Dearies: welcome to a fic dedicated to ayabirkin, one of the best reviewers ever! Darling, you have inspired me with your comments, and hopefully I will be able to write the other fic you requested soon. For now, here is this one. I know you said to do a love-triangle-esque piece with the two butlers and Ciel, but this is what it came out as. There are some elements of Claude/Ciel, but they are both unwanted by Ciel and only mentioned as a past thing. Ahh, sorry! But I did include a lot of Sebby squirming, because for once, he's the one who fears being left behind. Lol, probably a little OOC on Sebastian's part, but dammit, demons are allowed to feel insecure too. Muahahaha, I'm so mean to Sebastian…anyways, I hope you and all my other readers enjoy reading this. It takes place post season two, but with references back to season two's events. Written to "Get It Right" by the Glee Cast. Sebby into Ciel, angst into fluff, innocence into innuendo, and silence into squeals. That is what makes a Kuroshitsuji fanfiction writer. ;)
Disclaimer: Do not own Kuroshitsuji.
The scream rent through the corridors of the Trancy mansion. It pierced the night with more force than the agonized cries of a thousand souls descending into Hell.
Faster, run faster, damn you! Don't let it be too late—
"Bocchan!" Sebastian burst into the side room, greeted by the horrific sight of his master, drenched and shivering, lying on the floor. Rushing to Ciel's side, he sought to pull the boy into his arms. The second he gripped his master's shoulder, he knew it was over.
"Don't touch me!" Ciel shrieked, scrambling backwards against the table like a frightened, wounded animal. No! Don't hide from me! He whispered his master's title, it always calmed him down—it had to! Ciel wasn't gone, he wasn't gone…
"So you were the one who killed my parents!" His beautiful, sapphire blue eyes were crazed, his delicate porcelain skin clammy and wet, and Sebastian couldn't stand this agony in his master's eyes. No, no I didn't kill them. I saved you, please, remember I saved you and come back! I can't—"Sebastian Michaelis!" Stop it! Don't say my name like that, the name you gave me, like it is the most disgusting thing in your world!
He wanted to grip those thin shoulders, shake Ciel, tell him that he was wrong, that he wasn't lying—he never lied to him, not to him—when he looked over his shoulders to see Claude standing smugly in the corner, watching him as his world was ripped from his hands. I'll kill him.
But to watch that bastard's face light up with sick enjoyment was nothing compared to the order that followed. "Get out of my sight!"
Stop it! Don't leave me behind! I'll give you anything, everything—do whatever you want to me, just don't take him away from me!
"Yes, my Lord." Please, please, call me back. Don't let me walk away. I love you, Bocchan! I love you, I love you, don't let me leave!
Sebastian suddenly sat upright in the bed, into the darkness of the night that was heavy with summer air and the smell of flowers on the wind. He clutched at his chest, breathing hard and staring wide-eyed around the room. Just a dream…He sought to calm his breathing, running a hand through his raven hair and thinking methodically about lists of tea and various daily routines long memorized to keep himself under control.
His gaze went to the window, looking into the field of purples and blacks and blues, like bruises littering the skin of the earth, before moving up towards the pallid moon that mocked his inability to sleep.
He had to calm down before…
His eyes closed briefly, fully bringing himself back to reality, before he turned to the other occupant of the bed. His master was looking sleepily over at him, blue eyes hazy and unfocused for a moment before they took in his sweat-soaked bangs and shallow breathing. Those expressive eyes flashed red for a moment in anger, though Sebastian knew it wasn't directed at him.
"That goddamn dream…" Ciel muttered angrily, sitting up as well and running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. He stared at the blanket for a while, giving Sebastian time to compose his shaken visage.
"It's nothing, Bocchan," he said as cheerily as he could manage, only for his master to glare at him angrily, this ire directed at his brushing off of the dream as much as it was directed at not knowing what the dream was. Sebastian would never divulge the contents of the nightmare, and it frustrated Ciel to no end. Sebastian sometimes wondered why his master didn't just order him to tell why he woke up with night terrors at least once a week. But he was grateful he didn't.
It's ironic…how the tables have been turned.
Sebastian had always comforted Ciel after nightmares that exposed the fear of being left alone, with no one. Ciel was fragile and easily broken after those episodes in the night that left him screaming for his butler to try and assuage the pain, the fear. In the light of day, he would tease Ciel about being weak, until his master told him to shut up and never speak of it again. It was one of the ways he allowed Ciel to feel like he had some control, and getting a pastry smashed in his face didn't bother him. What bothered him was the haunted look that would sometimes pass over the boy's face, remembering those horrors he had suffered at the hands of people that called themselves 'righteous'. Ciel was not the only one who wished for revenge on them.
Now, it seemed his young master had surpassed him, in more ways than one. Student passes the teacher and all that. He had exacted his vengeance with Sebastian's help, and was able to let go and move on from the hatred he'd harbored and pain he had suffered. He was beginning to get a handle on his demonic powers, and made his butler proud with each new accomplishment. But most important of all, Ciel no longer seemed to fear being left; his butler was eternally tied to him now, as a demon, with no loophole in the water-tight contract.
"Sebastian, I shouldn't even bother asking, because I know you're just going to be stubborn as Hell, but will you tell me what's going on this time?" Ciel looked directly at Sebastian, eyes probing gently and a hand coming to twine with the raven's.
Looking at their joined hands, Sebastian couldn't help but feel foolish for even thinking Ciel could leave him. Ciel had told him time and again that he loved him, and would even express grudging thankfulness to Trancy for giving him a chance to explore feelings he hadn't gotten to before. After those first few tense months, in which Ciel was under the mistaken impression that Sebastian was angry at him, they had fought for an hour before realizing they were trying to explain the exact same thing, laughed at themselves and immediately set about making up for lost time. The debaucheries committed in this little cottage…well, Sebastian had had to rebuild it twice.
"It's nothing, Bocchan," he repeated, sighing and sinking back down into the bed to try and sleep once more. Usually Ciel would just let it go, tired as well, and it would be forgotten in the morning.
The quiet was unbroken for a long time, Sebastian turning onto his side to stare at the wall. This was stupid…why did this nightmare keep occurring? It wasn't rational, he hadn't even known it was possible for a demon to dream; he never had before. His mind was turning over and over, until he felt a warm body sidle up to his back, a hand reaching to tangle in his hair. Ciel tucked his head between his shoulders, silently requesting to be held. The raven complied, turning over and pulling the younger demon to his chest with a sigh. He truly was being foolish. Ciel wouldn't leave him anymore than he would leave Ciel. He knew that, so why were these dreams repeating?
"If I guess what happens in your nightmare, will you tell me?"
His master was being particularly stubborn tonight. "Probably not," he replied honestly. Ciel moved his head back, and Sebastian expected to see a glare there. Instead, Ciel's eyes shone with tears, making Sebastian's heart clench. I don't ever want him to cry again…
"Why won't you let me in?" the fledgling asked, reaching up a hand to fist tightly in the material of Sebastian's night shirt. "I've been trying to understand. But you're just…closed off. I can't stand the way you look at me sometimes!" Burying his face in Sebastian's chest once more, he let out a muffled sniffle, making Sebastian that much more miserable. He didn't want to push Ciel away, but how could he describe this weakness to his master, who relied on him to be strong at all times? Ciel had been human not too long ago; he understood human emotion well. Sebastian had never been a human, so these feelings often served to frustrate or confuse him. If Ciel would just give him a little more time…
"It reminds me of how I used to look at you," the young demon whispered. Sebastian looked down at the shivering form clinging to him in a way he had not for a long time. "I—I don't fear you leaving anymore, you know. And not just because of the contract. When you…when you came back for me, even though Claude had..." Ciel stopped, shuddering at the memory of hands not Sebastian's roaming over him, tainting him, reminding him over and over of that unspeakable month; unable to stop the spider-like skittering across his body because while his mind was Ciel, his body was controlled by Trancy at that moment. And both the blonde and his butler ignored Ciel as he screamed and begged and pleaded for this to stop.
Sebastian tensed at the reminder that he had not made it in time. That he had failed Ciel in so many ways it made him sick. Ciel wasn't finished though. "But…but you came back, even knowing what happened. You fought and you won, and if I had thought it was only for my soul before, I didn't anymore. It was a foolish hope, but—it ended up true. I still have dreams about our first night, Sebastian." He could feel the former earl smile against him. "If it were anyone else, I wouldn't have been able to let myself enjoy it. But you've never made me feel dirty, or inexperienced, or regretful, and it goes beyond that—you bring me to the very edge of sanity with the way you know my body. The cottage bears scars to that effect. You protect me, you've taught me to laugh again, you put up with my bitching, you know what I'm actually saying when I'm saying something else, and with everything you do, you tell me that you love me. There could be no one and nothing else for me, because I have already found everything I need in you."
Sebastian watched with wide eyes as his master leaned back and gripped his face so hard it would have bruised anyone else. "So stop looking at me like I'm going to leave you. I can't take seeing you hurt over something that is not possible." His glare was lessened by the tears that still threatened to fall. Sebastian reached up, mesmerized, to brush them away.
"Bocchan truly has surpassed my abilities if he can read me that easily," Sebastian murmured gently, smiling a little at the relief he saw on Ciel's face. "It is a good thing he is here to help me navigate emotion. It can be terribly bothersome." The smile grew when a couple tears were shaken loose by the motion of beautiful laughter.
"Of course I have, Sebastian. You may be one hell of a butler, but I have one hell of a competitive streak. Becoming a demon doesn't mean I've lost my love of games, you know. They've just changed from childish…" he moved to pull Sebastian over him, listening to the rumble of a possessive growl building in the raven's chest. "…to a little more adult."
Sebastian hummed low in his throat, resting his forehead against Ciel's. When he moved to kiss his master, the younger demon pressed a finger against his lips. His eyes, those ever expressive blue eyes, were promising forever. "No more fear," he whispered before leaning up to kiss his butler.
"No more fear," Sebastian agreed.
Read and Review! Sebastian is so cute when he overthinks. :3 By the way, the no more fear line is a Shakespeare reference. Just for all you other Speare (no, not William T. Spears) fans out there.