Kyon and Zenkichi
A The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya/Medaka Box Crossover fic
By Karl Stahl
Disclaimer: "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" was written by Naguru Tanigawa, the anime version (first season) written and directed by Noizi Ito (character portrayal), Shoko Ikeda (character design), and Tatsuya Ishihara (director). It is owned by Kyoto Animation, Kadokawa Pictures and Anime Virtual S.A.
"Medaka Box" is written by Nisio Isin and illustrated by Akira Akatsuki. It is published by Shueisha since May 2009.
The author of this story is in no way associated with the creators and owners of "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" and "Medaka Box". This story is a work of fanfiction. No profit is made or even intended.
Author's note: This story is based on the anime series "The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya" and the manga "Medaka Box". It continues my Haruhi & Kyon fic "The Truth", but knowing that fic is not necessary to understand this story. There is another author's note at the end of this story with a few of my thoughts about this story.
Kyon had to admit it had been a long time since he had felt so happy. His new friend had managed to get them both a steinkrug filled with dark and tasty beer from the fat man behind the bar and he had patiently listened to him vent about Haruhi Suzumiya. How headstrong she was, how she always had to get her will, how she always dragged him into all kinds of trouble, and treated him mostly like a lowly servant without a thought about his feelings. He told his new friend that she was strong and beautiful, too. What had made Kyon so happy was the fact his new friend understood him.
"Your girl sounds a lot like our student council president," the lanky, blond guy in the black school uniform said, "but she can't be worse than Medaka. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, has a stunning body and no qualms about showing it off. She's a genius, rich beyond belief, and stronger than anybody else. She can do anything she puts her mind to. She's the strongest person I know. She wants to help people. For that reason she has put up the suggestion box I mentioned before. She's always right."
"So, she's the perfect girl." Kyon stated. "Haruhi is far from perfect and she often hasn't a clue what's really going on."
"Medaka is perfect, right, but she's perfectly annoying too. We're childhood friends and she always drags me into her undertakings, which usually results in me doing all the hard work and getting beat up regularly."
"Why don't you walk away, Zenkichi?" Kyon asked.
"I can't. I'm the only normal person close to her and she needs my help to understand ordinary people." Zenkichi ran a hand through his spiky hair. "Why don't you walk away?"
"I did," Kyon replied with a smug smile, "I quit our club and walked away. We had a fight after and finally reconciled going on our first date." He shuddered. "It was a spectacular disaster. But we persevered. I rejoined the club and I've been her on-off boyfriend for the last six weeks."
Zenkichi stared at Kyon in disbelief and drank from his steinkrug gathering his thoughts.
"You love her." he stated when he sat the stein down. "I find it hard to believe she loves you back."
Kyon sipped from his mug. "Yes, I love her. She can be annoying as hell and she tramples over my nerves a lot, but she has a sweet, cute, and adoringly vulnerable side, too. When she's not the leader and simply my girlfriend, it's worth it. What about you? It's obvious you have a similar reason to put up with your girl."
Zenkichi snorted. "Yes, I may love her," he confessed, "but everyone, who gets to know her, loves her."
"You never told her."
"I think she wouldn't even understand. Normal emotions are beyond her."
"You will stay by her side."
"Of course, like you will stay at your girl's side, boyfriend or not."
The two young men shared a long look of understanding. Then they raised their mugs, said "Kampai", and drank.
To Kyon it was a gift to meet somebody who shared and understood his experiences with Haruhi. The content look on Zenkichi's face showed he felt the same. Then a commotion at the entrance made both of them turn their heads at the same time.
Two girls were trying to get through the door at the same time. One of them was Haruhi, of course. The other was taller than her, wearing a black uniform similar to Zenkichi's. Her uniform displayed a large amount of cleavage from her pair of enormous boobs. That girl was a knock-out bombshell. The larger girl tried to shove Haruhi aside to get in first. Haruhi shoved back and the other girl faltered, obviously surprised somebody wasn't letting her go first. Haruhi used that moment of indecision to wriggle through and enter the pub first. At once she spotted Kyon and made a straight line for him.
"Why didn't you follow the route I planned?" she asked. "I had to go back and search for you."
She put her hands on her hips and stared down at Kyon demanding an answer.
"I took a break, Haruhi," Kyon said.
"I did not order a break!"
"I don't need an order from you to take a break. Haruhi, I'd like you to meet Zenkichi Hitoyoshi."
For the first time Haruhi noticed that Kyon was not alone.
"Hi, I'm Haruhi Suzumiya," she introduced herself with a big smile. "Are you an a-"
"He's a normal guy, Haruhi, like me," Kyon interrupted her before she could start to ask about aliens or time travelers. "He's on the student council of the local high school, the Hakoniwa Academy."
Predictable Haruhi lost interest after hearing that information. She plopped down on Kyon's lap, grasped the lapels of his jacket, and looked up at him with big puppy-dog eyes.
"Why did you vanish, Kyon? Didn't you think I would miss you?"
"I was taking a break. I have my cell phone with me, so you could have called me-mmmpffhh,"
Haruhi stopped Kyon talking by kissing him.
"Eew! What have you been drinking?" she asked after breaking the kiss.
She grabbed the mug and took a small sip. Her eyes widened.
This time Kyon kissed her to stop her from telling the whole bar what he was drinking.
Zenkichi watched the couple while emptying his own mug. He had recognized Medaka when she came in and knew she would take the beer away once she got in reach. He wondered why she hadn't done so already. When he sat the mug down, he saw her standing close observing the kissing couple. She frowned trying to figure out what was going on.
"Hi Medaka," he greeted, "take a seat."
She must have been troubled, because she complied without a word.
"You shouldn't drink that stuff," Haruhi mumbled after the kiss.
"It's only one mug and I don't plan to make a habit out of it." Kyon said.
Then he saw that the bombshell now sat at their table. He looked at Zenkichi for an explanation.
Zenkichi grinned. "Yes, Kyon, that is Medaka Kurokami, our student council's president. Medaka, meet Haruhi and Kyon. They're in town on a school club trip."
Medaka put on her most winning smile. "Pleased to meet you. What are you doing here, Zenkichi?"
"I'm having a drink with my buddy Kyon,"
"You shouldn't drink while in uniform. It could reflect badly on our school."
"I'm off duty and I see no harm in one drink."
"Medaka, do you know anything exiting around here?" Haruhi asked. "Unusual persons or events, perhaps?"
"Sorry, nothing comes to mind. This town is pretty normal." She turned to Zenkichi. "You haven't sufficiently explained why you are here."
"Kyon and me were swapping stories over a drink. It's enjoyable to talk with someone who is in a position like mine."
The frown on her beautiful face showed clearly, Medaka didn't understand.
"We know each other since we were two years old, Zenkichi. Who could understand you better than me?"
Zenkichi grimaced. He started to speak, closed his mouth, and after a moment asked her:
"If you understood me that well, you'd know why I enjoyed the conversation with Kyon so much."
Medaka leaned back assuming the same position Zenkichi was in, with one arm over the back of her chair. That thrust her boobs out in a way not happening for Zenkichi.
"He's a guy, you're a guy. You are talking about guy things."
Zenkichi smiled. "I can't remember you being less specific. You haven't the faintest idea, have you?"
Medaka looked at Haruhi.
"You are right, Medaka," the leader of the SOS brigade told her, "they are guys and they were talking about guy things. That means they were talking about girls and that means they were talking about us. They were probably bragging."
Kyon shared an understanding look with Zenkichi. As usual Haruhi was close and completely wrong at the same time.
"Is that true, Zenkichi?" Medaka asked.
"We were talking about you, that's true," Zenkichi admitted. "I wouldn't call it bragging though."
"Why not? I bet there are tons of good things to say about me."
"We talked about the other side, too."
"The other side? You have bad things to say about me?" Medaka was clearly surprised.
"Again, I wouldn't go so far and call it bad."
"What was your conclusion. Which one of us is better?"
"You want to turn this into a competition?" Kyon asked in disbelief.
"I won every competition I entered so far."
"You won't win this. You may be better in anything than Haruhi, but in the end she's my girlfriend and you're not. That means I will always choose her as Zenkichi will always choose to be on your side. There is no competition."
Medaka thought about this for a while, during which Haruhi kissed her boyfriend again.
"Would you trade up, Kyon?" she finally asked. "I'm better at anything than Haruhi, so I should be a better girlfriend, too."
Zenkichi's face fell. He slumped in his chair and looked at the ground. Kyon shoved his nearly empty mug over.
"Drink, you need it more than me," he ordered.
Then he glared at Medaka.
"Are you crazy?" he asked. "I love Haruhi and I know next to nothing about you. Why would I want to be with an insensitive girl like you? That's not a trade up, that's a trade down. We would not work out."
Zenkichi emptied the mug in front of him. He pulled a few bills out of his pocket and put them beside the empty mugs. He stood up.
"That should cover the drinks and the tip. I'm sorry, I just remembered I have to be somewhere else. Kyon, it has been fun. Haruhi, it was nice to meet you. Take good care of your boyfriend, please. Medaka, we'll see each other in the morning. Good-bye."
Zenkichi walked out of the bar.
"Man, that was harsh," Haruhi mumbled. Suddenly she became very quiet.
"Why did you call me insensitive?" Medaka asked. "I just asked you a question."
"You're supposed to be a genius. Figure it out."
Kyon stroked Haruhi's back. He became concerned when his usual energetic girlfriend remained quiet, obviously deep in thought.
"I made no mistake," Medaka said after a few minutes. "I was not insensitive to you."
"No, but what about Zenkichi?"
"What about him?"
Kyon breathed in slow and deeply to keep his rising anger in check.
"How does Zenkichi feel about you?"
"He's my friend as I'm his friend."
"So he feels friendship for you. Do you think he likes you?"
"Of course he does. Everybody does. I'm very likeable."
"I meant did you ever consider the possibility that he likes you more than a friend?"
"You never considered the possibility that he's in love with you?"
"Then please consider it now."
"It is possible," Medaka admitted after considering the issue like a strange puzzle.
"How possible? Ten percent, thirty, fifty? Calculate a rating please."
Kyon saw Medaka frown deep in thought.
"A rough number is sufficient," he added.
"I'd say about eighty percent."
"Eighty percent of what. Tell it in a complete sentence, please."
"There's an about eighty percent chance that Zenkichi is in love with me." Medaka said and then looked completely stunned when she grasped the meaning of her own words.
"We know he has been your friend since childhood. We can say, he's probably, nearly certainly, in love with you. Do you agree?"
"You claimed to know him best. So how did he feel when the girl he's probably in love with offered herself to another guy on a whim as his new and better girlfriend?"
Medaka looked uncomfortable. Kyon thought that was because she couldn't figure it out, not because she realized how much she had hurt Zenkichi with her question.
"I don't know," she finally admitted, "I don't know how he felt."
"Kyon," Haruhi broke her long silence and tugged at his shirt making him look at her, "have I really been that awful to you?"
"No, Haruhi," Kyon answered and stroked her back, "you have been worse. She treats Zenkichi at least like a friend, while you treated me like something between a nuisance and your personal errant boy. But you have improved and now you treat me at least some of the time as your boyfriend."
He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Haruhi grasped his hair and pulled him into a second, longer kiss. Then Haruhi straightened and glared at Medaka.
"I'll tell you what you will do," she began.
Kyon felt how the world sat up and listened. Haruhi was calling up her powers and they rose to do her will.
"No, Haru-chan, don't," he asked her. "She has to figure it out on her own. Telling her what to do won't help them both in the long run."
Haruhi nodded and the tension Kyon had felt amassing in the air diffused.
Kyon turned to Medaka. "Why don't you think about what Zenkichi feels and what he wants? If you can't figure it out, you can ask him directly. Perhaps you will learn to understand how he feels."
"You don't like me very much, do you?" Medaka asked.
"I can't say," Kyon answered to her surprise. "I like Zenkichi and he likes you without a doubt. Like you said, you are very likeable. But I definitely don't like the way you're ignoring Zenkichi's feelings."
Medaka shifted her position copying Kyon's posture. Without Haruhi molded to her side, it hadn't the level of perfect Medaka was used to.
"I have to think about that. Then I will talk to Zenkichi."
Her 'I know best' attitude kindled Kyon's fading anger.
"You might try talking with him," he said, barely refraining from snapping.
Medaka looked at Haruhi.
"What do you think?" she asked.
Haruhi looked thoughtful. She was still furious because this doll had hit on her boyfriend, but unfortunately she remembered her own mistakes and her disbelief, when Kyon had quit the SOS brigade.
"Don't take your friend for granted," Haruhi said finally, "or he may be gone one day. I didn't admit to myself what Kyon meant to me, until he quit our club."
She shrugged. "Imagine your life without Zenkichi and how you would like that."
Medaka's bronzed skin turned pale. She stood.
"I have to go," she told the couple, bowed, and nearly stormed out of the bar.
"I think she figured it out." she told her boyfriend.
"She's supposed to be a genius," Kyon agreed.
His cell phone rang. He pulled it out and saw the man behind the bar pointing at the large sign "No Phones!".
"I have to step out for a moment," he told Haruhi, "please order drinks for us."
"You trust me to choose?" she asked with a wink.
"I trust you," Kyon answered with a smile and winked back. "Don't make me regret it."
He walked out of the door and held the phone to his ear.
"Oh, hi, Koizumi-kun. Why are you calling?"
"No, everything is alright now. A beautiful girl pissed Haruhi off by hitting on me."
Kyon snorted. "No, I'm not joking. I refused to trade down and Haruhi's mood improved."
"Yes, the hardships I have to suffer to keep the world safe. You said, a large closed room appeared and disappeared shortly after?"
He looked at his watch. "Yes, the timing fits. Tell your associates it's been taken care off. And tell the others, please."
Kyon laughed. "Okay, Haruhi did something. Something minor, at least for her. It can turn into something good."
"No, she's still unaware of her powers. I managed to talk her out of something blatantly obvious. My guess is, she unconsciously gave the other girl a little push in a good direction, maybe even the right one."
"I'll tell you the whole story later. Haruhi's waiting for me and we don't want her to start worrying."
"Thanks, you take care, too. Bye."
Kyon flipped his cell phone shut and took a deep breath of fresh air. Zenkichi had given him his phone number. Kyon would call him in a few days to learn what happened.
He smiled. The best thing, that he would keep a secret even from Haruhi, was that Zenkichi had saved his number using his real name, not the stupid nickname.
Kyon pocketed his phone and returned to his waiting girlfriend.
Author's note: I blame gabriel blessing. His story "Those Who Love Monsters" introduced me to Medaka Box and I started reading the manga. I read the first 30 chapters then I lost interest. But I saw parallels in the relationships between Kyon and Haruhi and between Zenkichi and Medaka.
This story failed to become the screwball comedy I envisioned. I saw a lot of potential for humor in the basic idea. For example, Kyon and Zenkichi complaining about 'their' girls and the girls catching them in the act. I'm not sure what would be more frightening, Haruhi and Medaka confronting each other or the girls becoming best friends and torturing the guys together. Either way, this story chose a completely different path while I wrote it. I'm not unhappy with it, but it's by far not as funny as I imagined it. So if any of you want to give the comedy concept a try, you have my blessing.
Thank you for reading.