Warning(s): non-explicit sex: I decided to go that course because I felt that outright porn would have cheapened the story. Other than that, there's some switching (yes!), some very mild forms of drama, and Lelouch and Suzaku basically being a couple. Self-edited again, so mistakes might linger.
And it's done! Thanks for all the support :)
Lelouch's moods and irritability didn't get any better with more amounts of sex. If anything, Suzaku was starting to believe that they just grew worse. Not that it was too much of a problem, considering that a flushed and panting Lelouch wasn't all that intimidating.
Not even when he scowled. Especially when he scowled.
"Suzaku, stop hovering over me," Lelouch muttered, though he wasn't trying all too hard to push Suzaku away from him. Even his glares were half-hearted, and came across as playful, maybe even inviting.
Still, Suzaku frowned, biting his underlip, wondering if he wasn't reading too much into matters, or it was all wishful thinking … well apart from one, rather undeniable fact. "But you're hard again, and … there's nothing wrong with wanting to go for another round." In fact, it was rather flattering (and he wanted it too, so very much).
"It's fine, just -" Lelouch flushed, mumbling something inaudible as he looked away. He didn't finish though because Suzaku was kissing him again, not having shifted away yet. He was just as flushed as Lelouch was when he broke the kiss, his heartbeat having quickened as well as he felt the blood rushing into his veins.
"I'll go down on you. Let me do it," Suzaku then said, flushing a bit more, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage.
The look Lelouch flashed at him bordered on incredulity and surprise. "You-you can't -" He clasped his legs shut, pulling the blanket over him.
Suzaku merely blinked despite the blush staining his cheeks. "I've been sleeping with you for the past two months, Lelouch. Of course, I can." He smiled sheepishly. "Though I can't guarantee that my technique will be any good." He'd only started giving blowjobs during the past two months, after all, and while Lelouch gasped and bucked underneath him quite often these days, Suzaku was certain he needed a bit more practice (to make Lelouch gasp out even more -).
"Shut up-" Lelouch protested - A little too heavily, and the pink dusting his cheeks really wasn't helping matters, either.
Noticing that, an even more interesting alternative dawned upon Suzaku's mind. "Or I could …" Suzaku smiled widely, "ride you." He'd never done it before, and that position had always intrigued him.
"But -" Lelouch started, his blush darkening.
Suzaku sighed, and placed his hands on Lelouch's shoulders. "You've already bottomed today, I don't mind," he said, kissing Lelouch thoroughly before reaching out for the lube situated on the bedside table. Lelouch didn't protest anymore, and Suzaku figured it was fine to start. He took a deep breath.
Despite everything he'd done with Lelouch in the past few months, a little thrill of anxiety did scuttle down his spine, but Suzaku ignored it, opening the bottle of lube determinedly. To hell with his petty fears.
He didn't need much preparation anymore - not as much as he'd had at first. Though, when he pushed the first finger in, he still felt that uncomfortable stretching sensation, and still had to wait for himself to relax before he could go on any further. But, once it started to feel less uncomfortable, and more something towards the direction of good, it became easier, and -
And Lelouch was staring at him, causing his cheeks to flush, but he didn't stop preparing himself, only pulling out when he felt himself relax.
But Lelouch hadn't stopped staring.
"What?" Suzaku asked, shooting a concerned look at Lelouch. "Don't you want to …?" He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice (so Lelouch still doubted him -).
Rather abruptly, Lelouch shook his head. "I'm just surprised you have no problems with bottoming." And Suzaku found himself sighing immediately as he moved over to Lelouch, straddling his hips.
Despite that, Lelouch still continued talking. "Normally men like you would -"
That again. Lelouch really did sound like a broken record, sometimes. "I told you I have no problems with it. It feels good - whether I'm inside you or you inside me," Suzaku said as he was positioning himself above Lelouch. "I just like being with you -."
And then he sank down, letting out a small gasp when Lelouch slid in; he let out another series of small moans while he continued lowering himself, beads of sweat pearling down his forehead.
Around that time, Lelouch finally shut up. Good.
"And you're … hah, you like it when I do this," Suzaku said, placing his hands on Lelouch's chest when he'd lowered himself down enough. "Hmm." He leaned down to kiss Lelouch before starting to move, loving how good it felt, but - more than that - loving how it brought him closer to Lelouch.
And Lelouch was no longer protesting against all this either, but gripping his hips. "God, you're so incredibly tight," he said, his voice hoarse, and his eyes sliding shut.
Suzaku just nodded shakily, starting to move then - remembering how he liked it when Lelouch started out slow, grinding his hips against Suzaku's crotch, but, as Suzaku looked down at Lelouch, saw how flushed his cheeks and how unrestrained his gasps were he knew that he couldn't tease him like this, so he just went as fast as he could. So fast that he was regularly bouncing on top, probably giving Lelouch - if he dared to look - quite a sight: him hard too, and his hair a messy tangle of curls as his mouth curved to an 'o' whenever he went back down.
Soon, Suzaku really couldn't help himself but moan loudly, only halfway coherent enough to ponder over the fact that he was grateful for not having any grumpy neighbours. But then all he could really think about right now was how (fucking deep) lovely Lelouch felt inside of him, and how warm (deep inside of him) Lelouch was, and how he really just didn't, and couldn't stop himself from going even faster.
Something Lelouch clearly had no problems with it, if the thrusts of his hips was anything to go by. That and he was moaning too. Just as loudly as Suzaku.
"I'm close-" Lelouch finally breathed out, his fingernails digging rather painfully into Suzaku's skin, and his thrusts upwards had grown a little more erratic, and more frantic.
Suzaku opened his eyes, and looked down at Lelouch, smiling a bit dazedly. "Yes, me too. But it's fine: come first." He knew it wouldn't take long for his vision to go white, either.
If Lelouch had opened his mouth to make a point of protest, it became a moot point when he groaned, shuddered and finally came inside of Suzaku; and, Suzaku followed soon afterwards, not caring about the mess he'd made as he let his head sink against Lelouch's chest.
He'd been deprived of such closeness and intimacy for too long - not that he'd believed the void could have been filled, having always been afraid that he'd find himself unable to forget about her. But, as Suzaku found himself taking in the familiar scent and feel of Lelouch, he didn't think of Euphy, but just Lelouch, Lelouch, and Lelouch-
And it didn't feel wrong, but just right - nothing but right.
"I think they might be onto something," Lelouch told him, glaring at Suzaku as he carried Yune on his shoulders. They both were walking leisurely, the trees hiding them from the fierce glare of the sun.
Suzaku just shook his head. "Um. They just said that we've been growing closer. Which … is nothing unusual to say when two people live together." He smiled brightly at Lelouch, looking disgustingly innocent and carefree. Lelouch really hated how he did that. Someone who'd been riding him the morning before really had no business looking like this. Besides …
… 'Living together'. Lelouch wondered if that was Suzaku's terminology for sleeping with one another. He rolled his eyes. "You know I didn't mean that."
"... Hmm. Would it be such a huge issue for you if they did know, Lelouch?" Suzaku finally asked, now pausing in his steps - his jaw set, and eyes uncharacteristically serious. "I thought I told you before that it doesn't matter to me. I like being with you."
And Lelouch's eyes widened as he stopped walking as well, only vaguely aware of Yune tugging at his hair as he did so, small whines escaping her lips. He snorted. "You're a single father, Suzaku. A widower." And Lelouch was a man. He really didn't see how thiswarranted an explanation, and he had no idea why Suzaku insisted on being so bloody daft about this.
Suzaku sighed. "I know that. I'm not stupid. Besides, you never let me forget." And he walked over to Lelouch to grab Yune off his shoulders who squealed and eagerly accepted being carried by her father. And, as Lelouch looked at them, he really couldn't dispel that sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach: that this was right, and that he was an intruder in this happy little couplet, which would only become a perfect trio if a sweet, earnest woman -
And then Suzaku just leaned forward and kissed him, right then and there in the middle of the park, surrounded by blossoming flowers and the smell of freshly-mown grass. He merely pressed his lips against Lelouch's, just lingering - not kissing him hungrily like he would have when they were on their own, but for all Lelouch it was enough to close his eyes, and let out a small gasp. When Suzaku pulled away, he nearly protested.
"No frowning. It makes you look old." Suzaku smiled sweetly, and Lelouch's heart skipped a beat. He should have told Suzaku off for kissing him in public, but no one was around. And, as he traced a finger against his lips, he really didn't mind. In fact, a part of him nearly condemned society for not allowing him to touch Suzaku more often in public like this.
He sighed. He knew this wouldn't have been a problem if he'd been a woman. No one ever complained about a widower kissing a woman in public. Not anymore.
But he and Suzaku …
Lelouch made a resolve to chide Suzaku for the kiss, after all. Suzaku had to learn that there were things you just didn't do, and that certain boundaries shouldn't be crossed.
And yet, Suzaku's smile wouldn't leave Lelouch's mind, and his resolve turned into non-resolve, and finally died down completely.
The storm was averted for now, but Lelouch knew that - sooner or later - this would become an issue between them. He just hoped, once it blew over, that the damage wouldn't be too bad.
Suzaku pressed a kiss against the nape of Lelouch's neck, and smiled when Lelouch jumped, turning around to glare at him.
"Really, stop doing that -or I'll study at university," Lelouch said, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms, and Suzaku would have nearly bought that he was angry if it hadn't been for the flush on those pale cheeks.
"I'm bored." And Suzaku sighed; Lelouch had been reading for the past three hours, and Yune was already in bed. "You're a terribly neglectful lover."
Something like surprise flickered through Lelouch's face, and he frowned. "I always study during this time. It never used to bother you." And he turned around, briefly, to shut his book with a clap, before he looked at Suzaku again. "What changed?"
And Suzaku should have, by all means, flushed bright red for being this childish and petty, but he merely smiled sheepishly. "I don't know, really. Just that I get lonely when you're not here." Indeed, he did wonder, as he said this, why it hadn't exactly bothered him that much before. He sat down on the bed, inspecting his hands as various thoughts raced through his mind. Finally - "I think it's because I just know what it's like to be with you now, so that not being with you is more painful." He hoped Lelouch wouldn't laugh at him for saying this because he meant it. Every word.
But, of course, Lelouch had to go and take it the wrong way. "You sound like a teenager. Actually," he shook his head, and chuckled, "you sound like a teenage girl."
Suzaku bit his bottom lip, ignoring the hurt that built up in him. "Right. So I can't say I don't like being with you because it's unmanly. I really," and, this time, he didn't bother hiding his disappointment, "hadn't expected to hear that from you of all people, Lelouch."
Of course, Lelouch decided to take this the wrong way too. "Because I'm gay, and this - by all extension - has to mean that I'm naturally more inclined to think in -" his mouth curled in disgust, "what society deems to be feminine patterns of thinking."
… Suzaku merely frowned, knitting his eyebrows. "But that doesn't make sense. If you say society deems what's feminine and masculine, then … there actually isn't something like a feminine or masculine way of thinking because society isn't and can't always be right." He frowned some more, not quite sure if he was phrasing this properly, but somehow, he felt he had a point. He took a deep breath. "Really, Lelouch, if we take it by your words, you shouldn't be bothered because we can make up our own rules."
Silence loomed in the room as Lelouch, clearly, took in Suzaku's words. The scepticism was etched on his forehead noticeably, but eventually he just sighed, and then smiled at Suzaku, his smile warm and affectionate.
"You do surprise me every time," he said, getting up from the chair and settling down beside Suzaku. "I wasn't expecting you to … well, be open for discussion regarding gender studies."
Suzaku snorted. "I did attend college." He left out the 'I'm not an uneducated hot-head' unspoken. He smiled then, moving closer to Lelouch, whispering into his ear,"There are many things you'd be surprised to learn about me." And then he just kissed Lelouch, needing this, needing Lelouch, all the while thinking that he would be more than willing to reveal all of those hidden sides, if Lelouch only allowed him to.
Two hours later, Lelouch shifted on the bed as he cracked an eyelid open - darkness fell in upon the room, and he would have felt disoriented, had it not been for the warm body pressed up against his.
Suzaku. He shook his head. Somehow, an evening he'd intended to use for studying and studying only had turned into … well, studying a bit and having sex. Which wasn't bad or unfavourable in any way, just that Lelouch had meant to get more work done. Oh well, he still had tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. Perhaps, he would simply have to learn to re-schedule a bit.
He sighed, not bothering to sit up because he knew he'd feel that familiar pain shooting up his spine again. Suzaku wasn't ever particularly rough, but … Lelouch flushed, remembering that he'd been the one egging him to do it 'harder' and 'deeper'. In the end, Lelouch settled for snuggling against Suzaku, letting the warmth engulf him as he slid back into sleep, for once not overthinking or drowning in dreams of analysis.
Kaguya watched Suzaku with barely hidden merriment, and Suzaku set down his teacup, glaring. "What?"
"You know," Kaguya said, running a finger along the rim of her cup before folding her hands together, "you and Lelouch won't be able to hide the fact that you're a couple for very much longer."
He didn't bother asking her how she'd found out. Suzaku was sure that one of those looks he'd sent along Lelouch's way during one of her more recent visits had done the mischief. But still, he found himself coughing a bit. "I really wish you'd stop making me feel awkward all the time." At the very least, she hadn't mentioned sex. Yet.
"So does he top or do you?" Kaguya asked as she set her teacup down as well, leaning forward a bit in a parody of a best girlfriend expecting another girl to spill all the dirty details already.
Suzaku rolled his eyes. He'd been clearly expecting too much. "Really, that's none of your business."
"Spoilsport," Kaguya exclaimed and fell back against her chair, pouting. "You could share some details." She pouted some more.
"Then go ahead and read those manga you're so fond of." There was no way in hell he was telling Kaguya about his and Lelouch's sex life. He would have considered sharing if she'd been a little less … enthusiastic, but a part of Suzaku feared that, if he spilled the beans, she'd never stop probing him for more information.
She merely sighed while adding more sugar into the tea. "You know they aren't realistic." Her tone grew more annoyed as she added, "All those stupid tropes: crying during sex, 'no' means 'yes' - really not realistic at all."
Suzaku sighed. "No, really not -" He stopped himself before he could go any further, flushing as Kaguya stopped stirring her tea and just stared at him.
And .. not before long Kaguya starting to laugh while Suzaku avoided her gaze. Because, awkward. It didn't grow any less awkward when Kaguya finally recovered, catching her breath every now and then as she tried to regain her elegant sitting position.
"So you did read them," Kaguya said, an unholy grin spreading over her features. "Fascinating."
Flushing, Suzaku glared at her. "Shut up. It was to … well, I just wanted to ascertain a few things." Until he'd realised that the only knowledge he could really gain from those manga was that … he made a face. "Well, I learned a few interesting things, but it was hardly relevant as to my relationship with Lelouch."
"Of course, not - I really didn't know why you bothered to look there," Kaguya replied, still smiling. "You could always just have asked Lelouch."
And all Suzaku could do was shake his head. "That's exactly the problem. He never tells me things without much protesting and glaring on his part." He wasn't even touching his teacup anymore, just turned his gaze away from Kaguya's and stared - not really thinking much of anything - at Kaguya's posters. "Well, he usually likes to tell me how reckless I am."
Suzaku looked at Kaguya again, and smiled a little sadly. "Yes because I want to discuss things and act like a couple." He folded his hands together. "I can understand his fears a bit, of course. I know that it must overwhelm him." Hell, it still overwhelmed himself. And, sometimes, he did ask himself if he wasn't rushing into things.
"You aren't reckless - maybe a little headstrong and stubborn, but not reckless," Kaguya replied finally, her face devoid of any amusement now.
"It's just that with Euphy - I never needed to think that much. We just acted; there was none of this worry and doubt." He sighed, smiling nostalgically as he allowed his mind to drift to the past a bit, remembering how even when things had taken a turn for the worse, Euphy had never complained. Not even once.
"It's not fair to compare him to her," Kaguya cut in, making Suzaku look up suddenly. "His character and situation are much different from hers."
Suzaku gritted his teeth. "I wasn't comparing them." But he knew that he sounded too defensive, and he felt guilt washing down his spine. He knew it wasn't far. Of course, it wasn't.
"He has more to lose. Do think about it, Suzaku - he has far more to lose than you do when this relationship is over. " Kaguya sounded both stern and sad, more the latter though, and Suzaku couldn't quite help frowning.
"I don't think I quite follow." And he didn't - not exactly.
"Well, there's always the danger of society and you yourself - if you choose to - denying that you two ever were a couple. Since you're not gay or bi - or at least you haven't acknowledged it socially." She played with the ruffles of her shirt, a wistful smile playing on her face. "... So that leaves him with nothing but the memories."
"I never actually thought about it," Suzaku confessed, knitting his eyebrows. Sex with Lelouch was lovely, but he did wonder if he'd be willing to do that with other men. Suzaku's forehead creased - perhaps, if he wanted to, he actually felt he might have. Not that he was going to ever actively put that hypothesis into theory. Still..."I don't actually think it needs a label."
"Well, whatever it is, society does and will label - and he doesn't want to place a stigma on you or Yune, but by telling you to be careful … he's -" Kaguya smiled, shaking her head, "-trying to protect you. It's sweet in a way."
Suzaku opened his mouth to say something else, but then let Kaguya's words sink in. Of course. That did make sense. "So it's not his … not wanting to be with me?" A silly question, one that didn't need answering because he knew that Lelouch wouldn't have ever let him as close as he had if he hadn't wanted to be together.
Kaguya just shook her head, and then leaned forward to pinch his nose. "Just talk to him."
"I shall," Suzaku said, smiling.
But the moment he arrived home to talk to Lelouch, he was dragged into the bedroom. Not for sex but … to dress him up appropriately.
"What do you mean your brother invited us over for dinner?" Suzaku asked, looking scandalised - as if he'd been a Royal and just told that a photograph of him kissing a commoner had been leaked and printed in the Sun.
Lelouch just tugged his tie, ignoring Suzaku's glares. "He told me that it's a great injustice to have been living with you for this long without having introduced you formally." He'd picked out his best suit for the occasion, knowing just how picky Schneizel was over appearances. And the last thing he needed was his mother calling later and raving about how he'd allowed himself to go 'to waste'. "So stop complaining. The worst thing that will happen is that he'll ask you to play cards with him or to relate a bit about your family history."
"He sounds like a character out of a Victorian novel," Suzaku said, making a face as he looked down at the suit Lelouch had picked out just for him. "But then … your entirely family seems strange."
Of course. Lelouch could never forget that Suzaku had already met a few family members. He chuckled lightly. "Cornelia isn't all that bad. Just a bit stiff. Schneizel is … different."
Suzaku tilted his head to the side. "You mean that Schneizel isn't intimidating?" He looked somewhat … hopeful.
"Different," Lelouch answered wisely, deciding that saying 'intimidating in his own way' wouldn't really help to dispel Suzaku's (understandable) reluctance in dining with Schneizel. He really didn't want to dine with Schneizel either … but saying 'no' would have most likely resulted in Schneizel showing up at the apartment, with Kanon in tow and that wasn't what Lelouch wanted either. Besides, it would have just resulted in Suzaku turning even more paranoid regarding his family.
So this was the only way. He just hoped it would turn out somehow endurable.
Suzaku sat straight as he tried to recall the basic crash course in table manners that he'd received out of a high gloss magazine once. Of course, back then, it had been for his first dinner date at Euphy's house, and the situation was different now - mostly in the sense that he and Lelouch weren't really on a date and that Schneizel couldn't do much to disapprove of their er, relations - but the nervousness chipping away at him was still pretty much the same. He sighed, looking down at his empty plate, wondering when the waiter would finally arrive.
Every now and then, he stole a glance at Schneizel, taking in how much taller and broader he was than Lelouch. Where Lelouch's face was delicate and nearly porcelain-like, Schneizel's gave way to - though none the less beautiful than Lelouch's - to sharp edges and contours, and - though Lelouch's shoulders were broad - Schneizel's were broader and his body had none of that natural, boyish skinniness that Lelouch's possessed. And his hair was blond - a sharp contrast to Lelouch's dark hair.
At first, Suzaku had really asked himself if those two were related at all. And yet, the more he observed Schneizel, the more he couldn't deny that the similarities were undeniable because Schneizel held himself with that same inborn elegance that Lelouch did, the smug smile creeping over his features was the same that Lelouch sometimes displayed, and he possessed the same self-assurance that Lelouch did. Just a bit stronger, like he was used to being listened to, while Lelouch still craved an audience. Not that Suzaku didn't believe Lelouch would find his audience one day …
Suzaku shook his head as at the thought of that, stealing a look at Lelouch looking through the menu again, probably searching for grammar mistakes. He smiled warmly, observing how Lelouch's thin fingers inspected the -
Then Schneizel spoke, his voice deep and lacking any sort of emotion. "So how do you like living with Lelouch?"
It's nice. Especially the sex. "I like it a lot. Lelouch is a great help," Suzaku replied, smiling brightly, trying not to feel nervous at the way Schneizel was looking at him.
"I am sure he is. He's always been a perfect little housekeeper."
Suzaku heard Lelouch take a deep breath, and he was pretty sure that he was biting back a rude comment. "Suzaku and I take turns."
"Which means that you cook, and he washes the dishes. A perfect distribution of labour," Schneizel commented dryly, the ghost of a smile appearing on his face now. "Sounds perfect. Just like the two of you were a married couple."
He heard Lelouch drop the menu card on the table. Suzaku coughed, and pretended to turn his attention to the table decor. A chair squeaked, and Suzaku looked up, eyes wide, to see Lelouch with gritted teeth and blazing eyes. "Excuse me." And then he was off in a huff.
"Terrible sense of humour, as always," Schneizel said, watching his brother depart with amused eyes. "But then he's always been uptight about a few things."
"That wasn't really a joke though, right?" Suzaku asked, raising an eyebrow. He considered walking after Lelouch, but that would have just made things worse.
Schneizel just leaned his head against his elbow, and sighed. "Not really. You're more perceptive than I thought. A shame - I'd like to have continued this game for a bit."
"I don't quite understand why," Suzaku replied, narrowing his eyes, "especially when you already know what's going on." He already decided that he rather found this man annoying. "It's rather unfunny."
To his surprise, Schneizel merely laughed. "I can see why he chose you. You're just as serious and uptight as he is."
"And that is a bad thing?" Suzaku didn't bother hiding the distaste in his tone now. Just because Schneizel was Lelouch's brother didn't mean he had to like him or approve of his actions. The days of his being sixteen-years-old and easily intimidated were over.
"A good one," Schneizel said, taking a sip out of his glass before continuing, "because the last thing my brother needs is someone who isn't committed."
Suzaku knitted his eyebrows. "You … were just testing me right now. Trying to see if I would deny things." He shook his head. "You're crazy." And somewhat brilliant, but Suzaku wouldn't admit to that out loud.
"Of course. Lelouch is important to me. And I don't want to see him attaching himself to someone unworthy, but I see that's clearly not the case," Schneizel said, going through the menu himself, but not before he'd pushed a pair of glasses up his nose, suddenly looking even more serious.
"And yet you sound sceptical," Suzaku observed, frowning because he didn't know what there was to doubt now.
Schneizel placed the menu down, still not taking off his glasses. "Lelouch is only here temporarily, and you lead your own life here… so, the thing is - when the time comes to part - would you be willing to follow him if he decided to return to his homeland?" Not a trace of emotion showed in his tone, but Suzaku could tell the question was important to Schneizel.
And he didn't hesitate answering for a second. "I would."
Schneizel leaned his head against his palm, observing Suzaku intently. "Leaving everything behind, and dragging your daughter along too?"
And all Suzaku could do was smile. "Of course, I'd follow him - he and Yune are the most important people in the world to me." He'd already lost Euphy, but he'd found Lelouch and wasn't going to let go of him this quickly. "Of course, it won't be easy, but I'd rather like to believe in the good things to come than the obstacles we'd face."
Schneizel just shook his head, and then smiled. "Well, I can really see why he chose you now. I guess congratulations are due."
For some stupid reason, Suzaku found his cheeks growing red - because that sounded a lot like he and Lelouch were getting engaged, and Schneizel was hoping to hear of a 'happy announcement' by the end of the year … needless to say, he was more than relieved when Lelouch returned.
Because, even if Schneizel was not as stern as Cornelia, he was still rather … frightening. In his own way.
Suzaku couldn't hide a gasp of surprise when Lelouch kissed him deeply as soon as they entered the doorway. He knew that Yune was still at Kaguya's, and that there was no problem with them doing this at all, but still it wasn't like Lelouch to do it so enthusiastically. Not before he got in the mood, and Suzaku wondered if he'd missed the opportunity of observing Lelouch drinking too much wine. Because it was either that, or -
He suddenly remembered how, before Lelouch had hailed the cab he'd smiled warmly at Suzaku and that their ride home had been comfortably silent with them sitting as close to each other as decorum still deemed acceptable.
Suzaku pulled away, his hands resting on Lelouch's chest, fingertips unconsciously ghosting over a velvet tie. He met Lelouch's eyes evenly, noticing the way Lelouch smiled at him before smiling in return. Suddenly everything was clear.
"How much did you hear?" Suzaku hated how breathless he sounded, but Lelouch hadn't even given him the chance to breathe through his nose during all the enthusiastic kissing.
"Everything," Lelouch replied, not even sounding surprised that Suzaku had put two and two together.
Suzaku shook his head. "It's not fair to eavesdrop." He did feel his ears going red a bit because what he'd said had been a little on the sentimental side of things. Not that he'd take it all back, but still.
"Well, it's not fair to discuss our relationship with my brother either," Lelouch replied, leaning forward.
Gripping Lelouch's shoulders, Suzaku pulled away to say, "Actually, he started it." He didn't say anything else, pulling Lelouch in for another kiss, parting his lips so Lelouch could push his tongue in.
Lelouch did, pressing Suzaku against the wall - far more demanding than usual. Not that Suzaku minded, butterflies forming in his stomach as he found himself grinding against Lelouch - his need growing as he tried to meet Lelouch's frantic kisses. He pulled away, eyes glossy as he tried to keep himself calm, but failing.
"How-how do you want to do this?" Again, he hated how breathless he sounded, but - then again - it didn't matter, really. At this point, his legs had turned to jelly anyway, and all he wanted was for Lelouch to just kiss him again. Or touch him. Anything.
His eyes widened when, instead of turning him around, Lelouch went down on his knees - and unzipped Suzaku's trousers, slipped a hand down his boxers, and then starting to stroke. And then ...
"Just be quiet, and enjoy it."
Suzaku's breath hitched the moment he felt Lelouch's tongue on him. Because, despite everything they'd done so far, giving a blowjob wasn't something Lelouch did very often (only a few times if Suzaku actually cared to count -). So, Lelouch sucked carefully, nearly methodically, only taking Suzaku in slowly and gradually -
And Suzaku just closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy, trying not to think. Which, of course, ended up not working out.
This wasn't right.
He sighed. "You really don't have to continue if you don't like doing this." Because, even though Lelouch's hot and moist mouth felt wonderful, he didn't want Lelouch doing anything that irked him.
Lelouch pulled away, frowning. "Don't you like it?" Awkwardly, he tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, and managed to look so vulnerable that Suzaku bit his underlip, not quite sure he wanted Lelouch to look that lost. Not that he enjoyed an annoyingly arrogant Lelouch either, but … this just seemed wrong. He ran his hand through Lelouch's hair.
"No, it's just - you don't have to. It's fine. If we do something else - that would be fine too." Again, Suzaku felt his cheeks growing warm because this wasn't the sort of discussion he'd envisioned having tonight. "I'm not hurt." And he wasn't; he really wasn't.
"It's not that ...it's not you, it's just -" Lelouch said, eyes blazing as his own cheeks betrayed a slight tinge of pink, mumbling something about how he just didn't like doing it.
Suzaku chuckled, and pulled Lelouch up - not minding the awkward stance at all. "It's really fine. Let's do something we both like. It's all fine." Whether this meant Lelouch taking him, or him taking Lelouch or them just making out.
"You're incredibly," Lelouch said, resting his forehead against Suzaku's, "-understanding. I love that about you-"
Love. Suzaku couldn't help but just kiss Lelouch again - deeply - because hearing such words from Lelouch really was a rare treat.
Lelouch pulled away, actually making a face. "You do realise I just had you inside my mouth, don't you?"
Suzaku just smiled. "Doesn't taste that bad. Just -" he shrugged, stopping in mid-sentence and then kissing Lelouch again. "I really don't mind."
"I can see that," Lelouch said with a shake of his head, and then took Suzaku's hand, pulling him towards the direction of the stairs. For a second, his eyes had drifted towards the couch, but then he'd just shaken his head again. He gave Suzaku a meaningful glance. "Your father sits on that couch. So do all our other guests. No."
Lelouch didn't waste any time in kissing Suzaku again once they entered his bedroom. He pulled away, smiling. "Let me show you what I like." He led Suzaku towards the bed, eyes warm and affectionate.
"And you like -?" Suzaku smiled, not pulling away, but waiting for Lelouch to respond, meanwhile leaning forward to undo the first few buttons of Lelouch's shirt.
"I like kissing you," Lelouch said, running a hand through Suzaku's lips, "because you're so good at knowing when to deepen the kiss, and when to slow down."
Feeling his heartbeat quickening, Suzaku smiled. "I like kissing you too - and touching you." He undid more buttons, letting pale skin - bit by bit - be revealed to the scrutiny of the moonlight shining in through the bedroom window. Lelouch sighed underneath his touch, leaning in closer and letting Suzaku press kisses against his neck, his collarbone … letting Suzaku touch him everywhere.
"Yes, I love it when you do that - your hands are so gentle," Lelouch whispered between soft sighs, and a gasp here and there. His hands were working on Suzaku's shirt as well now, hastily, trying to get more clothes off. He moved in to kiss Suzaku again, hungrily now as he moved towards the bed, pulling Suzaku down after they'd both taken their clothes off.
"I like that too - you're uncomplicated," Lelouch replied, smiling as settled on the bed, wrapped his arms around Suzaku's neck, pulling him closer. "I like like how you're careful, thoughtful."
"My favourite part about the sex though-" Lelouch whispered into Suzaku's ear, his hands trailing down his chest -" is this, when you're about to push inside." He then licked Suzaku's cheek, making him tremble. "It's when I feel like letting go completely." He let out a deep breath, his eyes meeting Suzaku's - directly and with no hint of shame or embarrassment. "It's when I know I trust you completely."
Suzaku closed his eyes; he wasn't even inside yet, and yet already close. Lelouch had never been this vocal before, and … he took a deep breath as he started to push in, leaning in for another kiss. "Tell me more." He looked at Lelouch's swollen lips, the way they parted and opened, before kissing him deeply, lovingly. "Tell me what else you like, please."
"... I like it when you're inside too - hmm," Lelouch let out a gasp, clinging more frantically onto Suzaku. "You're so … warm." He didn't quite manage anything else, instead wrapping his long legs around Suzaku's waist, his ankle digging, prodding Suzaku to move faster. "Just move."
And Lelouch was back to being commanding. Suzaku chuckled. "You're warmer."
It didn't seem like Lelouch was going to protest about that though, his moans just growing louder until the only sound filling the room was nothing but a crescendo of moans and the bed creaking. Soon, Suzaku wasn't thinking of nothing but how much he loved Lelouch - not just the feel and taste of him, but being with him -
It was with Lelouch on his mind and his tongue that he felt his climax approaching, and he came just minutes after Lelouch, but he didn't care one whit. Because this was happiness, this was bliss, and he wouldn't exchange it for anything else in the world.
In the end, they were discovered in the silliest and most idiotic of fashions. And, despite all his precautions, Lelouch ended up being the one who'd blown their cover. It had just taken a moment of stupid light-headedness, a rush of giddy affection, and Suzaku's silly, sweet smile - and Lelouch had leaned forward and kissed him.
Right when Genbu Kururugi had opened the door, always having been in possession of keys to the house in case an emergency occurred (and a silly part of Lelouch thought that this had definitely not been the emergency he'd expected -).
...Yes, right. This was how he'd found himself in a predicament. Despite that, he'd sent Suzaku away to his bedroom because he was certain he could deal with this.
He could, and he would …
Lelouch sighed, taking a deep breath as he found himself, eye to eye, face to face, with the man whose son he'd … more or less seduced into the 'dark side of sexuality that wasn't limited to women'.
He sighed once more, waiting for Genbu Kururugi say something - anything - while the clock ticked merrily in the background.
"So you're the reason why my son has not been heeding my advice about trying to meet up with women," Genbu finally said, his voice stern. Unamused.
Not that Lelouch really blamed him. You didn't catch your son kissing another male every other day. He took another deep breath, preparing himself for the long explanation that he knew would be all sorts of awkward, and maybe even painful. "Look..."
Genbu held out his hand, making Lelouch immediately stop talking. "Treat him well. Suzaku is still awfully young and, in some respects, naive."
Of all things, Lelouch had expected to hear this had not been it. "You're fine with it?"
"I don't have much of a choice … While I'm not pleased that my son is seeing another man, I won't deny him happiness either," was all Genbu offered as he got up, and sighed, looking at Lelouch now. "It'll take a while for me to get used to this, but he could have done worse."
Lelouch just nodded, a bit too dumbstruck to say anything else. He'd envisioned countless scenarios, ranging from the traditional 'how dare you have turned my son gay' to 'now I'll have to join a gay parade', but nothing like this.
Not acceptance. Perhaps, not full-hearted, perhaps a bit hesitant, but acceptance nevertheless. He searched Genbu Kururugi's eyes, and finally said, "Thank you."
Genbu just nodded, only adding a 'don't break his heart' to his words as he moved towards the direction of the staircase, and Lelouch didn't stop him.
The conversation between father and son was the most important, after all.
Suzaku just sighed, waiting for Lelouch in his bedroom, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. He'd known it would come to this one day, but the reality of having it all - his father knowing everything now, and his relationship no longer being clandestine - crashing over him did make him feel a tad bit dizzy.
He looked up when he heard footsteps. "Lelouch -"
"I was hoping for more grandchildren," Genbu said as he sat down on the bed, sighing. "You were a single child, and I often think it would have been easier for you if you'd had a sibling or two." He stared down at his hands, and sighed once more. "But I guess children can't always fulfil their parents' wishes."
Suzaku frowned. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Father. I really didn't, but I love him and … I'm not going to leave him." He just hoped it didn't mean breaking off ties with his father entirely - his heart lurched at the thought of that. He'd gone through too many losses in his life already.
But Genbu wasn't silent, even faced Suzaku - his eyes stern, yet mild. "I wasn't expecting you to. I'm just saying it will be difficult for you, Suzaku. For Yune too - having two fathers. You might not even manage to adopt another child, yet alone have your relationship recognised legally if you ever wanted to marry."
Suzaku just stared at his father. "Adopt? Marry?" His eyes widened. So far neither he nor Lelouch had even dropped a word about those things, and Genbu saying this suggested permanence, the belief that they'd work out …
"You might not want it now, but one day … both of you might," Genbu said, smiling, "He seems like the type. I know you are."
...And Suzaku found himself smiling too, blushing a bit as he rubbed his hands together. "Well. Maybe. I…know it won't be easy, but then nothing ever is, I guess."
"No, it isn't," Genbu said solemnly, sighing deeply. "Life really isn't."
Suzaku chuckled then. "Were you going to tell me only this or is there more?"
"No, not really," Genbu said, chuckling as well, and inspecting his hand. Suzaku couldn't help but notice that his father's hand was just as tanned as his, though also more calloused and worn. He sighed. They'd looked bigger, more prominent when he'd been a kid, and yet … his father didn't seem smaller to him now, just more human, more approachable.
Suzaku smiled. "That's good."
Neither of them said anything else for a long time, the silence stretching between them, but Suzaku didn't mind. Not even when Genbu broke the silence to talk about football, the lousy weather they'd been having for the past few days, and how Kaguya was most likely seeing a boy who was 'no good' for her.
It was good. It meant that - while everything had seemingly changed - nothing, in the end, had changed after all.
Suzaku sighed as he continued typing the report, focused on his work, but then again, not really, various thoughts running through his head.
Everything was going well: he and Lelouch were happy, his father didn't mind them being together, and Kaguya - having found herself a boyfriend - had stopped asking him about his sex life. And yet, and yet - He let out another sigh.
"Something on your mind, Suzaku?" someone asked, making Suzaku freeze, and turn around, eyes wide.
He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed it was Cecile. "Yes … I'm sorry. I shouldn't be this distracted, but I just ...can't help it." He hoped she wouldn't think any less of him.
But Cecile just smiled, pulled one of the empty chairs from the desk next to Suzaku's, and sat down on it. "It happens from time to time. Nothing to worry about - as long as you can still focus on your work."
Suzaku chuckled. "That's not a problem, Ms Croomy." Though Lelouch occupied his mind quite a bit, he still knew when to focus on his job.
"Good. Besides, it's better to think about your girlfriend at work than -" she narrowed her eyes, lips curling in distaste a bit as she let her gaze wander over to Lloyd who was muttering to himself as he toyed around with some chemical substances, "crazy schemes that will never find any fruition."
A blush crept up Suzaku's cheek. "I ...don't have a girlfriend." Well, he had a boyfriend, but …
Cecile shook her head, mumbling 'liar, liar' and, for a second, Suzaku thought she would lean forward and pinch his cheek, but she just said, warmly, "It's good to be in love, though it can be terrifying."
"Yes, especially when you have a child and your partner comes from another country," Suzaku said, registering too late that he'd said this out loud. He found himself flushing again, especially when Cecile's smile widened.
"Oh - is she from an exotic country? Is she French-" She stopped herself, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me."
Suzaku smiled. "It's fine. London - my …" He hesitated, remembering what Kaguya had told him and how some people would label him, no matter how he saw himself, "my partner is from London, and doing an exchange year here."
"Oh," Cecile said, frowning a bit, "so she'll return to her country soon?"
...For a second, Suzaku felt something cold wash down his spine, but then he remembered what he'd told Schneizel, and he smiled again. "Maybe. But it's not a problem. Whatever happens, we'll find a way to work it out."
And he was sure Cecile would have said something about long-distance relationships when something in the lab exploded.
Suzaku, though he usually wouldn't have been happy about an event like this, found himself immensely relieved: he really wouldn't have liked to explain how, in the case Lelouch decided to return to London, he would follow him.
Lelouch sighed as he tried to focus on the film, unconsciously drawing closer to Suzaku - until their elbows touched -
"The film isn't that bad, Lelouch," Suzaku said, throwing a worried look in his direction, tightening his grip on Lelouch's hand.
"That's not it - my term is ending soon and … originally I was supposed to go back home," Lelouch said, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing to do so.
Suzaku chuckled, his eyes shining with something warm and affectionate (something that made Lelouch feel so secure, so safe -). "But you don't intend to return."
At that, Lelouch leaned forward, and kissed Suzaku briefly. "No, not with a steady boyfriend, a good position at campus offered and Schneizel being here anyway." He pulled away, smiling, grateful that Suzaku knew him that well, and he didn't have to offer any other explanation.
"That's good - I was worried you'd leave," Suzaku said, shifting even closer, and chuckling as he added, "Not that it would have been a problem. I'd have followed you."
Lelouch raised an eyebrow. "Whether I'd wanted you to or not?" Actually that question didn't need to be asked: Suzaku was stubborn enough, he knew, to have pulled off an odd stunt like that.
"You would have wanted me to follow," Suzaku said after he'd leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Lelouch's temple, sighing as he nuzzled Lelouch's neck, whispering against his skin. "But … you didn't tell me about any job: when did you hear about it?"
It was hard to focus on answering that question with Suzaku's being this close, but Lelouch found himself not shivering outrightly. For once. He even sounded fairly firm as he answered, "I found out today. Schneizel told me..." He didn't finish, finally letting out a groan when Suzaku continued kissing him, leaving a trail down his neck. "Suzaku..."
"I'm glad," Suzaku whispered, and then pulled Lelouch closer, closer until he'd practically pulled him into his lap, with both of his arms firmly wrapped around Lelouch's waist.
Lelouch didn't protest, just closed his eyes and sighed contently, leaning back. "I'm glad too. It's easier like this." Because he wasn't forcing Suzaku to leave his home behind, wouldn't make Yune part with her grandfather and other family members, and … ("I'm not only telling you about this job offer because it's good for your future career," Schneizel had said, "but because it might just be the first step towards independence, and make things for you and Suzaku easier - It's time for you to show how much you care."
Lelouch had frowned. "But I do care …"
"I know, but you haven't, as of yet, really made things official between you or really made any grand sacrifices."
And Schneizel had been right then, Lelouch realised. Suzaku, so far - by choosing him - had not only risked his reputation and family, but everything he'd known...)
"But won't you miss your family?" Suzaku cut in, his grip on Lelouch loosening just a bit.
Lelouch let out a mild sigh, his head comfortably empty of any pesky thoughts, though he did feel a mild stab of homesickness - just a bit. "Yes, but I'm an adult, and … it's not like we won't see each other. Besides …" he took a deep breath - admitting this was difficult, "Nunnally was right: I should lead my own life, and they'll be fine." He smiled warmly, realising at that moment he was utterly convinced of that very fact.
He heard Suzaku chuckling as well, and turned around to look at him, frowning when he noticed Suzaku's grin. He made a face. "I know what you're thinking - that I'll be calling daily and asking them if everything is fine."
Suzaku snorted. "I'd make that every three hours." And then, probably guessing that Lelouch would protest, he leaned forward a bit, and caught Lelouch's lips in a kiss, shutting him up most effectively - and consoling him further.
Because the more Lelouch felt Suzaku's lips on his, he found any thought - other than this feeling warm and good - dissipating.
June slowly, but surely was drifting towards July, the days growing hotter, lazier as the sun's stay in the sky lengthened, and the flowers started blossoming in their full glory. Staying indoors was a crime, and so he dragged Lelouch out, out into the park, out into sunshine and grassy fields, so they could picnic and watch Yune tumbling about.
Lelouch usually grumbled. He was grumbling now too, hiding his gaze from the bright rays of the sun as he placed a hat on Yune's head. She'd fallen asleep on his lap.
At the sight of them together, Suzaku smiled, and rushed forwards towards them after he'd jumped down from a tree (Lelouch had, yet again, called him a kid - not that it had stopped Suzaku from climbing upon said tree.)
"You should have decided to sit under the tree. It shields from the sun," Suzaku said as he reached them, plopping down beside Lelouch, shifting close because the blanket was only this big: actually it was big enough, but he just wanted to be close to them.
Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Insects. Besides, I don't mind the sun."
Suzaku muttered a 'I don't buy it' under his breath, and chuckled as Lelouch glared at him. He smiled again. "The sun is doing you well though. You're looking more tanned."
"Yes, the horrors of that. Nunnally and Mother will be shocked when they'll drop by in two weeks," Lelouch said, smiling warmly, and Suzaku …
And Suzaku, though he found slight feelings of anxiety churning in his stomach, smiled back. He'd heard a lot about Nunnally and Lelouch's mother, had talked to them over the phone, but ...he still feared he'd disappoint them, that they'd frown at him but then ...
He and Lelouch - they'd faced loss, their anxieties, and fears but had still had gotten past them, and they would manage this as well.
He was sure of it as long as they stayed at each other's side.