Title: The Five New Voicemails of Chandler Kiehl (and one encounter in the Lima Mall)
Author: mybriefeternity (aka aspiringtoeloquence)
Rating: PG
Summary: Chandler Kiehl's phone number finds itself in the possession of the members of New Directions. Who have a lot of feelings. (Post 3x17)
Spoilers: Through 3x17 (Dance With Somebody)
A/N: Originally there was going to be a voicemail from Puck, but uncontrollable weeping doesn't translate well into text. I know there has already been another episode to react to since then, but in fairness I didn't think about this until Friday. Also, aubreyli is the only reason that this is being posted, and so eternal thanks to her for helping me make the voices sound substantially more accurate, and for basically handing the glasses line to me on a silver platter.


"Hi, Chandler, it's… it's Kurt. I'm sorry, but I think I've… I think I may have been… leading you on, when the truth is I have a boyfriend, and I never intended to… I have a boyfriend, and I love him, I love him so much, and this is hur - The thing is, I'm asking you to please stop texting, because he and I… he's it, Chandler. He's the one. And I can't hurt him. I can't. I don't know what I thought I was… And this whole message probably sounds so ridiculously dramatic, but its the truth. I'm sorry. And I really hope that your NYU audition goes well. Break a leg. I'm - yes. I'm sorry. Bye."


"Chandler Kiehl? This is Rachel Berry, and I'm the best friend of Kurt Hummel, with whom I believe you are aquainted. Now, I was prepared to stay out of this, to let Kurt work out for himself the reason why this… thing has developed, but I feel it is my duty to inform you that you are at risk of standing in the way of the course of true love. I can understand your position, really, because I too was once an obstacle to the same union - no one is perfect, it's not always clear, and I wrote an extremely moving song based on the experience, if you'd care to - but… well, more on that later. The reason I stole your number from Kurt's phone is to assure you that by stepping out of the way, letting Blaine and Kurt continue on their course of love and stardom, you will be doing a great service to destiny, and I am more than willing to write you in as a minor character in my third or fourth Tony winning musical to acknowledge that sacrifice. Naturally I can't give the character your name, or promise you the role, because that might cause discord amongst my dear friends, you will be more than welcome to come in and audition. I think you'll find your solo very moving. At the moment I'm seeing -"



"Uh, hi. Hey, dude. Listen, my girlfriend - fiancé, I guess - Rachel told me to call you, 'cause I guess Kurt - oh, Kurt's my brother. Well, step-brother, but I've got his back, and…

Okay. Here's the thing. I don't get stuff sometimes, like, Rachel has to explain stuff to me, but there's some things I know. Like, Kurt and Blaine are in love, and I guess they're having problems right now, but they are seriously the most stable couple in Glee. Like, I can't think of anyone in glee who has been together this long - well, except Mike and Tina. They seem pretty solid too. Rachel and I have broken up, like, twenty times - which isn't to say I don't love her, because I totally, totally do, but I'm just saying.

Look. I have Kurt's back, and Blaine's my bro, so I'm obviously rooting for them. But if I were you, man? Honestly you've never seen them together. They're like… epic. If I were you I wouldn't want to wait around, or get in the way of that.

Uh, yeah. Okay, that's it. Bye."


"K, listen, here, Gaysonova, 'cause Auntie Snix is gonna lay it down for you. You saw Hummel and I'll bet it seemed like all your gay wet dreams had come true at once, and so you figured that you'd get some action on the side, have little gaybies, whatever. But here's the thing: Hummel, he's got it. You know, that whole true love crap that I was pretty sure didn't actually exist. He and prep boy, as well as being damn easy on the eyes, they're actually completely sickening. I mean, me and Brit, we were never that bad. Must be in the hair product, or something. And I don't know what Hummel's thinking, but I'm not gonna let some sitcom wannabe be responsible for Blanderson sobbing into his bucket of hair product. And whatever Hummel's equivalent is. You getting my meaning? Because let me just tell you: Auntie Snix will go all Lima Adjacent on your ass."

*a pause*

"Listen, I get it. It sucks here. But you need to back the fuck off, head off to whatever gay utopia you're planning to hipster up. Because keep fucking with Hummel and Blanderson? You're gonna find out the true meaning of a Snix smackdown. And wouldn't it be a shame if I made you eat those hipster glasses of yours?

You just think on that."


"Um, hello, Chandler. You don't really know me - us - at all."

"I'm Tina, and this is Mike. We're friends of Kurt. And Blaine."

"Both of them."

"Yeah, and I saw Rachel going through Kurt's phone after rehearsal, so you may be getting a weird message or two from her."

"So we wanted to call and…you know..."

"…explain a few things, I guess."

"Yeah. The thing is, Kurt's a really great guy."

"He has fantastic hair, too, I totally see why -"

"Yeah, okay. But the thing is, Blaine - his boyfriend. Blaine…"

"They're really good together."

"Yeah, thanks Tina. Anyway, he and Blaine are pretty great. And, I mean, I know Blaine's a friend of mine, but he's really cool, you know, and he really, really loves Kurt -"

"They're so cute it's crazy. And, I mean, Kurt was crazy about him right from the start. Totally."

"And we don't know everything that's going on, obviously."

"But they're in love with each other."

"And with everything going on…"

"Listen, we just want you to know what's going on. And we don't know you, but we really hope that you're a good guy, and that his will all work out."

"And that our friends will be together."

"Well, yeah."


It's the beginning of August, a stifling day in the Lima mall. He'll be getting back to New York in just a few days, and he has to get out of the house. His mom has been hovering for the last week, anxiously packing and repacking everything to take back, fluttering and talking about crime statistics and articles she read on the internet, and are you sure you don't want to reconsider, Chandler, sweetheart, it isn't too late to transfer...

He escaped under the guise of going to buy more packing tape, so he can ship another box of books back to New York, because while he knows that his mom is thrilled, just having a reoccurance of empty nest syndrome after a busy summer, he thinks that if he sees his mom tear up one more time he won't be able to handle it.

He figures that while he's out he might as well pick up a coffee, enjoy the last moments of the Midwest before he gets back to where he belongs.

Junior year has the potential to be amazing. He'll finally have a roommate that knows how to do laundry, and maybe that guy from his voice class last semester, the blonde vocal performance major with the cute dimple in his chin, will be around.

As he walks past the door of the place that used to be a clothing boutique (albeit an out of date one) and is now a home furnishing store, he hears one conversation, from just in front of him, rise above the buzz of the crowds around him.

" - don't need one, and we especially don't need a lime green one."

"It's adorable, Kurt. Adorable."

"It's lime green, Blaine. Lime green. Our apartment's color scheme does not even remotely - what?"

"You just - you said our apartment."

"Well… it is."

"Say it again."

"Maybe later, if you're good."

"Oh, I have plans for later for us to be very, very -"

It's at that moment that the people in front of him stop, and Chandler crashes into one of them.

"Oh, I'm so sorry -"

"No, I'm sorry, I got distracted, I wasn't paying…I'm sorry, don't I know you? Do you go to… wait, Chandler?"

He looks up from checking his phone is still in his pocket (these pants are a little loose, but they hadn't been available in any other sizes at the vintage store down the street) to realize that he knows him - the guy he ran into. Kurt.

"Um, hi, yeah… Kurt." he says, because really, what else do you say?

This seems to occur to Kurt, as well, because he bites his lip a little. "How are you?"

"Good, good, heading back to school soon. You?"

Kurt smiles, looking a little relieved. "Same." He glances at his companion. "Blaine and I are just picking out the final touches for our apartment, to take with us." He gestures to his right. "This is Blaine. My boyfriend. Blaine, this is Chandler. He goes to…" he pauses "NYU?"

When he nods Blaine - who is notable for his bowtie (are those in again? He needs to pick up the most recent copy of vogue and catch up before he leaves) and very straight teeth - exchanges a quick glance with his boyfriend before he smiles. "Hi."

"Hi." There's a pause, and it isn't awkward exactly, but Chandler can see that Kurt and Blaine's eyes have caught again, and it seems like this should be his cue to leave. He decides not to ask if their crazy friend has written her musical yet. "I should be going -"

"Us too, actually. We have to…" Kurt waves a hand towards the crowd of shoppers. "Good luck with everything."

"You too. Both of you. Nice to meet you, Blaine."

"You too, Chandler."

As they turn and walk off, he sees the way they lean in together, the way Kurt steers Blaine around a crowd of children with a gentle hand on the small of his back, the short squeeze that Blaine gives as their fingers briefly intertwine.

They found that in the heart of Ohio, he thinks as he makes his way over to the nearest coffee shop. They found that here.

And he's a little jealous. Not really of them, he got over that years ago, after a pint of icecream and a movie marathon sleepover, but of it, of the fact that it was here for them, when he had to go so far to be himself, to even start looking. He doesn't know them, doesn't know what's happened to them, where they've been, anything, really, except that just over two years ago they were in love with each other, by all accounts, and it seems like they might have just stayed that way. He knows that they have slightly insane friends that care about them in their own slightly scary way.

He knows that one day he hopes someone looks at him the way that they look at each other.

And with that thought, he takes a sip of his iced nonfat vanilla latte, and thinks maybe he'll look up the guy from his voice class on facebook, see if he'd like to run through scales or something before class one day.

He does have a really nice smile.