Author's Notes: I find it strange that my authorial voice is different for this series than for any of the others I write for. I'm still as character focused as ever but my entire tone and phrasing structure has changed to accommodate BBC's Sherlock series. I wonder why...
What Is Never Known ... And What Is
The consensus at New Scotland Yard is that John most likely made the first move.
Because really, this is Sherlock they are talking about. This is the guy who gets excited over murders and admits to being a sociopath and there is no way in hell that someone like that was the one to take the first step.
And, really, John is... well he's John and he's certainly had his share of relationships.
Molly Hooper disagrees. Her theory, that Sherlock made the first move, is shared, oddly, by Mycroft Holmes. Not that either of them have ever discussed it with anyone, let alone with each other.
The theory is actually very simple. John would never have made a move because he was convinced that Sherlock was not interested. Therefore it had to have been Sherlock.
What is not known, what will never be known, is that both theories are simultaneously correct and completely, incredibly mistaken.
It was not a matter of either of them taking decisive action. Sherlock had returned from the dead. John had at first passed out and at second had punched him.
And then they had just sort of fallen together. John, because Sherlock was alive, and Sherlock because for once his entire thought process had coalesced down to one all consuming thought (John!).
They had, simultaneously and apparently without any input from either of them, come together and shared a kiss so visceral that it had managed to stop Sherlock's brain entirely.
After that there was no need to discuss the nature of their relationship further. Both Sherlock and John understood the change and simply incorporated it into their lives. John doesn't appear to feel the need to classify or define it and Sherlock could not care less about such things. (Sherlock can only wish that their 'discussion' about his faked death had gone so seamlessly).
Everyone else seems to have decided they are together as well.
Sherlock is rather baffled by this abrupt consensus.
They are, of course, but they have not announced it nor has there been any discernible change in their public behaviours.
Oh, people had talked before and made jokes and outright accusations, but the undertone of uncertainly, of 'are you?' is now gone. It's been replaced by a sort of casual assurance that irritates Sherlock for its sheer lack of logic and notable evidence.
In fact, as far as Sherlock can see the only real change is that John has stopped responding to people's assumptions with 'I'm not gay.'
Mrs. Hudson's idea that it is in the way they look at each other is just beyond ridiculous. That John agrees with her is simply frustrating.
Despite their 'together' status, their relationship is not precisely normal. (Normal is boring anyway.)
For one, they don't have sex because sex is not Sherlock's thing.
That doesn't mean they lack for physical intimacy.
They share a bed now. Naked, of course. Sherlock can do no less than map every inch of John's body (to be committed to his memory palace) and is not about to rob John of the opportunity to do the same. And behind closed doors where no one can see they are in almost constant contact. Touches and caresses and simply holding each other.
And kissing. Always that mind blowing press of lip on lip that Sherlock can't find it in himself to protest against.
That all said, sex is John's thing, and he's taken to touching himself rather openly while completely naked and his gaze fixed unerringly on Sherlock.
Sherlock is fascinated by it.
Occasionally, while watching John watch him, Sherlock wonders what would happen if he just... lent a hand.
He hasn't, as of yet, because that is an experiment (a whole series of them really) that needs to be meticulously mapped out before beginning.
They will also have to be very carefully explained to John because the last thing Sherlock wants to do is disappoint him or lead him to believe that Sherlock can provide him something that Sherlock really, really can't.
John laughs and tells Sherlock that he can wait for him to be ready.
Sherlock isn't quite sure what to make of that. But he can never look away while John comes undone so further experimentation is a must.
Another oddity in their relationship is that Sherlock never tells John he loves him. But that's okay because John never says it either. (Except that he does. All the time. It's in his eyes and his smile and in the feel of his lips as they crash onto Sherlock's own).
It's not that Sherlock doesn't love him. It's that Sherlock finds the word frustratingly empty of the reality of what he feels for John Watson. The word 'love' is trite and overused and doesn't contain even a tenth of what lies between (around, within) John and himself.
Still, Sherlock does try to say it. It's the only word he has and John, who so often sees but doesn't observe, might not understand. Might not realize what Sherlock can't find the words for.
Sherlock panics at the thought.
So he tries. Again and again and again. But it sticks in his throat and every time Sherlock finds himself stuttering over John's name. Finds himself repeating that name over and over, until finally one day John just smiles and tells him he knows. And then John's says Sherlock's name in the same way Sherlock says John's and everything is just... right.
They both know.
And that is simply everything.