Stupid and pointless.
It wasn't going to change a thing, no matter what I did, I was either too stupidly scared or stupidly dependent that I can't really go so far as to pull something big like that! I've had moments when I've felt pathetic but this one really took the cake. And God I wanted to bash my head repeatedly until I died, but again, I love myself too much to go and kill myself like that.
'I shouldn't have gone through with this if I'm going to chicken out in the last minute!'
It still didn't stop the annoying tears or the deep sobs wanting claw their way out of my throat, my shoulder trembling and my mind fogging up from the memories of what transpired hours ago...
"I get it. It's okay..."
"I'll make it up to you, I promise,"
"No," I whimper out pathetically as I make my way to the car. "You won't."
Unlocking the car I open the door and shuffle in, throwing my duffel bag in the passenger seat before I take my place on the driver seat and furiously slamming the door shut. I stare the steering wheel for a moment longer, willing myself to stop shaking before getting the ignition turned on. I pull back and manuever my way through the half empty parking lot and onto the empty streets.
My eyes are getting watery again from just thinking how whipped I feel just by running back to the dreadful empty house, like a dog with its tail between its legs.
"Dammit, I can't stop crying." I frown, using the sleeve of my thin sweater to wipe away the tears.
My hands snap to the wheel and my eyes blinded by the bright flash of headlights heading quickly for my side of the car, my body tense and bracing for the incoming impact I'm sure would not leave me unscathed—
In all the pandemonium of two cars heading into a terrifying collision course, a cell phone rang on the passenger seat.
I can feel it coming down hard and non-stop, although there shouldn't be showers considering there was a weather report on the television stating it was just going to be one of those cool nights of the August month. It's not that I mind the rain, I actually love the rain, I especially welcome it in the heated spring and summer times. Mom loved it so much, just going out on the porch with a quilt and sitting down on one of the chairs so she could watch it, I especially loved to join her on one of the comfy benches and watch it together with her.
There's just something calm and tranquil watching the rain, just listening to it without any thunder clapping over in the clouds or lighting brightening the sky just made the rain look more inviting to stare at.
But at the current moment...
The rain is drowning me, and it was making everything painful.
It's dark, with only flashes of the lightning beaming overhead but the images surrounding me vague and blurred. I can't see, and I can't move because of the pain—ohmygoditfuckinghurts—so all I can do it just lie there, listen, and endure.
"I'm telling the truth!"
A voice. Far but still close enough. Young, eager, impatient, excited.
Another one. There's two of them. Mature, skeptical, condescending.
"There was something there, I saw it!"
Help me, I pleaded, help me before the pain gets any worse.
"What is that...?"
"H... help... me..."
And the darkness soon takes me without mercy.