Quistis Snaps

By: Quistis (Also known as General Quistis) and Xu (Also known as Zhakeena)

Disclaimer: we don't own anything but the story plot, ya hear?!?!?

Authors' Note: Due to boredom again… (heck, it's so boring in Balamb Garden… especially since Norg is here, attempting to take over our lives… and baby-sitting Tseng and having meetings with the Turks and Rufus Shinra is really driving us crazy… especially TSENG! Dammit! :(

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"Miss Quistis Trepe, please see Headmaster Cid now. I repeat; to Miss Quistis Trepe, please see Headmaster Cid now. Urgent."

Quistis stopped writing in her journal when she heard Xu's voice over the P.A. system. She stood up and after stretching, she immediately ran off to the 3rd floor heading for the Headmaster's Office.

While on her way there, she noticed that at least 10 students had been rushing in and out of the Infirmary. "Gee… I wonder what's going on in there…" she thought before the elevator door closed.

When she arrived at Cid's office, she rushed in without even waiting for Xu to introduce her, so she saw Cid in an awkward position, trying to swat flies swarming around the place. She stopped in her tracks. "Uh… sir…" she began.

Cid stopped swatting the flies and looked at Quistis in a funny way. Noticing that Quistis saw himself swatting at flies in a rather undignified manner, he cleared his throat.

"U-hurm… Miss Trepe, I see that you received our call for help…"

"Sir," Quistis saluted in a SeeD way.

"There seems to be a rather strange incident in the Detention Room…" Cid started. Quistis flinched at the word, detention. Somehow she knew that Seifer was involved.

"Yes? What is this incident, sir?" As if I didn't know, she thought.

"When Seifer was watching the students in the detention room with the instructor-in-charge, he suddenly went berserk, for some reason. He injured the students and the instructor in the process, so now Zell and Selphie are helping Dr. Kadowaki in treating them."

"I knew it… What do you want me to do, sir?" Quistis asked.

Cid adjusted his glasses. "I want you to watch Seifer in there for a while. We locked him up in there like a mental patient bearing a grudge against the SeeDs. Please try to calm him down."

"Great… I'll try my best, headmaster…" Quistis saluted and walked out of the office, and Cid resumed swatting the flies that had been bugging him for quite some time.

Along the way out, Quistis met Xu.

"Hey, Quistis, you got some case in your hands… and I have to warn you, Seifer really lost his marbles this time…" Xu warned.

"Yeah… but I know Seifer… this was bound to happen… But Xu, why do I always get the dirtiest jobs? I'm not a miracle worker of some sorts!!!" Quistis said almost in a whiny voice.

"Well, the headmaster thinks you are… Besides, he is… or was… your 'favorite' student… and you WERE his trainer… and his adviser… and his teacher… and all that stuff…"

Quistis sighed. "Don't rub it in… Oh, well, wish me luck!"

As Quistis went out of the room, Xu managed to say, "…and his GIRLFRIEND!" Quistis glared at Xu… on the other hand, Xu was already laughing her head off.

Quistis slowly made her way to the Detention room on the second floor. "Why does it feel like I'm on a Death March?" she thought silently to herself.

Outside the detention room was Squall, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. Rinoa was seated on the floor petting Angelo who was looking up at Quistis curiously. "I guess the dog can smell death lurking around me…" she thought.

"Hi, Quistis!" Rinoa greeted.

Quistis flashed her a nervous smile. "Is Almasy in?" she asked.

"Uh… yeah. He's inside waiting for you." Rinoa replied with a silly smile.

"Waiting for me?" Quistis asked in disbelief.

Angelo barked once.

Squall looked at Quistis. "You okay?" he asked.

"Do I look okay?" she asked with a sarcastic tone before she began to enter the pin code to unlock the automatic door.

Squall smiled ridiculously and exchanged silly looks with Rinoa, then looking at Quistis again, he winked. "Yeah, you look okay." He replied.

Quistis' frown deepened when finally the security code was accepted. There was a "ding" sound and the automatic door opened. The detention room looked normal inside and as she stepped inside, the automatic door closed again and there was a computer-generated voice which said, "Engaged."

"Don't tell me they locked it…" she thought to herself as she turned to face the door. She pounded on it. "SQUALL!" she called out.

No answer.

"RINOA! ANGELO! Hey! This isn't funny!" she yelled.

"Relax, Instructor! I'm here!" she heard a familiar voice which made her turn around again to face the person who owns it. "Hey… uh… hi, Seifer!" she greeted with a calm smile.

Seifer studied her. "You okay?" he asked as he approached her.

"Yeah… I'm fine…" she said as she pounded one last time on the door.

"They locked me in here… why are you here too?" Seifer asked.

Quistis frowned. "I thought Rinoa told me that he's waiting for me… oh well…" she thought silently to herself. "Hmm… I don't know…" she lied.

Seifer went to the chair and sat down. "You're here to calm me down, huh?" he asked with a silly smile.

Quistis scratched her head. "Uh… yeah… orders from Cid…" she replied.

"Where's Matron?" he asked.

"I think she's back in her house… say, what happened to you?" she asked.

"I was just taking it easy bringing in some documents for the Instructor-In- Charge in his detention room and then some students began saying things like 'hey, it's that guy again who just made SeeD because of Trepe! It's just so unfair for us! We're the good students and he's not' and blahdy blahdy blahdy blahdy blah… you know how the story goes, right, Quistis?" he asked with an annoyed look on his face.

Quistis shrugged. "Well… what happened? You got fed up and so you ended up hurting them?" she asked.

Seifer smiled. "Yeah! Good guess, Instructor! You really know me!" he said.

"Oh…uh… I guess hanging around you for some months did a good job…" she said with a weak smile as she sat down beside him.

They just sat there in silence for a few minutes. They can hear a few stifled giggles outside the door, which may have come from Squall, Rinoa and Angelo. (don't ask how Squall or Angelo giggled; they just do, ok?!)

"Great… why am I always the subject of mockery?!" Quistis moaned.

"Whaddya mean, Ms. Always-dignified Trepe?" Seifer asked mockingly.

"Humph. You weren't the person who was asked to go talk to the wall…" she muttered.


"Oh, it's nothing…" Quistis trailed off when she saw the lights blink.

"What the---" Seifer was cut off when the power went off.

"Hey, what the…" They heard Squall say from the outside.

"What happened to the power?" Rinoa asked.

"I guess this was uncalled for…" Quistis said in frustration.

Meanwhile, Seifer was thinking of lots of Seifer-ish things. "Great. Stuck in an empty detention room with the Instructor… Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Stuck in a dark, empty room, baad… with the instructor, good… What the hell am I thinking?! Wait a minute. Strict, prude Quistis. Unattractive. Nasty. Sexy. Hot… drool… what the… Stop your thoughts, Almasy!!!! Is it just me, or is it steadily getting hotter in here?"

"Hey, Earth to Seifer!!! Are you still alive? You hadn't said one snide remark for 10 minutes, are you still sane or what?" Quistis said.

Seifer flashed her his winning handsome grins and Quistis couldn't decide if she'd melt or not. "Well, Trepe… I'm still sane… what about you?" he asked.

Quistis crossed her arms and then she pounded on the table impatiently, standing up and began to pace back and forth across the room. "Sane?! Me?! Damn, Almasy! We're stuck here in this place called 'detention room' which doesn't deserve to be called by that name anymore, rather it should be called 'dark room' where photos get developed!" she said with a high- pitched tone which revealed that she's already freaking out.

He smiled at what she said. "Oh… so it's like we're negatives and we're gonna get developed?" he asked as he raked his fingers through his hair.

She stopped and went to him, pounding on the table again. "NO! It's hot, it's dark, it's freaking me out! And I'm stuck here with you!" she yelled in a freakish manner before starting to pace back and forth again while humming a tune.

Seifer stood up and shrugged. "Relax, we'll be outta here in no time!" he told her.

"No, we won't! Didn't you hear what Nida mentioned yesterday? The generator's busted and so the automatic door wouldn't work! It'll be locked forever unless we destroy it by ourselves!" she explained.

"Well, in the meantime, why don't you just sit back, relax and enjoy the darkness. The more movement you do, you'll produce more body heat." He told her.

She stopped and scratched her head then pulled her hair. "I CAN'T! I'M FREAKIN' OUT IN HERE!" she said.

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Gee… so behind her calm nature are some hidden feelings which I don't know whether they're positive or negative…and they got stuck inside her and now they're going to burst…" he thought silently to himself.

Quistis brought out her Save The Queen and began to hit the air frantically until finally she was able to hit the tables and chairs including the walls… until she reached the door. Seifer tried to search for Quistis in the dark, feeling panicky all of a sudden because he couldn't see in the darkness and a "crazy woman" is with him. "Hey, stop that! You might hit OW!… me!" he cried out as he felt intense pain hit him across the shoulders.

"NO, I won't stop, SEIFER! I really, really wanna get out of here, and I'm not gonna stop FREAKING OUT until I do!" she said in a voice that can be classified under panicky, frustrated, criminally insane and frantic. And so she continued to hit stuff like a serial killer who lost her chainsaw and so replaced it with a whip.

"No, Quistis, No! Great… puberty boy's really gonna taste Hyperion steel!!!…" Seifer tried desperately to get near Quistis without getting a taste of her vicious Save the Queen.

"GETAWAYFROMME!!!! …or do you want me to use my iciest friend Shiva on you?!" she said in a threatening voice.

Seifer silently cursed Squall for letting Quistis junction one of his GFs. "Argh! Will you just calm down for one moment, Quistis?!" he yelled in a frustrated manner.

Quistis surprisingly stopped her violent rage. Seifer was a bit surprised (duh) but he decided not to question anything.

"Okay… now just hand me your whip… and we can figure out a way on how to get out of here in one piece, okay?! How ironic… they sent her here to calm me down, then I end up calming HER down…"

As Seifer neared a step closer, she suddenly blasted a Blizzaga spell on him. "GETAWAYFROMME!!!!" she screamed.

"OW! DAMN LADY, THAT HURT!!!!" he screamed as he felt his skin freeze up.

"And you'll be getting the same treatment again if you bother me again!!!" she said, then she continued to act violently again.

"Oh, that's it, you're asking for it!" He cast a Firaga on her.

Quistis screamed, but she still stood.


Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, Xu, Nida, Raijin, Fuujin, Irvine and Angelo (yeah, the dog, why? Gotta problem with that???!!! :c) were outside the detention room listening to what's going on inside the detention room.

"Gee… what are they doing inside?" Selphie asked.

Nida, Zell, Raijin and Irvine were exchanging naughty looks.

Squall had this confused expression on his face while Rinoa was blushing and giggling. Fuujin was scratching her head. "CONFUSED." She said.

Angelo plopped down on the floor and just closed his eyes, whimpering.

"Oh, they're doin'… ya know! hehehe ya know!" Raijin said.

"No, they're not!" Xu argued.

"Then why are they screaming?" Nida asked.

"What do you know?!" Selphie argued.

"You green-minded idiots!" Xu snapped.


"HAH! You call that a Firaga?! Try this!!!" Quistis cast another one, stronger than ever. Probably she was having one wicked adrenaline rush to have cast that; it was almost as strong as Ifrit's.

"OUCH! WILL YOU JUST CALM DOWN ALREADY?! Damn, I think I had a 3rd degree burn!" Seifer groaned and screamed at the same time, as he cast a somewhat feeble healing spell on himself.

"You deserved it! YOU shouldn't have fought against me! YOU should have known better than that!" Quistis said with a somewhat psychotic glint in her eye.

"Uh-oh, I think she's really losing it… Well then, you leave me no choice…" Seifer began to cast a Sleep spell. Before Quistis could catch on, the Sleeping effect took over her.

"You'll… regret… this…" She collapsed on the floor and snored.

Seifer let out a sigh of relief. And plopped down beside her, panting hard. "Damn, I can't believe she just snapped…" he thought, hardly believing that he had just hurt her a while ago with a Firaga. "Well anyway, I think she'll understand…sorry, Trepe." He said to himself.

Then, the door burst open (okay, in the literal sense… the door got busted because the people outside were cramming against it), surprising Seifer. "Nyargh!" he yelled out in surpise.

They were shocked upon seeing Seifer and Quistis on the floor. "OH MY GOODNESS!" Selphie screamed in shock.

"Oh, man! Seifer! You're unbelievable!" Nida cheered with a thrilled smile.

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Hey… it's not what you think…" he began, but he was interrupted when Quistis began to move. "Oh… what the… uh…" she moaned as she struggled to stand up, her grip on her Save The Queen tightening.

Seifer stood up and turned to the others. "GET OUT! HURRY!" he shouted.

"Why?" Squall asked.

Finally, Quistis opened her eyes and got up. "WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You're dead, Seifer!!!" she screamed.

"AAAARRRGH!" Seifer screamed, running behind Irvine.

"Hey, ya know?!" Raijin said with a look of disbelief.

"You know what, you're 2 inches taller than me so it's no use hiding behind me…" Irvine told Seifer with a nasty grin.

Seifer pushed him away. "No, you don't understand!" he said, but he ran out of the detention room before Quistis could attack him again.

He didn't bother to look back but he heard the others running after him… no, they were already following him and screaming their lungs out (Squall screaming?! @.@)

Xu caught up with him. "What did you do to her, Almasy?!" she demanded.

"I didn't do anything, I swear to Hyne!" Seifer replied with a confused look.

"COME BAACK HERE! KURSE OL SeeDS!" Quistis yelled.

"What the…" Squall said in disbelief.

"Hey, come to think of it… she kinda resembles Ultimecia, ya know?" Raijin asked.

"RAGE!" Fuujin reacted.

They all raced towards the stairs and they somehow ended up at the Headmaster's Office. They managed to barge in and lock Quistis outside. "KURSE YOU SeeDs! I WILL KICK YOUR SORRY KARKASSES OUT OF GARDEN! KYAHAHAHAH!!!" They heard Quistis' evil voice outside.

The escapees panted and wheezed, then they noticed that somebody was inside. They turned around to see Cid and Edea's confused faces.

"M-m-matron?!" Selphie stammered out.

"What is going on in here?" asked Edea. "And what is wrong with Quisty?"

Seifer staggered towards Matron. "Matron, i-it was horrible! She kept whipping me and burning me and hurting me!" he cried in a whiny voice.

"Who?" Edea asked, and looked at the peculiar faces of Irvine, Zell, Nida and Raijin.

Suddenly, the door burst open and there was Quistis with her Save the Queen… her hair was messy (okay, she already looks like someone who is a candidate for the psycho ward…) and she looked horrible.

Everyone from Cid to Edea to Seifer to Squall to Zell to Irvine to Raijin to Fuujin to Selphie to Rinoa to Xu to Nida and even Angelo (huh? What the… ?!?! *.*) screamed their lungs out in total shock and surprise.

"WAARGH! KURSE OL SeeDS!!!!!" Quistis yelled as she began to hit everything in her sight frantically with her whip while on her way to them.

"What happened to her? Is she possessed?!" Edea asked in total shock and panic, remembering what happened to her.

"We don't know!" Selphie wailed in fear as she took several steps backward and hid behind Zell. "Zell! Keep me away from her!" she said nervously.

"What the?! Selphie?!" Zell said as he went behind Nida. "Nida, save us!" he said with a scared look on his face.

"Chicken-wuss!" Seifer snapped at him.

Nida hid behind Xu.

Xu felt a little ridiculous. "What are you guys doing?!" she asked in disbelief.

"GWAHAHAHAHAHA! KURSE OL SeeDs!!!!!" Quistis screamed once again before she began to summon Shiva.

"NO!!!" everybody yelled.

Zell began to summon Carbuncle… yeah, like it could help… but could it???

Shiva and Carbuncle came out at the same time. Carbuncle's eyes widened as Shiva's ice cage shattered. He/She/It/Whatever Carbuncle may be hid behind the crew.

"Oh for the love of— :" Seifer said before the Diamond Dust hit them. The explosion of ice shattered the whole 3rd floor. (Shiva's the supposed Goddess of Destruction, what can you expect?)

"YAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!" They all screamed in unison.

"This is really getting out of nowhere!" Cid said as they all ran out of the third floor and rushed down using the emergency stairs. Quistis was running after them, wrath in her eyes.

"Everyone! SPLIT!" Squall commanded the rest.

Squall headed to the right with Rinoa, Zell, Selphie and Seifer while Cid, Edea, Fuujin, Raijin, Xu and Nida headed to the left.

Quistis stopped running and began to think of where she should go. "Hmm… SeeDs… SeeDs… SeeDs… more SeeDs to the RIGHT! NYAHAHAHAHAHA!" she said in total happiness as she ran after Squall, Rinoa, Zell, Selphie and Seifer.

"NOOOOO!" Selphie screamed in a freakish manner.

"I can't take this anymore! Hey, where's my dog?" Rinoa asked.

"I don't know!" Squall reacted.

"Maybe he just ran out or something else!" Zell suggested.

"WHERE THE HELL IS ANGELO?!?!?" Rinoa asked in total worry.

"Uh-oh…" Seifer muttered, noticing the tension in Rinoa.

Rinoa brought out her Shooting Star and began to threaten Squall, Selphie, Zell and Seifer with it. "WHERE IS MY DOOG!" she yelled.

"OH NO! Now it's Rinoa!!!" Zell said as he backed off from Rinoa, but stopped when he saw Quistis approaching.

"Rinoa, it's me, Squall! Hey! Snap out of it!" Squall said.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG, dammit! WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE!?!?!?" Rinoa demanded, already throwing a temper tantrum.

"WE DON'T KNOW!!!!!" Squall, Seifer, Zell and Selphie all replied in unison before running off again, leaving Rinoa and Quistis there, totally overwhelmed.

"Say, why don't you run after Cid and the others, I'll take care of Squall and those geeks…" Quistis told Rinoa with a wink.

Rinoa snickered. "Okay! See you later!" she said before running the other way.

Quistis sighed and took a deep breath. "Here goes…" she said before beginning to chase Squall, Seifer, Zell and Selphie again. "KURSE OL SeeDS!!!!!" she yelled.


"This is getting twisted…" Squall muttered as he turned to the Dorms. The others followed.


In the meantime, Cid and his group were resting and panting, convinced that Quistis was on the other trail. "(pant, gasp…) What're we gonna do now, ya know?" Raijin said in between gasps.

"FATIGUED." Fuujin said with a tired look on her face.

Then, Rinoa came to them with her Shooting Star. "WHERE IS MY DOOOOOG?!?!?" she demanded angrily… a glint of insanity could be seen in her eyes.

"Uh-oh…" Xu muttered as they began to back off from Rinoa.

"KURSE OL SeeDs!!!!!" Rinoa yelled before going after them.


Squall, Zell and Selphie were inside Selphie's closet in her dorm room. "Why of all places, why MY ROOM and MY CLOSET?!" she complained.

"SHH!" Zell and Squall snapped.

"Oh, look Squall! Frilly undies!" Zell said with a nasty look on his face.

Selphie nudged him. "Don't open that drawer!" she said in annoyance.

"Where's Seifer?" Zell asked as he closed the drawer.

"He's under the bed… he's too big to fit the closet…" Squall explained with a silly look on his face.

Then, they heard the automatic door open. "Shit…" Squall thought silently as he braced himself.

"Yoohoo! Seify! Squally! Zelly! Selphie-poo! Where are you????" Quistis called out.


Quistis frowned but she was still smiling. "Zelly-baby! I got hotdogs for ya!" she said.

Selphie placed her hand on Zell's mouth while Squall held him still.

Quistis looked around the room. "Hey, Puberty-boy! Where are you! Time to learn about the Male Reproductive System!!!" she called out.

Squall bit his lower lip to avoid reacting.

Quistis walked to the closet and looked at it for a while. "I can smell strawberries… who uses strawberry-scented perfume???" she asked.

"Uh-oh…" Squall and Zell thought silently.

Selphie sniffed herself. "I thought I used the peach-scented one today!?!?" she thought in panic.

Quistis opened the closet and was surprised when Squall, Zell and Selphie screamed upon seeing her… and it also made her scream… but she stopped when she heard someone approaching her from behind, "Who…" she began as she turned around, then all of a sudden, KLUNK!

"Sorry, Quisty!" Seifer said with a sour smile on his face.

The Save The Queen slipped off from her grasp but before she could fall to the floor and get hurt, Seifer caught her.

Selphie got out of the closet and grabbed the Save The Queen from the floor, putting it away.

Squall sighed with relief as he got out of the closet. "What did you do to her?" he asked Seifer.

Seifer placed Quistis on the bed. "I bonked her with the handle of my Hyperion…" he said simply.

Zell stretched his arms out. "Man, it was horrible hiding in your closet, Selphie! It was crampy and being surrounded with yellow dresses and frilly pink undies isn't exactly comfortable!" he said.

"Quit that, Zell!" she said, while blushing. "What about Rinoa?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah… dammit… Let's go find them!!!" Squall said as he ran out the door.

"Wait! What about Quistis? We can't just leave her here? She might wake up again!" Seifer said.

"Oh, yeah… Seifer, guard her, will ya? And take her to the infirmary…Thanks!" Squall said as he, Zell and Selphie ran out of the room.

"Hey, what the… wait!" Seifer said behind them. "Oh, shit…" he muttered.


Rinoa was still after Raijin, Fuujin, Cid, Edea, Xu and Nida. (Other SeeDs and SeeD Cadets and all the other Garden people just minded their own business because this was getting to be a common thing… O_o)

"WHERE IS MY ANGELO!!!???" she demanded as she randomly shot her Shooting Star at them, and almost shaving what little hair there is left on the old Headmaster's head.

"Yikes! Edea, can't you do something?!" Cid yelled as he held his balding noggin. (how can a guy of that age and weight run so fast?!)

Then, Squall arrived by the doorway. "Hey, it's over! Quistis is calm now, she's in the infirmary!" he announced with a calm look on his face.

All of them stopped running and turned to him. "Oh… really?" Cid asked.

"Okay!" Rinoa said, hiding her Shooting Star again.

Squall, Raijin, Fuujin, Cid, Edea, Xu and Nida felt a little confused. "Huh?" they asked.

"How'd you guys manage to stop Quistis?" Nida asked.

"Well… Seifer bonked him with the handle of his Hyperion…" Squall explained.

All of them were shocked. "WHAT?!" they said in unison.

"Gee… she must really be a great actress…" Rinoa said.

"Huh?" all eyes turned to her.

"Whaddya mean?" Xu asked.

"Well…" Rinoa was cut off by Irvine, who suddenly popped out of nowhere with Angelo.

"Hey, guys, I found Angelo in the air ducts! Rinoa, what was he doin' there? Seems like he was hiding on purpose…" Irvine asked.

"What the… on purpose?! Explain that, Rinoa!" Edea asked with a bit of fury in her eyes.

"Um… you see… Quistis and I were planning on this little joke of ours. We had it all figured out, from Seifer's berserker rage thing to Shiva's attack… and… uh…" Rinoa stopped when she saw the murderous looks on everybody else's face.

She took a few steps backward. "Uh-oh…" she thought before running off.

Cid, Edea, Xu, Nida, Irvine, Raijin, Fuujin… and even Angelo began chasing her.

"HEEELP! THEY'VE SNAPPED!" Rinoa screamed…


Quistis looked around the room. Seems like Seifer moved her from Selphie's room to the Infirmary.

"Ugh… guess I'm really a good actress… hehehe… ow…" she rubbed her head.

She started walking out of the Infirmary, then stopped when she heard Rinoa scream, "HEEEEELLLPPP!!!!!" and Angelo barking desperately.

"Aw, %$^%&*%%$##….." she muttered.