chris decided to make the first move. He grabbed pen and paper and scribbled down a few sentences with a smile playing around his mouth.
This would work. He had enough random stuff by now.
"I didn't get an original song myself", Chris started and looked into the camera. "There's so much there I could write about and sing to, like:Oh Blaine – you drive me insane – oh."
From the corner of his eyes Chris saw that Darren tried to hold back a laugh.
"I miss the New Directions – now I'm with these Warbler infections,"he continued.
Darren placed his hands on his hips and pouted, which was cute, actually.
"That's just all off the top of my head," he said with a smirk. "Oh and, I miss Mercedes – and my single ladies."That was about as far as his songwriting career would ever take him, he thought."I sing the song Blackbird by the Beatles, no pressure! But that was cool, that I should do a Beatles song. Blaine is so moved by the way Kurt sings Blackbird, no pressure, that he realizes he doeshave feelings for Kurt." Chris constantly kept an eye out for Darren, and he could tell something was up. "I actually was not nervous about the kiss too much because it was my third kissing scene on the show, but literally after the first take I was like, Damn Darren – I need a cigarette now!"
At this point Darren had to turn his back on Chris not to laugh too hard.
"Whenever you're doing a kissing scene you're properly going to kiss about 16 or 18 times because of the different angles. It's never just like ones."
Suddenly Darren decided to walk into the frame and be a part of the interview. "We were just talking about the kiss," Chris said, looking very innocent.
"Oh is that like disclose information?" Darren asked with a shy smile.
"First of all – you never called me after, so," Chris continued with a funny face.
"Listen, I can't play that easy to get you know, that's like the first kiss."
"You said you would!"
Darren let his eyes wander. "I'm embarrassed, I've been put on the spot," he said.
Chris wouldn't let him go just yet. "I mean – I don't kiss and tell, unless it's on camera," he said and rolled his eyes.
"Like in many relationships, I think I'm just gonna … run away." Darren nodded to the camera and disappeared out of the frame again, leaving Chris laughing.
Chris thought he had it all under control. It was just Darren; and they were close friends.
But in the darkness of the night, lying in his bed, the kiss played like a record in his mind; and the touch of Darren's warm lips stayed with him in his sleep.